Chapter 3: Addiction

Bella lay flat on her back in the meadow. She could sense the wind before it rippled the grass and feel the insects crawling, although they never came near her. They instinctively avoided her menace. I'm here, yet I'm not here. She lifted her head to look at her arm in the beam of sunlight, noting how its warmth bounced off of her in flickering rainbows. Even the sun cannot warm me. She remembered a time when she had her own personal sun that shone just for her, but of course she had pushed that away. My gift is a shield… and a Shield is what I have become. Alone, alone, alone. The word rushed and twisted in her mind, binding it in tangles.

---

Not far away, a bronze-haired man, barely more than a young boy, sat on the step in front of the open door of a stone cottage that looked like it had grown from the enchanted woods surrounding it. He appeared to be listening to the sound of the wind in the trees, his elegant features intent. With astonishing grace, he rose and paced back and forth in front of the house, moving forward a few steps towards the woods and then turning back to his home. Suddenly he crouched with feline elegance, his amber eyes scanning the landscape. When he saw Jacob emerge alone from the woods, he changed his pose to one of welcome, relaxing as much as a stone statue can relax after it has been carved from bedrock.

"Jacob." He nodded.

"Edward," Jacob said curtly, his face not quite so impassive. No one can do a poker face like this mind-reading vampire, he thought.

"You are looking well. To what do I owe the honor of this visit?" Edward asked politely.

Jacob made an impatient gesture, "Cut the crap Edward. I look like hell. My whole world is turned upside down and you can read my mind anyway. I really don't enjoy these little chit chats." He glanced over his shoulder to the woods.

"My apologies," Edward said again nodding his head, "I don't mean to waste your precious time. I hope I can give you the answers you seek. I understand why you are here, but why did you bring an army of humans with you?" His eyes scanned the woods again before looking directly into Jacob's.

"I can hear a crowd. How many people do you have out there in the forest?"

Jacob gawked at Edward; the bloodsucker has gone off his rocker. Maybe vampires can go senile.

Edward felt a flash of anger. The dog was sometimes so trying. Jacob was nearly 30 years old yet he was still such a child. He ran in the woods, he played his hunting games and he was responsible for no one. His rash actions had consequences, and exposing a vampire to a group of people on a sunny day was not wise. The din of their thoughts was hard for Edward to tune out.

"Jacob, you should re-think this. I will go inside and you can lead those people away. When you come back, we can talk about Tara." He sighed and continued, "I have a lot on my mind today and little patience for your antics."

The veins in Jacob's neck bulged. "You are usually a little better with the non-verbal communication, Edward." His hands bunched into fists, and he emphasized each word, "So I'll say this out loud Head Trauma. I Have No Freaking Idea What You Are Talking About." He wheeled and stalked into the woods. Edward remained unmoving in the shadows of the little home as he wondered what Jacob was playing at.

Jacob returned momentarily, hand in hand with one of the most beautiful humans Edward had ever seen. As the woman moved, Edward quickly revised his conclusion. It was clear that she was not human; he realized that she must be Tara. Carlisle had briefed him on the strange circumstances of this woman when he had returned that morning, but Edward had been preoccupied with Bella.

Edward's thoughts twisted in anguish as he felt the emptiness that always came when he was away from her.

As they approached, Tara saw his white skin and golden eyes. Jacob had told her that Edward had attended high school there in Forks and no one but Bella had guessed his secret. Teenagers, their self-absorption is bottomless, she thought. She was deeply grateful that although her body now resembled her form when she was 19, she had not returned mentally to that torturous time of her existence.

Edward's eyes locked with Tara's. "Ah, I see …" he said, "… it is you."

"Me what?"

"I can hear literally hundreds of thoughts coming from your head. In fact, it is very difficult to read your own thoughts. I apologize; at first I thought there were others with you." He paused, realizing he had been impolite. "It is a pleasure to meet you but there is a more pressing matter. You have not eaten," Edward spoke this as a fact, not a question.

"I'm not thirsty anymore," she said, unconsciously pressing her arm to Jacob's side.

"Listen, you know this already," Jacob said impatiently to Edward. "We've offered her everything, she doesn't want blood, she doesn't want water, or human food."

"Anyway, tell him when it stopped, the thirst I mean," Jacob directed Tara. She blushed again, remembering how her thirst had abated when she heard Jacob's thoughts.

Edward held up his hand. "No need for embarrassment. I caught that thought. Why don't we let Tara explore the cottage and we can take a walk?"

