Author's Notes.
This is a bit of an Alternate Universe, mainly because of the borderline shounen-ai obsession I've inserted here. 'Texhnolyze' is an anime with plenty going on for it, with a beautiful 'end-of-the-world' background and interesting characters.
I've placed the vocabulary list at the end.
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"Silk Tie" isn't quite complete, but as I believe there are far too few Texhnolyze fics out there, it is going up. If you've any suggestions for this lowly writer, you're very welcome.
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Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of characters, settings, or any and all parts of this piece of fiction that bears any resemblance to the lovely anime, Texhnolyze.
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Silk Tie
by letmeupme
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Toyama's non-smile returned when Ichise reached out to stop Toyama's roaming hand.
Ichise understood, somewhat, the reasoning behind Toyama's act, but he couldn't consent to it for those same reasons.
They might never meet again.
Ichise didn't know why Toyama would choose him, why he would choose this path to sooth whatever it was that unsettled Toyama about it.
Ichise was uneasy with the idea that Toyama would be alone again, with no one at his back, so he had to dislike it. He wished it were a passing regret. You had a lot of those when you lived in Lux.
And, you know, Toyama, fucked up as he was, probably wouldn't mind dying that way. Falling, just because he was too much of a bastard to find anyone else who would have his back. Falling hard, because where he'd risen was too high for even crazy fuckers like Toyama to climb safely. And he disliked that next time; nobody would bother to bring Toyama back from the killing edge. The spectators would applaud him, they would fucking drive Toyama that much closer to his brittle breaking point with their fucking authority over this damned shithole without caring that Toyama would be no more, with all his crazy and his fucking manners and ambition and that stupid, soft hide which seemed a miracle to Ichise in a way he didn't really fucking understand.
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"..Toyama?"
"Saigo no advice, Ichise. Don't think too much."
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He disliked the powerlessness of it, of Toyama bringing warmth and touch and fuck, he hated it, despite that he thought it might be beneficial a few moments ago to let things play out, it felt just like the old times, fuck or fight and you get the money and girls and the stash whether you wanted it or not, and he felt himself clawing for some way to fight it, while his arms still obediently welcomed Toyama back to his lap.
His fingers answered Toyama's coaxing fingers, tracing his jaw line, his bones, nipples, veins, retracing the paths with his nose and tongue. Toyama lightly scraped the front of Ichise's trousers with his knuckles, dragging the layers of fabric over the slow heat. There were scars and almost faded bruises a fraher wide on Toyama that Ichise only sees on hindsight.
The insistent pressure finally roused him to grip Toyama hard enough to bruise. Toyama only slanted his eyes in a gesture that could be taken for pleasure
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"-would sink my teeth into your flesh and blood, devour you now. Drip your life over my skin, even as it thickens and clots, and revel in the smell, your smell. If only you weren't such a worthy-"
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Time ceased to have meaning, duty became second to this all-compassing heat.
It burned and scorched, and Ichise wanted, wanted Toyama to, wanted for Toyama to, and above all wanted with all his strength in an obscenely vague way, he wanted Toyama safe, he wanted Toyama dead, he wanted Toyama secure in his arms, or maybe he even wished Toyama his freedom.
And perhaps, perhaps Toyama felt his need. Why else would he cry?
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" -ent, I would regret it. I have been restraining myself for quite some time, Ichise-san. Did you ever think of me this way? I know you didn't leave as quickly as you could have."
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Words seemed to jumble together and fall apart, and yet make perfect sense. Ichise knew what Toyama was talking about, just as Toyama knew he did.
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"You didn't leave as quickly as you could have that time, even though I asked it of you. Did you see? Did you hear? Did you find us- me interesting?"
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Did he? Had he?
He no longer knew, but he knew it mattered. This time.
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"Ichise-san, do you find me repulsive? Or do you anticipate our joining? Do you find that anticipation clinging like sead in your throat, drowning you in the guilt and disgust? Oh so disgusting, oh so weak.. like my father. Like me."
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Afterwards, when the blue sky of the Above is a memory, Ichise mourns Toyama.
He mourns not speaking when Toyama could still raise an eyebrow at him for suggesting something so nice it seemed bizarre and somewhat insulting in their world.
He mourns not having swept Toyama away from the violence.
Violence suited Ichise then, but it didn't suit Toyama, had never suited Toyama, who thrived on it mainly because he could lose so much of himself in the process.
What could he have offered Toyama?
A lot.
Maybe not much.
But looking around at all the fuck-ugly plant life that had overtaken Lux, Ichise thinks that maybe, it would have been enough.
Nobody would have come after them if he had taken Toyama away.
There was no Organo, no Lacan, no mysterious all-powerful Class around anymore.
