Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.
A/N: I'd like to thank everyone who's reading this, and especially those of you who have reviewed. I'd especially like to thank everyone who gave me feedback on last chapter's kiss. I'd never written one before, so it was nice to learn it turned out well. I don't have much to say; just that you're about to get a history lesson in the time missing between Sectionals and the start of this story. Also, please don't hate me after you read this. Please read & review. Thanks!
Rachel was confused. And maybe a little annoyed. What was Finn doing at her door? She had been excited over the thought that Noah had come back to pick up where they'd left off earlier this afternoon. But instead of being greeted with the sight of her-what washe anyway? boyfriend? friend with benefits? it wasn't important right now, she guessed-whatever Noah was, she was met with her ex-boyfriend. An ex-boyfriend who was currently staring longingly at her as if they'd suddenly transported two months back in time before they ruined their relationship by having sex.
What was that look for? They weren't dating; yesterday was the very first time they'd ever even spoken since their breakup. And even before the disaster that was her first time, their relationship was on the downslide; she could see that now. As she stood there, with Finn in front of her, she was reminded of when they'd first began dating.
After babygate had broken, Finn hadn't come running straight to Rachel the way that she was expecting. He had clearly been interested in her since he joined glee; they'd even kissed twice. So, to say she was surprised that he hadn't immediately declared his undying love for her once Quinn was no longer in the picture was an understatement. They were the two leads-they were meant to be together. But, he had simply wanted everyone to leave him alone.
To make matters worse, everyone in glee club had taken to pretending she didn't exist. No one spoke to her unless forced to, with the exceptions of Quinn, Santana, and Brittany, who continued to regularly insult her (though she now knows Brittany thought they were just talking to her) and Puck. He had just as hard a time with the other members of glee club, who blamed him for the scandal, just as they blamed Rachel for breaking it. It was during this period of time that the watching and the inappropriate comments began. She wondered if that had been his way of reaching out to her, even back then. Surprisingly, nobody but Finn blamed Quinn for what had happened, despite the fact that she was the one dating Finn at the time, trying to pass Noah's baby off as his, and refusing to let Noah take responsibility like he wanted. Rachel had never understood how she was held more responsible for the whole mess than the cheating girl.
All in all, the initial post-babygate month had been positively miserable.
One evening in the middle of January, she was in her room recording a MySpace video when the doorbell had rang. She had answered it since Daddy was making dinner and Dad was still at work. When she had swung the door open to find Finn on the front porch, she had thought her heart would leap out of her chest. He was really here. She had invited him in and, after introducing him to Daddy, they had gone up to her room. As soon as the door was shut, he had kissed her and told her he was stupid not to have come for her sooner. He then kissed her again which had turned into a passionate makeout session that had ended shortly when his little problem reared its head. She had been confused until he had turned red and explained what had happened. She then figured out that this was why he had run out of the auditorium after their first kiss. She made it her goal to help him learn restraint (all the kissing was just icing) and he asked her out on a real date.
When she'd walked into school after that first (dreamy) date wearing his letter jacket, she'd caught Puck watching her again. He didn't smirk at her this time though, merely raised an eyebrow and walked the other way. The very next day, she heard the rumors that he and Quinn were dating. It seemed kind of sudden because they had barely even been on speaking terms the previous week. Now, she couldn't help but wonder if perhaps he had been responding to seeing her in a jacket with the number 5 on it. Could it be possible that even back then he'd liked her? She might never know. All she knew was he stopped watching her that day and the comments disappeared.
The following two months had been wonderful. She may not have had friends, but she finally had Finn and he was the perfect boyfriend. He walked her to class and carried her books for her. He picked her up for school (when he remembered), he let her choose what they did on every date, and he watched her musicals with her. And of course, there was the kissing. It was just as nice as it had been those first two times, only better because he was no longer with Quinn. He was all hers and she didn't have to share or feel guilty.