Edward knows something he's not telling, Jacob thought. He was worried about Tara; she had become so important to him in such a short time. This feeling he had for her was not imprinting; the wolf equivalent of a lifelong love at first sight. Nor was it the biological connection that bound him to the pack, it was more natural. More right. He watched as she perused a stack of leather bound volumes.

"Tara, you stay here. Maybe you can read a book or learn French or something," Jacob said, smirking.

Tara smiled sweetly and the smirk fell off of Jacob's face as he stared at her as if mesmerized.

"Don't tell me what to do Jacob Black. I already know a few words in French and I'll be happy to teach them to you," she said in her musical voice.

It was Edward's turn to smirk.

The two men left to walk deep in the woods. Jacob turned to Edward. "Spit it out."

Edward did not waste words. "Tara has a kinship for lonely souls. I hear their voices in her mind. She doesn't seem to be able to read minds like I can, but the voices of these humans are in her head. She's not even fully aware of them. In time she will be able to train herself to hear them singly, and possibly even communicate with them. It could be a very powerful tool".

Jacob nodded. "That is what Bella told me before she brought Tara to the cabin."

"Jacob, if you ever sneak off into a cabin in the woods with my wife again I will disappoint her by killing you." Edward said.

Jacob could tell Edward's heart wasn't in the threat.

"What concerns me now is Tara's other special ability. I'm not even sure you are aware of it, or that she is. She is using it on you now," Edward said.

Jacob was startled. "What do you mean?"

"When she touched me, I was instantly at peace. One touch from Tara and I felt a sense of completeness."

Jacob shook his head, angry. He was shocked to feel tears sting his eyes. "So I've been hypnotized? Is that something like your brother Jasper does? He puts off that calming vibe. I really don't like to be manipulated."

Edward looked at Jacob compassionately. "No Jacob, it's real, not a trick. She's a healer."

Jacob sighed in relief, recalling how her touch had made him feel peaceful back at the cabin. Images of that night flitted through his mind as he recalled how content he had felt in her presence.

"Wait, Jacob." Edward interjected. "I just got something from your memory. What did Bella call Tara?"

Edward didn't wait for an answer. He took off at a dead run into the forest, leaving Jacob standing alone and bewildered.

Maybe the bloodsucker isn't going senile, Jacob thought, but I wouldn't rule it out. His human limbs would not carry him quickly enough back to Tara. With a rip, he burst into a run, his four paws racing through the woods.

---

Edward knew instinctively where to find Bella and he lay gently down beside her in their meadow. She turned to look at him, squinting against his dazzling beauty that filled her still heart with love. She looked steadily into his eyes, feeling that her whole world was contained within him. He coiled around her, rolling her on top of him so their bodies pressed fully. Bella closed her eyes momentarily, giving into the sensations. She never tired of him. She lowered her lips to his and they shared a long slow kiss.

When she raised her head again, she said, "I didn't think you would come for me."

Edward rolled her gracefully to her side, cradling her head in his arm so they were face to face. "I will always come for you," he said, his lips brushing hers. "Jacob and Tara are at the cottage, I spoke to them."

Bella's mind reeled. I will be a killer; I will never be able to turn back. What is this that I am losing… Is it my soul?

"Tara is beautiful and unique. She reminds me of you," he said, trailing his fingers through the silken strands of her long dark hair.

Bella ducked her head, mind racing, wondering what Edward knew.

"Edward…" she whispered, "…it was so sweet … the blood. The memory of it is in my mouth."

He continued stroking her hair. "I am here for you."

"I have felt so alone," she said, and the despair of her voice was horrifying. Bella focused her energy to push her shield away from her body, allowing him access to her thoughts. Without her shield she felt vulnerablem like a raw wound.

Edward saw confirmation of what he had guessed.

"My love, your gift is a shield for a reason. You care and love so deeply. You are one of the most human people I have ever met. Although your heart does not beat it is still so full of love. I think the new connection with Tara ripped open your shield and you are feeling your compassion with humanity in new ways."

Bella knew he was right, in a twisted way she simultaneously craved and loved people more than she had ever allowed herself to. The conflict was ripping her apart.

At twilight, as they were leaving their meadow hand in hand, Bella froze in panic.

"Edward, the loneliness is growing within me. Even with you here, with you in my heart."

She felt like the edges of the hole in her chest were growing ragged again and she gripped at Edward like she was drowning.

Edward swept her into his arms and began running through the moss covered forest, moving so swiftly he was indiscernible, like a rushing wind. A light rain began to fall, catching in pearls of droplets on his skin and hers, streaming behind him as he ran.

"Where are we going?" she asked breathlessly.

"To see your sister."