Author's (ridiculously long)Note-
Cali: Woohoo! Chapter two is DONE!
Coral: Mmhmm, and it's how many days late?
Cali: Okay, but-
Coral: No buts! Apologize to the nice readers for making them wait for your half, and promise not to do it again!
Cali: *Le'sigh* Why do I put up with such abuse?
Coral: *Sharpens something pointy*
Cali: Okay, I get it! I apologize to the general populace for the general tardiness of this chapter, and promise not to do it again. On a side note, I also apologized for the general lack-of-anything-interesting happening in it. Please stay with it- it gets interesting soon, I promise! On with the fic!
Disclaimer:
Cali: Can't I least pretend I own it?
Coral: No.
Cali: Damn.
Chapter Two- Remorse
Light awoke to find five faces hovering over him, his mind already racing. His stomach lurched. Four of the faces were concerned, but he looked past them, settling on L. He could almost see the pieces falling together behind his dark eyes.
"Care to explain Light-kun?" The normally soft baritone was colder than Light had ever heard it. His stomach attempted a somersault as his conscience caught up to his memories.
The Death Note was destroyed, yes, but Light hadn't willingly given it up this time. The memories had stayed intact, while apparently restoring the humanity it had taken away. His ability to feel remorse, to care about what he'd done, was washing through him. He was going to be sick.
"Are you Kira?" L's voice was dead. And Light knew he would be as well. He couldn't deny it anymore.
He just lay there, and seemingly that was enough for L. Light barely saw the other man shift as suddenly a foot crushed his face.
"Fuck!" He felt the cartilage crunch and blood spurt as his hands flew to his face. He gagged as it slid down his throat. A second time the foot fell and he felt no more.
"What the hell Ryuzaki?" Yagami shouted at L. The man barely heard it, as he stared at Light's prone form. It had been a long time since L had been this angry, and never before had it been tainted with betrayal. He took a steadying breath.
"Everyone, you may leave. The Kira case has been solved. Thank you for your help. Yagami-san? You may stay until your son confesses." There were general murmers of disbelief, Matsuda's of course being the loudest. He swiftly found himself shoved against the wall of the incinerator, the heated steel burning his skin.
"What the hell?" Yagami repeated, "We've been through this, Light was cleared!" L looked blankly at this father who refused to see the obvious signs.
"Yes, that was until one of the rules was proven false, as we are not yet dead. Which in turn suggests that the second rule is a possible falsehood as well. Excluding both rules makes Light-kun again the primary suspect. That in turn with Light-kun's adverse affect to the destruction of the notebook, and his refusal to finally deny his part as Kira as he adamantly has in the past, only further convinces me. Whatever changed has thus cemented his place as Kira. As I said, you may stay until this is all verified of course." Yagami's grip had lessened as he stared at his son, his brow furrowed anew, as Matsuda pressed a towel he had scavenged out of a cupboard against Lights bleeding face. He shoved L against the wall again.
"What was the point in attacking him?"
"I had to assure our safety since it was impossible to ascertain his current state of mind. It is possible that the forcible severing of him from the notebook warped his psyche. You saw that he was not responding coherently."
Soichiro shook him one last time and went over to his son. Still unconscious with his nose rapidly swelling.
"You bastard! I think his nose is broken!" L sighed. Well he had kicked him rather hard.
"I will make sure Watari sets it before Light awakens."
Light awoke to a dull throb in his head. His head? No, his face. His face felt like someone had. . . well; like someone had stomped on it, actually.
"Light-kun," a static filled voice sounded from over head. Obviously it was L.
"How are you feeling?"
That of course called attention to the sharp pain in his face and the stiff ache in his jaw.
"My face hurts,"
"I would imagine so as I knocked you out. Do you recall why?" Light flinched and immediately regretted it as pain flared around his eyes. Only then did he notice the stiff medical tape obscuring his line of vision.
"Did you fucking break my nose?" Did he set it right? What if it healed crooked-
"I think Light-kun is getting distracted-"
"Why am I tied up?" He was on a bed- a cot, more or less, back in one of the small, cramped interrogation rooms, much like the one Misa had inhabited before. Both hands were secured with cuffs firmly attached to either side of the cot. His legs, he noticed, were free, but that didn't really matter much.
"I thought tying you to a bed was more humane than chaining you to a wall while your father and I await your confession."
