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Chapter 12 Fallen

Jacob crouched in front of the fire, the muscles of his neck and shoulders taut as the flames engulfed the shimmering pieces, sending an enveloping sickening sweet smell into the air. The cut on his leg was not deep and it had sealed up, leaving only a dull ache. He was startled to see Nessie and Tara enter the clearing, running at full speed.

Jacob barely had time to stand before Nessie threw herself to her knees in front of him. Her face was contorted in grief as she stared at the licking flames in realization.

She rose and clutched Jacob's shoulders, screaming, "What did you do?"

Tara rushed to pull the girl into her arms, comforting her as she sobbed, "Demetri… Demetri ..."

Jacob's strength was useless in the face of Nessie's sorrow. She clung to Tara, turning her head from the flickering flames. Jacob frantically tried to piece together what was happening.

Nessie knew this vampire, Jacob thought, recognizing the name of one of the Volturi. Demetri was a tracker and that was all that Jacob knew of him.

Tara began leading Nessie away from the scene and the cloying smell. Jacob's eyes frantically searched her face for answers but he could not tell what she was thinking.

"Jacob, please give us a few minutes. We'll figure this out together. Nessie just needs a little time."

The calm tone of her voice soothed Jacob's racing mind. There was no accusation in Tara's look, but Nessie could not meet his eyes.

When Jacob approached them a few minutes later, Nessie was visibly calmer. She and Tara were sitting on a rocky ledge. Nessie leaned heavily against Tara, who had her arm around the girl. Although Jacob knew Nessie's strength, she looked fragile. He hesitantly sat down opposite them. The sight of her pain pierced him and he wanted to be the one holding her as he had done so many times when she was growing up–when he was her big strong Jake that could fix everything.

Nessie lifted her head. "Jake, tell me what happened," she said thickly.

Jacob let out the breath he had been holding. Part of him was unsure if the trust he had earned with her was still there. Things had been so different between them lately that he had been fearful.

"Sam and I were tracking two vampires on our land. We found evidence of two killings-some hikers back in the woods. When we caught up to the vampires, they split up and I followed that one."

"Demetri," Nessie supplied.

Jacob refused to say his name. "We fought. I won."

Nessie hid her face in Tara's chest and Tara stroked her hair, unspeaking. Jacob could feel the warmth coming from Tara in waves. Nessie composed herself again.

"Jacob, I knew Demetri. We were friends. I don't believe he would kill anyone. He must have been tracking another vampire." She looked at him earnestly. "He has been a vegetarian for the past three months."

Jacob was surprised at the revelation.

"That's what they call vampires who drink only animal blood," he explained to Tara. "Ness, I only know what I saw with my eyes. He didn't say anything. The fight was short… very short."

Nessie's mournful eyes looked at him with a fear he didn't understand until she explained further. "Jake, Demetri was a member of the Volturi guard. They are going to want retribution."

Jacob remembered something Tara had said. We don't need to bring any more predators here.

"They never need to know," Jacob said. "If they find out somehow, we'll explain the treaty to them. I'll defend my actions," he declared, feeling a pulse of rage shoot through his body at thought of defending himself to murdering bloodsuckers. He pictured those white faces and red eyes judging him for doing his duty. I didn't choose to be this thing – their evil created me, Jacob thought as fury fought with hot waves of shame inside him.

He looked from Tara to Nessie. Their faces suddenly looked like unfamiliar masks. Do they think I'm a killer? He couldn't bear to face the answer.

Sam ran up and crouched beside them. His wise wolf eyes looked at each of them, patiently waiting. Jacob knew Sam and the pack would understand. The pack is my real family, Jacob thought.

He stood and faced Tara and Nessie. "I'll consult with my pack … you two get with yours," he said through clenched teeth. Jacob turned his head, avoiding Tara's eyes. He vibrated and then swiftly phased, touching noses with Sam momentarily before they turned and raced from the clearing.

Tara felt Jacob's withdrawal from her and it shot dry panic into her throat. Her hands trembled slightly and her mind replayed her last memory of him, already racing to consider when she would be with him again. The feeling mounted quickly to desperation and she fought to control her craving by turning her attention to Nessie. The smoke rose up into the sky leaving a paler smudge on the darkening gray of the clouds.

The trembling of Tara's hands ceased and she gave Nessie a little squeeze.

