Author's Note:
Hey! Thank you all for reviewing and favoriting! Also, please be sure to check out the stories All My Life, Gifted, and The Lost Daughter of Russia, by flutetenorsaxplayer2008, they are really good. Lastly, I'd like to thank flutetenorsaxplayer2008, for advertising my stories as well, you are awesome!
Prologue
I woke up in a dream today, to the cold of the static, and put my cold feet on the floor
Forgot all about yesterday, remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore
A little taste of hypocrisy, and I'm left in the wake of the mistake, slow to react
Even though you're so close to me, you're still so distant,
and I can't bring youback.—Linkin park
Chapter Eleven: With You
Edward's Point of View
Why had I gone off on her like that? I had had no reason, I had to have seen this coming, Damien and Bella, I mean.
But that doesn't change the fact that I still called her a slut. And she ran off, crying.
What had I been trying to do, anyways? Right now, I was lucky that I hadn't been mugged yet by Bella's friends.
Right after, I dumped Lauren. It was kind of cruel to do so, but I couldn't really bring myself to care, to have the smallest inkling of sympathy or compassion for her. I had merely said, "Lauren, I don't like you anymore, we are over." And then I had just left her there, in the parking lot, staring after me like I had four heads.
And everyone thought that I would go back to being sulky again, which I was already, but I had been hiding it, just barely, but I had been concealing my despair.
You idiot, Edward! You blew it! What were you trying to do? Get a rise out of her? I thought to myself. Then it dawned on me.
It was like something clicked, a light bulb going on in my head. Of course.
This was what I had always done. It was kindergarten low, I know, but I had been in fact trying to get a rise out of her, and my theory was that I had said such lies to see if she still cared about my opinion. She did, didn't she.
"Edward, you know, you could have thought of a better way to get her attention, man." Jasper said, shaking his head as we walked home that day. His car had broken down, I was thinking that it had been sabotaged by someone, due to the state of the engine and such; it looked pathetically ruined under the hood.
"Yeah, like what, Jasper? Really, tell me what, exactly, I should do about this, because I, for one, have no clue." He frowned, glaring at me.
"Dude, you have to admit, that was totally out of line, I mean, anything, anything you could have said or done, besides what you actually did do, would have been far better than that."
I stopped, thinking, and then realized he was right. Crap. I thought.
"Dude, keep walking!" Jasper exclaimed, breaking me away from my thoughts. I looked around to see that we were at a total halt, in the middle of the crosswalk. I hurried to the other side of the road, along with Jasper, thinking about how I could possibly make this right.
"Dude, just go tell her you're sorry, tell her how you really feel. Even if she hates you, or even if she slams the door right in your face, at least try. I mean, honestly, you have really got nothing to lose now, you know." I sighed.
"But—Jasper—ugh! Fine! I'll go and try to apologize. Keyword being try." He grinned, and said, "Okay, let's go!" I stopped short yet again. Thankfully, we were on the sidewalk, instead of the middle of the road again.
"Wh-What? Jasper, I didn't mean—" He shook his head, turning around to head towards Bella's house. "Nope! Now's the best time! I mean, while you still can't get away from me and what not." I glared menacingly at him, but he only laughed.
"Try and scare me all you want, little brother, there is no way you are going to get out of this one. Not this time." I huffed, and finally, knowing that I would forever regret the decision, turned around, heading towards her house.
Bella's Point of View
Emmett had decided that we needed to have a movie night, to 'get my mind' off things, and he had invited over Alice, Rose (obviously,) Mike, a few other friends whose names I could not be bothered to remember, and Damien.
I sighed. Even though the movie would never get my mind off of today, Damien would. I knew it.
When everyone had arrived, Emmett made popcorn and grabbed the candy, before turning off the lights and popping in the movie. He had insisted that we not know what it was, saying that it was imperative to achieve the full effect of the movie.
And when we did find out what it was, it was epic. Of course Emmett would pick 28 Days Later. It was about this 'rage' virus caused by infected chimps, and spreads all throughout a major city. I am a fan of scary movies, well, only mildly scary movies, like the Black Dahlia, or Sweeney Todd, but I will tell you, this movie was pretty high on my list of scariest movies.