Puck's relationship with Quinn seemed a bit rocky to her. They were constantly overheard arguing about the baby. She still wanted to place the baby for adoption, but he wanted to keep it. Everyone knew Noah's father had ditched his family just a couple of years before, so Rachel figured he didn't want his daughter to think he had ditched her. While Rachel believed that adoption was the right choice in this case, but for once, she never offered her opinion on the matter. With the way the two fought though, she wasn't surprised when they split up just a week after the baby was born and given to her adoptive family in mid March. That was when Puck began watching Rachel again, though he still made no comments.
Of course, their relationship was a mere blip on her radar. She was entirely too enthralled with Finn to really register much outside of their bubble. In fact, she was so wrapped up in how utterly perfect her life was that she didn't notice when he began to check out of the relationship. He stopped picking her up for school, but he was so inconsistent with that to begin with that she wasn't aware of the change. He rarely walked her to class anymore and when he did, he didn't carry her books. It wasn't until he began canceling their plans that she realized their relationship might not be as perfect as she thought it was.
So, she had made the same mistake that millions of women before her had made. She decided to have sex with her boyfriend in hopes that it would fix what was wrong between them. Of course, the whole encounter was a catastrophe. They were both virgins, so she knew it wouldn't be perfect. She thought it would at least be decent though; something they enjoyed enough to repeat until it got good. But no, Finn was too excited to get right to the main event, so she wasn't ready. It was really painful and awkward and made even worse when he 'arrived' early (seriously, two seconds!-she still couldn't get her head around it even two months later). Then the crying, oh the crying. As if things weren't bad enough already, he had to cry like a baby. She was in a lot of physical pain (really, she wasn't even close to ready), and even she wasn't crying. As she floundered to figure out how to deal with his tears, she felt like the man in the relationship. And she much preferred feeling like the girl, so she really just wanted to tell him to man up. She finally just hugged him and told him it would get better (though she wasn't sure she wanted to try again).
He had gone home shortly after, and when they had seen each other in school the next day, things between them were worse than ever. He started turning red anytime she was in the same room, and he couldn't even look at her. She knew their relationship was over; they had broken up the very next day, just two days after their first time together and one week after Puck and Quinn. She was sad, but she wasn't devastated like she expected to be.
The day after she broke up with Finn, Noah started making inappropriate comments again, bringing their relationship to the state it was in on Tuesday when he offered to teach her to swim.
Looking back on the end of her relationship with Finn, she figured out that it wasn't only Finn who had checked out. She was still putting in the effort in their relationship, but her heart wasn't in it anymore, she realized now. She had started to want someone who would take charge on their dates instead of always just doing what she wanted. She wanted someone who wouldn't just let her force musicals on him if that wasn't what he wanted and who would follow through on his promises. She needed someone who could make her laugh; Finn was sweet, but he was too clueless most of the time to understand her sense of humor; she needed someone with a sharp wit. And, she knew now that she needed the sort of passion that burned her up from the inside-out.
In short, she wanted and needed Noah.
Which brought her to her earlier question: What was Finn doing at her door?
"Finn, what are you doing here?" she asked curiously.
"Can I come in Rachel? I don't want to go into it out here," he said, casting an anxious look around him.
Despite her better judgment, Rachel stood aside and let him into the foyer. Once he was inside, she shut the door and led Finn into the living room. After he had sat down on the couch, she took a seat in her Daddy's favorite recliner.
"So why are you here?" she asked again, sitting on the edge of the recliner and crossing her legs primly, her hands folded on top of her knees.
Finn fidgeted nervously for a moment before blurting out, "I think we should get back together."
Rachel was floored. Whatever she was expecting, it certainly wasn't that. "What?"
Turning red, Finn grinned shyly at her and explained, "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since I talked to you yesterday."
Rachel shook her head. She hadn't exactly been happy with him yesterday; had he not caught onto that? She opened her mouth to shut him down, but he just kept talking.
"You were so relaxed and confident with Brittany. It was like you were a whole new Rachel, and I really liked that," he finished.
Rachel idly wondered if he realized how very not flattering that was. She had seemed like a whole new person, so he wanted her? Was she not good enough for him just the way she was?
Did it really matter either way?