Shock.
Shock as his conscience flared a second time.
Shock as he squeezed his eyes shut as at the accompanying nausea; now that he cared that he had killed hundreds of people.
Shock as he imagined his father watching this interaction. He knew he could no longer deny being Kira. Obviously he was unstable.
Silence.
"Light-kun, let me ask you this- Am I only alive because you could not find my name?"
He felt an odd tightening in his chest as he heard the hesitance in L's voice. He remembered L once calling him his friend. Clearly Light was a terrible friend. He wanted to apologize but just couldn't. It wouldn't matter if he did. Not now, anyway. But he could nod.
L watched Light nod and was presented with the odd sensation of his stomach dropping. He took a steadying breath, unsure now of what emotion he was feeling. He left the room to find Soichiro Yagami staring in shock at his own monitor.
"Is that enough of a confession for you Yagami-san?" The older man continued to gape for a moment, and then closed his eyes. His already pallid color now resembled that of a corpse. He pinched the bridge of his nose.
"You'll press charges then?" L shook his head.
"We no longer have any evidence against Kira. We burned the notebook which was our only real tie. I will have to find another way to deal with him."
The former chief of police stood angrily, fist clenching. His words were quiet; a barely audible hiss.
"My son is dead to me."
An extreme reaction, L supposed, but fitting nonetheless. He was surprised to see a hand enter his field of vision. He looked up from his crouch in front of the monitor, meeting Soichiro's eyes.
"L, you. . . you have my thanks, along with the rest of the world. You caught Kira."
His eyes told another story. The anguish was all too real, as was the anger. Only time would tell if that would become a problem.
L stood, taking the man's hand, shaking it for the first time. "I understand this must be hard for you, but please don't alert the media or tell anyone what happened in regards to your son."
"I have no son."
Yagami the elder –now Yagami the only, L mused- broke the contact first, turning away and making to leave the building, most likely to never return.
"L? There is still the matter of Miss Amane." Watari's voice cut through the silence.
"Yes, true. Yagami-san?" The man stopped maiming his coat in an attempt to put it on. He needed to get out, it was true. L understood that. He also needed a distraction. L's already fast moving mind attempted to work overtime.
"Yes, L?" Both he and Watari, it seemed, no longer felt the need to call him by the pseudonym 'Ryuuzaki' anymore.
"Would you mind terribly releasing Misa-san? She will need a comforting shoulder when she hears that her boyfriend lost his life in the fight against Kira." Not technically a lie. Light's life was truly in L's hands, and the worst part was, L had no idea what to do with it.
Yagami looked stunned, than straightened his shoulders. "As a last favor, I will. Just promise me that I'll never have to step foot in this damned building ever again."
L nodded. "Of course. This is goodbye, Yagami-san."
The elder man nodded curtly, turning away and not glancing back as he left the room. Turning back to the computer, L switched to the view of Misa's rooms, turning off the volume. He was in no mood to hear this conversation.
Misa, it seemed, had taken the news about as well as L had expected her to, which was horribly. Even muted, he could tell there was screaming mixed in with her tears, which couldn't be helping Yagami's nerves any. Just as he was about to request Watari to bring sedation, she stopped, seemingly fainting into the older man's arms. L pulled his chair closer, squinting at the screen.
No, not fainted. Just overwhelmed. Her eyes were bright and shiny, almost manic. She held onto the father of the love of her life as if he was the only anchor she had left. He most likely was.
Yagami, for all his mettle, didn't seem to know how to handle a sobbing girl. Looking decidedly uncomfortable, he wrapped his arms around her, as if sharing in her grief. He was grieving, yes, but it was for a different reason entirely.
After a few moments, he straightened mechanically, taking her by the shoulders and asking her something. L didn't bother reading his lips. Whatever he said, Misa pulled out of his grip, casting her eyes about the room. She shook her head slowly, and then her hands flew to her mouth, holding in a sob. She turned around and dashed out of the room, and L followed her on the cameras.
Rifling through an armoire in her bedroom, she dug out a carefully folded men's dress shirt that L recognized as one of Light's. He had thought he'd misplaced it in the wash only a few weeks ago. Another mystery solved, at least. Slowly, she walked back to Yagami. He put a hand on her shoulder, asking her something else. She shook her head again.