I cringed into Damien, screaming into his chest. It helped, a little, but the noises made it worse still. Remind me to never watch scary movies on surround sound. I thought to myself, shaking. Finally, about to run out of the room screaming, I looked up at Damien, and whispered, "Do something?" I asked desperately. He gave me a puzzled look. "What?" he murmured, turning his head up to look at the movie. I pulled his head down to mine, so his face was inches away. "Distract me." I whispered against his cheek. He smiled.
"I can do that." He said. He gently cupped my face in his hands, and brought his lips to mine. I smiled, sighing.
Oh, yeah, this is definitely distracting. I thought to myself. I shifted in his arms, putting my arms around his neck. He let go of my face, moving his arms around my back. Then, the doorbell rang. Damn door! I thought, pulling away. "I'll be right back." I murmured. He nodded, sighing. "I hope so, Bella." I giggled.
I ran out of the room as fast and a silently as I could.
When I opened the door, someone pulled me outside.
And when I saw who it was, I gasped.
Edward.
Edward's Point of View
She gasped when she saw me, and tried to go back inside, but I reached behind her and shut the door. I sighed.
"Bella," I started, but she tried to bolt. I caught her wrist, and when she tried to smack me, I caught her other wrist. "Listen," I whispered. She shook her head. "I-I can't, I don't want—" I pulled her closer. "Please," I was desperate now. I wanted, no, needed for her to listen.
"Look, I have to say something, a few things, actually." I said softly.
She sighed looking back at the door. "You got five minutes. Five. Otherwise, Damien will come looking for me." My jaw clenched at the mention of the boy. "Or Emmett." She added. I relaxed a little. Thank the lord she's not in there with him by herself. I thought.
"Your times ticking, Edward." Bella reminded me.
"Look, Bella, I'm sorry, for everything. For hurting you, for putting you through this pain, and for calling you things that were not justified, or true, in the slightest." Bella's eyes widened, and for a millionth of a second, I thought she might actually forgive me. But then her eyes darkened. "I don't care Edward. Not anymore. Don't you understand? I like being happy, some people are like that, weird, huh?"
"Haha," I said, about to retort, then I remembered why I wanted to come here, or rather, why I was forced to come here. "Look, that's only the first thing. I came here to say that I—I am in love with you."
Bella's Point of View
When I saw the asshole standing there on my doorstep, I tried to go back inside. No way is he going to ruin my night too, I thought bitterly. But my attempt was quickly thwarted.
He grabbed the door, shutting it. Idiot! The door is locked! And I doubted that I would be saved by Damien; he'd been distracted by the movie when I was trying to kiss him. I wouldn't even enter his mind. Great. This sucks.
I heard him sigh, and tried to make a run for it. But yet again, I was stopped. He caught my wrist, and, retaliating to his touch, I raised my other hand to hit him, hopefully, distracting him for long enough to turn and pound on the door.
I shouldn't have even tried. He pulled me closer to him.
"Listen," Oh, so now you want me to listen? My thoughts were racing. I started to shake, and still he pulled me closer to him. I was only a foot away.
"I—I can't, I don't want—" He was only a mere six inches from me.
"Please," he whispered. I could hear the desperation and sadness in his voice.
Fine. Might as well, Bella. Get it over with. Then he'll stop bothering and hurting you.
I sighed again, giving up. "Look, I have something to say, a few things, actually."
"You got five minutes. Five. Otherwise, Damien will come looking for me."
I almost smirked and raised an eyebrow when I saw his jaw clench. His grip tightened on me.
Five inches now.
Quickly, I added, for the sake of keeping those five inches of space between us, "Or Emmett." He relaxed.
"Your time's ticking, Edward," I reminded him coldly.
"Look, Bella, I'm sorry, for everything. For hurting you, for putting you through this pain, and for calling you things that were not justified, or true, in the slightest."
He really knew what to say, if he actually thought about it, I will give him that. And for a second, I almost hugged him, took him back. Then, I remembered today, those five years I had lost, the pain he'd caused me, and I gave him a dark look.
