Chapter 24: Kiss or Kill (www . youtube . com/watch?v=B2pomOW0uak --this one has subtitles!)

Memo: MY FAVE!!! Well, not really, but a close second. 3

Nexus' PoV

It was probably around one in the morning when I heard the strange noise. It sounded like something--or someone--was messing around in our kitchen. I figured it was Sora at first, but when I looked over at his bunk, he was still there, quiet with sleep. The noises continued. Someone was trying to be sneaky...and was failing miserably.

I quietly grabbed my gun and fastened the holster around my leg. Whoever the heck it was was about to learn the consequences of breaking and entering.

Slinking out through the bedroom door, I shut said door behind me and tiptoed to the edge of the kitchen wall. The idiot was still there! Whoever it was didn't care, apparently.

I counted myself down for attack mode.

Three...two...one.

I whipped around the wall, gun ready to kill. And then I saw the culprit, almost screaming when my eyes landed on his spiky blonde hair. He had the bread bag in his mouth and various sandwich ingredients in his arms.

"...Roxas?" I gasped, lowering my gun.

"Hey, Nexus," he said, dropping the bread on the counter and closing the refridgerator. This would've been funny had I not been so pissed.

"What are you doing here?!" I ran over to him as he turned his back to me.

"What does it look like?" he replied, looking at me out of the corner of his mischievious blue eyes.

"Raiding the fridge?"

He nodded.

"But...but how are you even here? What about Sora?" I asked, almost afraid to know.

"See for yourself."

Glaring at him for not giving me a more direct answer, I dashed back to the bedroom and took a closer look at Sora. He looked asleep...or maybe dead.

"Sora?" I mouthed, reaching out to touch his shoulder. My hand went through him, and it took every ounce of self-control not to scream in horror.

"What did you do?!" I hissed as soon as I exited the bedroom and saw Roxas again.

"This happens almost every night," he replied, taking a bite of the sandwich. It looked really good...and I was still hungry from being locked up. He didn't bother to share, though, but he kept talking. "Normally I just hang out around here and stuff." He waved a finger at me, trying to chomp down another bite before continuing. "I've been reading that story you wrote about yourself." I felt my face get red and hot.

"That's--"

"Private? I knew you loved Axel before I read that." He sat on the countertop. "Did you know you talk in your sleep?" I shook my head; no one had ever mentioned that before. "Not a lot, just sometimes. Lately it's been worse, but...anyway, that's how I figured out how much you care about him."

I glared at Roxas, shaking with anger.

"I know, I know. It's my fault he abandoned you," he admitted, avoiding eye contact. "And I understand I'm making it worse by running from him. But...he doesn't understand." Roxas shook his head slowly. "I still have a shot at being whole. Axel has nowhere to go but darkness, just like Demyx and the others. I mean, do you even know how he died? You should ask him some time."

I bit my lip hard. He spoke so calmly about it, as if the whole situation was fine.

"I'm sorry, Nexus, but you know it's true, too. And I can guarantee Xemnas' plan won't work."

"I concur," I said. "That was obvious from the start."

"Yeah." Roxas frowned. He looked a lot like Sora with that sort of expression. "It's not like I don't feel bad."

"I know..." I sighed heavily. "He...doesn't realize it yet. He's in denial because he wants to save his friends." A sudden thought popped into my head that hadn't been bothering me until just now. "Wait, Roxas. Namine."

"What about her?"

"Well, what will happen to her?"

"Namine is the same story as me," Roxas said, smiling. He obviously was happy about that turnout, too. "We're really lucky. We know we are."

"Do you think I'll ever see her again, though?"

Roxas shrugged, then he paused, completely still.

"Uh oh. I'm gone," he mumbled, opening a portal in a split second. As he disappeared into it, not leaving behind his food, and closed it behind him, another portal opened in front of me. The hooded figure walked out, his back toward me. I didn't dare move, thinking it might be Luxord back for revenge. But when the figure removed his hood, I relaxed, breathing a quiet sigh of relief.

"Well, hey there stranger," I said, crossing my arms.

