Chapter 18: Is This Love? (doubleux3 . youtube . com/watch?v=0FMRBBhOe3k)

Memo: YEAH! Been waiting for this a long, long time...Thanks for reading, and enjoy!

Nexus' PoV

I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw all three of them back on the ship. All three of them! Jumping to my feet, I raced over to Goofy and tackled-hugged him.

"Goofy!" I cried, tears wanting to start up again. "You're okay!"

"Gawrsh, I get knocked on the head all the time!" he said.

Laughing, I pulled away from him. I wish Demyx could come back that easily.

I glanced at Donald, and he looked genuinely happy, too. But Sora's face hardened when our eyes met.

"You're mad at me," I said sadly, my smile disappearing.

"You bet I am," he growled through clenched teeth. He walked over to start the ship, and soon it was on autopilot to the next land. "You wouldn't believe all the stuff we just found out."

"Like what?"

"About Xemnas and Xehanort, and about the Organization, and about Riku!"

"So you're going to blame me?" I snapped.

"Yeah, I am, actually," Sora said, crossing his arms. "You said that guy, Demyx, was your friend. And yet you expect us to believe you're not part of the Organization?!" He huffed an impatient sigh. "Yeah, I guess I'm kind of dumb, but I know you're hiding something! I'm not that stupid!"

I sighed, also crossing my arms. He got me. I knew this time would come.

"Okay, you win," I said, rolling my eyes. "I lied before. I'm part of the Organization." Sora got a look on his face like, "I KNEW it!" I frowned at him. "But...not really. Last year, when I joined, I was trying to take it apart for revenge purposes. And I still am." I started to pace the front room. "Xigbar, Xaldin, and Xemnas are who I have left. Oh, and Saix."

"What about Demyx?" Donald asked.

"He was truly my friend. I was hoping he'd pull through in the end...but I guess it ended for the better. Oh well. It could've been worse."

"So if you're in the Organization, you must be a Nobody, right?" Goofy said.

"No...I'm not. Don't ask."

"Okay, so you named off almost every Nobody left. What about Axel?" Sora asked, and I gasped.

"Axel!? You know him!?" Sora nodded. "You've met him!?" When he nodded again, I grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him, ignoring his scared expression. "You talked to him?! What did he say?! Is he okay?!"

"Well, apparently he kidnapped Kairi, he's trying to turn me into a Heartless, and he's also gone AWOL with someone else, according to Saix," Sora replied in one breath, trying to push my hands off of his shoulders.

"Okay, first, the Heartless thing is such a lie. Axel needs and wants you alive, Sora, trust me. Otherwise I wouldn't be here, see? Second, the person he went AWOL with is me." I sighed, defeated, and dropped my hands. Sora stepped away. "Axel is my best friend. He's the one who told me to help you. I know what you're thinking: why trust the bad guys, right? But you've got to, because we're on your side."

"Hah! I bet Axel wants Nexus to turn you into a Heartless for him!" Donald quacked angrily. I shook my head fiercely. Stupid bird. Didn't he realize that at any time we could fry him and eat him for dinner?!

"No! Sora, listen to me!" I pleaded, grabbing the kid's arms tightly, noting not to dig my fingernails into his skin. "I know you can't remember anything from this past year. But me and Axel and Namine protected you. We're all friends, and..." Breathless, I dropped to the carpet, feeling faint. "I've...said too much. I'm sorry, I..."

"I...trust you, Nexus," Sora admitted, lowering his eyes. I nodded once. I had hoped as much. "But why did Axel kidnap Kairi?"

"I really don't know, either. I think it's stupid." I sighed. "It probably has something to do with Ri--"

I managed to stop myself.

"With who?" Sora asked.

"..."

"C'mon...is it...you don't think...Riku?!"

"Sora...! Hey, we're here again?"

The ship had landed in the Land of Dragons again. The event distracted Sora and forced him to turn his attention to something other than me.

"I got so caught up in our conversation," I said to myself quietly, getting to my feet. "Eh, I'm gonna go take a shower," I then told Sora.

He gave me a skeptical look. I smiled.

"Go on ahead without me; I'll catch up. I remember where to go. It's not THAT big of a world."

Sora nodded in agreement, then rolled his eyes slightly.