"I don't care Edward. Not anymore. Don't you understand? I like being happy, some people are like that, weird, huh?" I retorted bitingly. I saw him flinch slightly at my words.
"Haha," he snapped, and I almost slapped him, in fact, if he weren't restraining me right now, I would have.
"Look, that's only the first thing. I came here to say that I—I am in love with you." I gasped.
Two inches.
I—he—what? "I—I can't. Not anymore." The look in his eyes was heartbreaking. They were hopeless, full of anguish and despair.
One inch.
"Bella, what can I do to convince you that what I say is true, that I do love you?" Nothing. Nothing he could do would convince me.
"There is absolutely nothing you can say or do that will convince me to—" He cut me off, his lips gently kissing mine. I gasped, and tried to pull away.
But then I realized that even though I tried, I didn't really. I just ended up grabbing the front of his sweatshirt instead.
This was bad. This was beyond bad. I loved Damien, didn't I?
But I couldn't ignore what I felt when he kissed me.
It was like everything had disappeared. All there was, was Edward. His lips moved perfectly with mine.
His kisses were amazing. And completely different from Damien. I mean, don't get me wrong, Damien was a good kisser, but it never felt like this before.
There was a dull ache in my chest, a yearning, and my entire being felt as if it was lit on fire. I gave up, pulling him closer.
A minute later, when he pulled away to take a breath, reality came crashing down on me. And the internal struggle began. Damien, Damien, Damien, Damien, Damien, I thought furiously. Think of how good, how pure, how nice he is.
And, finally, I found somewhere within me the strength to pull away completely.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, tears in my eyes. "No! Bella, you can't tell me that you didn't respond! That must have meant something, I mean, you must have felt something." I shook my head, and wiped away a tear. "I'm sorry Edward, but this is goodbye. I can't be with you, be friends, or, or, more, I just can't." His smoldering emerald eyes hardened, and I started to shake.
He looked like he'd just found out that someone had died.
"Fine. Fine, Bella. Go ahead and deny it. Deny this. But just remember that when you come back, when he hurts you, I won't be waiting. Congratulations on breaking my heart Bella. I—you know what, just go back to your little friends. I don't even want to talk to you anymore. I just can't deal with you anymore."
That hurt. More than almost anything. But then I remembered the pain he'd caused me when he'd left, and when I had gotten him back, only to have him leave again. And the pain I felt was nothing, nothing compared to that unbearable pain. And if I had been able to get over that, I could get over this, right?"
I wiped my eyes, and made my way to the back door.
"Emmett, everyone, I think the popcorn got to me, I'm going to go to bed." I lied, thanking my lucky stars that there was only the dim glow that the TV was emitting lighting up the room, making my tears impossibly to see.
"Okay, sis, See you in the morning!" Emmett said, distracted by the movie. I rolled my eyes. Everyone else merely nodded, and I made my way upstairs.
As I got myself ready for bed, washing my face in the bathroom, something caught my eye.
I tried, I really, really tried, to ignore the silver object lying on the rim of the tub.
But I couldn't.
And, taking a deep breath, I picked up the razor and made three cuts across my wrists.
Author's Note:
OMIGOD!! She cut herself. What happens next (no pun intended)? Sorry if that part upset anyone; but remember, Bella is sort of emo, so it kind of makes sense. Don't worry, she won't do anything else like that. And Edward finally kissed her!! Yay! Even if it did literally end in tears, they kissed! I will try to update as soon as humanly possible, but I don't know how soon, so, yeah. Hope you liked it!! Review! I mean, that kiss was worth a few; it was scandalous, yet sweet. At least, I thought so. I can't believe she cheated! Also, um, about the preview in the last chapter, for future warning, I may do that. You know, change the song. Sometimes, when I do the previews, the song fits my outline for the chapter at the time, but sometimes the outline is changed completely, therefore, I change the song as I see fit. Alright, Ill shut up now!
P.S. Go check out All My Life, Gifted, and The Lost Daughter of Russia, by flutetenorsaxplayer2008! They really are great stories, written by a great author, so go check it out! They are on my favorites, and she's in my author's list, I believe!
PEACE! I love you all!
Norah ; )