She seemed to crumple around the shirt, all the fight leaving her.
They left the room without taking anything else with them. Too many memories? L wondered. Ah, well, he thought, it's not like she wasn't capable of easily replacing them. She did make quite a bit of money in her career. And maybe that's just what she needed- a fresh start.
He followed them on the cameras until they reached the lobby, then stood and walked to the floor to ceiling windows that faced the front of the building to see that Watari had brought a car around. Yagami seemed torn- it was clear that he wanted nothing more to do with L, or his seemed hospitality, but it didn't seem a good idea to walk the streets to the subway with a distraught young girl on his arm.
Watari got out of the car and held the door for them, his face genuinely sad. Yagami guided Misa to the vehicle, and Watari held his hand out to help her inside. Misa knocked the hand away and flung her arms around his neck, to the surprise of both men and L. After a moment, she lowered herself down from her tiptoes and said something to him, and from the odd look on his face, L could easily guess what that something was. With one last glare at the building L stood in, she threw herself into the backseat of the car. L didn't begrudge either man that car trip.
Yagami and Watari shook hands, although no words were exchanged. It seemed all that needed to be said was already spoken. When both men were in the car and it had pulled into the busy twilight traffic of Tokyo, L allowed himself a sigh. Hopefully they would both move on- one with a terrible sadness, and the other a terrible secret. He didn't want to fathom the ramifications if they didn't.
L returned to the monitor only to hear Light calling his name. He stared for a moment, unsure of what to expect from Light now. He was intelligent enough to know L would take the nod as a confession. He pressed the button,
"Yes?"
"Did my father leave?" L blinked at the screen, not what he had expected.
"Yes"
"How did he react?"
"He said you are dead to him." No point in skipping around the fact. He saw Light nod rather calmly at that, but moments later heard labored breathing. Was he crying? It must be incredibly uncomfortable with his nose in its current state. L watched. Light could barely even turn his head if his nose started bleeding again. He sighed.
"Light-kun," He paused, he supposed he should drop the –kun, it was just less friendly now that Light had admittedly been wanting to kill him. "Would you prefer to be moved to your cell? While you will remain confined you will be able to move around should you wish."
Light lay perfectly still, he barely even blinked. L was sure he was trying to think of any reason L may have to be nice. Or possibly any underhanded things L may be planning. He visibly sighed,
"Please."
It was disturbing, at first, how silent Light was. He had behaved well, if not a little lethargically, when Watari had returned and bound, blinded and cuffed him for the return trip back to his cell.
Since then, he had lain on his cot, not moving, barely blinking, and if it wasn't for the extended periods of closed eyes and relaxed breathing –and by extended L meant three hours at any given time, tops- he would have thought he wasn't sleeping. Trays of food were ignored, as was water. He had practically gone comatose, and after three days, L was beginning to worry.
Shock had long worn off, and if this was depression, L would have expected a better handle on it from Light. He decided to give Light another twenty four hours, and if he didn't say anything in that time, L would break the silence.
It was that evening when Light suddenly began speaking. L listened, confused since Light didn't seem to be asking for anything, merely muttering to himself. L fiddled with the audio a moment until he could hear him.
Light was apologizing.
It was an undertone litany of apologies. To his Mother, to his Father, to Sayu. Even to L. For a moment he thought Light must be messing with him, after all he knew he could adjust the audio feed. But Light didn't linger on L as he might expect. He moved onto Matsuda, apologizing for some inane rudeness. Something Matsuda probably didn't even remember. He continued; even apologizing to Misa. L perked up at that one, his nose nearly touching the screen. Light apologized for never caring for her; for being mean to her; for using her.
Ah ha! L had been right! Light continued- he apologized for ever becoming Kira, he was sure she never would have gotten so out of control. He was sorry for breaking her contact with Rem who seemed to care for her. He was sorry his plan would have paired her with Ryuk who wouldn't have been so caring.
Ryuk? Another Shinigami?
"Light," the younger man never even looked up, just continued. "Light!"
And it went on for fifty seven hours, in between fits of restless sleep. L attempted to capture his attention as he woke up before he began apologizing, and after he finished, interrupting him. He was deaf to the world it seemed. His voice would crack and he would cough, continuing on. Sometimes in a whisper, and sometimes barely mouthing the words. And the apologies were nearly always the same. To his Mother, to his Father, to Sayu, to L. Most times he even remembered Matsuda.
