Wowza..so i haven't uploaded for ages, so I apologise profusely to anyone who's been waiting, but I'm sure you all know the roller coaster life is and sometimes there just isn't any time. So .......you get the message.

Thankyou to i'm random girl for her lovely review...more people should be like her.

I'll try to update more, but there'll be more incentive if people write me lovely reviews.

Love Libi x

Chapter Five: Kippers, the Telletubbies, and Mary Poppins

APOV

We didn't really spend much time dancing, the raging hormones got out of control and we ended up on the bed through no desire of our own. Okay, fine, I had been thinking quite a bit about the bed, especially with us lying on it, so I really wasn't complaining when I found myself horizontal on the green duvet with Edward hovering above me.

The hovering bit was slightly worrying, maybe I was delirious. He shifted his weight. Ah, he was supporting himself with his arms, that couldn't be comfortable. I put my hands behind his neck and pulled his face down to mine so that I could kiss him. He tasted delicious, it made me want more. I moved my hands from his neck to his back and applied some pressure. He looked at me, his crooked smile playing across his lips.

"Is something the matter baby?" he asked.

"I'm just worried about you honey, you don't look that comfortable" I replied, playing along.

"Oh, if that's it then I'll…" He began to move away.

"I was thinking more like this" I used all my strength and pulled him down on top of me.

Holy fuck! He was so hard!

As if reading my mind he moved his hips slightly, sending a wave of pleasure through me.

"Mmm" I moaned and arched my back, driving my hips into his.

"Fuck!" he swore. Man, I loved it when he did that.

I rolled us over so that I was on top. I sat up; straddling his hips and began to move slowly back and forth.

In the background the CD changed track to something more upbeat and I moved in time with the music. His groaning became louder and louder.

I halted my rhythm.

"Don't stop" he begged. My whole body was screaming in agreement with him, but no, I was in control, seriously.

"You have to kiss me first" I said pouting.

He tried to pull my down to him.

"No, no" I said leaning away from him "you have to come to me"

He scowled at me. "What if I don't want to?" He locked his eyes with mine. I could see the desire burning in them, threatening to shred the remaining ties of my self control.

Deep breath Aphy, deep breath.

I put on my best come hither face, tilting my head slightly to the right and biting gently on my lower lip.

"Oh I think you do"

It didn't take long for the remainder of his self control to make its way, rather hastily, with a little skip and a jump, out of the window.

He sat up; the movement made his erection shift and rub against my centre sending another wave of excruciating pleasure through me. I squeezed my eyes shut, cutting off the outside world. I felt his warm lips brush against mine, parting them as his tongue slipped inside my mouth. I let out a sigh and opened my eyes taking in and memorising the contours of his beautiful face. One of his hands moved to the back of my neck and tangled in my hair. It was like the kiss scene out of the films with music all around us, the outside world left far, far behind.

The door opened.

"Edward, we're…" The voice pulled us back into reality and we broke apart.

I glanced around; Emmett and Alice were standing in the open doorway staring at us. Emmett's mouth was opening and closing as if he was trying to say something, but no sound was coming out. Alice just looked spiky and rather scary, I swear to God her hair was standing on end.

"Aphy?" she squeaked.

I jumped off Edward's lap.

"Alice, Emmett it's great to see you guys again!" I replied.

"What the hell is going on here?" Alice asked, her voice back to a normal pitch and her eyes flashing dangerously between me and her brother.

I followed her gaze to Edward, the most beautiful creature on God's good earth…who was sitting there like someone had slapped him round the face with a wet kipper.

Ok, what is with that phrase? A kipper; seriously, who would bother to find a bloody kipper in order to slap someone with it? What's more, who actually says that? It's only old people! Oh my God, I'm turning into a granny!

Meanwhile, back on the ranch, Alice was still waiting for an answer and it looked like it was going to have to come from me, because dear heart was otherwise engaged.

"We're together now" I said, cutting to the chase.

"Together?" she repeated, her left eyebrow arching up, adding yet another spike to her prickly person.

"Yep"

The eyebrow didn't shift.

"Since when?" she probed.

"This morning"

I was getting slightly worried that she would loose that eyebrow if it went any higher.

"Edward?" she said, and we both turned to look at him.

Still with the bloody fish face!

"Jesus, Cullen!" I cried "Shut your mouth! Are you trying to catch a fucking fly?"

It had spectacular results: Edward's mouth snapped shut, Alice lost the eyebrow once and for all, and Emmett burst out with the most impressive, deep-bellied laugh I'd ever heard.

