6. Confusion

Relief washed over me as I shut the kitchen door behind Ben. I had managed to lie my way through the whole conversation, without him pushing for answers even though he looked suspicious. I did want to tell Ben about my unexpected pregnancy, but I just wasn't quite ready yet. I would tell him soon, though. I wasn't very good at keeping secrets; let alone a secret this big.

I made my way over to the kitchen sink and grabbed a glass, filled it with water, and gulped it down in about three seconds flat. My throat had become uncomfortably dry and scratchy while Ben was over. I leaned against the counter and sighed when I saw that I had to get ready to pick John up. It seemed like my alone time was getting shorter and shorter these days, and they were only about to get shorter with the new baby on the way.

I filled the glass of water up one more time and gulped it down, before grabbing my keys off the kitchen table and heading to my car. The air was crisp and warm today, with a slight breeze that made me involuntarily shiver. I drove to the nursery and picked up John; who was in a pleasantly chipper mood today. He clapped his hands as I buckled him up into his car seat and giggled when I placed a kiss onto his forehead.

The drive back to the house was filled with occasional cheers of happiness from John and some pop music playing on the radio. I tried to keep my head as clear as possible while I drove, but my stomach would still clench as sporadic waves of anxiety hit me.

When I pulled up to the house I sighed in relief when I saw my parents were finally home from their weekly therapy session, knowing my dad would take John off my hands for a couple minutes while I got settled in.

My mom opened the door for me when I made it to the kitchen door, a loving smile slowly spreading across her face as she looked at John and I; and I felt a smile dancing across my face in response. The guilt washed over me like a tidal wave as I sent a quick look down to my flat stomach, trying to make sure there was no sign of my un welcomed pregnancy. My parents stuck by me through a lot of stuff this past year and just the thought of them finding out about this tore me apart.

"How was John today?" My mother asked with a motherly curiosity.

"He was an angel. He is in such a good mood today." I responded with a big smile as I looked at John lovingly, pushing my guilt aside for the time being.

"He's always an angel. Aren't you, John?" She said as she took John from my arms. I let out a relieved sigh as John was getting a tad heavier with each day that passed. Carrying him around anymore was like a workout.

"Can you watch him while I put our stuff in my room?" I asked. She nodded her head and I didn't stay around long enough for her to change her mind.

I let the diaper bag slide down my arm and fall to the ground next to my door and kicked my shoes off. I went to my dresser and took out a pair of comfy pants and grabbed my slippers. I quickly changed and smiled as I felt relaxed for the first time today. When I went downstairs I heard John laughing from the living room. I stopped at the doorway and smiled when I saw Ricky playing with one of John's toys. They didn't notice me so I decided to grab a quick can of soda before making my way back into the living room with today's homework, that Ricky had placed on the kitchen table for me.

"Thanks." I said, walking over to the couch and plopped down. Ricky turned his head and smiled. It was a smile I was starting to get use to; I liked seeing this smile as opposed to the smirk he always wore around daily. It didn't go unnoticed by me that he seemed to reserve this specific smile just for me, and it sent tingles down my spine.

"No problem. That's what friends are for, right?" He commented, a small smile appearing on his face for a fraction of a second before he turned back to John. I looked at the back of Ricky's head confused. Because, even though he wore a small smile, his eyes seemed to hold an unspoken sadness. I shook my head, as I was obviously seeing things now, and decided to concentrate on my homework.

I got about halfway through my homework before I noticed movement in my peripheral vision. I look up and notice that Ricky has stood up and had a very sleepy John in his arms.

"He's getting tired. I'm just going to put him to bed." He tells me, sounding tired himself. I nod my head and smile at him.

"Okay. Thanks, Ricky." I replied quietly, stifling a yawn.

"You should get some sleep, too, Amy." He adds lightly, and for a second it almost seems like he cares about me. But, that has to be my imagination too.

"I will. I just want to finish this paper first." He nods and leaves to put John to bed. I sigh and look back down at my paper, seeing that I still had about half of the paper to finish. I groaned as I tried to concentrate on the words, but could only think about my warm bed.

I shut the book and set it down on the table with a thud, before making my way to my bedroom. I stopped at the nursery first, watching Ricky as he feed John his bottle. Ricky's eyes closed and it almost looked like he feel asleep. I smiled and walked into the room, only to see that John had fallen asleep while he drank his bottle. I grabbed the bottle out of Ricky's hand, making his eyes pop open.

"Go home, Ricky. I got it from here." I whispered, trying not to wake John up. He nodded and placed a small kiss upon John's forehead, then placed him gently in my arms.

"Good night, Amy." He whispered into the darkness before he placed a small kiss on the top of my head. My eyes widened and I snapped my head up to look at him.

"What was that for?" I asked, surprised, and probably a little too loudly.

"I honestly don't know... Look, I just wanna say, if you ever need someone to talk to or whatever, I'm here." He replied nonchalant. I blinked a couple of times, dazed, as I watched him walk toward the door without another word.

"Hey, Ricky," I whispered. He stopped but didn't turn around to look at me. "Thanks, I really appreciate it." I finished, my voice cracking as tears welled up in my eyes, making my vision blurry. He turned his head slightly to the side to look back at me, he smiled, and then walked out without a word.

I sighed and turned around, placing John into his crib, and tiptoed out of the room, quietly shutting the door behind me. I walked into my room, without even turning on the light, closed the door, and slid into my bed. After securing the blanket underneath my chin I squeezed my eyes shut as the tears began to fall.

I didn't know how much longer I could live with this secret. I needed to tell Ben. I needed someone to help carry this unforgiving weight, burden, whatever you wanted to call it. I just wished I could be magically transported years into the future, so I wouldn't have to live through this nightmare. I think seeing the future and how I'd end up within the next ten years, would somehow give me enough strength to make it through this.

I guess tomorrow was as good a time as any to tell Ben. I just hope he won't completely freak out. But, something in the back of my mind told me that if Ben wouldn't be there for me, Ricky would.

Bleh, this chapter was boring, believe me I know. I just needed to write a filler chapter to kinda get back into the swing of things. So, hopefully you guys aren't too disappointed. I'll probably try to update "Change For You" next and then re-update "Wrong Turn", and then this again. I've been tossing around idea's for a couple Glee fanfic's for Rachel and Will, and I've had some idea's for a Vampire Diaries fanfic. I don't know if I'll write them or not, let me know what ya think. I've gotten half a Amy/Ricky mature fanfic that I've been working on called, "Lightning Crashes" but haven't been able to finish it for some reason... Anyway, R&R!