Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, like I said.

My Beta is Spectacular Spectacular...and named Danell.

This chapter contains some "lemons," and the nature of said lemon may seem offensive to some, but just bear with me...all is not as it seems. Toss me some love pretty please!

Chapter Six

Somewhere in my sleep I'd lost my jeans. I assumed that Edward had removed them so I would be more comfortable. The idea of lying in bra and panties next to one of the most attractive men on earth, was not comforting.

I was somewhere between sleep and dreams, that lightly veiled place where you can feel the darkness around you, but you still have some sort of cognizance. The extent of my thinking ability however, was to snuggle deeper into the warm and soft down comforter, and try not to let my girl parts touch his boy parts.

That was when I realized Edward seemed to be only wearing boxers. Must've touched something.

I scooted away slightly and somehow, in his sleep, he sensed it. The man must have radar.

Instinctively, his hands shot out and wrapped around me again. My mind cleared and I felt myself coming awake slightly as his embrace softened and he lowered his face, tilting my head up by intertwining his hand in my hair.

His eyes were open. Groggy, but open. I attempted to stretch, just to move slightly away. Maybe he slept with his eyes open. Well, that's just weird.

His eyes burned into mine and then closed slowly, as he placed a kiss on my nose. Ah, okay. This was okay. I felt myself relax and prayed the electricity would stay away. He still held me in his clutches, but the magic wasn't turned on. I sighed and inhaled his scent deeply.

He smelled of sandalwood and soap, cigarettes and whiskey. He obviously bathes! I smiled. Then his mouth moved again, his lips brushing each of my eyelids, and moving to my forehead as he rolled me to the side and onto my back. Uh oh. Was he awake or not?

His kisses remained soft, feather light, as he shifted his position to hover over me, his forearms maintaining his weight, his hands on either side of my head, threading through my long hair at the scalp. Then his attentions progressed. His lips sought out my own, a light moan escaping him as he requested and received admittance into my mouth eagerly. His kiss was urgent, but tender. I could feel my heartbeat increasing rapidly and I struggled to breathe.

Edward scooted down slightly and began kissing a trail along my jaw and to my neck, burying his face in the soft flesh there. He groaned as his legs moved purposefully, tucking a foot beneath one of my calves at a time and moving it outward, allowing his pelvis to align with mine. I gasped at the sensation of his growing hardness between my legs. Shit shit shit.

My hands shot up and I rested my palms lightly on his pectorals, intending to push away gently. God, his chest felt so amazing. Focus!

I gave him a light push and he responded immediately. Just not the way I expected.

Continuing his fervent assault of the supple skin of my neck, his hands came forward and grasp each of my arms at the wrist, pulling them away and clasping me to the bed. Then he laced his fingers within mine and lifted his torso slightly.

"Keep them there, Bella," Edward whispered. Um, yes sir?

His hands let go of mine and traced up my arms, across my shoulders and down to my breasts, lightly grazing the soft mounds through my bra.

Kissing along the lines of black lace, he grabbed hold of each bra strap and pulled downward until he'd released my breasts of their confines, and my bra was down around my waist.

How the hell did that happen?

He smirked at me gently, but pointedly. Ah, lots of practice, I get it, I get it.

Beginning again at my clavicle, seeming to be his favorite spot, Edward began his downward spiral by placing kisses along the way. His hand grazed my right breast and I gasped at the sensation. He chuckled and took the entire breast in his hand, squeezing lightly, pinching the nipple. My back arched in response and my head screamed to stop.

What was going on? I thought he'd understood somehow. He'd told me to just sleep and relax, that everything would be okay. Had this been his plan? Despite the heavy fog in my brain, I tried again to push against his shoulders.

Edward lowered his mouth to my breast in response, devouring it hungrily, as though his existence completely depended on the sustenance there-in. I wanted to stop him; I could not do this! I could not be that girl. I told him that.

No matter how my mind screamed, my hands wouldn't move.

He moaned against my breast and I could feel his length, hard against my body. His hips were moving slightly and I knew this was going nowhere good. Where was my voice? Why couldn't I speak?

Oh, yeah, because a sex god was suckling you like...well, like a sex god.

While his mouth and one hand continued ministrations on my breasts, Edward's other hand slid downward, palming my stomach, then travelled to my panties. As he massaged between my legs, through the material, I felt my last shred of dignity disappear. I felt a tear stream down my cheek and found myself whispering for him to stop. His only response was a moan.

Quickly, the material between us disappeared...I'm not sure where it went, just that it was gone. He had stopped his endeavors with my breasts and now had himself in correct position, his hands flat on the bed on either side of my head.

Edward thrust into me in one swift motion, covering my mouth with his as I cried out in pain. He moaned and with one hand pulled my knee up and tucked my leg behind his back, nodding for me to imitate the action with the other one. I did as told.

