A/N: Not only was I sidetracked by… well, I was. I also was a bit sad to let this one go. As for the hints within Eclipse, they were from the Glacialis chapter. Actually, that's the reference chapter for a lot of the things in here. The big thing being the conversation that happens between Stella and Vires in that chapter. It reflects the conversation Vires had with Mira in the last chapter.
Tractus is Latin for "Space, time, length."
Chapter Three: Tractus
That night, it was her who didn't make it down to dinner. Des had come to see her down but she hadn't even opened the door to tell him she wasn't going to make it. She didn't even have the strength to tell him off for making her go to Sapien's rooms earlier. So she definitely didn't have any strength to laugh when he attempted at making a joke from the other side of the door. It took enough strength to make sure he couldn't tell that she was crying her eyes out while he was standing there. She didn't care if Sapien thought it was weird or if he was angry with her or if he anything. Right now she couldn't care because she couldn't face anyone looking as she did.
Sometime later that evening, when she had finally gained enough control of herself to stop crying so foolishly, she made her way to her bathroom and splashed cold water onto her flushed face. The image that greeted her when she looked into the mirror startled her. It didn't look like the person staring back at her was really her. She felt changed, older, more weary. Maybe this was her learning experience. Her step towards becoming a more mature person. She's sure that people grew out of their first broken heart. It was just a blessing that her first love was someone like him. She knew he had never intentionally hurt her and he'd be really bothered if he knew that he was causing this. That was something to be thankful for. At least she hadn't been stupid enough to fall for some jerk that wouldn't have cared how she felt either way. Somehow that makes her feel just a little bit better. Not completely better but it was something towards the positive. She really needed to get a better grip on herself and work on that calm that she still hasn't been able to master. Even when he was still in the throes of sleep, confessing a depth of feeling that had moved her so greatly, he had still been controlled. She needed to learn how to do that and maybe, maybe she would be a better person for it.
Now all she was going to show for this were two huge, swollen eyes and Stella would take one look at her and know what she'd been up to. Then there would be the questions. The questions that she knew Stella had been wanting to ask her but hadn't because she was never the invasive, nosy sort of person you hated to tell your secrets to. But once Stella saw her swollen eyes, there would be nothing to stop the questions. Questions that she knew she would answer and the whole awful truth would come out. She knew that Stella would never betray her confidence, but it would change the way she would look at Sapien later. Which in turn, meant that he would eventually find out. He was still Sapien and he always managed to figure out everything. From the bathroom, she looks over at the lamp table and sees the little figurine. She takes a long breathe as she stares back down at the countertop she's leaning against. There would be no sleep tonight. The plus side to that was that she would have gotten rid of her swollen eyes by morning because of it. There is that at least too.
Wine colored eyes rise to look at herself again in the mirror. She takes in her long purple hair and small face. She did feel older but she still looked too young. Procella had an icy blue tint in her rounded eyes with long blond hair that cascaded down her back in waves. An ethereal beauty that would be the goddess that he had been thinking of when he had looked at her earlier in the small light that she had stood in. Burgundy eyes and purple hair were not the norm. They were not the ideal features of a reputed beauty. Even Stella had blond hair and blue eyes. There wasn't a person who wouldn't have said she wasn't beautiful. Which made it so very difficult to look at her own strange coloring and think she could rival. Even her own soon to be sister in law had those features too. That, was the ideal beauty and it hurt her even more that she wasn't even in the normal beauty category either. Astra had red, fiery hair and emerald colored eyes. The majority of the people in Nihilsomno had brown eyes and brown hair. Often, when Des and Vires would take her outside the castle walls, people would stop and stare at her. She can't blame them. Just look at the unusual coloring compared to their own.
Unique. She had that going for her. She was different and there was something to be proud of about being different. Nobody had ever called her ugly. She could be thankful for that. It wasn't that she minded being different. It would have bothered her to be exactly like everyone else. It was just that, her being different was probably not what he wanted. Of the things that she had tried to change about herself for his sake, these are the things that she will not change for anyone. Not even him. These things added to make her who she was and who she was, was different. Not only different because she was a Crystal Bearer but because she, herself, was different. None of them would ever want to her to be something she wasn't. She liked who she was turning out to be and she could thank him for helping her.
She'll never stop loving him. It didn't matter that he only felt sibling affection for her back. Even though it would hurt her wretchedly when he married and it would hurt her wretchedly when she saw him and Procella together, loving him meant wanting the best for his sake. Maybe that was the test to maturity. Being mature enough to let the one you love be with someone that they loved and managing to be happy about it for their sake. Maybe this was her final lesson to leave childhood behind her to be the adult that she needed to be. Seeing it that way made her feel more settled and less sad. The pain was still there and the tears would always prickle within her eyes, but looking at it in that rational way made her feel calmer. Calmer when there was a side of her that wanted to curse the world for not letting her have what she wanted. That other side that wanted to be bitter. She thought of how selfish she had thought Etro had been years ago. Trying to stop Noctis from being with Stella because she couldn't have him herself. She remembers how much she hated the goddess for having such immature, irrational feelings of possession for someone who absolutely did not want her back. To think she could have easily been like that too. She'd be even stupider for ignoring that. She would never allow herself to be like that.
