Hangman
II
Empty hours, empty days.
I find that as I go through the days' routine I can find no meaning, no purpose for my still being. Death is an option I often find myself pondering upon. Whenever I hear reports of murder or suicide on the news I think of how lucky they are to finally escape. I envy them greatly.
Many around me have noticed my emotional imbalance and seem to be watching over me. From what, you ask? Myself, I guess.
Kaoru? What of him, you ask? He appears not to care, as if he hasn't noticed. Who knows, he might not have. Day after seemingly endless day he ignores me with perfected suavity.
I am still hovering on the darker side between hope and despair. The agony I feel in consequence of my greatest mistake is dreadfully, dreadfully aching, words could not encompass it. There is no greater pain than this; not the cut of a jagged-edged sword nor a raging fire. Nothing burns in your heart like the emptiness of losing something, someone, before you're even given a chance.
Right now I care no more than to eat and sleep. I guess you'd say I'm in survival mode, doing no more than that of grim necessity.
To live or to survive? Until my brother rejected me I never would have understood the significance of such a question. There have been many times in my life when I have felt helpless. It is perhaps the most acute pain a person can know.
I have tried many times over to convince myself that life goes on, love prevails. Ultimately and inevitably they fail.
—Hikaru Hitachiin
Alone, Hikaru sat, as he always did nowadays. He confined himself to the solitary darkness of his half empty room. It was not but a day after Hikaru had screwed up that Kaoru had moved out of the room they had shared since birth. After that episode where Hikaru had lost control of his emotions, and the actions those emotions drove him to do, his brother seldom spoke to him; only occasionally acknowledging his existence.
Almost every morning, the maids had to break into his room (on the days that he had stolen the key) to wake him up and get him off to school. On Saturdays they didn't even bother, after many times of failing epically. They'd just sit his food outside the door, knock once, and leave to go about their daily chores. Hikaru rarely ate, thus dropping several pounds, but ate just enough, and often enough, to function normally.
"Master Hikaru?" a small, dejected female voice called through the door. She sighed audibly when he didn't answer. "Master, I seem to have misplaced my key. Please open up," she pleaded.
Now it was Hikaru's turn to sigh. He grabbed the maid's key off his dresser and headed for the door. He opened it and handed the key back to her. "I won't fight you today," he told her earnestly.
She grinned, "Oh thank-you, sir." She bowed low. "Your breakfast is downstairs." Then she turned and left.
Hikaru normally would have chuckled at her reaction, but things were different now. He was different now. Anyway, he'd figured that he had given the staff enough trouble in the past month. Listlessly, he got dressed and trudged downstairs. In the kitchen, Kaoru sat at the table. He didn't look up when his twin entered the room, even if he did notice him. Hikaru's gaze never left him as he sat at the table and picked at his food. Kaoru stood, leaving without a word. Suddenly Hikaru felt sick. He pushed his plate away and left also.
For the rest of the day Kaoru never looked nor spoke to Hikaru; this was beginning to become the normality of their relationship. While Hikaru's behavior had obviously changed for the worse, Kaoru's seemed to have only improved: upbeat and cheer emotions followed Kaoru's attitude. And at the club he didn't seem to change, though he at least made an effort to try to include Hikaru while entertained the guests they shared.
So many things had changed. They didn't talk. They were no longer close (as twins should be). There was no brotherly love act. There was no brotherly love. There was nothing between them now than broken emotions.
Hikaru had nothing without Kaoru, he soon came to realize.
Such a short little chapter this turned out to be... All well, it covered the idea well enough.
Hope you liked it! Review! (^_^)//