A/N; Whew! Chapter 5, finished at last. It's been a long wait, but Alice is finally going to be reunited with her Hatter! Sorry for the wait on this one---as you'll find out, it's substantially longer than the others. Please forgive any typos you might find---I stayed up most of the night finishing this, and in my loopiness I might have missed a few. So without further ado….chapter 5! Enjoy!
Disclaimer; I own nothing. Alice in Wonderland the novel belongs to Lewis Carroll, and the film belongs to Tim Burton.
Dreams of a Memory
Chapter 5
As Alice, the White rabbit, the March Hare, and the Dormouse drew steadily nearer and nearer to the White Castle, the trees began to grow thinner and fewer between, the shrubbery and wild undergrowth dying off and giving way to a long stretch of smooth, rolling grass, and just beyond that was a great stone wall, gleaming as white as milk, and stretching off in either direction to encompass the whole of the palace grounds. Over the top of it Alice could see the pale pink boughs of blossoming cherry trees.
At long last, they had come to the front gates of the castle. McTwisp and the others slowed to a halt, then rose to walk on their back legs as they passed through the enormous marble archway.
"But isn't there a gate door?" Alice asked curiously, looking all about her from the White rabbit's pocket. "Or guards?"
"There's been no need for them, since the end of the Red Queen," Mallymkun answered.
Alice raised one eyebrow curiously, but rather than ask questions, she contented herself with surveying the grounds. They were now coming to the end of the grassy yard and the orchards of cherry trees, and approaching a beautiful white marble courtyard, just beyond which she could see a marble staircase that led up to the castle entrance. Gathered in the courtyard were ten or fifteen women whom she took to be ladies in waiting, judging by their dress; they were all of them clad in the most wonderful billowing white gowns, and they were all chattering excitedly amongst themselves. Suddenly, one of them noticed the little party of animals coming up the path, and her eyes widened as she quickly turned into the circle and began vigorously shaking someone's shoulder.
"They're here, Majesty, they've arrived!"
All at once the circle of ladies in waiting parted, and from the center there appeared one of the most beautiful, but strangest looking figures Alice had ever seen. An eerie white glow seemed to radiate all around her, her long waves of meticulously arranged hair such a shade of platinum blonde that they nearly matched her ghostly pale skin----but her mouth and the tips of her fingers were a rich plum color, almost black, and her enormous dark eyes gazed down at the trio of animals with a kind-hearted weirdness very difficult to describe. Pearls wrapped round her neck and trailed down the front of her beautiful white clothes, and atop her head was a tall silver crown.
"Friends!" she smiled widely, half walking, half skipping toward them with rapid little steps, lifting her skirts with one hand and holding the other out in the air with her fingers bent. Her voice was faint and airy, almost a whisper slipping haphazardly from her nearly black lips. She immediately dropped down onto her knees before them, beaming warmly. "I'm so glad you've made it!"
Each of the animals bent down in a brief bow. The White rabbit spoke first.
"Majesty, we've the most wonderful news for you---"
"Yes, Nivens, I'm certain you do, but I'm afraid we haven't time for it just now," the White Queen interrupted gently, rising back up to her feet. "We've only fifteen minutes before three o'clock, and we must begin at once. We'll only have a small snippet of time before Tarrant will close up again, and he must get word of the prophecy. Sir Alice should be arriving here any----"
"But Majesty, that is the news!" cried Mallymkun. "We've already found Alice, she's come here with us."
The White Queen stopped, her lips parting and her eyes widening in surprise. "You have? She is? But…where is she?"
Without a word of warning, the White rabbit plucked Alice from his breast pocket and placed her on the stone floor in front of the Queen. She stumbled shortly as he set her down, her feet slipping a bit on the smooth surface of the courtyard---she realized for the first time that she had quite forgotten to put on shoes when she'd been in Mary Ann's chambers.
The vapid, glistening smile returned to the White Queen's face, along with a knowing sort of glow that Alice couldn't quite identify. She held out a hand to one of her ladies in waiting, who immediately handed her an enormous magnifying glass. The Queen bent down over her with the glass held in front of her face, so that her dark eyes and mouth loomed smiling and gargantuan just over Alice's head. Alice looked back at her with a knit, uneasy brow. After a few seconds, not knowing what else to do, she cut a small curtsy.
"An….honor, your Majesty," she said quietly.
The White Queen glowed happily. "An honor yourself, Sir Alice. This is wonderful news indeed, Nivens," she whispered. "Alice…..it is such a joy to see you again, and I should love to give you the proper welcome you deserve, but just now we haven't the time. Come, there's not a moment to lose. We must go to Tarrant at once and----"
"Er….there is just one problem, your Majesty," the White rabbit interrupted, wringing his paws. The White Queen looked up. "She…ah….you see, I'm afraid that during Sir Alice's stay in the Upperland, she….she seems to have….ah…..forgotten us."
The Queen blinked in surprise. "Again?"
Alice made an irritated face. She was beginning to grow rather tired of all these people expecting her to know things she didn't.
"Afraid so, Majesty," the Dormouse nodded.
