Title: For Those Nights I Can't Remember
Rating: PG-13
Chapter: 2. No Air
Fandom: Degrassi: The Next Generation
Summary: It's been almost a year and finally, Clare's back at Degrassi, but she won't talk to anyone, but Alli. KC will do anything to figure Clare out, even break up with Jenna. Klare. Kenna. Jalli.
Comments: Listen to the song "For Those Nights I Can't Remember" by Hedly. It reminded me so much of KC and Clare and fitted this story. This chapter is titled "No Air" like the song by Jordan Sparks, but the Glee TV Show version because Lea Michelle has purer voice.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the idea.
KC lay back on his bed, staring at the white ceiling above him. He hadn't stopped thinking about the look on Clare's face when he touched her hand at lunch earlier that day. The look of loneliness. Fear. Anger. Want. All pushed out in one second was horrifying. But the look that terrified him the most. The look that stabbed him right in the heart was that of abandonment.
He had abandoned her. No. He tensed, clutching his fists and clenching his jaw. No. She had abandoned him. Not the other way around. He would have never left her alone. She left him alone. She has no right at all to dare make the face of abandonment to him.
June 7, 2014. The night was warm, sticky warm and the stars shone so bright that KC swore he could see Clare's face like they were in a well lit room instead of lying beside the fire he had made them not long before now.
KC lay beside Clare, facing her and it took everything in him not to touch her in the passionate way he had at prom. He gazed into her bright blue eyes; the brightest he had ever seen them before, yet something was different about them tonight. He swore he saw a small glint of sorrow in her eyes, but he ignored it, passing it off as senior jitters.
"KC," Clare said, her voice barely about a whisper, her eyes dropping to the black blanket below them. "I love you."
KC smiled softly, reaching out and cupping her cheek. He tilted her face up to look at him and hunched over more, touching foreheads with her. "I love you too." He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him so they were pressed up against each other. "I love you so much," he replied in contentment.
Clare closed her eyes, resting her ear against his chest and listened to his heartbeat.
After several minutes of silence and cuddling up with her, KC thought Clare was sleep, only to hear her squeak out, "Promise you'll never hate me?"
KC blinked, freezing up and speechless. He was totally taken aback by this. Clare Edwards, the same girl he had just told not even five minutes ago that he loved her, was asking him to never hate her. Where the hell was this coming from?
"KC?" Clare's voice was a bit stronger this time and she dared to meet his hazel eyes with her intense blue ones, taking his face in her hands. "Promise me," she demanded, her body becoming tense.
KC reached up and grabbed her wrists gently, staring back in her eyes, "I promise I'll never hate you," he stated, his heart breaking at the thought of her even having to ask him to make such a deal.
Clare relaxed with a nod and leaned back into him with a soft sigh. She laid her head in the crook of his neck and nestled up in his arms.
KC wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her back gently to soothe her. Something was wrong and it worried him. It worried him severely.
KC squeezed his shut eyes tight as they welled up with tears, his emotion of abandonment and longing set in his system. He knew if he didn't cry, he'd be sick. But if he didn't be sick, he'd cry and what with where he lived, who he lived with, he couldn't cry. He reached behind his head, grabbing his pillow and screamed his lungs into the comforting object, gripping it so tight, his hands turned snow white.
He turned on his side, looking at the picture of Clare. He sighed softly and closed his eyes, her face burned into his memory so that was all he could think about. He hugged his pillow close to himself and sighed into it.
D:TNG
Clare sat at her desk, trying to figure out what to write for her paper for Ms. Sauve's Emotional Writing class. She had a sling wrapped around her with Kent sleeping in it to keep him near, but she didn't have to hold him at the same time.
She bit her bottom lip as she started to type and then groaned, hitting the back space. "I have nothing to write about, Kent," she said, knowing he didn't even hear her because he was asleep. It comforted her knowing she had another person, even though he was an infant, around so it didn't seem as though she was completely mental when she talked to herself.
She tilted her head to the side, looking at her son, "What should I write about?" She brushed a finger against his cheek and smiled, "Should I write about you? Huh?"
She stopped. She was cooing him and he was already asleep. Something about what his pediatrician said. Some bullshit about being too mushy could scar him, or something like that. God, was that a bunch of bullshit.
She looked back at her computer screen and started to type again.
"The Emotions of Motherhood
By Clare Edwards"
She stopped. No. She couldn't write that. Alli and Ms. Hatzolakos were the only two people in the entire school who knew she had gone through pregnancy and now had a child. Writing this would ruin everything her parents had done to protect… well, to protect their family's precious name and integrity. They told Clare they were doing this to protect her, but she knew better now. She knew they didn't really care, otherwise, they wouldn't be sending her back to Degrassi. Would they?
She sighed, rubbing her temple as it started to throb. "Great," she groaned sarcastically, getting up and heading to the bathroom to get the Tylenol. Tylenol was the only thing she was allowed to use while breastfeeding. It didn't do much, but it did enough to let her rest peacefully instead of passing out in the kitchen like she had several days after she had gotten home from the hospital after having Kent.
She had been getting a lot of headaches lately. She didn't know if they were from hormonal instances like a pregnancy aftershock or if they were stress related. It was probably a combination of both. But either way, they came and they came with sledgehammers every single time. Every once and a while it got so bad, she could barely stand. Luckily, they had only made her unconscious three times and all three times she wasn't home alone with Kent.
She filled the shot-sized, Dixie paper cup up with water from her bathroom tap and got out three gel Tylenol pills, downing them with the entire cup and then tossed out the cup.
She sat down on the bathroom floor and curled her arm under the sling that had been holding up her child. She curled him closer to her and leaned down, kissing his forehead. "Hey Bumble Bee. I love you very much," she whispered. "Very, very much. And I swear, this won't last forever. Mommy's gonna get bette and be done with school and then you and I, we're going to play lots." She kissed his head again and sighed, "I promise."
Kent sneezed and then whined a bit, but settled when Clare laid his head carefully against her chest so he could hear her heartbeat. She remembered how her gynecologist told her that it would comfort him once he was out of her womb because before he was born it was the only comfort he had. She ran a hand through his brown hair and sighed softly, praying to God that there was something that could help her get through this. Through the sickness, the endless lights of crying from both her and Kent, an easier way to do homework, her anger toward Kent's father… If there was one thing Clare needed right now, it would be someone to help her with Kent while she did the little homework she had left over from the school day. But she doubted that help would ever come.