Not really, she realized. She had Noah; she may not love him yet, but she could see it happening in the future-the basis for the feelings were there. And, even without Noah, she just didn't want Finn anymore.
"Finn, you're a nice guy, but I'm not interested in you that way anymore," she stated. "I'd like to remain friends though."
The tall boy frowned, "Is this because of Puck? Is there something going on between the two of you? Because you can't trust him you know; he'll only ever want one thing from you."
Rachel sighed because she knew that wasn't true. If there was one thing that Puck's reluctance to make the first move had taught her, it was that he wanted more than just sex from her. Her earlier annoyance with her ex-boyfriend came rushing back and she stood up.
"I think it's time for you to leave Finn," she announced calmly.
Not giving him a chance to argue, she left the room. She knew he'd follow her; he always did.
"Look, Rachel, is this about the sex? If that's why you like Puck, I could give that to you, only better because I actually like you. I figured out what went wrong our first time," the boy declared. "I thought about Quinn instead of you and it made me lose control. If you gave me another chance, I'd think about you and I'm sure I'd last longer," Finn avowed earnestly.
Rachel didn't know what was worse: the fact that the boy she'd lost her virginity to, who she thought she was in love with, was telling her that he was thinking about his ex-girlfriend the whole time; the fact that he was essentially admitting that he was more attracted to said ex-girlfriend more than her; or the fact that he honestly had no idea how painful his words were for her to hear. He truly was clueless.
Ignoring the pain he had caused her (he had basically just told her that her first time was a giant lie), she gave him her cheeriest, falsest smile and said, "Really, Finn, I want nothing more than your friendship. Now, I have plans for this evening that I need to prepare for, so I have to say goodbye."
Finn, unaware anything was wrong, beamed brightly at her. "Okay Rachel. I'll see you at the water park tomorrow!"
He jogged down the porch stairs to his car in the driveway. As he hopped in, he gave her another cheery smile.
Rachel closed the front door and leaned back against it. She felt completely drained and a little angry. Her first time should have been hers and Finn's alone, no matter how horrible it was and what it had done to their relationship. But no, Quinn apparently got that too. At least that's how Rachel saw it since Finn had been thinking of Quinn and not her while they were having sex. Quinn had also dated both Finn and Puck first; Rachel wondered if she'd ever get to have something that Quinn didn't have first or still hold a claim on. Finn's first time should have been Rachel's but since she now knew he was with Quinn, if only in his own mind at the time, she didn't even have that. Even Rachel's friends were Quinn's first.
She closed her eyes tightly and tried to banish the image of the perfect blonde head Cheerio (she had regained her position after the baby's birth) from her mind. Quinn may have been friends with Brittany first, but Brittany had refused to give up Rachel's friendship for her. Quinn may have slept with and dated Noah first, but their relationship wasn't exactly ideal and he was with Rachel now. Maybe. Well, she wasn't really sure because they had never actually defined their relationship today, just kissed a lot. She was fairly sure he wasn't thinking of Quinn at the time though. A little traitorous voice in her head whispered to her, but you thought Finn wasn't either.
She was grateful when her phone began to ring. She saw that it was Brittany; sliding it open, she answered tiredly.
"Hi, Britt."
"Rachel? Is that you?"
Her customary greeting was back, so she must not be stressed.
"Yeah, it's me," she gave her normal answer.
"Okay," Brittany's voice was perky as she said, "Tina's staying over tonight with us too. Is that okay?"
"That's fine," Rachel agreed quietly. Her self-doubt wouldn't go away.
Brittany was quiet for several moments before she asked, "Rach? Are you okay?"
Rachel nodded, realized that Brittany couldn't see her nod, and instead answered her with, "I'm fine. It's just been a long day. Um, Britt, I have something I need to do before I come over so I need to go. I'll see you tonight though, okay?"