The White Queen looked back down through the magnifying glass, her face now writ with concern.
"Oh, my. Oh my, oh my, oh my. This is unfortunate."
"If I may please beg your pardon, your Majesty," Alice said, trying her best not to sound cross. "Would it be possible for someone to tell me just what it is I'm supposed to be remembering which I'm not?"
The Queen shook her head sadly, lowering the magnifying glass and laying her hand flat on the ground in front of her. "Oh, my. You have forgotten, then. Oh, dear….a grave misfortune indeed."
Narrowing her eyes, Alice carefully climbed into the Queen's waiting palm and sat down, spreading her skirts over her knees. The Queen delicately lifted her up to waist height and turned around, floating back across the courtyard toward the enormous front castle doors.
"Nivens, Mallymkun, Thackery," she called back to the three creatures, who hurriedly followed after her. "Please, go and see how our Tarrant is feeling today? But mind you, not to say a word about Alice being here. I want him to see her first for himself."
The White Queen dismissed her ladies in waiting with a gentle wave of her wrist, and continued with Alice in tow through the castle doors, which opened before her as if pulled by invisible hands. She swept through hall after marble white hall, then, climbing up a vast winding staircase until they came to a long, narrow corridor, turned abruptly through a door on their right. They were now in what looked like a small sitting room attached to a kitchen. The Queen went to a round table sitting by an open window and ever so softly let Alice down onto it, then took a seat by it herself. Through the wide window, Alice could see for miles and miles across the open countryside; the sun was shining high and full at the top of the cobalt sky, the forest and the grassy hills spreading as far as the eye could see. She squinted, but couldn't make out any sign of the distant ocean by which she had entered this magical country.
Heaving a small, tremulous sigh, the White Queen lifted the crown from her head and placed it on the stone sill of the window. Alice glanced once at her reflection in its silver sides and was struck again by the starkness of her diminutive stature.
"It's true then, my dear?" the Queen asked, and Alice looked up at her. "You don't recall anything from when you were last with us?"
Alice shook her head. "No, your Majesty, I'm dreadfully sorry, but ever since I came to----"
"Please, call me Mirana," the Queen whispered suddenly, leaning in a bit closer. "You may not know it just now, but it is my name."
Alice paused, jarred from her thoughts by the interruption. She sighed and started again. "You see, Mirana, it's like this----ever since I got to this place, everyone seems to know who I am, but they become very upset when I don't know who they are, and while I'm very sorry and I never meant to alarm anyone, I….well….I simply can't help it if I don't remember! I never have been any good at remembering my dreams, you see."
A shadow flit across the White Queen's face, and she frowned. "Your dreams?"
"Yes….I always have the most fantastical dreams, that much I'm sure of, but then the morning afterwards, I never seem to be able to----"
Mirana's frown melted into a small, sad smile, and without any warning at all she lifted her hand and flicked Alice sharply in the stomach with her thumb and her little finger. Alice felt all the breath rush out of her as she toppled down on her back on the white lace tablecloth, completely stunned. She coughed and sat upright, holding her stomach in her hand and shuddering with the sharp twinge. She looked up at the Queen incredulously.
"There," Mirana said softly, lowering her hand again, this time to gently, affectionately stroke Alice's shoulder with her fingertip. "Did that feel like something, to you?"
"It did!" Alice frowned meanly. "That hurt, you know."
Mirana blinked slowly, her melancholy half-smile never fading. "I'm sorry Sir Alice, but because of your miniscule size I'm afraid I can't hear you as clearly as I'd like. Could you say that again?"
"I said," Alice called, struggling to keep herself from becoming downright angry, "That that
hu----"
She stopped mid-sentence, her mouth hanging open. Her anger instantly melted away and was replaced with a sharp astonishment. "That….that hurt," she whispered to herself.
Mirana nodded.
"But…." Alice went on, looking down at her own hands with puzzled eyes, "….you can't get hurt in your dreams. You can't feel things at all."
For the first time since coming to the strange new world, Alice realized that she had completely forgotten this rule. She had been feeling and hurting hundreds of ways, and never once thought about it….only now, when forced to say it aloud, did she realize the implication.
How was it possible? If this was a dream, how could everything feel so undeniably….real?
The Queen leaned forward and put her elbows on the table, resting her chin in her palm as she looked down.
"Do you really believe that all of this is a dream, Alice?"
Alice let her hands drop into her lap, troubled thoughts buzzing all through her head.
"I….I don't know what I believe," she murmured wearily. "I just haven't been myself today, I'm afraid. I don't know who I am."
"That's good," the Queen said. "It means that you're becoming more like yourself every moment that you're here. It means that you've started to find your way back again."
Alice looked at her curiously as Mirana sat up straight again, watching her with a tender expression of understanding.
"Sir Alice, you don't remember a milliner by the name of Tarrant Hightopp, do you?"
Alice blinked. The mention of the by now familiar name sent a brief, powerful jolt of feeling shivering deep, deep inside of her….but try as she might, no face came to her mind to go with it.
