Canada Blues.
Alt. Title
(Edward Screams like a girl)
Matthew Williams (Canada) was a quiet boy a kind boy always had been thank you very much. He had lived with his "fathers" England and Canada both and never had given them any kind of trouble (apart from well, read some history and learn some things) either way, anything troublesome he had ever done was quickly forgiven forgotten and almost nonexistent.
Sure, it might have to do with his older, louder and sometimes obnoxious brother with his ridiculous Hero complex.
And Matthew's whole "going ghost" thing vanishing before he was incredibly overlooked and forgettable.
But the point was Matthew had never given anyone any trouble.
He didn't know how to give trouble and certainly had never had the inclination to do any harm (apart from Alfred and the whole burning of Washington thing back in 1812-in Matthew's defense, it was all Alfred's fault anyway-Alfred should have left the Governors' Mansion alone).
So to say that Matthew was down right confused when Edward Cullen (used to be Mason) squealed in terror it was easy to understand that Matthew had been concerned.
'It must be Francis causing a raucous with the poor boy again.'
He blindly groped the stone chair in front of him-which later he learned was Edward's arm- in his search for his glasses. They'd been knocked off during one of Felik's (Poland) tirades about uniforms, fashion and painting toilets baby blue. The Polish cross dresser's hand made a flurry of exaggerations with is hands knocking Matthew's glasses clear off his face without an apology. Although it seemed no one else had noticed either.
Matthew was just forgettable like that, it was something he had long ago come to terms with and summed it up to being the younger brother of America. Because no one can out shout America when he got going.
Or out eat him.
"It's okay Edward."
"GyaaaaH! Bella, help me!"
Canada saw a blurry white form jump into the arms of a less pale smaller form that ooffed. It had to have been a girl who dropped Edward blob a moment later. "Edwaaard you're heaaaavy!" She whined and Matthew had to suppress a groan.
'Great, Forks is here with us.' He thought falling on his knees and groping the stiff cold cloth covered legs of what must have been a couch. "Mon Dieu! That's cold."
"Yargggh! He's after my Vital Regions again! Bella protect my Vital Regions!"
"You're what? Oh, now you want to give me your vital regions. I thought you wanted to wait till marriage."
"I don't care about marriage anymore! He's doing his sex talk he's taking them he's going to conquer my vital regions and make them Paris!"
"Sex talk? He's speaking French!"
Matthew ignored the annoying duo and continued to feel around for his glasses on the floor. When he felt nothing there his hands returned to the couch legs, shivering at its coldness. His glasses might be on the couch, he thought.
His hands groped upwards the couch legs.
Edward screamed again.
"Edward!"
'Geez, how tall is this couch?' Matthew thought. His hands made it upward and froze. 'Oh this must be a tall stool!' He came to the conclusion. He moved his hands around the stood still groping.
He froze.
Edward fainted.
Bella scream, sighed, brooded and convulsed.
'Maple!'
Francis, Gilbert and Antonio (France/Prussia/Spain) strolled into the 'empty' UN meeting room and froze at the door.
The following is what happened in the seven seconds after the Bad Touch Trio entered the scene.
France leaped twirled and grand jeté into the room like a ballerina, the background changed to pink with flowers and sparkles. He was devoid of clothing in less then a second (what he explains later is a natural talent given to anyone who is French), petals covered his regions and he cried tears of joy:
"Mon petit Mathieu! Vous êtes comme le papa oui ? Nous partagerons cette fleur éternelle ensemble!" (1)
Gilbert turned a dangerous shade of red, a vibrant green and a charming shade of eggplant. He charged into the room with tears in his red eyes (he was not crying he was angry. They were awesome manly tears of manliness). His fist connected with Edward's marble face.
"Wie Herausforderung Sie!" (2)
Antonio stared at the scene in his usual form of obliviousness, dug into the pockets of his cargo pants, pulled out his mobile and began to record a video for Lovino who would laugh at this and then probably post it on YouTube.
And Bella?
Well Bella did the only thing she knows how to do. She brooded, cried, tried to kill herself and then ran straight into Jacobs arms.
Did I mention that this all happened in 7 seconds?
Yeah.
(Warning: Mostly Dialogue)
-
"It was Canada, Edward."
"Yes, so?"
"You were afraid of Canada. CANADA! He can't even get a bumble bee to be afraid of him and you cried like a little girl!"
"In my defense, he looks a lot like France."
"...really?"
"Bella, my love, my reason for eternity don't shut me out now. Let us go to the meadow and reminisce about our earlier days before the Nations of the world and the 50 states introduced themselves as your loud and annoying family members."
"Excuse me? Is it my fault that New Orleans brought over her vampire buddies that happen to be a lot more sensible and realistic then your brand?"
"Lestat De Lioncourt is not sensible! He's a whiny piano playing idiot in love with his fledgling Louis, and the other one David and then that one witch what was her name?"(3)
"Rowan."
"Rowan, a married woman mind you and do not even get me started on Bill with his 'try True Blood, it tastes so much better then animal blood Edward' pah! Posers all of them!"
"...Edward I think we should see other people."
"What?"