Letting out another breathe, she finally leaves the image in the mirror and walks over to the window. From her rooms, she could see just over the castle walls and onto the streets of Nihilsomno. The night was well along and the clouds were dark. She could see the beginnings of rain and in the near distance there was lightning. A storm was coming and it looked to be a fierce one. She looks down and can see people still walking on the streets, not in the least bit bothered by the rain and tries to imagine what their lives were like. Cheating a little, she uses her powers to discern where their paths would lead them and smiles. For the man she sees, who hails a cab, only to let someone else have it. She can see someone doing something thoughtful for him. To the young couple walking hand in hand she fears the man will be unfaithful, from the lingering looks he gives to other women who pass. She doesn't smile at that. Why were things so much easier to see in other people than her own?
There's a sudden knocking at her door and she has a very bad feeling wash over her. Without thinking, she rushes over to the door and opens it without even asking who it was.
"What is it, Des?" she asks and she's even more alarmed when she finds that he's white as a sheet. "What's happened?"
"Stella, went into labor," he answers looking a little dazed.
"What are you talking about?" she asks with a frown. "She's not due for another three weeks."
"She's bleeding, Mira," he tells her with something akin to dread in his usually bright eyes.
Bleeding was never a good sign.
"Come on," she says, taking his hand and pushing him back while closing her doors. "Let's go right now."
When she enters the sitting room just before the birthing chamber, she only just barely manages not to start panicking. You would have thought Stella was already dead with the deathly silence of the room. Sapien and Vires were standing, looking as if they didn't know what to do while their pale faces stared at Noctis in worry. Noctis who was clutching Lux tightly in his arms while Lux clutched him back just as tightly. It was hard to tell who was more terrified, the father or the son. Des walks to join them. Only Sapien looks up and notices her standing there.
"What happened?" she asks when he walks to stand in front of her. There's no time to worry about awkwardness right now when there were more pressing, important things going on.
"We, were up late," he answers as he thinks of what to say. "Noct and the rest of us had to go over some new plans for the city sewer system when Noct disappeared."
She nods. He doesn't need to explain why. Obviously Noctis had felt that something was terribly wrong with Stella and had teleported.
"So we ran over here and saw Lux sitting beside Stella on the floor," he continues. "It was dark. She must have been seeing to him... Mira there was blood everywhere."
She grabs hold of both of his arms so that he'll focus on her face. "She's going to be all right," she answers firmly. "I'm going to check on her but I need you to make sure Noctis doesn't do anything irrational."
He blinks a couple times before he nods.
"I'll be right back," she says before she rushes into the birthing chamber. She has to take a very quick breathe at what just how bad things must have looked to four men who didn't know a lot about these things. Even she was feeling queasy at the scene as the nurse maids ran around the sweating figure on the bed. There was red where the bedsheets should have been white and she feels the worry start to take over. But she shakes her head as she approaches the bed.
There is such intense pain on Stella's sweating face that she wishes she had healing powers instead of ones that were useless now.
"Stella," she says, laying her hand on a sweaty forehead.
"Oh Mira," Stella whispers amidst her pain. "I'm afraid I've frightened Lunae and Noctis."
"What are the nurses telling you?" she asks instead.
"They said the baby is coming but it's not ready," Stella breathes out. "They're going to... oh Mira, I cannot scare my boys. I can feel it. They are both so afraid."
"They're going to be fine and so are you and the baby," she reassures her firmly.
"They are going to cut me open to get the baby out," says Stella. "I am going to try not to scream but right now, it is all I can do not to."
"You do whatever you need to, to get through this," she says, taking her hand and squeezing. "Tell me what you need me to do. Let me worry about the boys. You worry about you girls."
"We girls?" asks Stella with a weak smile, even through the intensity of the pain she must be feeling.
"Because it is a girl, Stella. We both know that it is," she says with a firm nod.
Stella nods back with a gulp. "Yes, yes she's coming. Just like I knew she would. She is going to be fine."
"She's just a little torn like Noctis is sometimes," she comments and Stella actually laughs at that.
"My poor Lord," laments Stella as she grits her teeth. Then her blue eyes look at her burgundy ones. "Mira, I need you to help them through this. Men aren't as strong as us when it comes to these things."
"But, men are supposed to be the stronger," she says with a frown.
Stella shakes her head. "Not when it comes to these things. All four of them nearly fainted when they saw me earlier. They are going to need you to be strong and distract them. It would help me to know that they will not be running themselves ragged because of me."
