"A baby? How is that possible? You're just a kid," Laura muttered as she pulled nervously on a strand of golden hair. It reminded me of how Lulu looked when she was trying to figure something out in her head.

"Well, you have two kids," Lulu replied carefully. "I'm pretty sure you know how it works. The old-fashioned way, that's how I got pregnant."

"What Lulu means is that we fell in love and we made this baby. I won't pretend that it was planned because it wasn't. But it happened, and it's our unexpected blessing. We're happy, and that's all there is," I explained.

Some people have all the luck -- there are a few memories I wouldn't mind erasing.

"Well, congratulations, I suppose," Laura smiled at her daughter. "This seems to be what you want, so I'm happy for you. You have to understand that it's going to be kind of an adjustment for me. The last thing I remember is a little girl."

"I'm not a little girl anymore," Lulu protested pointedly.

"No," Laura uttered. "No, you're not. My eyes can see that, and my mind comprehends that. It's my heart that seems to be having a problem."

"It's okay, Mom," Lulu replied soothingly, dropping to her knees next to her mother. Grasping her hand, Lulu peered up at her mother with hooded eyes. "I know that this isn't what you wanted for me. I know that I'm probably a disappointment.

He can be nice when he has a decent moment. But, seriously, I hate being treated like a little child, ok? I didn't just sit this adventure out. I actually helped -- a lot.

"You could never disappoint me, Lulu. All I have ever wanted for you is to be happy. Looking into your eyes, I can tell that you are. Maybe I wouldn't have chosen this exact path for you, but what's important is that you chose your own path. You found your way."

Lulu looked up at me and grinned. "I got lucky. My path led me somewhere wonderful."

That bad boy is real attractive to a girl who needs to feel important or -- I'm sorry, but -- a girl who has father issues.

"I'm the lucky one," I assured them both.

"Well, we should be going," Lulu said again. She kissed her mother's cheek and waved before pulling me out the door. Outside the door, she stopped and finally let herself come to terms physically with what happened. She fell to her knees, wrapping her arms around her body in an intricate form of self-protection.

"What's wrong?" I murmured as I knelt carefully beside her, taking her gently in my arms. Her body quivered with tears, her voice wavering as she fell deeper and deeper into a dark sadness.

"Now, stop this," Luke said softly behind her.

But just like any other drug, the high doesn't last, and all of a sudden, you realize that you are tired and you are scared. And you see that you live in a fortress, and every move you make is under the scrutiny of the cops, enemies, or even your bad-boy husband.

"Stop," I warned in a hoarse whisper, shielding Lulu from the brunt of his criticism. She needed to feel this. She needed to let her mind shut down and her heart rule her actions, if only for a few minutes. "Come on," I prodded soothingly, pulling her to her feet. "Luke, I'm going to take her home. One of us will speak to you tomorrow."

Luke didn't say anything as I guided a silent Lulu toward the front door of Shadybrook. Inside the atrium, I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and dialed the mansion. As soon as a car was on its way, I supported her leaning frame with my tired body and prayed that somehow everything would be okay.

An hour later, Lulu was asleep upstairs. A business book spread out in front of me on the table, I tried to force myself to focus on the term paper due the next day. Distraction consumed me until my cell phone rang, giving me a brief reprieve. "Hello?"

You get a taste of what it's like to color outside the lines, and the next thing you know, you're addicted.

"How is she?" Nikolas asked on the other end without saying hello.

"Sleeping," I replied shortly. "She did okay while we were in there with Laura, but she broke down as soon as we left. Luke tried to get her to stop, but I wouldn't let him. She needs to go through this. It kills me to see her like this, but I think it's the best thing for her."

"Did she say anything?"

"No. She was pretty quiet. I tried to get her to talk after she stopped crying, but I didn't want to push. She'll come to me, or someone, when she's ready. For now, I just have to do what I can."

"This is hard on all of us, but I think it's the hardest on her. I wish that there was something I could do to make it easier. I wish I could take it all away."

"You're telling me," I mumbled wryly. "We told Laura everything. About the house, about the engagement, about the baby. She seemed supportive, but Lulu didn't feel it. Something in her eyes told me that she was still afraid. I don't know what she's scared of, but that fear is still there. And that fear is very real."

Every decision and action you make comes with three times the consequences. Do you get that? Do you know what that means?

"I know why she's scared," Nikolas revealed. "She's waiting for the other shoe to drop. Every time Lulu has believed that she had everything, someone was taken away from her. Her mother went inside herself, and her father has disappeared more times than I can count. We thought Lucky died in a fire. I divorced Emily. She's seen so much loss."

"And she thinks now that Laura is back, she is going to lose someone else."

"Not just anyone else, she thinks she is going to lose you," Nikolas stated. "Or worse yet, the baby. Lulu has had all the loss she can take, and she knows that losing you or the baby would be the end of her."

Well, sometimes what we say isn't what we mean -- or even want -- and I -- I know that I can't really compare my time with Dillon to yours with Sonny, but there are some similarities.

"Why didn't I see that?" I chastised myself aloud.

"Because you were so busy trying to figure out how to protect her from Laura that you didn't see what she was really afraid of."

"I'd never leave her, Nikolas," I vowed.

I know that Dillon and I are over.

"I know that you love my sister and would never leave her intentionally. I think she knows that. It's the unintentional loss she's worried about."

"I'll do whatever I have to do to protect her."

"You would?" her sleepy voice said from behind me. She sauntered over and situated herself in my lap. Prying the phone from my hand, she told her brother that we had to go and shut it off. "Now then. You would?"

I pressed my forehead against hers and nodded, our noses and chins bumping. "I'd do anything for you, Lesley Lu Spencer."

"Then, help me get through this," she pleaded. "Just help me get through this."

But no matter how many times I tell myself that over and over, I can't seem to feel it.