Hermione POV

I hated myself, hated the person that I had become. I was a shell of the Hermione Granger that had broken into Gringotts, that had killed a horcrux, that had taken on a dark lord with the help of my best friends and won. When had hate brewed so heavily in my heart? When had my heart itself shriveled up and died? Probably around the same time as my words had left me. I had nothing else of myself to give. That had to be why my voice was so hard to find, because there was nothing I could say that had any worth, nothing that wasn't fueled by anger and pain.

By branding the object of my hate, I thought it would make me better, bring me satisfaction. All it did was reflect that hate back on myself and now I no longer hated anyone more than I hated myself. Not Harry, who had been there for me for years, or McGonagall who had welcomed me back to Hogwarts with open arms, not Ron who just hadn't known how to handle my grief mixed with his own. I didn't even hate Theo or…or Malfoy. Malfoy and Theo. I remembered them in the dark of my room when I returned from my Friday mission. In my private thoughts, I could see them. I tried, tried so hard to fight my warm thighs and aching cunt when I returned to my room, but my hand found myself in the middle of the night, in the thick of dreams. I awoke with a shaking orgasm that brought with it a scream of pleasure. It also brought all my hate rushing to the surface. I had taken two showers before I felt clean enough to dawn my robes.

I decided then that I would avoid them. I would keep myself away from everyone except those that I had burdened and needed to mend my connections with. I did not need to mend anything with the two Slytherin men that I now knew found comfort in each other every night. It was so glaringly obvious when I had seen them- Malfoy on the floor, Theo above him. Then they had looked at me, crawling on my knees to get a taste of that devotion, a taste of something...else.

"You don't deserve to look at her."

That's what Theo had said and it was true. So why had I been so drawn to them in that moment? I chalked it up to jealousy. That had to be it. I was jealous of what they had.

I dived deep into my studies, into my books, and my letters. I wrote Harry and Ron. I asked Harry about Ginny, told him what I had really been feeling when I left Grimmauld place, explained that I was too jealous and sad to watch his happiness then begged his forgiveness. I apologized to Ron for driving a wedge between our friendship, for ruining whatever hope we might have had at a relationship. Then, I approached Headmistress McGonagall with a note requesting her guidance, a mentorship of sorts. I filled every scrap of time, ignoring every Friday that passed.

My birthday came and went, leaving me with nothing except a book that haunted me from my bedside table. That had been the only time I had slipped, where I had looked at them. I knew who the book was from the moment I opened the package. No one else would have gifted me a muggle romance and the shock at the gift made me forget to avoid their gazes. Theo, smug grin on his face, had watched while I blushed. Malfoy had admonished him with an elbow to his ribs. I saw it all the way from across the room. I wanted to read the book he had gifted me and I hated myself enough that the denial of what I wanted felt righteous.

It all came to a head the Friday before Halloween. Another Friday, trying to fight my feet and the desire to make my way to the Head Boy's room. It wasn't a desire for revenge that I felt anymore. I wanted…I wanted that something else. The something else I felt when I sat beside Theo in potions, the something else I'd felt seeing Malfoy on his knees. Nothing I read was distracting enough to keep my eyes from wandering to the door. Nothing except the book that taunted me from the nightstand. I finally gave in, curling open the pages. I began to read. It was a slow start, as most romance books are, but when it got to the good bits I was biting my lip so hard that it was a wonder that I didn't draw blood.

Hands upon hands, both sets of their fingers glided between her legs to where she was hot and wet and ready.

"Our dearest angel," they whispered, peppering her neck with hot kisses as they began to work her swollen hole, fingers pressing into her. "Drenched for our pleasure."

The taste of iron on my tongue came abruptly. I'd finally bitten my lip too hard in an attempt to control my desperation. I tossed the open book onto the bed, unable to deny myself any longer. My skin felt hot and I knew I was soaked through even before my hand found my cunt under the knickers I slept in, my other hand reaching up under my loose shirt to tease my nipple. I collected some of those slick juices before pressing my middle finger to my clit. It was so hard, swollen. At first it was easy to picture the two men in the book, but their faces morphed quickly and I was so caught up in my need that I didn't care. I wanted more hands than my two, and the hands I wanted were Slytherin hands. I imagined that stupid smirk on Theo's face as I worked my clit, Malfoy watching with a tortured expression.

"He wishes those were his fingers," Theo said. "His pureblood fingers in that tight little cunt."

My stomach twisted in that familiar knot. I was going to cum so fast. I'd been hinging on the edge for hours, lost in the smuttiest book I'd ever read after weeks of denial. The image in my mind shifted, Theo smacking Malfoy's cheek.

"Don't you dare watch her cum, Malfoy. If you're a good boy, maybe she'll let you lick it up after. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

I was so deep into oblivion that I didn't hear the click of the lock, the squeak of an old door. I only heard his voice, saw their faces. Theo and Malfoy watching, waiting for me to cum, Theo begging to hear their names as I did. They wanted to hear it so badly.

"Speak, Granger. Scream our names while you cum. Let Malfoy hear you."

"Theo….Malfoy," I said their names unabashedly as I reached the peak of my climax.

"Fuck, Hermione."

I heard Theo's voice so much differently than in my mind. My eyes flew open and I came at the exact moment that the door slammed shut. I couldn't have stopped it even if I wanted to. I still twitched, letting out a moan before I ripped my hands free from underneath my clothes, my breaths coming out in ragged pants. I was sure there was a look of pure rage on my face, but it was met by two desperate stares.