It's hard for her not to point out that it didn't matter what she did, Noctis could feel whatever Stella was feeling, which meant that so could Lux.
Stella shakes her head as if she can read what she's thinking. "I am going to shield them, but I need you to keep them busy."
The lights start to flicker then and the lighting outside looks like it's reached the window.
"At least the thunder will cover my screams," says Stella gratefully.
How Stella could be thinking about the mental well being of Noctis and Lux before her own when she was obviously the one that needed it was so inspiring for her. It so touched her that she didn't think any amount of work would ever make her as good a person as Stella was. The lights flicker again but they don't come back on as quickly as they had before.
"I really could have used Tonitrus' voice right about now," comments Stella, making her laugh this time.
The nurses are still preparing to operate on Stella and she knows she doesn't have much time.
"I'm going to take care of the boys," she promises Stella.
A slow smile crosses Stella's lips. "Thank you."
She kisses Stella's hand before stepping back and walking back into the sitting room. Vires and Des are sitting on the long couch, still white and worried. They can't even muster up their usual arguing. Her heart nearly melts when she sees Sapien talking to Noctis and Lux quietly. Noctis' shoulders are still incredibly tense but he isn't clutching at Lux so desperately now as he listens to whatever Sapien is telling him. Lux looks at her with fearful eyes and reaches for her.
"Mia!" he cries as if he realizes that she would help him feel assured where his father had been unable to.
Not in Noctis' current mental state, she rationalizes.
"Come here, Night Angel," she says soothingly as Noctis lets her take Lux in her arms. "What a scare you had."
He nods at her before burying his face in her neck. She finds herself starting to hum a lullaby that he likes and rocks him gently in her arms. The lights are beginning to flicker with more frequency and the thunder boomed even louder.
"They're going to go out completely soon," comments Sapien. "The last thunderstorm caused damage to some of the fuse boxes and they haven't been the same since. We've been having to replace them more frequently. It's only a matter of time before they blow out."
"I heard that there was flooding too," she says, still rocking Lux gently in her arms.
"Which was what we were meeting about tonight," explains Sapien and she can tell that he's trying to stay calm too. His eyes keep looking over at Noctis to make sure he's all right. "Some of the sewer lines need to be replaced. I theorized that there are probably cracks in the main that'll be a problem if this storm is as bad as the last time."
"The storm will be bad," she answers, because she had seen it coming. She looks up at Sapien. "We can't have Stella in the dark tonight of all nights. Noctis."
Noctis doesn't turn his head but she knows that he's listening. "Noctis, you need to help with the fuse boxes."
"I cannot leave Stella like this," Noctis says in a quiet voice.
"You won't be," she tells him. "You have to help so the nurses won't have to operate on her in the dark." She turns to look at Sapien. "Where are the boxes?"
"Different areas of the castle," he answers.
"Then you're the only one who can get to them fast enough," she says turning back to Noctis. Then she looks at the other two on the couch. "And you both should check those sewer lines to make sure Stella doesn't have to smell anything foul should they burst."
"But I'll get dirty!" protests Des and she almost lets out a sigh of relief to hear the life back in his voice.
"Try having a baby," she retorts, giving him a huffy sort of look. "The sooner you get those things done, the better it will be for Stella."
Another flash of lightning seems to agree with her.
"You are right, Mira," says Noctis and she turns to see that there is some spark in his red eyes now. A spark of purpose. "We need to do something instead of standing here."
"Get," orders Sapien with a glare at Des.
"Gonna ruin yet another shirt and who is going to pay for it? Why do these thing always happen when I'm wearing one of my good ones? I don't understand..." rambles Des as he makes his way out of the rooms, while Vires grumbles a 'Stop complaining," just behind him.
She looks up at Noctis with a firm and absolute look on her face. "Stella is going to be fine and she needs you to control yourself."
"Are you sure, Mira?" he asks hesitantly. His eyes venture towards the doors in silent yearning.
"Yes," she says again. "You're going to have a beautiful baby girl and she'll have you wrapped around her finger and your wife is going to give you a knowing smirk whenever you give in to her demands."
A small quirk appears on the corners of Noctis' lips at that.
"Be good, Lunae," says Noctis as he kisses Lux on the forehead. He walks over to the door and waits for Sapien to follow him.
Which causes her to look up at Sapien to ask why he hadn't already gone, but the words get stuck in her throat when she sees the look on his face. It's not exactly careful. It's still not longing, but it's not exactly brotherly either. It's intense. So intense that it confuses her. She's sure she's frowning back. Then he stiffens as if he remembers something and walks by Noctis to walk out the door. Noctis' eyes follow Sapien outside before they turn back to look at her. There is something in Noctis' eyes that confuses her even more but he doesn't say anything before he too, disappears out the door.