"What?" I asked.

"Prep," he replied.

"Am not." I sighed. "I just appreciate hygiene."

Sora proudly thumped his chest, then winked as Donald and Goofy laughed.

"See you soon, then," he said.

I waved a little, grateful for his easy-going attitude, and headed toward the bathroom.

*~*~*

Axel opened a portal into the Land of Dragons. A reliable source had told him that it was most likely going to be Sora's next destination. But Axel didn't want to see Sora again. He really didn't need to. No, he was here for Nexus.

Their gummi ship was parked in a small bamboo grove, amongst a multitude of trees, so Axel was able to enter the ship without being noticed by the soldiers on guard duty.

"Hello?" he called out when the door shut behind him. He couldn't hear anything except for the faint sound of running water. A sink, Axel assumed. It had to be Nexus; what would really prompt Sora to care enough to use a sink?

Looking around, Axel saw a door slightly ajar, and he guessed it must be their bedroom, which would in turn lead to their bathroom.

.........

Nexus stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel. She wrapped it loosely around her clean body and began to wring out her long hair. When most of the water was gone, she started to head toward the bedroom.

.........

Axel stepped into the bedroom and looked around. Nexus' bunk was an obvious choice; it was super neat compared to the rest.

Suddenly the door on the far side of the room opened out from the adjacent wall.

.........

Nexus stepped out of the bathroom and onto the fuzzy, warm carpet. A blast of cool air met her and she sighed through her nose. Tipping her head to one side, and sighing through her nose again, she shook the water out of her ears, eyes closed. She opened them for just a split second, then froze.

"!!!"

Nexus and Axel continued to scream as they each backed to opposite sides of the room. Axel, the second he was in the hallway again, slammed the door, still screaming.

"Dammit!" Axel shouted, smacking himself in the forehead. He wasn't sure if he was more embarrassed for himself or for Nexus...

Nexus' PoV

I finally stopped shrieking a full minute after Axel had left the room. He had been in my room. He had seen me...and I was beginning to wonder exactly how much of me.

Tiptoeing over to the door, I leaned against it, listening.

"Axel?" I said, blushing.

"Yeah?" he said, sounding as exasperated as I felt.

"Are you still there?"

"Obviously. Otherwise would I be talking to you right now?"

I laughed a little, feeling better. "Okay, true. Give me a minute to get dressed and I'll let you in."

"Alright. 60, 59, 58..."

What?! He wasn't actually timing me, was he?!

"Axel--"

"Better hurry, you're losing time! 49, 48..."

Frantically, I ran around my room, looking for the soldier's training garments I wore from last visit.

"19, 18..."

I didn't even have my pants on yet!! Frock!

"Ah, you are so mean to me!" I screamed through the closed door, hopping around on one leg. "Stop it! Stop counting! You are really pissing me off, you know!" And on I went.

I nearly fell over with relief. He was actually just kidding. Calming myself down, I took my time and ended up being ready just in time.

"1/100--"

I opened the door, smirking.

"I'm not so mean, right?" Axel asked, grinning.

"No, I guess not," I replied, shrugging a little.

We both laughed...then I hugged him tightly. Sure, my hair was still pretty wet and my clothes were a bit wrinkled. It didn't matter. We were together again. To me, that was all I wanted. It was all that mattered.

"I'm surprised to see you," I admitted.

"You're surprised?" he muttered, chuckling quietly.

"Oh, shut up." I released him and looked him straight in his green eyes, nearly making myself scream. "That's your own stupidity."

"Yeah, yeah."

"I mean, geez, my first thoughts were 'Oh, no, there's a convict in my bedroom!'"

We both laughed again.

"But aren't you being hypocritical?"

"I concur," I said. "So. How are you? How are...things?"

"Alright, I guess. Roxas...well, I dunno. He said that...he would just accept fate when it came to him."

I crossed my arms, frowning. "I'm sorry, Axel." But I could understand Roxas' point of view just fine. In fact...I agreed with it.

"It's okay...well, not really, I guess. But there's nothing anyone can do at this point."

He says those words, but he doesn't believe them, I thought.

"Smile."

Axel gave me a look, raising an eyebrow.

"I said smile!"

I grabbed his cheeks and forced them upwards.