"No…..I don't," she admitted sadly. But….why sadly?
"You don't remember the Red Queen, the Bandersnatch, the Vorpal Sword, the Jabberwocky. You don't remember what you did for us….why it is we address you as a knight."
Alice opened to say that she did feel she had heard the word Jabberwocky, that somewhere deep down she did remember it….but the next second, she realized that it wasn't really true.
"No."
"And you don't know what the Oraculum is."
"No."
"And you don't know why I summoned you here the moment I knew you would be in Underland….and you don't know how I knew you would be in Underland…..and you don't know what Underland is."
Alice began to shake her head, then stopped. "Underland….it's what you call this world, isn't it?"
Mirana only smiled.
"You've been away in the Upperland only a short time," she said, "And yet it's done to you everything just as thoroughly as it did before….indeed, thoroughly more."
Alice sighed. "I only wish someone would explain to me what's going on."
The White Queen sat up perfectly straight in her chair and folded her hands neatly on the table in front of her.
"Make yourself comfortable, my dear friend, and I will do exactly that."
Mirana cleared her throat loudly, turned to the side and hocked a great drop of spit out the window, then turned back to Alice and smiled warmly. She opened her mouth and began.
"Twas in the sway of the Frabjous day, when all were crying out 'Callay,'
And the Jabberwock's revolting head----down on the grimsic stones it lay,
That Alice our Champion turned to say, 'Tis' time for me to be on my way.'
With a pop and a wink, she had gone away, and had been gone since that Frabjous day.
And Underland was set to rights, with dancing days and slumbery nights,
And all returned to their normalsome blights, happy with all of their mays and their mights.
The court of the Queen was a smiling sight, and among them were none who did sniffle or snight,
Except for the one, who try as he might, could not let himself be put to his rights."
The Queen paused for a moment, a sudden forlorn shadow darkening her face. She sighed largely.
"It was Tarrant, you see," breaking from her rhyming into normal speech without a word of explanation. "After you had slain the Jabberwocky, toppled the tyrannous reign of the wicked Red Queen, restored Underland to its rightful rule, brought about a new age of peace, made your goodbyes, drunk the blood of the headless beast, and vanished away to the mysterious Upperlands that are your native home….I suppose that was when it first began. Though Mirana the White Queen didn't realize it at first….he showed no outward signs of distress to her---and she is often quite good at picking up signs of distress, you see----so how was anyone to know? Oh, but it became clear soon enough to the Queen, it did indeed."
Alice blinked. Alright….she's traded poetry for a story in the third person. Best to just go along with it.
"Of course, as soon as everything had settled down and all were returned to their rightful places, the Queen offered the brave and helpful Tarrant Hightopp his old position as Royal Court Milliner, a title he accepted at once. He kept his home in the windmill, but came to stay at the castle every fortnight to practice his trade. All the ladies and nobles at court were mad for his hats----they'd had nothing so fine in ages---but it soon became apparent that something was wrong, for the Court Milliner never seemed able to finish any of his wonderful hats. Every time one of them was half-done, he seemed to become flustered and dazed, and he'd simply start on a new one. Within a month we had need to build a special chamber onto the castle, just to house all his half-finished hats. Being a very dear friend of the Queen's, she was naturally quite troubled at his strange behavior---but when asked what was wrong, the poor Milliner seemed unable to give an answer. He only said that he never felt he could quite get his hats right anymore, or that his work was delayed because his shoes were too clean."
Too clean? Alice opened her mouth to make a remark, but then wisely thought better of it and let the Queen go on uninterrupted.
"The Queen then sent for the Court Milliner's friends, the March Hare and the Dormouse, to ask them if they knew what the matter was. The March Hare would only talk about tuna fish dancing on the moon, but the Dormouse said that they too had been quite worried----that the Milliner had not been himself at all of late---that he had started having breakfast in the morning and supper at night, that he never buttered his watch anymore and that he took off his hat before going to bed; that he had not repainted his looking glass in ages, and that when asked questions he nearly always gave a sensible answer. The very most troublesome symptom, however, was that the Milliner had actually begun to hold teatime only once a day, and never outside in the rain, which had always been his favorite before. In short---and it was a terrible in, no matter how short----in short, the poor, dear Milliner had begun to grow…..sane."
Here the White Queen paused again to look down dismally, shuddering a bit as if at the coldness of the idea.
Alice blinked and sat up straighter. Unable to stop the words from forming, she blurted out, "Sane? But….surely you mean he grew mad, don't you? After all, wouldn't it be better if the Milliner were becoming sane?"
The White Queen gave Alice a stern, shocked look, but quickly melted into a sad understanding.