"Mama, hurt," cries Lux, bringing her attention back to him in her arms. He looks like he's on the verge of crying.
He can hear Stella in the other room crying softly from the pain. Distracting him is going to be a little more tricky and there's only one thing she can do to try and help him.
"Mama's going to just fine," she tells him with a warm smile. She leans over to kiss his cheeks and notices how his lip twitches into an almost smile. Her rune activates and a purple glow fills the room as she encases the both of them in her shield. Her shield is weak without her brother but she can at least keep Lux distracted enough not to notice the pain coming from his mother. She looks down and sees the awe in his bright, teary blue eyes, as they take in the purple that surrounds them.
"Woah," he says as he leans backwards to see how far it goes.
When he reaches his arms to try to touch the shield, she lifts him higher onto her shoulders so he can. The purple shimmers like water when he reaches for it, before smoothing over again and he squeals in delight as he tries to grab it again.
"Mia!" he shouts excited before babbling off in his baby speech as he stares at the purple ripples that he causes. He's tired though. She can see him fight to keep his eyes open to stare at the purple light.
With his attention elsewhere, she starts to hum again, very softly. Soothingly, she even starts to sing the words of the lullaby in a gentle voice as she clutches the back of his small head and walks around the room. She continues singing in a whispering voice, feeling him rest his head against her shoulder. Starting another song, she sings in that same soothing tone and feels the tension leave his small body until she can feel that he's fallen asleep. Even then, she keeps on singing with her shield in place around them and hopes that it won't be much longer.
It isn't long before she feels her own exhaustion from the events of the day. What a day it had been too. She had known she would not sleep, but she hadn't foreseen this. Lightning still flashes but her shield blocks out the boom of the resounding thunder. The lights still flicker. As she sits herself comfortably upon the large comfort chair, she continues her humming and thinks about how strong Stella was. An ideal woman if she ever saw one. Not only was she a queen in her own right, she was married to Noctis and had faced so many challenges because she loved him. Yet even when she was in so much pain, she only thought of him. That was love. That was strength. She absently kisses Lux's head, thinking he was the most fortunate baby and soon he would have a little sister. To grow up with that kind of love, the both of them would make the world a very good place. Their future would be so different from the past they had left behind. She's most fortunate of all. She was a part of the generation was going to pass but still, she would be part of the generation that will be. A happy sigh escapes her lips as she leans her head back and imagines that future.
"Mira," calls a soothing voice, startling her awake. She sits up with Lux still cuddled in her arms and looks up at Noctis. The lights are no longer flickering and he looks soaking wet, but there's a relieved smile on his face. She wonders how much time had passed.
"Is everything all right?" she asks, sitting up. It is still dark, but there are the beginnings of light and the rain looks like its finishing its pour upon the ground.
"Everything is fine," Noctis answers.
"Is she here?" she asks excitedly.
He nods with a smirk.
She's on her feet with a heavy baby and rushes into the birthing chamber to find Stella sitting in the middle of the large bed with a carefully wrapped bundle in her arms.
"Stella," she says, rushing over to her.
"Mira, honey," Stella answers. She looks absolutely exhausted, but happy and satisfied.
She peers down and sees the heart shaped face of the new princess.
"Oh, Stella," she breathes, sitting down beside her.
The motion wakes the princess and her eyes open to look at her. Her eyes are not a brilliant blue like her brother's, but a darker shade that was almost violet. Her hair was blond and it is significantly tamer than when Lux was born. There's a quick intake of breathe from her shoulder and she realizes that Lux is awake and staring at his sister.
"You are a big brother now, Lunae," Stella tells him as she shows his sister to him.
"Mama, okay?" he asks, touching her arm.
"I am more than okay, luv," Stella answers. "But I need to sleep for a little bit. Would you help your father watch your sister while I sleep?"
"Yes," Lux answers simply. He looks up and she notices Noctis in the doorway. "Papa, look!"
"Come," says Noctis. He's changed now and dry, as he gently takes his baby girl from his wife's arms. He kisses Stella solidly on the lips. "Thank you, Bright Star."
Lux leans over and kisses Stella too, before he starts to scramble in order to follow. So she sets him down on his feet and he hobbles to the doorway behind Noctis.
"You get your rest too, sweetie," says Stella beside her. "Handling five boys was probably exhausting."
"I just ordered them around," she says.
"Still," giggles Stella weakly. "I want you to get to bed now too."
"All right, but you must tell me her name first," she answers eagerly.
Stella smiles with a sigh. "Lumina."
She finds herself nodding in agreement. It was just as she had seen it. "It's beautiful."
"You can thank Noctis for it," answers Stella. "Now off you go."
