Disclaimer: I don't own the e original characters. I like throwing them back in time a bit though :)
Author's Note: Okay guys…a few more of your more insistent questions will be answered in this chapter. Thank you to our beta, AgoodWITCH, for her beta work. Glad you're back hon!
7. Chaotic Days and Lonely Nights
The next two weeks passed in a chaotic blur. A new job, meetings to sign the paperwork for the brownstone, moving into the brownstone with Esme watching over every detail for us like a hawk, Esme shopping for more furniture for each of our apartments, it was insanity.
"Esme, I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate all that you have done for us, but I really don't feel right buying all of this furniture," I mumbled as I followed Esme through a high end furniture store.
She turned back to me, making me stop cold with the serious stare she leveled at me. "Bella, first of all, I promised Edward that I would make sure you were living comfortably. You cannot live comfortably if all you have in your apartment is a bed. The same is true of Alice and Rose. All of the belongings you girls had in that apartment wouldn't even begin to fill one of the apartments in the brownstone, much less three. I'm sure the other girl's fiancé's would agree as well. You need to have adequate furnishings."
I opened my mouth to object, but she stopped me with narrowed eyes and raised finger. "Furthermore, this economy needs all the help it can get. Think beyond what you are receiving Bella to what you are giving. Every piece of furniture means income for the person who made it, the person who sold it to you, and the person who delivered it. In so many ways you aren't just getting something to make your life easier, but your helping the people involved with it feed and clothe their families and put a roof over each of their heads."
I frowned at the last bit. I had never really stopped to think that far ahead of simply buying something to the fact that in doing so I was helping others provide for their families. With a sigh and a sad smile, I nodded in agreement as Esme smiled and told the sales clerk that we would take the three piece matching living room set and the coordinating end tables, as well as the beautiful free standing radio phonograph in mahogany wood that came up to my waist.
She paid using cash and giving delivery information along with asking them wait for the rest of our purchases that day before dragging me to another area where she bought lamps, pots, pans, towels, and so on. My throat felt dry as I watched the tab slowly rise. She paid for the newest purchases, this time ordering that they be delivered with the furniture we had purchased.
After leaving the large department store, she tugged me to this tiny woodworking shop in the Village where she proceeded to make me tell the man behind the counter who I envisioned my dream table. I thought he would try to find one in their stock that would be closest to my desire, but I quickly discovered as Esme told him to process the order, while ordering that the seats be cushioned and that there would be two more than I had stated. She paid the man in advance, after adding two smaller tables for Rose and Alice's places.
By the time we made it back to the brownstone, I was shocked to find that Rose and Alice were directing the delivery men who were already setting up our new purchases. Both girls went on and on about the amazing furniture and the free standing radio. They were especially excited to discover that it had the capability to play up to four records back to back thanks to the special way the discs could be stacked atop to movable bar. It was amazing that we could potentially listen to up to an hour of music without any interruptions at all.
Esme made arrangements to take the other girls a couple of days later to pick out a few things for their homes before helping us make supper. Three days later, she reluctantly took a train back west to rejoin Carlisle in Washington.
In the meantime, I had started at my new job at Cullen Steel's New York office. The first few days were hectic as Angela, Mrs. Cope and I did our best to organize the office and have it completely ready to begin a regular work day when Marcus returned on Wednesday. In that time, we were also tasked with hiring the remainder of the office staff that had not been hired the rest of the week before. Apparently, they hadn't had quite the number of excellent applicants they had hoped for and were a few positions short of a full staff. Angela and Mrs. Cope found it strange that Marcus would insist that their newest hire be involved in the process, but did not question it.
I had never realized before how difficult it could be to wade through applications and interview notes to find good, reliable potential employees until I was on the other side of the table. I was astonished at the incompetence of some of the people that waltzed through our doors. You would think that with the scarcity of jobs that they would be pandering and putting their best foot forward, but that was far from the reality. We saw airheaded bimbos who wore tight overly sexy dresses who couldn't type a lick but had excellent curves, to the polar opposite, shy, quiet women who would hardly be able to answer a phone, much less greet a client. My heart tugged hard for those ladies though, because once upon I time, I was more or less just like them before running away to the city with Rose and Alice.