Brittany's tone was more sober than usual when she said goodbye, and as Rachel hung up, she knew she hadn't fooled her best friend.
ooooo
When Rachel pulled to a stop behind Noah's truck in the driveway of his aunt's house, she was still feeling down. She had been having such a good day, but Finn had ruined it and he didn't even realize what he had done. Still, she was going to see Puck shortly for her final swim lesson, so she couldn't help but perk up a little as she rounded the side of the house. She climbed the stairs of the deck to see that Puck was already in the pool. His aunt Naomi was laid out on one of the lounge chairs; she noticed Rachel first.
"Hello, Rachel," she greeted. "How are you today? It's your final lesson, right?"
Two things registered with Rachel. The first was a searing embarrassment at how rude she had been to this woman yesterday, and yet here Naomi was being perfectly nice to her. The second was that Naomi had calledher Rachel, but she was pretty sure Noah had introduced her as Berry yesterday. Did he talk to his aunt about her?
"I'm okay. I'm so excited that I've made as much progress as I have," she answered.
"No one will ever know she didn't know how to swim," Noah said, pulling himself out of the pool. "Hey, Berry. Get out of your clothes," he smirked at her, "and into the pool so we can get this final lesson over."
His eyes were smoldering, and she knew what he had planned for after her lesson. She was suddenly anxious to finish the swimming portion of this visit and move on to the post-lesson fun.
As she took off her shirt and shorts to reveal her green one piece, she turned to Naomi.
"I'm so sorry I was rude to you yesterday. I thought..." she trailed off. She didn't want to get Noah in trouble with his family.
"You thought I was one of Puck's cougars?" Naomi surprised Rachel by asking. She must have noticed, because she continued, "Word gets around among us cougars. I know about my nephew's nefarious activities. Though he's been conspicuously absent among the cougar population recently," she added innocuously. "Well, I'll head inside and give you two some privacy for your lesson. It was nice seeing you again Rachel. If you kids get thirsty, get something from the fridge. I trust you not to drink and drive if you choose something alcoholic." Rachel was vaguely scandalized by that suggestion (though after what Finn had told her, she thought alcohol sounded pretty good).
As Naomi headed inside, Noah moved over to Rachel and dropped a quick kiss on her lips. Then he pushed her into the pool.
Rachel resurfaced, sputtering, and began treading water. "Noah! You said you wouldn't do that again."
He smirked at her from the deck. "No, I said I wouldn't do that unless you hesitated to get in. I ordered you into the pool several minutes ago."
"I was talking to your aunt!" she protested.
"Not my problem Berry," he declared, jumping into the pool and swimming over to her. "Clearly you're not having trouble treading water, so go ahead and doggy paddle for me."
She passed the first hour or so of the lesson demonstrating what he had taught her. He then spent another thirty minutes teaching her how to relax her body so that she could float on her back. He was merciless as he put her through her paces, but she wasn't angry about it today. She knew he was just looking out for her.
As the sun began to disappear below the horizon shortly after eight, they started to play in the pool. They splashed each other, and he would chase her for a bit before catching her and letting her go again so he could chase after her some more. It was fun, and it was also helping her get in more practice. After about half an hour though, he clearly decided he'd had enough and when he caught her by the wrist this time in the center of the pool, he pulled her close and dropped his lips to hers.
She immediately melted against him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Circling his arms around her waist, he hauled her up against his hard, bare chest. As the fire rushed through her veins, she was the one to deepen the kiss this time. Her eyes once again drifted shut as their tongues dueled for control of the kiss. She just loved the taste of him.
When they had to separate for air, he pushed back the wet braid hanging over her shoulder and rained kisses down her neck, touching his tongue to her skin with each one. When he bit lightly down over her pulse point, she cried out in surprise at the sensation and fisted both hands in his mohawk. She yanked his head up roughly. Doing what she'd wanted to do oh so long ago, she bit down gently on his bottom lip and sucked. She was delighted when he let out a moan; it was heady to have that kind of effect on him.
Wrapping her legs around his hips, heat pooled between them as she realized how hard he was. She jerked her hips against him as their tongues tangled once again, causing him to give another moan into her mouth and press down on her lower back so they made closer contact. When he jerked on her braid to bend her head back and give himself better access to her throat and used his other hand to cup her right breast, she thanked God that the water supported her sohe had free use of his hands.