She grins before kissing Stella on the forehead and making her way back to the adjoining room. Des and Vires look freshly showered and sit on either side of Noctis to stare at Lumina. Lux is sitting on Vires' lap looking too and she wishes she had a camera. The tiny girl is staring at each of them quietly in that assessing way that she obvious got from her father.
"Where's Sapien?" she asks.
"Probably on his way over now," answers Noctis.
"Do you want one of us to take you back to your rooms, Little One?" asks Vires.
"No, no," she says with a shake of her head. "I can manage and I think I need the walk."
"Good night, Mira," says Noctis. "Thank you."
"Good night, Maneater," says Des.
"See ya, Mia!" cries Lux and Vires merely nods his own good night.
"Good night to you all," she responds, walking through the door and heading back towards the stairs.
She allows herself a deep breathe and stretch now that everything was back as it should be. Her eyes close as she walks forward and takes another deep breath. Stretching her arms out, she straightens her back as she walks lazily towards the stairwell. Twisting her neck, she feels it crack from the tension of before. When she opens her eyes she almost reacts as she usually does. With a gaping mouth and a hand to cover it but she doesn't this time. Though she is a little embarrassed to be caught in mid stretch, it should be expected given the night they all had. She manages to smile as she walks closer to Sapien.
He's drenched, as Noctis was before and he's looking at her in that way that he had before he left earlier. It's an intense sort of stare that was not as careful as it usually was. Instead of looking like he was trying to figure her out, it looks like he's trying search into her very depths. It confuses her again and she wonders if its because he's embarrassed about his words that had been meant for Procella.
"All well?" she asks when she's standing in front of him.
He nods. "Is Stella all right?"
"Everyone's good. You should go see them," she answers and walks around him to keep going her way back to her rooms.
Steadily and tiredly, she walks up the stairs to her floor and makes her way back to her rooms. The rain has fully stopped now and she's sure that dawn will be on its way. She can sleep now and be satisfied that all was well in the world. As she slips into her bed, in her night clothes, she can breathe a sigh of relief. She thinks that she can do this. As much as it hurt, she was going to have to do this. The world didn't revolve around her and having witnessed what she'd witnessed tonight, she's glad that it doesn't. Because she doesn't think she'd have the strength to be what everyone needed her to be.
The next day was a happy occasion. It meant the arrival of the other Crystal Bearers. She would get to see the ones that she considered family. Her brother would be coming too. Most important of all, Sapien would be able to see Procella. She's sure that he's missed her. But she lacks the strength to be able to watch the reunion, so she avoids both until she's certain they must have seen each other. She makes a point of trying to avoid Sol as well, but she's not as successful at that when she ends up bumping into him two days after Lumina's birth.
"Dear Mira," Sol greets with a charming smile.
"Hello Sol," she says with a forced smile of her own.
"Are you off to one of your flower hunting excursions? I am sure the lavender are quite lovely right now," he says with a twinkle in his eye that makes her smile almost wane.
The reality that it really was him sending her those gifts hadn't hit her as hard as it had at that moment.
"I am actually," she says.
"It's a fine day out," he comments walking beside her. "I'm sure you'll find plenty of good choices."
She smiles but she doesn't respond. They pass Sapien on their way and she gives him a smile in greeting before they continue on their way together.
"I hear you've been here for quite awhile already," says Sol.
"Almost two months now," she answers.
"To keep you shut up here isn't fair," he says disapprovingly.
"But I like it here," she says. "I don't mind."
"Because you've too big a heart," he says with another smile.
She's not sure if he means that as a compliment or not but decides it must be. Sol's always been kind to her.
"Have you given anymore thought to our last conversation, Mira?" asks Sol.
"Which conversation?" she asks absently. They've reached the gardens and she can already spy a few flowers that she wants to pluck. She walks over to a couple and begins to gather them.
"Which one you're in love with," says Sol.
She pauses to look at him and sees the smile on his face. "The one where you told me Des wasn't for me?"
"Partially," he clarifies.
"You don't have to worry about me being in love with anyone," she answers.
"So you've gotten over it?"
"I didn't say that," she says, sitting down on the grass. "I just mean that you shouldn't worry."
He shouldn't considering she thought she was doing really well being able to talk to Sapien without feeling like her world was going to end. At least, not too badly.
She stares at Sol as he stares at her and just when he's about to say something his attention is distracted by something off to the side of them. Then he lets out an exaggerated sigh.
"What it is with you Nihil men and thinking that I'll somehow taint Mira's virtue?" he asks with a dramatic pinching of his nose.
She frowns, turning to see Sapien standing a few feet away. Had he followed them here to make sure Sol didn't try anything towards her? Just like Des did, she sighs to herself. She remembers the conversation that happened after that. Then, the dread of having the same conversation with Sapien sinks in. She suddenly doesn't mind Sol's presence because she's sure Sapien wouldn't say the things that Des said to her if he was there. It's too soon to hear that he was sad that she had grown up as Des had.