"I don't hold your ignorance against you, Sir Alice, for it isn't your fault that you've forgotten. For another milliner, perhaps what you say would be so----but you see, dear Alice, for this Milliner, to become sane was the most dreadful illness in the world. When he became sane, it was as if his candle was blown out---as if, poof, just like that, he was no longer himself, but someone entirely else, and not a someone else that he at all ought to be. He became terribly low and sad, drooping deeper and deeper each day like a flower that wilts in the sun----for it was sunny then in Underland, never had the land known such happiness and peace. That was what made it so terribly cruel for the poor Milliner----but he simply could not be himself, despite the glee all about him. When the Queen heard the news, she knew steps must be taken----she summoned the Court Milliner, and begged him to stay with her in the castle until he was well again. He neither agreed nor protested, but simply uttered, 'As you wish.' So he lived in his work chambers, always poking away at unfinished hats, never speaking to anyone unless spoken to. For almost a year and one half he went on the same way, sinking lower and lower with each passing day. What an awful thing it was to behold, especially when nothing the White Queen did could help. Every day she went to see him, hoping against hope that she might be able to cheer him, or at least to learn a little about what was the matter---but the Milliner grew so sane and silent that there came the day when he refused to say absolutely anything apart from his sane little ramblings except for exactly ten minutes out of every day, starting at 3 o'clock."
Mirana leaned closed to Alice. "His teatime, you know," she whispered. "Finally, when the Queen was beginning to fear that all hope was lost, there came the day when the royal magicians and star-gazers called for her, and told her that a new prediction had at last been made by the Oraculum. The Oraculum, Underland's eternal calendar, showing all things that are, most things that were, and a very few special things that will be, had not made a new prediction in two years time, not since it marked out the date of the Frabjous day and the second visit of Sir Alice the Great. Well, now it had at last made another; and oh, how happy were the White Queen and all her subjects when they saw that the Oraculum had prophesied the third visit of their beloved Sir Alice!"
Alice's mouth suddenly grew dry, and she swallowed heavily. She was beginning to grow very unsure of things---how could she be hailed as such a hero for something she didn't even remember doing?
Mirana didn't notice her worried face, but went on exuberantly with the story. "The Oraculum is a very ancient and powerful oracle----it never makes a prediction the same way twice. When it told of the defeat of the Jabberwock, it was ever so clear in its words, but when it called for Alice's third coming, it was most vague. It said only that she should return a third time to our world, that she would come by the sea, and that her old friend, none other than the Cheshire Cat himself, would bring her to the shore. Beyond that, the Oraculum said nothing. But oh, it did not matter---for as soon as she heard the prophesy, the White Queen had an epiphany. Alice! Of course, Alice----she was the reason Tarrant Hightopp had lost all of himself! Since the moment Sir Alice left Underland, it had slowly been eating away at him bit by bit, until he had almost disappeared like a sugar cube. What a fool the White Queen had been, not to see the truth when it was right at the tip of her nose!….But no matter, now that Alice was set to return, all would be well! The White Queen could scarcely wait until she had arrived, for when she did, the dear Milliner would at long last smile again, and everything would come to rights. The end."
Mirana ended her story abruptly and with a flourish of her hands, and she then sat there smiling down at Alice. Alice watched her back, blinking in surprise.
"The…the end?" she asked, faintly dazed.
The White Queen nodded. "You asked to be told what's going on, and I've done precisely that."
Alice could only stare. "Well….I….thank you, but….then….I'm here. What happens now?"
"Well, now we've come to next chapter of the story!" the Queen beamed. Without warning she rose to her feet and danced away from the table, disappearing through the doorway into the kitchen nearby. Alice rose to her feet and craned her neck to watch, waiting expectantly. A moment later the Queen returned, carrying with her a porcelain teacup and saucer, which she placed on the table beside Alice.
"This is the chapter in which we must reunite Alice----that's you, dear----with the Court Milliner."
As Alice eyed the enormous teacup beside her, she felt a prickle of apprehension running up the back of her neck. She had heard so much about this Tarrant Hightopp, and from what everyone kept on insisting, she and he had known each other once----had even meant a great deal to each other, it seemed from the White Queen's story----but try and try as she might, Alice simply could not bring him to her memory, and while she did feel very sorry for him and for what the Queen said had become of him….well…..just what was everyone expecting her to do? Could she really help this poor Milliner just by seeing him, when as far as she could recall, she had never met him in her life?
Do they really believe it's that simple? she wondered. What if it doesn't change a thing when he looks at me?
"Ah, the teacup," Mirana said, noticing Alice's worried looks. The Queen gave her a devilish smile and a little wave of her hand. "I thought it might be more effective for Tarrant if you came as a bit of a…...surprise. He takes his tea once a day at precisely three o'clock, you see, and it will be the best time for him to discover you…..I'm afraid it may sting a bit at first that you don't remember who he is, but I'm sure he'll forgive you quite quickly. In fact, I don't think-----"
BONG! BONG! BONG!
The White Queen gasped sharply, her gaze whipping in the direction of the open door and she was interrupted by the sound of a grandfather clock ringing out three loud, booming chimes. Mirana looked back down at Alice, her eyes lit with a subdued excitement.
"Oh my! Foolish me, I've forgotten the time! Quickly, Sir Alice…..we must go!"
"Wait just a minUTE!" Alice yelped in surprise as the Queen suddenly swept her off the table, pinching her daintily between her thumb and forefinger, and dropped her into the great white teacup.