After a full day of interviewing applicants, we finally managed to find the three women we needed to work reception with Angela, as well as take calls, work in the mail room, which is where my favorite shy, quiet girl, Bree was placed, and to work as our financial clerk for the office. The financial clerk had been the hardest position to fill, which is why I was almost giddy with joy when Alice walked in the door with her application in hand. Suddenly working at Cullen Steel was a much brighter option, and knowing exactly how brilliant Alice was with finances, I convinced Mrs. Cope to hire her on the spot.
Now all we needed was to find a place for Rose and we would be all set, but nothing I had mentioned when telling her about the hiring we were doing appealed to her. I hoped down the line we would find a perfect fit for her.
Having Alice working with us was even more perfect. Where I was a possible spy, the other girls in the office were wary to speak too freely in front of me since I was working side by side with Marcus and could send the rumors back his way. Alice, on the other hand, had a knack for getting girls to gossip with her and put them at ease immediately. She was going to be our ideal mole.
The week days went by in a blur of chaos, but the nights were the part that were difficult to endure. When the sun dropped below the horizon and darkness filled the city, our day slowing to a crawl as we returned home to have our supper and do chores before turning in the for the night, we would each start to miss our loves again. It had been hard enough to sleep in my bed at night, but after Esme insisted on buying a larger bed designed for a married couple to share it, along with the matching bedroom pieces, just made it that much worse.
I would spend hours at night, reaching over into the cold vacant space beside me or cuddled to the spare pillow that smelled of detergent without the slightest hint of Edward. Sleep eluded me for the first couple of nights as I cried silent tears and prayed incessantly for my husband, finally giving up sometime between midnight and dawn, turning on the light and pulling out the letter I had been composing slowly ever since he left. By the third night, my exhaustion was so overwhelming that my world went black the second my head hit the pillow, and Edward received no words from me in his letter on that day.
We were nearing the end of the third week when we discovered something very exciting in the mail. All three of us had letters from our men. Alice and Rose squealed as they ran up the stairs to their apartments to open their treasured words from their fiancé's in peace. I did the same, locking the front door and running to lay on my stomach across the bed as I opened the flap of the envelope and tugged out the perfectly folded pages, tearing up with a sigh as his scent drifted from the pages to find me.
I lifted the pages to my nose, huffing the heavenly aroma of my love, savoring the daydream of having him in our bed, laying beside me, running his hand lovingly up and down my spine. After a moment, I pulled the pages from my nose, wiping my tears away as I tried to focus on the perfectly written words in front of me.
The front page was mainly blank with the exception of a little note stating the date that he had sent the letter via a mail plane that had stopped in when they were four days out to sea. I looked at the date with a sigh. It had taken two weeks and three days for the letter to reach me. I ran my fingers over his perfect words, drifting down to trace the lines of the sweet heart he had drawn in the empty space below, our initials drawn in the middle with such passion that the paper had deep ridges along the lines. If it had been a whole tree as opposed to a piece of paper, the scar of his writing would remain for the rest of time.
I stood up hastily, crossing to the vanity Esme had insisted on buying that matched the large chest of drawers and headboard for the new bed. The vanity had a large round mirror attached to the back, small metal brackets held the mirror to the wood that supported it. I folded the paper, making sure that the heart and our initials wouldn't be damaged before wedging it under the narrow bracket to hold it in place so I could see his love etching every morning when I woke and every night before I fell asleep.
I stepped back with a satisfied smile before diving for the papers again, unable to delay reading his precious words any longer.
March 28, 1943
My Dearest Bella,
I'm sitting at this very moment at the stern of the USS Ranger. It's one of the newer aircraft carriers in the fleet. I'm supposed to be getting ready for a training run in a few hours, but I can't think of anything but you. It seems strange to say while riding on thousands of tons of metal on my way to war, but the trip has been kind of nice. The sunsets are amazing. I wish I could share them with you, but no photograph could ever do them justice. The pinks, purples, and peaches that dance across the water and light the low lying clouds are beautiful, but they pale in comparison with you. I've only been gone a day, and yet I already miss you so much. I may not get much time to write, but I promise to write you every day. Unfortunately I just heard the call for all flight crew to report to the ready room, so I have to go be briefed for the training run. I love you with all of me.