Nobody would have cared. Away from the violence, away from the power and the hunger and the oncoming crazy, Ichise could have given Toyama the freedom in which to enjoy his crazy.
The crazy, the stupid and ugly and meaningless blood-lust that had taken over Lux so strongly contrasted with Toyama, who was kind of pretty even with his crazy, kept reminding Ichise of his what-ifs.
The dankness contrasting with the blue sky of the Above reminded him of how Toyama had been kind of pretty even as he died, even as he thanked Ichise for fucking putting him out of his misery with a damn good fight, even as he died a fucking Shape.
Maybe he could've stopped the shivering.
It might have been enough to know that that day, Ichise hadn't found Toyama repulsing, that he hadn't allowed the stupid out of pity, and that he had actually fucking cared. Who knows.
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..Toyama?
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Red.
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..Toyama?
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Red blood, spurting from where he'd probably hit some carotid artery.
It's funny that even as one of them, Toyama still looks pretty damn good to Ichise.
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..Toyama?
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"..Toyama?"
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"arigatou"
Says the fucker as he fucking dies.
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Ichise doen't think as he goes through the motions of going back. Walking down the stairway that leads to Lux, vague shapes flit through his mind, but he doesn't care.
He knows he should feel something when first seeing all the Shapes, immobile and breaking and not Toyama littering Lux when he descends, but he doesn't care.
He's too busy remembering.
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...Toyama?
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The silken red cloth slides almost soundlessly to the ground, replaced by nimble fingers that are familiar yet alien on his skin.
His murmuring is like silk over steel, if only he could remember what it fucking sounded like.
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"Don't think too much, Ichise-san."
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Amongst the dying humanity of the non-Shapes, and the dying batteries of the Shapes, Ichise finds the dead body of his once-precious flower girl.
He buries her.
He thinks that, while the blue sky Above had been wasted on him and Toyama, Ran might have enjoyed seeing it.
He looks around, and guesses that he doesn't feel any sorrow for the sorry sight that greets him, and he feels somewhat justified in feeling joy that the same power-hungry dickheads that screwed Ran over for her prophecies were probably not expecting this outcome.
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As Ichise hunkers down to wait, to wait until he can join the ranks of the fuck-ugly plant life of Shapes and stupids that have become of the population in Lux, he remembers, and thinks that it's pretty fucked up for a downer like himself to have wondered over a fucker like Toyama.
And he remembers that since the fucker seemed to have tolerated the downer somewhat, the downer must have wondered pretty well.
The End.
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. Vocabulary:
Lux – A chaotic underground city, Lux, which is governed by yakuza and has an almost primitive feel for its violence and crime. Lux is also known for producing the weed that affects the immune system, allowing for the denizens of Lux to 'technolyze' their body.
Gabe / Ran - A rural village of Lux. It is said that the inhabitants descend from the historic leaders of Lux, and members of the Organo are seen seeking council in the anime. They protect their lifestyle with zeal, and they worship Ran, a young prophetess who sees the future. Gabe is different from the rest of Lux, in that it has a structured (non-chaotic) , albeit medieval environment.
Texhnolyze – The technology used to attach and incorporate artificial limbs to a human body. Its uses range from classic prosthesis to accessorizing oneself as one would with a tattoo. Considering that the city claims its many opposing mafia clans as its governing force, a metallic middle finger that can lengthen and sharpen at will would certainly come handy in everyday life. Texhnolyzed people are prohibited from professional fighting, and there is even a Luddite force called the Union that sees Texhnolyze as a threat to the mind and body.
Lafia – A flower of a type of liverwort that can only be grown in Lux. It disrupts the immune system, and is used in texhnolyzing.
Organo – A board of Mafia leaders that preside over Lux, including an Onishi and a Kohagura, under which Ichise and Toyama work, respectively.
Lacan - A quickly growing group of youngsters who contest to Organo's iron rule, they gather under a sole rule, freedom.
Class – A mysterious governing power from Above, which seems to have more monetary funds and clout than the Organo.
Above – As opposing to the underground city Lux, which is easy to enter from the Above, but is nearly impossible to leave. In the ending chapters of the anime, the Above, which is previously imaginable as a rich, affluent land with a population of upstanding citizens, is exposed as a clean, sterile land with a dying civilization and its ghosts. The Class, thought to be of the Above, are seemingly a different political entity, and are also dying out.
Shapes – Persons that have been Texhnolyzed from neck down, in accordance to a destructive political ideology introduced by a surviving member of the Class. The resulting robots are very uniform with clean lines, making for somewhat unsettling scenery.
Fraher – A perfectly fictional unit for measuring, even in the world of Texhnolyze
Saigo no – Japanese for "My last (piece of)-."
Sead – A glutinous, repulsive drink whose merits lie in its accessibility and alcohol content. Like Fraher, a word made for solely this story.