"Ow, okay, stop!" he shouted, his voice distorted.

Grinning, amused, I walked over to my bed, and as I sat down, Axel laughed a little.

"I knew that one was yours," he said proudly.

"Only because it's neat," I pointed out.

"Exactly."

I smiled to myself. How stupid. He thought he knew me.

"What is that smile for?" he asked me.

"Once again, your stupidity."

Axel crossed his arms, unamused, while I flopped back onto my bed, my head cushioned by my pillow.

"Good night," I said, closing my eyes.

"Tell me something, Nex."

I could feel Axel sit on my bunk, and soon his warm fingertips had forced my eyes open.

"Do you think there's still some way?" he asked.

"Some way?" I echoed.

"For me to save Roxas and myself."

I sat upright, tears coming to my eyes.

"I hope so. Demyx faded away today. There was nothing I could do about it. I had to protect Sora, but I lost him instead. And he didn't do anything wrong to deserve it. He just...faded away." I lowered my head, but Axel took hold of my chin and forced it back up.

"We won't fade away."

I bit my bottom lip hard, trying to hold back tears. But they pushed themselves out from my eyes anyway, and they fell in silent streams down my cheeks.

"Nex?"

I couldn't hold back. I let out a tiny sob.

"Nex...?"

I couldn't hold anything back. I just started bawling.

"Nex, c'mon."

No, I thought. I won't. Because it's fate. You have to fade away. You have to.

*~*~*

As Nexus curled into a ball, sobbing into her hands, Axel just stared, unable to say or do anything.

This is one of those moments I'm glad I have no heart, he thought.

"Nex..." he mouthed, stroking her head, his fingers combing through her soft, long hair.

Scaring him, Nexus' head fell back onto her pillow, and her whole body shook with sobs. Axel could see her childlike, beautiful face, twisted in agony, soaked with tears. Her hands clenched her pillow.

She stayed like that for a while, then eventually she turned onto her back, her breathing slowing to a normal rate, but shuddering, like she might've been cold. The only thing that was cold was her heart.

Soon her eyes closed, and it seemed as though she had drifted off into sleep.

What could I have said to help her? Axel wondered, gazing at her still face. Her cheeks were flushed, rosy from crying. Can I help her, too? I don't know what to do anymore.

He waited a while, and when she didn't wake up, he thought, I should probably get going.

As quietly as he could, he stood, and as he moved, her bed shifted. She didn't move, so he did.

Just as he passed Nexus' head and was ready to reach for the door, he felt a slight tug on his sleeve.

"Don't go yet," she begged him quietly.

Axel looked back at Nexus; she reached behind her and grabbed his sleeve with her hand. She wasn't even looking at him, but her eyes were open, red-rimmed, still wet.

"Don't go."

Saying nothing, Axel came and sat back down; Nexus rolled onto her side, facing the wall.

I guess I'll wait until she really does fall asleep, or until she says something else, he decided.

An hour passed, and Nexus hadn't moved one bit.

I'm sorry, Nex, he thought, standing once more. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I put you through this. I'm so sorry.

She didn't move this time, didn't try to grab his sleeve, didn't try to talk.

Axel, convinced she was asleep, opened a portal, and he left without a goodbye.

Nexus, squinting her eyes, exhaled shakily, staring at the wall, as she had been for the past hour.

Nexus' PoV

I have never to this day found any activity more therapuedic than writing. After Axel left, after I cried a little more, and after I gave myself a pep talk, I wrote. I guess you could call my story over halfway done at that point. The illustrations just came in a swirl of color, and soon I felt like nothing had happened, but as if I was stronger anyway.

It is fate, after all, I told myself, my throat tensing up as I put away my notebook. I just have to keep fighting it, that's all.

Fighting...fighting...!!

"Oh no!" I cried, jumping up quickly. "Sora!"

In my remorse I had completely neglected Sora and the others. I wondered how mad he would be, but I figured he would probably just be grateful for the extra help.

Strapping my gun holster to my leg, I began to run outside and look for my friends.

"My friends..." I said to myself as I shut the door behind me. Yes, I had more of them than I thought.

A strange feeling washed over me. For the first time, it really hit me that I had friends of my own.

"...And I should be protecting them right now!" I shouted, sprinting off.