"Do forgive me!" she whispered cheerfully, then covered the opening with her hand. Alice rose to her feet, but was knocked quickly down again when the teacup gave a great gliding jolt. She could feel the floating rise and fall of Mirana's rapid footsteps, but everything inside the cup was pitch dark.
"Slow down!" Alice cried, pressing her palms flat against the cool, smooth sides of her prison. "Let me out of here!"
Either the White Queen couldn't hear her voice, or she paid her no attention. After just a short minute or two of the dark discombobulation, Mirana drew her hand away and light flooded into the teacup. Alice gazed up at the enormous face with a stern look of disapproval.
"Now, see here," she called, shakily rising to her feet. "You can't just go round stuffing people into---"
"Shh!" the White Queen cut her off, putting the tip of her finger over Alice's lips----which indeed, covered not only her lips but her whole face, and succeeded in toppling her back down onto her backside. "Don't make a sound! And stay down----don't let him see you!"
Alice scowled irately. The Queen hushed a giggle and straightened up, clearing her throat and schooling her features into a calm gaze. She lifted her hand and knocked once on the door they stood before, then abruptly opened it and went inside without waiting for a reply.
The teacup was large enough that Alice could sit up straight without her head clearing the rim, but she was determined to get a look at where the White Queen had taken her. Inching ever so carefully further and further against the round porcelain wall, she crept up until she was just high enough to peep over the lip of the cup.
The instant she looked out, she saw him-----and her heart skipped a beat.
Without having to be told, she somehow knew-----she knew it was him.
She and the Queen were at one end of a middle-sized, high ceilinged chamber with vast, towering windows set into the far wall, looking over the castle grounds and the forest beyond. The room, though warm and comfortable, was slightly bare; it was absent of furnishings save for a circular table at one end that was covered with hat mannequins, fabric bolts, paper flowers, buttons, ribbon, sewing things, and all other sorts of milliner's tools---perched on each of the mannequin heads, Alice noticed, was a half-finished hat; literally half-finished, one slice of a completed hat, as if someone had taken a knife and divided them straight down the middle, and kept only one half----and at the other end of the room, in front of the windows, a little round table and a wingback armchair beside it. The sight of the chair blazed in Alice's eyes like a flickering candle flame.
A wingback chair.
And there he was…..sitting in it. He was turned away from them, gazing out through the enormous window, silhouetted in the shining daylight. Alice could see only the line of his shoulders and the shadow of what looked like a great, wildly frizzy shock of hair----she couldn't make out his face.
"Remember….not a peep," Mirana whispered to her, so softly that only she could hear. The White Queen then strode boldly across the room toward the figure in the armchair, holding the teacup as high as her chest so that Alice was completely hidden from view.
"Good afternoon, Tarrant," she said sweetly, floating to a halt beside the little round table. Alice peered anxiously over the rim of the teacup, but she still could not see the man's face.
Silence permeated the room like a tangible presence. The White Queen cleared her throat gently.
"Good afternoon, Tarrant," she repeated, pressing a bit louder.
The figure in the chair gave a great start as if waking from a trance, and quickly spun around in the chair.
The instant he turned to face them, Alice's eyes grew wide. Her heart rocketed into her mouth, and she discovered she couldn't look away.
The man in the chair---Tarrant Hightopp---was like no one she had ever seen before. And yet, the longer she looked at him, the more she realized that his face was familiar to her----familiar, but so very, very far away, as if she had only caught a single glimpse of him in a dream she had not had for a thousand years or more….but she had caught it all the same. Tarrant's skin was white. Not pale, but white, like sugar or paper. Under his eyes, down the sharp lines of his cheekbones, and along his mouth were strange markings of a faint grayish-puce color, and the incredible spray of frizzy hair she had seen was a dull, faded orange. His eyes, which she stared gapingly into, were like clouded marbles of charcoal gray. He wore a dull burgundy vest and dingy blue shirtsleeves, his clothes reasonably tidy save for a few bits of ribbon hanging loose from the pockets and a stray hat pin stuck here or there. His hands were covered in fingerless gloves, and sitting on the table in front of him was a tall, battered-looking top hat with a pale pink ribbon trailing almost down to the floor. He gazed up at the White Queen with an expression that Alice would not have described as anything other than blank, and yet…..and yet…..somehow, it filled her with the most inexplicable, most terrible sadness she could imagine. In fact, the longer she watched him, the more certain she became that the Queen had not only told her the truth, but that no words the Queen could have used would have been enough to explain what was wrong, the pain in the poor man's gaze was so intangible, yet so deep. Yes….whoever this Tarrant was, however she might have known him in the past….something with him was wrong.
"Your Majesty," he said apologetically, his voice issuing out in a soft, feeble utterance almost no more than a whisper. "I did not hear you come in."
He lifted the wingback chair by its armrests and turned it to face the Queen, then rose calmly to his feet and began to cut a low, solemn bow.
"Oh, Tarrant, forget all that," Mirana pleaded, reaching out and placing one hand beneath his chin to lift him up again. "I've told you before it isn't necessary."