It seriously irked L.
From his apologies to Misa he concluded that her -or perhaps originally Lights-? Death Note was still out in the world. L had began monitoring the news again for any Kira like murders, but none had appeared, leading him to conclude that Light's 'Plan' had involved hiding it until a later date. It was still not something he wanted out in the world able to be found.
After an almost exact week of confinement, when L was seriously considering hooking the young killer up to an IV and a heavy dose of sleeping meds, L heard his litany change. This morning it was things Light missed. Light missed mornings, and breakfast, and helping Sayu with her homework. He missed sunlight, and fresh air. And tennis. And that was when he seemingly returned from his stupor. He began to speak directly to L.
"It would have been fun, you know, to actually have had a friendly game. You know I didn't believe you when you said you had been a Junior Champion-"
"Light-kun! Light can you hear me?" L sat nose pressed against the monitor.
"Sure Ryuuga," He looked confused a moment, "no Ryuzaki- L?" He chuckled dryly, voice cracking, "You have a lot of names,"
"Yes…I really do. Do you realize you have been rather… Out of it the last few days?" L watched Light nod on the monitor.
"Yeah, sorry I had to, um. . . Work through some things." His head lolled to the side, focusing on the tiny camera in his cell. "I did something really, really stupid."
L felt that in the long line of understatements he had ever heard, that one literally took the cake. His hand unconsciously scooted his slice of red velvet cake closer to himself from its position on the desk.
Other than the fact that Light had obviously had a severe psychological breakdown, and that he had deprived himself of both food and water, and using the facilities in over a week, he seemed lucid. A little woozy, perhaps, and definitely not up to par with his usual intelligence, but aware nonetheless.
"Then will you be alright if I ask you about something you said during it?" Light nodded again,
"Yes I'll be alright now."
He bit his lip, considering his options. He really should back off now, get some nutrients into Light while he was still coherent and didn't need to be force fed, and then start a full psychological diagnosis. That truly would be best for Light. But really, was Light someone he should be worried about?
He was a mass murderer, a criminal mastermind, and L grit his teeth as he shoved emotions on the backburner and put the necessities into perspective.
"Light you mentioned Ryuk, and Misa. Is he another shinigami?" Light blanched and L was nearly ready to throw his sugar cubes at the wall- nearly. He popped one in his mouth and crunched down shifting his cake to the side as he moved closer to the monitor.
"Uh... yeah. Ryuk is another shinigami. He dropped his note first. Out of boredom, apparently," Another dry chuckle.
"And this note? It is still here on Earth yes? You mentioned having had a plan." Light had curled in on himself, back against the bed, seated on the floor. His hands gripped the front of his hair.
"Misa was supposed to continue while I helped you look for Kira. I hid the book in a small clearing until I could send her to get it."
"You were unable to communicate this to her correct?" Light nodded, "than could you tell me where it is? It is still dangerous even if it is hidden."
Light proceeded to give him a reasonably detailed description of where the notebook would be. A clearing, in a wooded area, to the north. Simple enough. He described the surrounding area, and L felt reasonably sure that finding it would be of little trouble for a renowned detective such as himself.
Except when he went to look he couldn't find it. And while yes, indeed there were many possible places that could have matched the description, after the fourth, final, and least likely small clearing he thought Light must be messing with him. Not exactly an intelligent move on the part of a captive, but then, Light seemed to be getting increasingly stupid, at least in L's mind.
It wouldn't be so bad, he thought, if he was showing signs of his old, slightly sarcastic and still somewhat friendly side. Unfortunately, Light was still inclined to stay in one spot, muttering to himself about things in the world he missed and would likely never experience again, unmoving unless it was to eat, and even then the amount was little. L refused to acknowledge how much he missed his old friend.
He clamped down on that thought. Light was sick, to be sure. He had severe psychological problems, starting with his distinct brand of borderline-personality disorder stemming from his connection with the Deathnote, and not even beginning to end with his recent fall into depression, which was expected.
Still, the Light he had developed a fondess for was in there, somewhere, and now he was in L's care. And L would be damned if he didn't find a way to bring him back.
Cali: Thanks again for reading, the next chapter should be out within the week!
Coral: And this time she means it. *Glares*
Calli: *Shudders* And this time I mean it.