Axel whipped around, obviously startled. When he saw me, he raised an eyebrow; I did the same.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"...I can see both of your eyes," he replied.

I gasped, putting a hand over my face. HE WAS RIGHT! I had pinned my hair back earlier that night and totally forgot. Now he could see my full face and all of its assymetrical-ness. GAH! (Seriously, it's really not that bad. It's just my pet peeve. One of my eyes is slightly bigger than the other. It's annoying.)

Immediately I removed the bobby pin from my hair, letting my bangs cover up my eye again.

*~*~*

Nexus slid the bobby pin over the fold-over waist of her hot pink shorts. Axel shook his head, not getting the point at all. She stuck out her tongue at him a little.

"So. What brings you here at this late hour of the night?" she asked, re-crossing her arms.

"...This will sound stupid, but I think Roxas might've been here," Axel replied. Bounty hunter, much?

"He was," she confirmed, nodding a little.

Axel quickly grabbed her shoulders.

"Are you serious? What did he say? Where did he go?"

"Yes, a lot, and I have no idea, but he managed to take some of our food with him before he left."

Axel released Nexus and opened another portal. But before he could step inside, Nexus grabbed his arm tightly, stunning him and making him stop.

"Wouldn't you like to know exactly what he said?" she asked, her eyes begging him to stay. She was NOT going to let him go that easily. It was all she could do to make him stay even another minute.

To her relief, the portal closed.

"What?" Axel asked, monotone.

Nexus hesitated before releasing his arm. "Keep in mind these were his words, not mine. ...He...basically said he didn't want or need your help...again."

She watched as Axel's face fell.

"Did...he say why?" he asked slowly.

"He said that...since Sora' alive, he'd have that way of being whole...and you..."

Axel broke eye contact, not wanting to address that subject. Those were memories he'd rather forget, but never could.

"He knows you're just trying to help, but really he doesn't need it. You--"

"You're just agreeing with him because you want me to give up."

"I'm agreeing with him because he's right." Nexus glared at the floor, focusing her anger there instead of Axel. "I know you're beyond ever staying for good. I lost hope for that a while ago. It doesn't matter what I say or what I do. You're not coming back."

Axel narrowed his eyes a bit. "I know. I heard about yesterday." A smile crept onto his face, his whole visage brightening. "Reeking havoc in the World That Never Was, huh?"

"Some things don't change," she admitted, grinning and locking her eyes back with his. There was a distant glow in them that she remembered from a while ago, back when things were better.

"You're reckless, though," Axel told her, his smile fading.

"Would you rather have me dead?" Nexus asked, taken aback.

"No. But at this rate, that's how you'll end up."

Nexus frowned. "What are you trying to say?"

"Don't do anything stupid."

They stared each other down for a moment, then Nexus closed her eyes, irritated, and sighed.

"I'll try," she said, her eyes fluttering back open. "So, what're you gonna do now?"

"I...just don't know," Axel replied, looking at the floor. "I can't...really do anything. What can I say? I'm stuck." He turned his back to Nexus. "... ...Roxas is fine. ...I obviously can't go back to the Organization, and if I go with you, you'll be in even more danger than you already are, especially after yesterday... Maybe...my time is up."

"You're not making any sense," Nexus mumured, her voice shaking. No, it made sense. She just didn't want it to be true.

"I have...nothing left. Maybe I never had anything to start with." Axel sighed. "What do you think, Nex?"

He turned back around to see Nexus with her own gun to her head.

"Not another word," she hissed through gritted teeth.

"See, this is my point from earlier! You're being reckless!"

"I SAID--" She stomped her foot. "NOT ANOTHER WORD!"

Axel glared at her.

"You wanna know what I think? Here's what I think: YOU'RE BEING EMO! You're thinking emo thoughts, at least!" Her voice was becoming more and more constricted as she went on. "Are you even listening to yourself?!"

Nexus' PoV

I exhaled sharply before I continued. My heart was thundering in my chest, but I couldn't think about it, because then I thought about how he didn't have a heart and would never have one, and my anger would just destroy me.