EPOV

As we followed Emmett and Alice down the stairs I took hold of Aphy's hand; interlacing my fingers with hers.

She was such an amazing young women, she'd taken control of the situation, deflecting Alice's death stare like it was tickling breeze, rather than the hurricane it is. As for me, well I'd just sat their like a gormless idiot. Normally I could get on top of the situation, but that time…the situation had left me far behind.

"Sorry" I mumbled in her ear.

"I'll forgive you, but you may need to make it up to me."

"How?"

"Oh, I'll think of something!" She smirked at me.

Esme and Carlisle were in the kitchen. The kettle was on and Esme was clambering on a chair to get the cake box down, while Carlisle sat at the table reading the newspaper.

They looked up as the four of us entered.

"Oh, Aphy" Esme said, trying to keep the surprise out of her voice.

"Hey Esme, Carlisle" Aphy replied.

"We weren't expecting to find you here dear" Esme said as she stepped off the chair and placed the plastic box on the counter.

This was my cue; I had better embrace it this time.

"Aphy's my girlfriend now"

That wasn't too hard.

"Oh" Esme reiterated, and then her face broke into a smile. "Welcome to the family Aphy"

A few hours later the four of us were sitting in the living room. By then we'd made our way verbally through life, the universe, and everything and the conversation had well and truly worn itself out. Although the words were no longer flowing at least we'd found an all-in-one solution to global warming, overpopulation, and the recession with Aphy's revelation that we should just "shoot all the bloody snobs". I wondered what Copenhagen would've made of that.

Aphy heaved herself off the sofa.

"Everything's gone to sleep" she grumbled. "Right I'm off to the dear old 'lavatory' before my bladder explodes."

"Lavatory?" Alice raised her eyebrow (this was becoming quite a common look for her). "Who says lavatory?"

"Gran?"

"Dead people don't count Emmett" Alice chastised, shaking her head.

"Old people in general?"

"You shouldn't generalise, it leads to stereotypes, and then prejudice, and then genocides" Alice death-glared him.

"Jesus, Alice" Emmett laughed nervously "No need to be so melodramatic, I didn't mean all old people…Seriously stop with the laser beams."

She giggled and looked away.

"Seriously, Eddykins" she elbowed me in the side.

I glowered at her, but she continued unperturbed, "Your girlfriend is weird"

Emmett erupted with laughter "You can't talk, Ali, honestly"

"Yes I can" she retorted "Look, I'm doing it now"

"Get you miss clever-clogs" I muttered.

She rolled her eyes.

"C'mon, let's watch TV" she suggested. "There's probably a film on somewhere"

She reached for the remote and began flipping through the channels.

Aphy wandered back into the room.

"Ooo TV!" she gasped "I haven't watched TV, since, like, two years ago!"

We all stared at her.

"What the fuck, Aphy?" Emmett voiced our surprise perfectly; he really does have a way with words.

"I don't watch television, we don't have one" she sank down next to me on the sofa.

"You don't have a TV?" Alice squeaked.

"You don't watch television?" I seconded.

"There's more to life that TV"

"Like what?" Emmett asked.

She paused. "Pills, shagging" she replied with a smile.

Did she just say what I thought she did?

"Pills?" I asked weakly.

"Don't get in a fluster dearie" she said patting my arm "I don't do pills"

"You don't" I sighed with relief. "Then why did you say it?"

"It's a reference! God, I thought you people watched TV! It's from Skins; please tell me you've heard of Skins"

"We've heard of it, we've just never watched it"

"You've never watched it?"

"Nope"

"Oh my days, you have to watch it! Shanice has the box set; I'll get her to lend it to you"

"And my life will be complete" Alice muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Do I detect sarcasm Miss Cullen?"

"Of course not Miss Harte"

My sister smiled sweetly, putting on the innocent act big time.

APOV

"Ok Ali" said Emmett "Once you two have stopped fucking about with all that clever shit can we get down to businesses and watch a film"

"Clever shit?" asked Alice

"Yeah, like sarcasm and la di dah shit"

What the fuck was he on? He seriously did sound like some kind of fucked up hippy.

"What the fuck is "la di dah shit"?" I said "You sound like a Telletubby with Tourette's!"

Ok, what the fuck was I on? I really needed to start thinking before I opened my mouth, because it seemed to have a life of its own.

"So what is on?"

"Film four…Mary Poppins"

"Marry Poppins!" I exclaimed "Genius! I ain't seen that for donkey's years!