"Because we know better," comments Sapien in his usual dry tone.
Sol rolls his eyes. "I suppose you'll be telling me next that Noctis is looking for me."
To her surprise, Sapien doesn't say anything. He just continues to stand there and stare at the both of them.
Sol sighs as if calling on patience before he starts to walk away.
"Sol," she finds herself calling out to him. She suddenly feels like his presence is important in stalling the conversation she's going to be having with Sapien when he leaves.
"You trust your virtue with me, don't you Mira?" Sol asks.
She can't honestly say yes, but she's tempted to say it to get him to stay. "You've never tried anything," she ends up saying.
"Well, I'm sure there are plenty of other women I can harass without the lot of you trying to interrupt a simple conversation," complains Sol as he walks away. "Good afternoon, Dearest Mira."
She watches helplessly as he walks away and she's left alone with Sapien. Her heart is starting to pound as she looks hesitantly up at him. She knows that the smile that ends up reaching her face is strained. The look he's giving her isn't too encouraging either. There's no word to describe it. It's not only intense but it's also possibly upset.
"You're never sitting with the lavenders anymore," he states and his voice sounds flatter than usual.
Not a question. He's pointing out fact.
"No, I haven't been," she agrees as she looks at the flowers in her hands.
"Do you... not like them anymore?" he asks hesitantly.
She shakes her head. "They just, remind me," she bites her lips and tries to make up an excuse that would make sense.
"I'd appreciate it if you weren't so polite to me," he says suddenly.
"Polite?" she asks, looking back up at him.
"I've already said you didn't have to spare my feelings," he reminds her.
"How can I be rude to someone who is so helpful all the time?" she asks quizzically.
His eyes change to surprise before they quickly go back to careful.
"Was that.... what you were thinking this whole time?" he asks as if she's wounded him. "That I was just trying to be helpful?"
She gets the sense that they're talking about two completely different things. But when she opens her mouth to ask what he means he's talking again.
"Of course you would," he says almost to himself as he looks away and it looks like he's mentally berating himself. "Why would you think any differently?"
"Sapien, what...?"
"That's why you've been so distant," he says and he still looks like he's talking to himself more than to her. "Because my gifts were obviously more than being helpful and they made you feel uncomfortable."
His gifts. His. Gifts.
"I knew it was too big of a gamble," he continues and he looks like he's still mentally berating himself. "I knew it would most likely make you feel uneasy. I'm just the boring older brother that doesn't know how to have fun. Then I go and scare you the other day in my room."
Boring older brother. Scared her?
"I'm sorry, Mira," he says with a shake of his head. "I'm really sorry for making you feel that way. It's just that..." he pauses to look down at her. "I see you so full of life and so beautiful and everything that I'm not. Like a goddess created from my dreams that I... I'm sorry," he takes a step back and won't look at her. "I shouldn't have... I'm sorry."
Then he's gone. Leaving her sitting there so stunned that she's dropped her flowers and can't even think to move, let alone speak. His gifts. His thinking she only saw him as a boring older brother. A boring brother who didn't know how to have fun. Fun like Des. All this time she worried that he would only see her as little sister and it was him who was worried that she thought of him only as a brother? No, no that can't be right. He says the most endearing words to her and leaves without waiting for her to say anything back. Him apologizing to her about making her feel awkward. Then just leaving. Leaving without explaining why. Leaving her without letting her tell him he was wrong. For once, he was wrong.
She rises quickly to her feet, forgetting the flowers and rushing after him inside the castle.
"Where you off to so fast, Maneater?" asks Des.
"Did you see Sapien?" she asks.
"Yeah, he said he had to take care of something in his room," answers Des just before she rushes past him and takes the stairs two at a time.
Unlike the first time she ventured towards his room, she doesn't care how much noise she makes and who sees her as she runs down the hall. His door is still open and she rushes through it with a shout of his name. He's not in the front room so she walks to the room with the desk. She's about to rush past the desk but she stops in her tracks as she looks at something on the small table by the window. She doesn't understand what she's seeing at first as she slowly makes her way to get a closer look.
The package from Procella was opened, forgotten on the floor. What had been inside now sat on top of the table. The old flowers still resting where they had before. The light from the partially opened curtain shines through the figure on the table, creating streaks of color around the room. It's a glass figure. Clear and brilliant. She remembers marveling at them when she had been to Glacialis so long ago. Glacialis was the only place on the planet to get a figure like this. But what makes her breath stop was not the figure itself, but what it looked like. It was intricately carved in her own image. It was her hair that cascaded down past the shoulders, along the back. The skirts were detailed with creases as if caught in a breeze. This was her!
"It was supposed to be my last gift," he mutters behind her.
She turns around and sees him in the bathroom doorway on the other side of the room.