"Don't you remember the deal we made almost a year and a half ago? Y'know, partners, no matter what? Did you forget about that or something? Because I could've sworn I heard you just say that you have nothing left!"

I paused a moment to see if he had anything to say about that. He didn't. That made me want to cry and tear myself to pieces.

"Maybe you forgot about your other best friend. You know, the one you conveniently ABANDONED?!"

"I didn't ever forget about you!" Axel shouted unconvincingly.

"Oh, you're right. You just refused to listen to her reasoning which was--dare I say it--CORRECT!"

"What are you saying?! You didn't know you were right when you originally said that!"

It was becoming an all-out screaming match. I wasn't really worried about anyone waking up. I knew for a fact Goofy slept through everything, and Donald put himself under a spell each night for continuous sleep. Sora...well, he wasn't himself, you might say. So there was absolutely nothing stopping us. I wished there was.

"I KNOW NOW, DON'T I?!"

"IT'S TOO LATE NOW!"

"NO, IT'S NOT! It might be for saving Roxas, but not for us!"

"WHY SHOULD I EVEN CARE ABOUT YOU ANYMORE?!"

If I had been a person of less self-restraint, I would've shot him right then and there, and then myself. Instead all I could manage to do was release the safety catch on my gun. The click caught his attention.

"Is that what you really think?" I asked, my voice halfway to a whisper. I was feeling so dizzy with hatred and agony that it was a wonder I was even standing upright. "Well, I'm sorry I can't be a stupid, emotionless Nobody like you. But I can't help being a freak, okay?"

"Nexus." Axel gave me a stern look.

"What? Am I taking too long? You really wanna get rid of me, don't you, so you can carry on down your merry way? Well, okay, I guess I'll see you on the other side."

As my finger started to pull the trigger, I closed my eyes tightly. I didn't want to see his face when I died.

The next moment was weird. I pulled the trigger, and I heard the shot fire, but I didn't feel anything. Nothing except a strange weight on my shoulders. But I knew I had to have shot myself, because I dropped my gun, and I fell, my body slamming into the floor. I didn't know death would be like that.

But it wasn't death. Somehow I had survived the miracle bullet.

Flinching slightly at the pain now throbbing through my entire body from hitting the floor, I opened my eyes slowly.

Axel looked PISSED.

I wanted to say so many things, some of them nicer than other, but the only thing I could manage to spit out was, "Give me my gun." I could see it lying on the floor nearby, smoking still. The shot had hit the ceiling. Axel must've stopped it.

"No," he growled through clenched teeth. "I ought to smash that damn thing." He was pinning me down by my wrists, and although I was beyond mad, I would definitely be lying if I said I didn't like it just a little.

"Don't you dare," I said weakly, my anger subsiding and my embarrassment growing.

I struggled to free myself, but his hands only clenched my wrists tighter, making me blush. There was only one way of escape without injuring him or me.

Draning my nose and throat, I spit right in Axel's face, hitting him square between the eyes. He immediately released me to wipe off his face. I took the opportunity to jump up and start running toward my bedroom--don't know what I would've done after that--when his hand grabbed my waist. I curse my life for being ticklish.

"Let me GO!" I screamed, near tears.

"No way," he said, pulling me toward him and grabbing my wrists again.

"DON'T MAKE ME SPIT ON YOU AGAIN!"

I dropped to my knees, squirming for freedom, then I got a much better idea that would actually work.

Using all the strength I had, I flipped Axel over and the second he let go of me to catch himself, I jumped on top of him, pinning him with his arms at his sides.

"Hah! How 'bout a taste of your own damn medicine!?" I shouted in his face.

It was really quiet after that. Axel just looked at me for a moment, then suddenly, he started laughing. Then I started laughing. And soon we were just sitting there, laughing. As if nothing had happened. At all.

I have found it's really hard to stay mad at someone you truly love.

A few minutes later, I finally stopped laughing long enough to say something to Axel.

"Friends?" I asked, holding out a hand.

"Get off of me first," he said, still laughing.

"Oh, yeah."