"As you wish," was the milliner's dull reply. To Alice's astonishment she found herself nearly welling up with tears at the broken sound of his voice, so flat and completely without feeling it was. The worst of it was that he didn't even bear any outward signs of his sadness….he was simply….blank.
Tarrant sat back down in the armchair, at first holding himself straight, but by gradual degrees letting himself slouch further and further down until his legs jutted far beyond the seat and his back was parallel with the floor, his chin flat on his breast and his eyes staring listlessly forward.
"Have you had any luck with the new hat, Tarrant?" the Queen asked hopefully.
For a long moment, the milliner said nothing. Alice glanced up at Mirana, who was watching him with a worried brow. Finally, he answered, in the same flat tone, "It doesn't look as if it's going to rain today."
"No, it certainly doesn't. It's very lovely out. Would you perhaps like to go outside, Tarrant? It's been months since you've left this room."
"A sensible pair of shoes makes for comfortable walking," the milliner replied.
"Of course, but wouldn't you like to go outside?"
"If you drop a stone in the top of a well, it is certain to fall until it reaches the bottom."
"Oh, please answer me, Tarrant. You're always willing to talk at teatime."
"A fireplace will only burn properly if it is kept clean and dry."
Alice was beginning to understand what the Queen had said about his sane ramblings….bits and pieces of perfect reason, but cast out like shards of a broken heart, without thought or feeling or meaning. It was indeed terrible to watch. The White Queen sighed, then looked down at Alice and seemed to remember that she was in the teacup. Instantly the secretive smile returned to her dark lips.
"It's three o'clock, Tarrant, and I've brought you your tea. Wouldn't you like some?"
She extended her arms slightly, pushing Alice nearer to the brooding milliner. He continued to stare forward at nothing. Then, suddenly….
"They say that the Oraculum has prophesied Alice's third return to Underland."
The White Queen stopped dead. Alice's eyes widened and her grip tightened on the rim of the teacup….she suddenly felt a surge of self-consciousness and ducked back down to hide at the bottom of the cup, hugging her knees and staring down at her feet. There was a long, long moment of silence.
"Who told you?" Mirana finally asked, her voice soft.
"Thackery Earwicket."
That silly hare, of course. They oughtn't to have let them come to visit him first….
"Well….yes, that's true," the Queen said gently. "But….Tarrant, isn't that wonderful news?"
There was a long pause. Almost trembling, but dying to look at his face again, Alice carefully peered back out over the teacup. Tarrant had not moved an inch.
"Yes," he said quietly. "It is wonderful news."
He spoke as if he were talking about the weather. There was not an ounce of feeling in voice, happy or otherwise. The Queen looked at him with puzzled eyes.
"But Tarrant, doesn't that make you happy? Aren't you glad that she's coming back?"
"Yes," he murmured. "So very….very glad."
Alice could see that he was telling the truth….and yet nothing about him seemed glad in the slightest.
"But something's still wrong," the Queen begged. "What is it? Isn't everything going to be alright, now she's come back? Isn't it? Please, Tarrant…..please tell me. What could still be the matter?"
For the first time, he turned and looked her directly in the eye, and Alice stifled a gasp. His face had gone from blank as a mask to torn with an expression of the deepest sadness she had ever seen in her life.
"She won't remember me," he whispered.
It was too much. Alice covered her mouth with her hand as a single tear slipped from her eye. Guilt swam up from everywhere and dropped like a stone into her stomach. How…..how could she have forgotten someone like him? Why wasn't anything coming back to her, why?
The Queen spoke, and she sounded as if she were on the verge of tears herself----but it was mingled with something else, a persistent, undying hope.
"Tarrant," she breathed, reaching out and holding to teacup to him as Alice squeaked and sank down to hide again, "Why don't you take your tea?"
Silence. Alice couldn't see him, but everything inside her gave a great leap as she felt the cup and saucer passing from the Queen's hands into his. Her heart was hammering, thundering in her ears, her breath coming faster and faster as the cup went down, down, down.
"As you wish, your Majesty."
For one long moment, nothing happened. Alice rose warily to her feet, hunching down beneath the rim, waiting….for what, she didn't know…..
And then, there he was.
The cup tipped forward and she stumbled and slid down until she was sitting at the edge, her legs dangling over the rim. She gripped it with her hands to steady herself, and when she looked up, there he was…..looking straight at her, his face filling her vision, soft and blank with the most beautiful look of childlike disbelief in the world. For what felt like an eternity, they simply stared at each other.
Slowly, ever so slowly, Alice slid down from the rim of the teacup that was frozen in midair in his hands. He was still lying slouched all the way down in the armchair, and as she climbed down her stocking feet landed softly on his vest, just above his heart. For another disbelieving moment, they watched each other in silence….then….
"My Queen," Tarrant breathed in a hoarse, scarcely audible whisper, "….have I gone mad, or is there a very tiny girl standing on my chest?"
"I…..I'm here," Alice answered, her voice trembling. "I've….come to see you."