He groaned and muttered something about better access, as his actions deepened; ignoring my tears. I turned my head away, not caring if he noticed, and he buried his face into my shoulder, hunching his back and thrusting harder. His groans and grunts grew louder and sharper, now followed by my gasps.

It wasn't completely unpleasant of course, but the utter humiliation had returned, as I realized this had not been a joint decision and that more than likely this had been his plan all evening.

How stupid are you? Of COURSE this was his plan all evening. You didn't think he really wanted you for more than a lay? You just made it more interesting of a game for him, that's all.

My tears were flowing feely now, but Edward was too far gone to notice. He exclaimed something about being close and did I think I could go soon, because he didn't think he could hold out much longer.

How sweet.

I didn't respond, I focused on the drapes covering the windows and thanked God they were closed as he came hard inside me, shuddering and going limp before collapsing on top of me.

The sweat from our bodies was palpable. For a second, I thought I was going to hurl right here all over him, and actually felt horrible for it.

What is wrong with me?

"Was that as good for you as it was for me?" Edward leered at me through squinted eyes when he picked his head up.

Everybody's favorite crooked smile lazily forming on his face.

The sweat droplets cascading lightly down from his chin and hair; plunked to my chest like scorching hot daggers.

He leaned down and raked his warm lips across mine gently, not even asking why I had not yet spoken. Or why I had a look of abject horror on my features. His mouth made its way languidly up my jaw and began sucking lightly on my neck. I heard him groan deeply.

In one swift movement he flipped me over, his sweaty body pressed into my back. He grasped a handful of my hair and twisted it tightly, pulling my neck to the side and moaning in my ear.

I could just barely see him out of the corner of my eye as I gasped and tried to find my voice, desperately choking on my tears which were now flowing freely.

"I could go again," his head snapped up, as his feet pushed my legs apart and he grinned wickedly, "You?"

/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

I sat up straight in bed, a winded gasp escaping my lips, and both hands clutching my breasts, which were now amazingly enough covered with my sweater. My shirt had not been on me when I fell asleep...had it?

I looked over to where Edward lay sleeping soundly. His face turned toward me. His mouth in a slight smile. His eyelids visibly moving as his dreams danced through his mind. He was still fully clothed as well.

I let out a sigh. Holy shit, what a nightmare. I pushed my hair away, noting it was practically saturated with perspiration.

Rolling off the mattress slowly, I staggered over to my phone and checked the time. Four-thirty a.m. I didn't have to work today. I had nowhere to be. But for some reason, I had the intense need to get away.

I suddenly realized in panic that I could not face him. I knew he had taken pity on me last night and not kicked me out for being insane. I knew that some part of me fell for him after he had behaved so gentlemanly and kind.

To even finish dressing me after my crying subsided and he knew I was asleep. He was certainly not up to what my "dream Edward lethario" had been.

And that made it harder to bear. He had done nothing remotely as devious in reality as I had just created in my mind. Edward had been a saint compared to my imagination. He had willingly accepted my breakdown last night and still shown me tenderness.

I had accused him of all manner of evils. I had accused him of being the villian.

When all along, it was me.

I started to leave a note before I left his room, but in the end, there was nothing near fitting for me to say.

/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/

"Okay, so spill it," Alice and Rosalie both eyed me intently. I had called Ali as soon as the sun was up. I knew she'd be going to the gym, so I arranged to meet her there.

Neither of us had known that Rosalie would show up, but once the perky fake blonde arrived, there was nothing we could do about it.

"Yes, um, I feel like I've been left out of some entertainment loop," Rosalie chided cattily as she hopped on the stairmaster.

"This isn't entertainment, Rose," I scowled, "This is my life we're talking about."

"Yeah, well, tell that to the paparazzi taking your picture last night with Edward fucking Cullen!" she practically shrieked like a banshee.

I looked around the machine room and cringed. A few people had looked up with curious expressions, and I avoided their eyes.

"Could you keep your voice down, please?" I implored.

"Sorry," Rosalie said in a tone I knew meant she wasn't really. "So, Alice filled me in on a few particulars. We now know that Edward Cullen was indeed Randle P. McMurphy? What the fuck was that about?"

"I don't know, honestly," I answered, kicking up the speed on the treadmill. I truly didn't have the energy for a workout, but I was way too wired to sleep. I think I'd got perhaps two and a half hours shut-eye at Edward's before waking. And it had been fitful.

"He said it got shut down," I waved at her dismissively when she looked like she didn't believe me. "He got busy with his stardom, basically...and when I ran into him in the grocery last week—"

"What?" Rosalie shrilled in shock.

"Are you going to do that every time I say something?" I rolled my eyes. Why was I telling her this again? Because you keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Which was Rosalie, again?

