Hermione POV
I'd given in. They'd seen through all my lies, even the ones that I told myself. Two days later, I was still wet, still beating myself up, still confused. My confusion centered around Malfoy's fingers and words. I could recall the exact feeling as Malfoy touched me and it hadn't been fear or panic or anger.
Warm then hot. His hands brushed my ankles, my thighs. I could see the mark on his arm, faded and gray. It moved when he thrust his fingers inside. One and then two, pumping and stroking. They curled inside me as he told me that he was stretching me for Theo. There was no rage at watching that snake shift, just confusion, and when he added a second hand on top, a thumb circling my clit, it was all euphoria. I forced my eyes away from the snake and to the dark scarred brand that still looked angry on his chest. An angry Hermione had created it and a desperate Hermione moaned while staring at that damn word, feeling good and full. I couldn't reconcile the two and I didn't want to, not when he was speaking such filthy words, not when I could feel Theo pressing into my back. I arched into him and closed my eyes. I could almost pretend it wasn't him if not for his words.
"You feel so good. I can't wait to see Theo fill you."
It wasn't Theo's fingers. It was Malfoy, Malfoy was touching me and I was mewling under him. The confusion in me came back sharp and fast. I tried to shift away, but my legs were held open.
"Ah ah, don't fight it."
Fingers curling, thumb circling, the confusion took a back seat to the overwhelming urge to cum until I let myself cave to the heat in my belly.
"Good girl."
His final bit of praise echoed in my thoughts. Even in the middle of class I couldn't find my shame. I could only find confusion because it hadn't felt wrong. It should have and it hadn't. How long had I been thinking and re-thinking every touch, every thought, every feeling all while trying to find something other than satisfaction and a desire for more?
My confused thoughts dissolved entirely at the sound of complaints. I had a suspicion as to the reason and I forced myself to focus on the world around me, to the students whinging about the team project. I had known something was up when I'd stepped into potions that Monday to find my name on a floating piece of parchment over the seat next to Astoria Greengrass. Assigned seating with mixed houses screamed nothing good. Then, I had looked across the aisle to see Malfoy who was seated next to Nicola Holton, a Hufflepuff boy with wild dirty blond hair and a rumpled robe. That's when my thoughts had spiraled. Seeing him so close, feeling drawn to reach across the space between us and touch him.
The hourglass at the front of the room indicated that we were nearing the end of class. I had wasted damn near the entire hour thinking of fingers and skin and warmth along with all the confusion that came with it. Professor Slughorn shushed the 7th years.
"Yes, yes, we all know how everyone feels about team projects with mixed houses, but you'll all be working in the real world soon enough and that will require working with those outside of your circle. This particular potion will also show up on your N.E.W.T.s so I suggest you work hard and pay close attention." Professor Slughorn held up a bottle of clear liquid. "Would anyone like to take a guess at what the potion is? I'll give a hint, it's flavorless and odorless, making it one of the most powerful potions in an Auror's arsenal."
Silence. The answer came to me so easily. My hand stayed down, my mouth closed.
"Veritaserum, Sir?" Astoria answered.
"Correct, Ms. Greengrass. 10 points to Slytherin," Slughorn answered, looking pleased. He set the vile down and a stack of parchment distributed itself to every student in the room. "Each student will be brewing a batch and testing them just before the Christmas holiday seeing as the brewing time is a full lunar cycle. You will present yourselves to a panel of teachers that will closely monitor the assigned questions after you consume the potion brewed by your partner."
My stomach twisted in on itself. I couldn't help glancing across the room to where Theo sat beside Romilda Vane. The thought of him taking a potion given to him by her made my stomach turn. Gold sparks licked at the table around my hands.
"You will have class time to work with your partners, but there will also be additional library and lab time for the full moon portion of the brewing coming up next week." Slughorn glanced at the empty hourglass. "Class dismissed."
I managed to turn to Astoria who looked at me with a worried expression. She didn't want to be my partner any more than I wanted Romilda to be Theo's. I thought of an idea. It would get Romilda away from Theo, but it would also be digging my own grave. It took one look at Romilda grinning at Theo to cement my determination. I couldn't let her give a potion to Theo. I didn't trust that bitch with anyone, especially not him.
I stayed behind as the students filed out of the classroom.
"Can I help you, Ms. Granger?" Professor Slughorn barely looked up from his desk. I remembered my time in the Slug Club so vividly. His praise had been endless, he had always been full of smiles and pressing me for my thoughts. I tried to channel the Hermione Granger I had once been, to make my words come out confident, to make him look at me.
"I was wonder-," The first stutter made him wince and my heart ached. I barreled through, letting the words break and split in my speed. "Wondering if-, if maybe-, maybe I could trade partners, Professor."
He frowned at his paperwork, refusing to look at me still. He seemed almost sad at my lack of ability to make a single sentence. Maybe I could use that sadness to my advantage.
"Please, Sir. Astoria shou-, shouldn't have to be pulled down…by me. She's got the-, the top grade, doesn't she?" I asked, already knowing the answer. When she had nabbed the top spot, it had stung. It wasn't that my grades were bad, they just weren't the best due to my lack of class participation and failed oral reports. "I've sat next to Mr. Nott since-, well since the beginning of the semester. I think he-, he would be amiable…Sir."
He finally made eye contact. There were tears welled in his eyes. He cleared his throat nervously and nodded before returning to his work.
"Very well. I will explain the situation to Mr. Nott and request his agreement. If he agrees, then I will notify Ms. Greengrass and Ms. Vane."
He shooed me away and I hurried back to my desk. He was going to ask Theo if he wanted to be my partner. They would both know that I had requested it and of course he would agree. I would be alone with him, with them, for extended periods of time because Malfoy and Theo were a package deal. I couldn't help noticing the slight tinge of red as I gathered my things. I'd basically signed myself up for sex. There was no avoiding it, no lying about it. If I was around them more, I knew that I would cave again. I was going out of my way to tie myself to them and that only increased my confusion. At what point would I be disgusted with myself for my actions? Because all I felt now was desire. Would I let Malfoy do more than touch me? Tiny sparks of gold joined the red. Well, at least I was still angry at that. Was I actually relying on my magic to tell me what I was feeling? I was officially mental.
When I stepped into the hall, I pulled up my sleeve to expose the scarred word to try and entice my anger more. The gold only flickered. Fuck. Even the memory of that night was starting to feel less like anger and more like sorrow. It no longer made sense that the man who had created that scar was the same one that loved Theo. The man that had laughed so fully and touched me with such desperate need was so opposite of the dark wizard that was cemented in my memories. Forgiveness still felt off, but maybe not understanding. Perhaps I was overdue for an actual conversation with Malfoy. Alone. My magic answered the thought- swirling around my arms in gold and red, seeming to make an effort to merge with each other. That was that then. It was time that I forced some of that Gryffindor bravery. I needed to meet that confusion head on, and like the old Hermione Granger, I would find a way to make sense of it.