As Alice watched, she was amazed to see the milliner's eyes slowly changing color in front of her….they went from dull, dark gray to a pale forest green, and along with them his whole face seemed to be gradually changing, as if he were filling up with a hope didn't dare to believe.
"I see," he whispered.
There was another minute of silence between them. Alice felt rooted to the spot, standing there over his heart, which she could feel beating up through the soles of her feet. She didn't know what to say. She had to help this man, she simply had to----but how? How could she, when she was supposed to remember him and didn't?
"Alice," he uttered her name, and a weight of dread sank inside her, for she was sure that the inevitable question was coming; "My….dear….Alice…..have you kept it?"
Her mouth was cotton dry. "Kept what?" she all but squeaked.
"Your muchness," he answered, and the terrible hope was flashing in his eyes again, weighing heavier and heavier on her conscience each second. "Please….tell me you haven't lost it again."
She could only stare, helpless. A shadow of desperation crossed his face, and it weighed on her like a stone.
"Please," he whispered, so softly Alice was sure the Queen could not hear, "Tell me you know who I am."
It was too much. All at once, tears were clouding the corners of Alice's eyes, and she sniffled and gasped as she fought to keep from crying aloud. It wasn't fair. His heart was breaking before her very eyes, and yet she could do nothing to stop it. It just wasn't fair….to toss her into this strange world, only to show her people she was powerless to help.
And yet….she could not lie to him. She could see it in those enormous, pleading eyes---if she lied to him, he would know, and it would be all the worse. Struggling to keep herself together, Alice looked straight into his face and slowly, sadly shook her head.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I am so, so, sorry……but…..I don't know you."
Tarrant Hightopp froze, the dying light of hope lingering in eyes for a cruel, terrible instant longer….and then it vanished. Pale green darkened back into gray, and all traces of feeling left his face. It was as if he deflated, as if all the life and color had drained straight out of him. He seemed to sink back further into the chair, and his eyes went somewhere far away.
"That's alright," he muttered to himself, entirely without feeling. "I knew….I knew she wouldn't. It's alright."
Alice felt as if her own heart was breaking. The pain, the smothered pain that he refused to let show….it was too awful to bear. She couldn't watch it any more. Turning away, and covering her face with her hands, she began walking down his chest away from his face, not knowing where else to go. She looked up and saw the White Queen, with pearly tears of her own shining unshed in her dark eyes, holding out her hand at the end of Tarrant Hightopp's knee. Alice hastened toward it, yearning to get away from the sadness she was helpless to stop.
And then, just as she was nearly running down the length of his leg, ready to throw herself into Mirana's waiting palm, Alice heard a voice.
Not any voice. The voice. The voice that had been echoing in her head since the night that all the madness had started….the deep, rumbling, Scottish rogue of a voice that spoke to her as if it knew her, as if it had known her all her life.
But this time, she wasn't hearing it from inside her head. She was hearing it from right behind her.
"Twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe…..all mimsy were the borogroves, and the mome raths outgrabe."
Alice stopped as if she'd been slapped. Her breath stopping in her throat, she whirled around to look at Tarrant's face. He was staring off at nothing, seeing neither her nor anyone else….his gray eyes were shining with sadness, and he was talking under his breath, reciting to himself the lines that she had heard so many times before.
"Beware the Jabberwock, my son….the jaws that bite, the claws that catch. Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun….the frumious Bandersnatch."
It was him.
It was him.
Her eyes filling with tears, she opened her mouth and spoke one word, so softly that no one could hear.
"Hatter."
In that single instant, with that single word, everything came rushing back.
Everything.
The rabbit hole, the endless falling---Drink Me, Eat Me, the little door, the glass table, the key---fantastic flowers, trees to the sky----Wonderland-----Tweedledum and Tweedledee, walruses, oysters, the forest, the sea----the Queen of Hearts, the chopping of heads, flamingos, hedgehogs, and roses painted red----roses painted red----the Dormouse inside the teapot, the March Hare flinging spoons and sugar bowls----the long table covered in tea things, and finally, someone sitting in the wingback chair….
He was still muttering the verses to himself, still gazing deep into miserable nothingness; "He took his Vorpal sword in hand….longtime the manxome foe he sought….so rested he by the Tumtum tree, and stood awhile in thought."
Remembering, remembering….with every word, she was remembering! Her second return, Absolem the caterpillar, now turned into a butterfly and roaming the world----her world, and India, the blue butterfly she had kept in a jar----the Oraculum, the Red Queen, the Cheshire cat binding her arm, the Bandersnatch, the Vorpal Sword, the White Rabbit, Um from Umbridge, Stayne, the Knave of Hearts, Mirana of Marmoreal, shrinking and growing…..
"And as in uffish thought he stood, the Jabberwock, with eyes of flame….came whiffling through the Tulgey wood, and burbled as it came," Tarrant's voice was beginning to tremble, to break.
White knights and red, marching against two sides of a chess board----the Red Queen, the Red Queen! The tremendous battle, the clashing of swords, six impossible things…..
"One two, one two….and through, and through….the Vorpal Sword went snicker-snack….he left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back."
