Theo POV

What had I gotten myself into? It's not that I felt cheap or used. I felt torn, ripped straight down the center. I wasn't just mentally beaten or emotionally ripped either. I was physically in pain- tired and sore. Every part of me ached, in the best sort of way, but also in the worst sort of way. Draco had not gone easy on me when I returned from the library, trying to taste every corner of my mouth before seating himself inside of me with wild thrusts while he sucked my fingers hard. It was a wonder that I could still move. I was at least thankful that it was a Saturday and Draco had quidditch practice. It gave me a chance to sleep in and rest my burning muscles.

When I eventually got out of bed, I hobbled my way into a shower and then to the orchestra room to play, wincing when I sat down on the chair. Something eased inside of my soul when I pulled up my double bass. I needed the release that only playing would bring me and it's not like I could cure the pain myself. I was terrible at performing the Episkey spell on myself and I didn't have the heart to ask for help. My fingers hurt plucking the strings, and I was thankful that after the first ten minutes or so, it became manageable. I let my mind wander as I played. Of course my thoughts fell inevitably on Hermione and Draco. They seemed to be the only subjects I could think about and with the music in my ears it became easier to decipher my feelings and thoughts of them.

Hermione was hurting, clearly torn in her desire for revenge and her need for myself and Draco. It was clear she wanted him as much as me. It was only her anger and fear that made her drive him away. All I needed was for her to cave into accepting her want. I wasn't sure how to accomplish that. She couldn't hurt him physically as much as emotionally or sexually. I think she realized that last night. Then there was Draco, causing him emotional pain was even worse than the physical pain. If she continued to use me, he would probably succeed in ripping me in half, or worse, leaving me to her and forgoing me altogether. I couldn't allow that.

When I left the orchestra room, my once calloused fingers on my left hand were bleeding. I hadn't played so hard since before Azkaban, before the war. I wasn't ready to return to our room. Most students would be in Hogsmeade, drinking butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks and buying whatever they could get their hands on at Zonko's. There were so few of us in the castle, and with so much space, it should have been impossible to run into either of my lovers. It seemed that impossible was Hogwarts specialty because there they were, both of them standing outside of the Great Hall, screaming at each other. Hermione was lit up in all her golden glory, drips of red sparking at the edges.

"Do you have no backbone now that the Dark Lord and Aunt Bella aren't here to use you like a puppet? It's always been about you! How is now any different?"

Draco glared at her and I could see the moment his concern for her turned into anger.

"You know nothing about what I went through! It wouldn't have just been me they killed! My mother would be dead! Theo would be dead! If I had helped you, do you think they would have let a single person I loved live? I didn't know how I felt about you then. You were just a person that vexed me to the point where I couldn't think straight and still it tore me apart to hurt you because even though you irritated me, I wanted you. I still want you and now I don't just want you, I'm lost in you. I would give anything to change it all, because I know I don't deserve you. I don't even deserve Theo, and the worst part is that you deserve each other. I can't even let myself love him properly because I'm not worthy of it! It's just my dumb luck that he's lost in you too and for some fucking reason he can't let me go."

I knew that he cared about me, I knew that he loved me, but hearing him say it…something inside of me burst. I nearly tripped over my own heart when I saw him realize what he'd said. The expression on his face turned from rage to panic. He shook his head.

"I need-, I need to go."

With that said, he simply turned and walked swiftly in the opposite direction of me, never seeing me standing there with my bloody fingers and bleeding heart. Hermione watched him too. All the golden flames had turned red with tinges of gold instead. My feet ached to follow him, afraid of what I would find if I did and I wondered if she wanted to do the same. She took a step in his direction and stopped, answering my unspoken thought. He drew her to him as well. Draco had said it so clearly. We were lost, all of us lost and somehow connected. A sound released from my mouth, some sort of choked, aching sound. Hermione looked at me then, standing stiff, my body anchored firmly in place.

There was nothing I could think to say to her about Draco and I was thankful that I didn't have to because when her eyes caught on mine she flushed. Golden flecks of magic returned to her body, swapping with the red. She was angry with me then. Good. I was angry with me too. How had we all hurt each other so fully? We were all so terrible and one of us needed to be the one to heal, to fix.

"Your fingers!" She exclaimed suddenly, the gold swapping again for red when she noticed the blood on my hand. What was that all about? It was such strange magic. Was there something to the shifting of color?

"I'm fine," I said.

She pulled her wand from her pocket, spelling the physical pain throughout my body away with the blood. Nothing hurt except my heart. At least all the physical pain was gone. Another magical fix, so simple. She reached out a hand to touch me and quickly pulled it back when the sound of the door to the Great Hall opening made both our heads turn. A small group of 1st year girls stepped out giggling and stopped abruptly when they saw Hermione. They tried to hide something, but I noticed the familiar object in the middle girl's hand and grabbed it.

"Run along," I said, giving them a look I'd perfected over the years. A smirk with a slight narrowing of the eyes that made the young girls gape and then rush away, blushing.

Hermione released a groan, looking just as flushed as those 1st years when I handed her the book they'd been holding. I couldn't help it, I laughed.

"It's not funny!" She protested, but I kept laughing. It wasn't funny, it was hilarious.

"Those poor girls are going to be whispering about that book for weeks! You've corrupted the youth!" I exclaimed, through a fit of laughter.

All at once I wasn't the only one laughing and the sound was intoxicating. Hermione's laugh was deep, her still tear-stained pink cheeks pulling up around the smile that accompanied it. She laughed even harder, struggling for air. It was different than the time she had laughed in her room, that laugh had been abrupt as she'd watched Draco and I wrestle on the floor. This sounded more free, the type of laugh that was wild. Had her laugh always sounded so beautiful?

She stopped laughing suddenly when she noticed I was staring silently. She looked embarrassed.

"I don't think I've heard you laugh like that since Seamus nearly blew up the potions class sixth year," I said, finally remembering. Had that been the last time she'd laughed herself out of breath? Gods, I hoped not.

"I heard he got a job in magical construction," she said.

I'd heard the same. I'd also heard that him and Dean Thomas had gotten married. I remembered the jealousy I'd felt at the news.

"He got married to Thomas," I said, unable to hide that jealousy in my tone. I looked down at my fingers. The last thing I wanted her to see was the envy written all over my face.

"He loves you." Hearing her say it made my heart beat hard again. I looked back up at her, feeling warmth at the words. Draco's love was difficult, but I wanted it. I wanted to hear him say it to me, to my face, to write it on my skin with his lips. I wanted to hear him say it to me as much as I wanted to hear Hermione say she wanted him, wanted us.

"He loves you too," I said, though I knew that I shouldn't. Draco would kill me if he knew that I told her that. It had been so obvious for years. I knew he loved her, just as I always knew he loved me. Hermione shook her head.

"You're wrong. He wants me and I…I hate him. It's impossible."

Impossible. A word for muggles, not wizards. Nothing in our world was impossible. My stomach growled and Hermione let out a heavy breath at the noise. She didn't say goodbye, she only walked away in the direction I had come from, and my legs now ached to go in two different directions. I chose the Great Hall instead of stepping either way. I'd need sustenance if I was determined to do the impossible.