How to Maintain: Your Death Note Character

Scenario V. Breakfast

In the morning, you are awakened by a loud crash. Putting on your slippers hurriedly, you dash to the kitchen to see what's wrong.

"L, give me my jam!"

"It is unhealthy for you, Beyond."

"I don't care! Do you know what will happen to me if I don't have my ja--mmph!" L had stuffed some celery in the dark-haired boy's mouth.

"Eat your vegetables, Beyond-kun," L said calmly, shoving another fork-full in. "I don't want you to die on me."

"We don't have anymore chocolate!" comes a howl of anguish. "I NEED MY FUCKING CHOCOLATE!" Mello runs in, looking rabid. You notice that his right eye is bigger than his left...

"Calm down, Mel!" Matt comes rushing in, trying to calm him down.

"I. Will. Not. Calm. Down. Until. I. Get. My. CHOCOLATE!" Mello screams back. He runs from the kitchen to some other room.

Matt stands there, blinking, trying to get his ears to start working again. Then, Near comes rushing in, and for the first time ever, he is crying. "MELLO STABBED ALL MY RUBBER DUCKIES!" He criies, gripping your shirt tightly.

"Ssh, ssh, don't worry, I'll get you some--" you start to say to him, but another person comes barging in.

"Mello smeared my makeup on the walls!" Misa complains.

"L is feeding BB instead of me!" Light whines, much like a girl.

You whip out your whistle and blow. Hard.

The noise is very loud and shrill, successfully cutting off the screaming and complaining. Near is still quietly sniffling into your shirt, but otherwise it is silent.

"Everyone will calm down, or I will be forced to shoot something with my shotgun," you say in a tranquil tone.

"Mmmph mm mmph," Beyond speaks up, mouth still stuffed with celery. Another fork-full is added courtesy of L.

"Shotgun?" Mello pokes his head around the corner.

Matt takes this moment to grab the blond and twist his hands behind his back, effectively slipping on handcuffs. "Look what you did, Melly," the redhead says disapprovingly.

Mello growls. "Fuckin' bastard, let me go or I'll hurt you and more with my bare hands!"

You nod. "Thank you, Matt."

Beyond swallows the mouthful of celery. "He just wants an excuse so he can tie Mello up and--mmph!" He glares at L, who has innocently force-fed him another round of celery. Evilly, BB stabs his fork through some carrots and shove those in L's mouth.

Misa huffs. "I wish Light-kun would do that to me."

And just like that, everything is back in order. You sigh in relief, leaning against the kitchen counter. "Hey, Near," you say, "would you like an apple-shaped duck?"

Near blinks up at you, becoming emotionless once again. "I would enjoy that."

So you carve one for him, and once it is finished, he takes it gratefully and runs back up to his room. Meanwhile, BB and L have finally stopped shoving random vegetables in each other's mouths. L was now gaping at Beyond, who was licking a lollipop.

In the corner, Light growls and furiously scribbles something down in his fake Death Note. It's the one L has given him to take his anger out on.

Mello and Matt have mysteriously disappeared.

"I'm going grocery shopping, since seven people are so hard to feed," you pipe up, grabbing your cellphone and wallet. "Light, you're in charge while I'm gone." You gesture at a blackboard that hangs on the wall. "My number is right there if there's an emergency." Before you leave, you say, "Please don't try to cook. I know the refrigerator is empty, and most of you guys are out of your, ahem, addictions, but I promise I'll be right back!" And with the slam of the door, you're gone.

--

"They gone?" Matt steps into the room.

"Yeah." Light nods. "And I'm in charge, so I say--HEY! What are you doing? Hey!"

Matt ignores him and pulls out a bowl and a chocolate bar. The redhead unwraps the chocolate and puts it in the bowl, then puts the bowl in the microwave. Now he turns to Light with a lazy smile. "What? We ran out of chocolate syrup."

"Why would Matt-kun need that?" Beyond asks.

Matt looks at him in disbelief. "If you had a Mello, tied to a bed and naked, would you really pass up the opportunity to have some fun?" He grins, punching in numbers on the microwave. "I sure as hell won't."

And, there you have it!
That will probably most likely be your typical breakfast with the Death Note characters. What will happen when you come back from grocery shopping? Will Matt successfully burn the house down?

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