Alice's eyes grew wide as the final piece of her memory came falling into place.
She left it dead, and with its head, she went galumphing back.
The Jabberwocky, the Jabberwocky!
She remembered.
She remembered everything.
And most of all….oh, most of all…..she remembered him.
Him….Tarrant. Her Tarrant.
Her Mad Hatter.
His voice at last failed, as if unable to finish the last verse. He closed his eyes and hung his head, covering his eyes with his hand.
Alice began walking toward his face.
"Hatter," she whispered, moving faster and faster.
She ran up his leg, leapt across his belt.
"Hatter!" she choked, louder, tears streaming from her eyes. He still didn't move. She was on his chest again….she was over his heart…..she was on top of his bow.
"HATTER!" she shouted.
His eyes snapped open. They stared at each other, she all tears and sobbing, he pure and utter surprise.
"Alice?" he whispered.
She cried out, all of her pent-up feeling bursting out in a great, rushing flood. Her heart was pounding like a drum and she was scarcely able to breathe, but it didn't matter----she was so overcome, she couldn't stop herself. She wouldn't have if she could. Oh, Hatter, the Hatter, the Hatter…..how could she have forgotten him, how? How could she have let this happen to him?
His great staring eyes followed her as she walked over the bow and collar at his neck, and straight up to his face. An inch away, he looked at her, cross-eyed, and as she looked back she suddenly burst out laughing, the laughter and sobs melding together in one continuous, gasping cry. With tears streaming down her face, she leaned forward and put her arms around his nose, hugging it as well as anyone in the world has ever managed to hug a nose.
The Hatter didn't miss a step. No sooner had she fallen against his face than she felt the huge warm touch of his hand across her back, securing her against him from her shoulders to her toes. The whole world swayed and turned beneath her as the Hatter sat up and sprang out of the chair, turning about the room in a dizzy, dancing waltz. With one hand he seized his hat from the table and tossed it spinning into air, turning a circle and catching it on his head. He was laughing and uttering small, gasping cries of joy, all the while holding the tiny little Alice tight against his nose with both hands. She in turn hugged him as tightly as she was able, still laughing and weeping uncontrollably.
"Hatter, Hatter, my Hatter," she cried his name over and over, burying her face in his skin and feeling the tickle of his eyelashes on the top of her head. "Oh, Hatter, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Can you ever…..could you ever begin to forgive me?"
He abruptly stopped spinning and came to halt. Slowly, gently, he lowered her down from his face to look at her, and when she saw him she gasped. In the blink of an eye, all of the color had returned to his face. His gleaming white skin with tinged with brilliant pinks and blues, his electric shock of hair a blazing mass of blinding orange, and his eyes…..oh, his wonderful eyes! The brightest shade of lime green she had ever known, ringed round with olive and flecked with shining flashes of yellow, they watched her every move, drank in every scrap of her appearance.
Slowly, warmly, the Hatter smiled at her…..and it was as if she had never been gone.
"I'll forgive you this very moment, if you can answer me one just question," he said, grinning his beautiful gap-toothed grin---and his voice was once again just as she remembered it, that wonderful, constantly changing voice, soft and croaking one instant, then blazing with bold, roaring fury the next, then back to a manic, warbling laugh…..but always, always aglow with his perfect madness.
Alice giggled shakily, wiping away her tears and beaming up at him as he held her tenderly cupped in his hands. "What question?" she asked.
He leaned very close to her, smiling madly.
"How is an Alice like an albatross?" he whispered.
She couldn't help it….she burst out laughing, and he joined her, his wild cackling seeming to fill the whole room. Nearby, the White Queen had let herself fall back to stand by the window, her hands clasped over her heart, beaming with joy. Alice dried her eyes again.
"Oh, dear," she laughed. "I'm afraid I don't know the answer to that question. Tell me….how is an Alice like an albatross?"
The Hatter's grin suddenly flattened, his face becoming grim and serious. Without warning he lifted her back up to his eyes so that she stood only a few inches away.
"I haven't the slightest idea," he growled softly. "Which means you've answered correctly."
His mouth cracked into a small smile. Alice smiled back. Reaching out, she gently placed her tiny hand on his cheek, stroking it as she looked glowingly into his shining green eyes.
"I've missed you, Hatter," she said, her voice suddenly shaking with emotion. "Only I was too foolish to realize it. But I see it, now….even when I couldn't remember your face, I missed you…..I've missed you every day that I've been away."
Tarrant Hightopp merely smiled.
"Just the same as you always were," he said quietly in reply. "Always too tall or too small."
Alice sniffed, a final tear trickling down her cheek, and stepped up onto his thumb for another hug. He closed his eyes as he let her lean against his face just to the side of his nose, her forehead resting near the corner of his eye, softly pressing her close with the ends of his fingers.
"Welcome back, Alice," he whispered. "Welcome home."
A/N; And there you are! Hope it halfway lived up to the ridiculous promises I made…..please leave a review and tell me what you think! Constructive criticism is welcome! Also, just to be clear, this is definitely NOT the end of the story! There is still more silliness to come!