Yours Always,
Edward
March 29, 1943
My Dearest Love,
It was a long night last night and an even longer day today. They're making us fly these night missions to get us accustomed to taking off and landing on the carriers at night. I don't know if I've ever been more terrified in my life than the first time I came in to land. Thankfully, your training takes over and there were calm seas, but I simply cannot imagine what it would be like to do that while the water was somewhat turbulent. Every time I would begin to panic, I would think of you and see your beautiful face in my mind, which gave me the idea that from now on, I'm going to start hanging your picture next to my instrument panel. I can't think of any better reminder to be careful and stay safe than your beautiful smile. I love you so much, sweetheart. I wish I had the energy to write longer, but it's nearing midnight and I haven't had any sleep since the night before last. I need to go sleep and dream of you so I'll be safe in the skies tomorrow. I love you more than words can say or actions can suggest. I hope you are sleeping well, my love. I carry you with me in my heart wherever I go and I hope you do the same.
Love Always,
Your Edward
March 30, 1943
My Beautiful Bella,
The food here is nigh intolerable. I swear everything tastes like cardboard. I feel guilty saying that, knowing that all of you back home are going to have to start the ration stamps soon so we have food to eat, but it's the truth. Oh, what I wouldn't give to be sitting in Central Park with you at this very moment, eating a hot dog smothered in ketchup and mustard. I feel like I'm going crazy with how much I miss you. I've never been close like this to anyone before. Yes, I love my parents and I miss them, yes I've had girls in my life before that I liked spending time with, but none of those relationships even came close to what I feel for you. I don't think I've ever been more unprepared for anything more than how much I miss you. I ache for you, quite literally. There are times, especially at night when I'm in my bunk trying to fall asleep that I feel like I can't breathe. I usually find myself digging out my flash light and your picture, staring at your face and stroking the paper wishing I could stroke your cheek and bury my nose in your beautiful, sweet smelling hair.
Oh, I have to stop before I drive myself insane. Thankfully, I have understanding friends at my side who are suffering more or less the same fate as me. I didn't know Emmett was capable of moping before he met Rosalie, and Jasper is tense all of the time. More than once I've noticed light shining from their bunks in the middle of the night as well, and I just know that they're staring at photographs of Alice and Rose, wishing they could be with them, just as I do with you.
We've met some other interesting guys on this trip who are in the same boat us we are as well. Garrett is a rowdy guy from Oregon. He has a new wife named Kate, who he's only been married to a month. He had a very hard time getting on the boat since they found out only two days before that she was pregnant with their first baby. He's over the moon about it, but at the same time, he's so sad knowing that he won't be home for any of the pregnancy and who knows how old the baby will be before he gets to meet him or her.
It breaks my heart to hear him lament over how much he's going to miss, but I have to say, Bella, that I wouldn't be upset at all if we had ended up in the same predicament. More than anything, I want to see a day when we have a perfect little baby that's a combination of the two of us. Maybe, if we're lucky, that day will come for us sooner rather than later. I pray every night that we go in there and smash Hitler and his Nazi scum to smithereens within months so we can come home safe and victorious. I can't wait to come home to you and the sooner, the better.
I stopped reading there as a thought crossed my mind. I dashed to the kitchen where I had hung the calendar next to the telephone. I turned the page back to find where I marked the beginning of my last cycle, counting forward, and then turned the page and counted again before sitting on the floor staring at the pages in front of me.
My heart was pounding and butterflies flutter in my stomach. I was notorious for being irregular, and with all of the stress of Edward leaving, the new job, the move, the shopping with Esme, it was all things that could put me off quite easily. I had to wait more time before I would know for sure, but I couldn't help the small smile that spread across my face as I rubbed my stomach, hope rising like a flood in my chest.
I was a full week late. It was fully possible that both of our hopes for our future were coming to fruition much earlier than we had anticipated. I covered my mouth to muffle the cry that was eighty percent happy that I might have a piece of him with me for always, and twenty percent mournful that he would miss everything for a very long time…that is if I even was pregnant. I knew it would be difficult, being pregnant and on my own more or less. I knew Rose and Alice would support me completely, and I had a feeling Esme and Carlisle would be ecstatic and start spoiling the baby long before it was ever born. With Edward gone, the timing was not great, but I couldn't be anything but ecstatic.
I took a few moments to settle myself down again before going back to finish Edward's letter, laying on my back so as not to put any pressure or strain on the teeny tiny person that might just be growing inside me at that very moment.