"Okay," she lowered her voice as a cohort, "Continue, please. You ran into him at the grocery?"

"Long story short, he recognized her from a few years back," Alice intervened thankfully. Her little forehead was barely beaded with perspiration as she jogged on a treadmill. My hair was already matted with sweat.

I hated working out with actresses who were at least 3 sizes smaller than me. What is she now? A negative two?

"Really?" Rosalie's tone betrayed she found that incredible at best. "I'm sorry, and then what?"

"And then nothing. He said hi," I studied CNN on the screen in front of me and prayed that Rose was being typically unintuitive. I didn't need her to know all the details right now.

"He said hi. And that's it? Why did he follow you to the restaurant last night? Why did you leave with him?" She wasn't buying it.

"Look, Rose," Alice cut in again, "He and Bella were...close...back when we all were talking to him on Facebook."

"Ew," Rosalie cringed, "You mean back before, when we were nobodies." She shuddered. The very crux to her existence rested in Rose's celebrity.

"I'm still a nobody," I muttered softly. I didn't like her implications. Like you can't be anybody unless you were famous.

"No, you are not," Alice chirped angrily.

"No!" Rose gushed, "You're OUR friend." She beamed as if she had just righted all with the world. I resisted the urge to push her off the stairmaster.

"Thanks," I sighed.

"Look, there's obviously more going on here and you may as well dish. I know you and Alice are closer," she waved away my widened eyes, "But I do care about you too....besides, I'll just read about it in the gossip rags later so I may as well hear about it from you." Rosalie laughed. She was so amused with this sadistic twist of fate. I supposed it was because if it were her, she would be eating it up with a fucking fork, knife and spoon.

"Okay, so he wants to be my friend," I explained, hoping, rather than believing that she would buy it. What did he want again, exactly?

"Your friend?" she didn't believe it.

"Yes, you know...friends? It is possible you know, Rose," I shrugged.

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes. "So where did you go after the restaurant?"

"His hotel," I muttered as though it were a bad word.

"I knew it! You fucked him!" she cackled.

"No, I did not!" I looked at her in complete and utter shock. I could feel all the blood drain from my face and I felt like I might faint at any moment. I slid backwards and stepped off the treadmill, sitting on the side and resting my head in my hands.

"You were in a hotel room with Edward fucking Cullen and you still couldn't bring yourself to do the deed???" she had catapulted off the stair master and was by my side in a flash.

Alice approached and silently squatted in front of me, sympathy in her eyes. She patted my hand and swept a strand of hair out of my face. I felt like I might vomit, but knew there was nothing in my stomach to come up. I could feel bile creeping forward.

"Not helping," Ali looked up at Rose and rolled her eyes. "I'm sure there is a little bit more to it than that. Right Bella?" her eyes, bright blue from her workout, questioned me.

"Oh, no," I stood up now and began to retreat to the ladies locker room.

I could hear them following in pursuit and Alice telling Rose to shut up and for the love of Pete be nice. I heard Rosalie say something about there being therapists for this kind of thing and that's when I lost it.

"Really, Rose?" I turned on my heel and hissed as the locker room door swung shut and we were safely ensconced inside. "They have therapists? I didn't know that! I haven't been to, what...four therapists? Three of which thought that sex with them would cure what ails me! I'm sorry I don't live up to your expectations of me! I have never lived up to anyone's expectations of me! I'm sorry I'm not like you, I can't sleep with random strangers just for fun!"

I was seething. I hadn't slept well in almost a month and exhaustion had more than taken over. Recent events had not helped my sanity.

"I do not sleep with random strangers!" she began, then receiving incredulous looks from both myself and Alice, she conceded, "Okay, well, not that often! The point is, this wasn't a random stranger! You supposedly had such a connection back then..." Rosalie made little air quotes for added emphasis, "and then he is running around all over town after you..."

"It's very random! The fact that he was in fact, McMurphy, or McMurphy was in fact him...it's all very random. I had decided back when we were communicating, that I honestly didn't care if he was really Edward Cullen. I liked him for him. The books and music, the dreams and plans. We talked about everything...." I trailed off, deep in thought for a moment.

"...Yes?" Rosalie sounded impatient and Alice eyed me with concern. I had tried very hard not to think about all we'd had in common back when we were writing each other, sometimes several times a day.

"For him to turn out to be him, in fact," I let out a loud sigh, "after disappearing without a word, and reappearing just as...."

My two friends watched this exchange with myself with similar expressions. I wasn't sure if they were amused, or if they pitied me. Witnessing the musings of a mad woman.

"And how many girls a night go up to that hotel room? How many screaming crazies has he slept with? I felt like a notch on a bedpost," I lowered my voice to almost a whisper. I knew that my accusations of him weren't fair, and I didn't really think that was the case.