"My last gift before... but it doesn't matter now," he says shaking his head again. "Do, you like it?"
"It's... beautiful," she says and she wonders if that sounds too prideful considering it was a statue of her.
"I had to endure Procella's teasing for five months," he states, leaving the doorway and coming closer. "I know you liked the little figurine I sent so I thought maybe... you might like one too."
"How... how did you know that?" she asks and her voice sounds like it will crack.
"Vitrum told me one day," he explains but leaves it half finished because it doesn't matter. This is Sapien. He finds out everything. "Since you obviously were feeling uncomfortable with my attention, I was going to keep it."
Keep it just like this so he could look at it, with the light catching it just right and think of her. It's all she can do to keep her heart still in her chest.
"If you don't mind," he says, thinking it over. "You can still have it if you want it."
"Why the flowers?" she asks instead, looking at them beside the glass figure.
"Those were the ones you picked that day I helped you," he answers sheepishly. "Stella had so many she didn't notice that I took the white ones that you picked."
Tears were forming in her eyes as he got closer. They kept coming, threatening to spill over the brim of her eyes as each thing he told her sent a shot to her heart. She shakes her head as they start to fall from her eyes.
"Stop," she pleads with a shake of her head. He'd been doing all this for her and all she'd done was treat him… badly. Treated him so badly when he didn't deserve to ever be treated like that.
He does stop and there's a hurt in his eyes when she looks up at them. It's a hurt so intense that it makes her cry even more.
"I know," he whispers, looking down. "I'm sorry. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I'm usually very good at keeping things to myself."
"It's not you," she cries, shaking her head. "It's me! It's me who should be saying she's sorry because I'm the one that's been acting so stupid."
It doesn't look like he understands her.
"I heard you telling Procella what dress you wanted and I thought... I just assumed you were talking about what you wanted her to wear for you," she confesses. "I thought you and her..." she pauses at the frown that appears on his face. Like the thought of him in love with Procella made him feel sick. Like the thought of Sol being in love with her made her feel sick. It makes her feel even more stupid. "Well, I thought she'd be better for you. So I tried to..."
"Stay away," he finishes in a whisper and she can see his eyes as he seems to process this.
"Your gifts didn't make me feel uncomfortable," she says. "You can't even imagine how much I loved the days that I knew they would come. How much they helped me get through the year I spent missing you so much I thought I'd go crazy."
He doesn't look like he's going to say anything and she's glad because she has a lot to say too as she takes a step closer to him this time.
"There was no way for me to think of you half as much as you thought of me because there was no way you could think of me as much as I already thought of you," she says. "Boring older brother? How could you think of me as anything but the childish little sister? Don't you know how much you've helped me be better?"
When his hand touches the side of her face, she startles at how close he is now.
"Goddess Mira," he says, looking into her teary eyes. His thumb brushes her cheek as if he's never felt anything like her skin before. "Could you love me?"
He asks it like he doesn't think she could and he's so wrong. So wrong.
"Of course I love you," she says blinking up at him.
She's suddenly in his arms and against his body and he's kissing her. Kissing her when she thought he'd never want to and it felt like he was afraid it was her who wouldn't want to kiss him. Reaching up, she holds onto his face as she leans in closer to deep the kiss. It's her first kiss and as many times as she'd imagine how it would feel, she never thought it would be quite like this. She could feel it all the way to her toes and the nervousness that she thought she'd feel wasn't there. Because she trusted him. She knew that he would make it right.
They part with their hands holding each other's face and stare. He kisses her briefly again before running a hand through her hair.
"I don't deserve you," he says taking in the features of her face. "But I can't let you go when I want you so much. I have to have you, Mira."
"I suppose it's only fair," she agrees with a teasing smile on her face. "When I must have you too."
There was no careful look now. There was an openness in his eyes that makes her heart flutter. It was an exposure of the depths of a man who never let anyone see it.
"If you have time for me that is," she says in hopes of assuring him that she wouldn't demand his time when he had so many things he needed to do.
There's a hurt look in his eyes when she says it. "You told me once that you wished I made time for other things than work," he says.
"Yes, but I know how much you're needed."
"But… when I clear an entire night to spend with you, you…," he confesses, holding her a little more possessively now.
"I what?" she asks, dreading what he's about to say.
He looks unsure. "When you wouldn't even let me walk you to your rooms."
His only free night after that awkward dinner. He had freed up his night hoping to spend it with her, only to have her refuse him and have Vires walk her out instead.
She gives a hurt cry for his sake and kisses him again. Which he returns in full, but she can feel the hurt he's still feeling and it compels her to kiss him harder in response to reassure him.
He's breathless when they part this time and he leans his forehead against hers. "But I think I can forgive you if you promise you'll spend tonight with me on a walk around the city."
"Yes, I promise," she says kissing him on the lips again.