My dearest one, I hate to end this letter for the day, but the page has gone out again for my group. I'm off for another training run. I love you with every fiber of my being. Never doubt that you are my whole life now.
Eternally Yours,
Edward
March 31, 1943
My love,
I've heard rumors that a mail plane will come by today, so I must be quick and get this in with the rest of the home bound letters. We are nearly to Europe, where I just discovered today we will be joining the fight for North Africa. The campaign seems to be going in our favor and they are sending us in as air support and also to spot German U boats in the Mediterranean. They have been heavily guarding the straight of Gibraltar trying to keep us from getting any closer to their naval vestiges. With any luck, we will gain North Africa, Gibraltar, and the Mediterranean immediately and shut him down quickly. I would love to write more, my sweetheart, but I do not wish to miss this opportunity to write to you. I am including the address you should send any correspondence to me at. It will take some time, but eventually I will get it. However long it took for you to received my letter, you should probably add at least a week or two before you can expect me to receive anything you have sent. I love you more than words can express and I hope you are taking care of yourself.
I know you will resist my mother, but please don't. Just allow her to get you set up as best she can. It will ease all of our minds if we know you are safe and cared for. Also, please do not hesitate to use the money in your account. I know you won't want to, but I would very much like you to live as comfortably as you can.
Loving you Eternally,
Your Husband, Edward
I read his letter over and over, my heart racing every time I thought about him actually going into a real live air battle. I knew he was well trained and considered the best in his class, but it was still terrifying. How do you deal with your husband coming face to face with pure evil on a daily basis for the next however long of a time before he came home?
Well I guess saying he was going against pure evil wasn't entirely fair. I'm sure many of the Germans were just doing as they were ordered, just as our boys. I was equally sure that some probably didn't feel that what was happening was right, but if they didn't follow the order of their leader, death was most likely the most often issued punishment.
That didn't change the fact though, that those men, whether serving their leader by choice or not, would be doing their best to kill my husband, and in my mind that was nothing more than evil, pure and simple. My heart ached at the thought, and my stomach fluttered with nerves as I remembered the tiny person that may or may not be growing in my womb at that very moment.
I rolled over to reach under my bed, pulling out the massively long letter that I had spent the better part of the last month working on. It was so long, I was going to have to mail it in at least two, maybe even three separate envelopes. I grabbed the last page, putting the date at the top.
My wonderful, sweet, perfect husband, Edward,
I just got your first letter today…two weeks and three days after you sent it. I hope that you're mistaken and it doesn't take as long to get the letters to you as it did to get to me. I'll keep my fingers crossed that it doesn't. I hope you are safe and well. My letter from the past three weeks, pretty much details all that you have missed since you've been gone. You said it perfectly when you said that you love me more than words can say, because I feel the same way for you. I carry you with me always and love you more than my own life. Please stay safe and come back soon.
I debated whether or not I should mention the possible pregnancy, but if I were wrong, he could go weeks believing it was so and letting his hopes get higher and higher, only to possibly be dashed if it were simply just a matter of stress throwing off my monthly cycle. I prayed that wasn't the case, but I didn't want to cause undue heartache to my poor husband half a world away if it were.
I chose instead to sign the letter. "With all my love, your eternally faithful wife, Bella Cullen." Before spritzing it with my perfume, sealing the envelope and placing a stamp on the corner before tossing on my shoes and running to the front door where I met Alice and Rose doing the same as me.
We all giggled as we rushed to the mailbox, putting our newly scented letters in the postbox on the corner. With happy smiles, we all practically skipped back to the house with matching smiles on our faces, the brightest, and most genuine that any of us had worn in over three weeks. I debated for the slightest of seconds whether to confide in the girls. I knew I would have to do it eventually, but chose rather to wait a bit longer to be sure.
Ideally, I would want Edward to be the first to know, but that would be nearly impossible. I debated until finally deciding that I would not tell anyone until I knew for sure, and even then I would write Edward's letter and mail it first before breathing a word to anyone else. He wouldn't be the first to receive the news, but he would at least be the first I told in any possible form of communication.
With a resigned smile, I invited the girls to relax in my apartment where we cooked a meal together and sat at the square table that used to be in our apartment, comparing notes on our love letters. It wasn't easy for any of us to live on without them, but we were doing our best, together.