*~*~*

When they were finally back on their feet again, Axel and Nexus looked at each other, still grinning in silent laughter.

"I'm sorry," he said, hugging her tightly.

"Me, too," she admitted, hugging him back. She wanted to pause that moment in time, but reality settled in. He would have to leave soon.

"You can go get your gun," Axel said suddenly, pushing her back. "I won't stop you from taking it." She eyed him suspiciously. "Unless I really need to again."

Smiling, she nodded and trotted over to her gun, bending down to pick it up.

As she stooped over her gun, checking to make sure nothing was damaged, Nexus was unaware of Axel watching her closely. Truth be told, he had never really looked at her before until tonight, when he could see all of her moonlit face and both of her turquoise eyes. And he had never noticed, but she was incredibly pretty. Though her face was childish and dainty, her body was that of a woman, curved in all of the right places. Some places more than others, Axel realized as Nexus stood back up.

Feeling his gaze upon her, Nexus glanced at him and raised her eyebrows.

"What?" she mumbled, her cheeks turning a darker shade of pink.

"Nothing," Axel mumbled back, trying not to stare as she walked back to him. Has she always walked like that? With her hips?

"Well, whatever. It's not broken," Nexus told him, holding out her gun. "Good thing. I would have to kill you." With a wink, she bent over and unfastened the leather holster around her thigh. "Hold this please."

Nexus set the gun in Axel's hands, expecting him to look at it. But he couldn't stop watching her.

"You..."

Nexus lifted her head up, crouched over in front of Axel. He blushed a little.

Since when has she had those? he wondered as she straightened up again.

"Yes?" she asked, staring at him. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he said, shaking his head.

"You said 'yes,' but you shook your head 'no.'" She laughed. "Which one is it?"

He laughed, too. "I really don't know. I'm too tired to care."

Nexus nodded, glancing at the clock. It was already almost three.

"I know you have to go," she then murmured, looking up at him. He nodded once, looking sad.

"I promise, I'll come back for you--"

"No," she interrupted him quietly. "Don't promise anything. If you're looking for something to give you purpose, why don't you stop trying to save Roxas and start trying to save yourself?"

He paused, then replied, "Right back at ya."

She smiled, embracing him tightly, breathing in his scent, filling her lungs until she thought they might burst. Axel did the same. They regretted nothing.

Nexus' PoV

Before he left, before I let go of him maybe for the last time ever, I considered asking him about how he died. After all, Roxas had told me it was worth knowing, and I had always been pretty curious myself. But I was drained, and I didn't want anything emotional to happen for the next few hours. And what if he had said no? That would've just been an awkward goodbye. And I really didn't want that.

"Bye," I said, biting my bottom lip in order to keep myself from crying.

"See you again," Axel said, smiling sadly, as if he wasn't sure of his own words. I closed my eyes, trembling.

I felt his hand gently touch my cheek, then softly push my bangs behind my right ear. Opening my eyes, he was still smiling, and it felt different somehow, though not bad.

"I don't care what you say," he said with a smirk. "I'll see you again. I promise."

The second he disappeared into his portal, I burst into tears.

"How can you say that?!" I shouted after him as the black smoke faded. "I'm dying. I'm dying!"

Dropping my gun and holster on the ground, I followed it, collapsing in a heap on the carpet. I just let it all go. At that point, I didn't care who found me like that, or if they asked questions. I just needed to cry and let out all of my feelings before I did something extremely regrettable.

Even after I cried, though, I still felt empty, and I dragged myself to bed still feeling that way. I was scared that I would kill myself. My sanity had been tried too much in such a short period of time that I felt like I would just break down and shoot myself, for real this time.

So I unloaded my gun and rolled all of my bullets under Sora's bunk, and I put my gun on the far side of my bed, underneath the mattress. I would have really had to have struggled to kill myself under that much trouble at that time at night.

I didn't know if I would wake up in the morning or not, but I hoped I would. I hoped Axel could keep his promise, and that I would see him again...soon. I hoped, and that's all I had ever done before.

I hoped hoping would work.