"Look, it's not you it's me. We can still hang out and be friends-I mean Alice is your sister and she is my best friend so of course we'll be around each other."
"You are breaking up with me?"
"I'm sorry Edward."
"Me? No, no no no no no! I'm supposed to break up with you it would lead to you having a nervous breakdown waiting like the sniveling human you are until I decide to return and grace you with my sparkles."
"Well I'm not like any human, I'm the daughter of a state, my grandfather is a Hero and guess what you live in ME!" The record in her hand, one of his precious favorites from the 1950's snapped in two. "Did you ever love me?"
"Of course I did."
"Then why call me sniveling, huh? I know that I'm a bit dependent on people and I can be a little bit narcissistic but I have feelings, big people feelings!"
"I know that."
"No, apparently you don't! You know what, I want you out."
"Out? Bella my love, I live here. We're in my room right now."
"No, no, no this is my room, this is my house it's my land. Did you just choose not to hear what I was saying?"
"You're being ridiculous."
"And you're an idiot! I said my father is a state didn't I?"
"Yes."
"My grandfather is America."
"So you mentioned."
"If the cities in Washington are my siblings then what would that make me?"
"I don't know what you mean."
"Forks you idiot. I. Am. FORKS!"
She stormed out of the glass room breaking everything on her way out. Edward had no idea what to say. It didn't really make that much sense.
"Should I go after her?" He asked himself.
He could hear all the sounds in the house, from the living room Emmett and Peter (Sealand) were playing video games. In the kitchen Lovino (S. Italy) was cooking with Esme.
In the music room Roderich (Austria) was playing on the piano and (to Edward's consternation) rifling through Edward's music. Austria was currently rewriting Bella's Lullaby.
In the library Jasper and Ludwig (Germany) were discussing war tactics, the Civil War and Hitler-which Ludwig kept referring to as "that crazy ex-boss".
Alice was in her room dressing Feliciano (N. Italy) up in one of her favorite dresses and taking pictures while Rosalie was in the garage fixing up Arthur's (England) mangled SUV cursing Alfred (America) for his lack of caring for other's possessions.
Carlisle was having a rather deep and emotional conversation with Yao (China) who kept crying about Kiku's (Japan) betrayal. "I still have that scar, aru!"
Bella seemed to be whispering with someone in the hallway.
'I knew she would not leave. She loves me too much to really break up with me after all, doesn't that silly girl know that I would pursue her with the cunning of a Mountain Lion?' He thought.
Edward eased himself onto the bed, his arms pillowed behind his head against the soft fluffy bed covers. He felt himself relax, waiting for Bella to apologize for her behavior (because she always did).
He heard the door open, not bothering to open his eyes.
"Bella?" He asked, his nose was assaulted by the scent of freesia.
And roses?
"I knew you would come back. I forgive you."
"This is good to hear, mon amour."(4)
It took three agonizingly slow seconds for Edward's to open his eyes, two seconds to look at the door.
"!" One second to scream at the sight of Francis peeking into Edward's bedroom with a horrifying expression and cat ears (naked too).
"Edward let's get Nue, Nue Nue...!"(5) Francis spoke in a twisted evil mantra.
"GO HOME!" Edward shouted into the air as Francis took one second to pounce.
"..."
And thus Edward's vital regions were again conquered.
-
"Bloody stupid America...hic...I made him what he is, you understand...saved him from that bloody toad!" England waved his arms in the air, his voice slurring.
"Again, my Bella just let that...pervert attack me! I have been violated!" Edward, naked again, began to dry sob (because he can't cry) onto the wooden bar. Burk, the bartender was well used to these theatrics and just poured another round.
"I hear you!"
"I've been betrayed Arthur!"
"As have I!"
Burk, the bartender dialed two numbers he'd learned by heart the first being one he'd known since inheriting the bar in 1985 and the other a bit newer-in the past few months.
"Iggy's at it again?" Alfred shouted.
"Seriously, this is ridiculous! I should leave the Leech to rot naked in a gutter." Jacob muttered in annoyance.
The bartender locked up as the Indian man (boy really, he was fifteen) and the blond with glasses and weird curl (glasses; Texas curl; Nantucket) dragged their drunken charges home.
"Burk, mate, we'll pop in next Friday then?" Arthur slurred his face half pressed against Alfred's shoulder.
"Why's the Rum gone?!' Edward shouted as he was draped over Jacob's shoulder.
"Because you drank it all you bloody wanker!"Arthur answered with a loud burp.
"Oh, I did?" Edward tilted his head to the side and vomited.
Burk seriously considered selling the place.
"Aye."
Hopefully before next Friday.
1 (My little Matthew, you are like papa yes? We will share this eternal flower together!)
2 (How dare you!)
3 (Of course Edward forgot to mention that Lestat's character makes a lot of sense. And that Edward is a poor and cheap imitation of Lestat and Armand. I am not making this shit up.)
4 (My love)
5 (Naked)
-
Chapter request complete!
This was for Swinny Fluviru. I hope I got it right, I hope you like it!
Anyway, for those who liked this story and wish to request a chapter then go ahead! If I like your idea I might just write it!
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