"And not only will I forgive, I will never, ever mention that you were going to let Procella have me if you marry me."
She pulls back to stare up at him with wide eyes.
"I, I know you love your home and I will..."
"You, you want to marry me?" she asks.
"How else will I be able to keep you?" he asks and he's not teasing. He's serious in that way that only he can be serious.
"Yes," she says. "I will marry you."
A relieved smile crosses his face and he brings her closer to hold her to him. She feels him sigh into her hair as he whispers, "I love you."
Her hand finds his face as she pulls back to look at him. "I've always loved you." She breathes a laugh as she sees the unguarded shock on his face. "I get to live here with you and watch Lux and Lumina grow up," she feels the tears still sliding down her cheek as she thinks about this.
He makes an agreeing sound as he reaches to wipe the moisture from her face. "And you'll let me know the next time you decide to crawl beside Lux to race up the stairs."
She feels the heat rush to her face. "You saw that?"
"I was at the bottom of the stairs so I couldn't see you very well," he states.
Oh she had been so glad he hadn't seen that, but he had!
"But on the next race, I want to be the ref," he comments dryly but there's a hint of a smirk in there too.
"No," she says shaking her head. "You're going to be the one racing."
As hard as she had tried to be mature and composed to show Sapien that she'd grown up, it was quite a shock to realize that he loved her random occasional need to pout like a child or forget decorum and play with Lumina and Lux shamelessly. She remembers the first time she realized this. She doesn't remember what exactly she had been doing at the time. Only that when she heard laughter behind her, it shocked her so thoroughly to see that it was coming from him as he watched her, that it didn't matter what she'd been doing. All that mattered was that he was laughing in a way that she'd never seen him laugh before. It was then that she realized he didn't laugh all that often. She doesn't think she can recall ever having heard him laugh at all. She'd seen amusement in his eyes but never actual laughter. Not just the laughter itself. It wasn't even the sort of teasing, mocking laughter that Des and Vires often roared. It was an affectionate, adoring sort of laugh. It was made even more so when he'd kissed her so sweetly as he had still been chuckling. He didn't do it often and he wasn't the type you could coax into laughing either because he just wasn't like that. So when she did hear it, it was something to cherish. Especially when it seemed only she had the ability to get him to do it more than anyone else.
He spoiled her more than should be allowed. Not in the way of buying her expensive gifts and jewelry. He did buy her those things too but that's not how he spoiled her. Just like his gifts had always been little things that touched her. Whether it was a candy that she liked to flowers that she couldn't find to bringing something back on those trips that he always had to take. He tried to take her as often as he could but even she knew that there were certain trips she couldn't take with him. So he always brought something back to let her know that he had been thinking of her. Often, she found little things that he would leave her at random times and she'd thank him by kissing him when she saw him later. Those were the things that meant the most.
She thinks her favorite part of being married to him were those mornings when she woke up to find him already watching her. He still didn't sleep very often and he usually wasn't there when she fell asleep, but he didn't often miss when she woke up. Usually, he wasn't even under the covers with her, but on top of them watching her. Watching her in a way that was more than careful and it made her heart melt every time she opened her eyes and saw him there. He never said anything but she could see it in his eyes that he wasn't sure why she was there with him. He always looked almost surprised with a look of marvel when she'd scoot closer to him each time and clutch his shirt to be closer.
It was a wonder to be married to someone so observant and resourceful. When she had been planning their wedding, he had insisted that they marry in her home country. Then had proceeded to get her everything she wanted, even when she hadn't even told him about them. He did that all the time. She'd given up trying to figure out how he found out about these things because he'd never tell and it was pointless to ask. So she'd just been thankful and appreciative. It was clear that he wasn't used to people doing things for him because the first time she gave him something she knew he liked, he almost didn't know what to do with it. Then had saved it for so long that it wasn't worth actually using. That didn't stop her though and she kept doing things for him too.
They both helped Noctis and Stella. Then later, they both helped Lux and Lumina too. Noctis said he felt a change was happening and he feared for the safety of the Crystal children. He said it was the same feeling he got the night this all started. The night he had been attacked and forced to expose how powerful he really was, after hiding it from everyone for so long. He worries and so does her husband, but she's confident. There was always a fight at the end of an era. It was the only way for the new world to begin.
The end.
End Notes: I feel more complete now that this has been written. I don't feel like there is something else that I need to add. Which I'm sure, considering my rather obsessive nature, that I'll find something else from Sapien's POV that I wanted to add but completely forgot. But that aside, I think it's good this way. This was a very simple story, that was pretty predictable but it wasn't intended to be complicated to figure out. Everyone pretty much got it right away, even though I hope that you had a moment of doubt at least. I felt so bad for Sapien while writing this because the poor guy wasn't doing anything wrong and thought it was all his fault.