After several minutes of making out in the water, he pulled his head back from her and, resting his forehead against hers so he could look into her eyes, said in a rough voice, "Babe, we've gotta stop. I'm gonna embarrass myself worse than fuckin' Finn if we keep on like this."
She was still in a daze and didn't really register what he had said, so he had to reach around and remove her legs from his hips. Once he had broken her hold on him, he swam away. When she tried to follow him, he shook his head.
"You've gotta stay away right now."
Rachel blushed; she thought they were enjoying themselves. In fact, she was quite sure he was; she'd felt the proof herself. So, why was he rejecting her?
Her feelings must have shown on her face because he let out a frustrated sigh. "Don't look like that babe. I just need a little space or I'm gonna lose my control. You're hell on my self-restraint."
She grinned at that. She tested his self-restraint!
"Damn, I don't even have Finn's problem so how in the hell did he handle her?" Puck said quietly to himself.
Rachel heard, though, and was immediately reminded of what Finn had told her that afternoon. She suddenly felt upset again.
"I'm going to get something to drink," she announced to Puck before swimming to the ladder and climbing out of the pool.
When she was standing in front of the refrigerator, she spotted the strawberry wine coolers. She usually wouldn't ever drink alcohol (she was underage), but after Finn's little revelation about how he was thinking of Quinn during her very first time, she thought maybe one wouldn't hurt. She probably had plenty of time for the alcohol to wear off before she had to drive. Making her decision, she grabbed the wine cooler and opened it. She took a drink; it was kind of bitter and she'd tasted better strawberry flavors, but it sent a warmth through her veins that she liked.
By the time she reached the deck, she'd already polished off a quarter of the wine cooler. She was feeling a little lighter, but she wasn't dizzy or having trouble walking, so she guessed she wasn't buzzed yet. Puck was sitting on one of the lounge chairs; the one that didn't have her clothes on it. As she caught the glint of his nipple ring and his lazy smirk, she glanced down at her wine cooler. What was she thinking? She didn't need alcohol; Finn wasn't worth that. She set the bottle on the small metal table between the chairs and then plopped down sideways on Noah's lap.
When she realized that he was no longer prodding into her, she squirmed in his lap, "I see you have your self-control back."
"Yeah," he moaned as she moved against him again.
Rachel smiled innocently at him, "I don't think I like that."
He smirked at her, the shade of his hazel eyes changing to the deep green they always were when he was turned on. "You gonna do something about it?"
She just kept smiling at him as she leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to his lips before dragging her lips over his chin and down his neck, to stop and nibble on his collarbone. He let out a moan and she squirmed against him as she grew wet. When she moved her lips to the muscles on his chest, she felt his excitement against her and grinned against his skin. She dropped kisses over his chest before taking his nipple ring between her teeth and giving a soft tug. He let out a groan, his loudest yet, and buried his hands in her hair at her scalp above her braid. When she gave another pull of his nipple ring, he jerked slightly on her hair, so she let go and allowed him to pull her up to his face. He took her lips with his and slid his tongue into her mouth when she readily opened for him. Two seconds later, he pulled back.
"Have you been drinking?" he questioned.
"Just a little," she responded, leaning forward to pull his earlobe between her teeth. He moaned.
"She's not Quinn."
He muttered it so quietly that she almost missed it, but when the words registered in her desire fogged mind, she felt the pain like an arrow to her heart. She let go of his ear and leaped from his lap as if burnt.
She made it all the way to her car before he came around the house after her. She didn't hear him yell 'Shit! Rachel, wait!' as she buckled her seat belt. She didn't see the panicked expression on his face as she started the car and backed down the drive. All she heard were his words 'She's not Quinn' over and over again. All she saw was the road blurred by her tears.
She never would remember how she made it to Brittany's house that night (though she still remembers the lecture Britt and Tina later gave her for drinking and driving, even if it was only a quarter of a wine cooler). All she knows is that she somehow made it to the blonde's in one piece. When Brittany opened the door and found Rachel standing there in her swimsuit with tears in her eyes, she just pulled her into a tight hug.