"Well, what about Emmett?" Rose asked. "He wasn't random. He was your fiancé, for Christ sake!"

"Oh, right, my fiancé," it was my turn to make little quote motions in the air, "He did everything but make me feel secure in our relationship! He always had one foot out the door! And come to find out it was because he was getting...some...on the side. Yet another man to show me not to trust men!"

"Well, good grief, Bella, sex doesn't have to accompany trust," Rosalie spoke as though talking to a child. "And maybe Emmett wouldn't have--" she began to sound shrill, but Alice cut her off.

"You know what? This is enough about Emmett and Bella's relationship. That is water under the bridge. We all need to calm down," she motioned for us to sit on the benches and I took a deep breath to try and relax my bristling temper.

"Look, the point is, we went up to his hotel to talk. Just to sort out the past," I began.

"Damn, if I'd been with Edward fucking Cullen last night—" I cringed at his new found middle name that flowed off her lips so easily.

"Excuse me?" a small voice interrupted us from our not so private discussion. We all looked at each other, sensing the sitcom 'fan discussion' coming.

"Could you sign this, please?" she asked tentatively.

Alice and Rosalie exchanged glances and then we all looked up at the teenage girl who was holding out a local smut rag and a pen. As she stepped forward and Rose made ready to take it from her and sign the offensive article, I gasped in astonishment as she shook her head and thrust it in my face instead.

"I recognized you from this photo when you came into the gym this morning," the girl apologetically told me. "Then when I came in here after you, I heard you all talking about...Edward Cullen," she gushed.

I grabbed the papers from her and lowered my eyes in fear. Rosalie and Alice let out simultaneous whistles at the picture. It was from last night, after we thought the photographers had left us alone. One of them had obviously snuck around inside and turned their flash off. The garage was well lit enough to illuminate the photograph.

I was up against the wall of the parking garage where Edward had asked me to wait. He had just returned to me and was stroking my collar bone through my thin sweater and leaning into me. His neck was craned down and over in an attempt to watch my expression, a soft, barely there smile on his lips.

I remember this from one of the many moments I felt like I was going into cardiac arrest from his touch. It was a very intimate looking moment and I felt as though someone had taken a picture of me in the shower or something.

The headline read, "ED'S NEW FLAVOR."

I'm going to hurl prodigious amounts of vomitus into this girl's face.

"I'm sorry," I handed the cheap thrill back to the girl along with the pen, "I'm not a celebrity. You don't want my signature. I'm nobody."

"If you're dating Edward Cullen, you won't be a nobody for long," she said firmly, but somehow kindly.

"She's not a nobody!" Alice and Rosalie echoed at once.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to offend anyone," the girl looked sheepish and began to step away, "I love Strangers, by the way," she smiled at my two best friends. Rosalie grinned, forgetting her anger; but Alice struggled to smile flatly.

"What do I do?" I whispered after the girl had walked away. "I can't go back now, but I should warn him!"

"Warn him? Of what?" Rosalie looked confused, "He deals with this on a daily basis. He won't be surprised....and what do you mean, you can't go back? What happened?" her eyes narrowed.

"Nothing. Well...I left before he woke up this morning," I winced.

"You...but I thought you said," Alice shook her head.

"No, we didn't have...sex..." I waved at them, rushing to my locker and stripping out of my gym clothes. "But I spent the night."

"In the same bed, or on the couch?" Rose asked.

"Why does that matter?" Alice asked.

"Oh, believe me, it does," Rosalie laughed.

"The bed. I slept in the bed," I rolled my eyes for the millionth time since first seeing Rose today.

"And where did Mr. Fucking Hotness sleep?" my sexually deviant friend was grinning blatantly.

"Look," I spun around to face them both, "He slept in the bed too, okay? We were fooling around a little, and I couldn't stand the thought of being some Hollywood Hooker, so..."

"So, what? You decided to just cuddle instead? Why didn't you just leave?" Rosalie just kept getting shock after shock from my too ridiculous to believe story.

I sat down on the bench, in nothing but my bra and panties, clutching my towel and slipping on my flip flops. I thought about racing to the shower and refusing to answer anymore questions. These were supposed to be my closest friends though. Why didn't I feel comfortable telling them this? They knew the worst about my past already.

"He wouldn't let me," I whispered. "I got...upset. So, he was a.... good...friend, and consoled me....NOT the way you're thinking," I looked up at Rosalie and to my amazement she wasn't protesting. She looked shocked. Not in a mean and spiteful way like usual. Just surprised.

"Fuck," she finally whispered in reply.

Proclaimed love, anonymous love, carrier pidgeon love....all such and random others are MOST welcome!!! xxx