"Let's go home. I'm with you," she said gently.

When Tara and Nessie entered the Cullen house, the anxious looks made it clear that everyone knew what had happened. Esme greeted Nessie first, enfolding her in a loving embrace. Nessie hugged her silently and then moved into her mother's arms.

Tara looked around at the faces of the family. She felt that she was peering in from the outside. The cocoon of love she had been wrapped in with Jacob had been ripped from her. Jacob had withdrawn so abruptly in his fury and shame. The awareness of the gap between the vampires and the wolves loomed.

I'm thirsty. The thought came unbidden to Tara's mind and it flooded her mouth with venom. She clenched her fists and swayed slightly as the waves of longing flowed over her. Shutting her eyes, she swallowed against the sweet hot rush. When she opened her eyes, Bella's concerned face was the first thing Tara saw.

Before she had time to think, she was in her sister's embrace. The hardness of Bella's chest was as comforting as a favorite blanket and Tara laid her cheek against Bella's cool shoulder.

How easily I let them in, she thought, remembering how she had stonily defended herself before Bella had come to her. The first thing Jacob had done was sweep her into his arms and she had not resisted, not even then. Tara felt the thirst subside.

Edward stood near her, understanding on his angelic face. "You are not alone," he said in an echo of the words Tara had said to others.

Tara believed him.

---

The thought of facing his own cabin alone was too much for Jacob to bear. Quil's house was dark and silent when he entered, offering little comfort. Jake raided the fridge and sat at the kitchen table in the gloom, drowning his sorrows in excessive quantities of milk. He tried to lull his mind in time with the hum of the refrigerator, but his thoughts raced. The tint of shame clouded his memory as his mind replayed the fight and its deadly end. He had killed Nessie's friend and caused her pain.

His hand clenched into a fist on the table. He was supposed to be her hero and her guardian, the supernatural protector that the force beyond all reasoning…. Imprinting … had designated. He had sworn never to hurt her as long as they both lived.

Apparently neither supernatural nor divine forces could bind Renesmee Carlie Cullen. Ten short years had passed before she had decided to go her own way. Everything Jacob had been taught to believe about their bond had been severed with a stamp of her tiny foot.

"I'm all grown up Jake," she had said, shedding him so quickly and setting him adrift again.

When she told him she was leaving on a quest to find Nahuel, the one human vampire hybrid she had ever met, Nessie made it clear that she did not want him to come. The expectations that Jacob's protective paternal feelings for her would evolve into a romantic love had evaporated once and for all.

Maybe it had been wrong for anyone to have thought that it would ever happen, Jacob thought. Can I really blame Nessie, when I still feel more like she is my daughter to this day?

Jacob understood that Nessie didn't need another father, but he couldn't just turn off his feelings for her the way she seemed to be able to do.

I guess I'm useful while they need me, Jacob thought bitterly, taking a deep breath.

But yet, when he let the air flow from his lungs, it did not catch on a lump of pain. The bitterness was not so bitter, the acrid clutch of resentment only a shadow of the feelings he had fostered and fed watching Bella with Edward. Jacob found that he could not rip open the old wounds and fan the burning flames because he was not adrift. He did have a place, with Tara.

I'm just going to talk to her, he thought and immediately felt better. The pull to be with her was a physical yearning and he could almost feel the silk of her skin on his fingertips.

Quil walked into the kitchen, interrupting Jacob's reverie. He flicked on the light and they squinted at each other.

"You ass, you drank all my milk," Quil said disgustedly, looking at the empty container.

"Sorry man, my bad," Jacob said, but his response lacked its normal spark.

"I heard that vamp you killed was Nessie's friend," Quil said, cutting to the heart of what he knew was bothering Jacob. "That's messed up, but it's not your fault. He was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Did he try to talk to you or anything?"

"No, that's the weird thing. Stuff happened fast but he didn't try to say a word."

"Maybe he didn't want to reason with you because he thought he could win the fight. I guess he didn't know who he was dealing with," Quil said with pride.

Jacob brightened slightly at the compliment.

Sensing that he had succeeded in lightening his friend's mood, Quil pulled back a chair and sat down. He eyed Jacob.

"Sooo…" he drew the word out with elaborate drama. "What is up with you and Tara? Don't feel like you need to spare me any of the gory details because I already got a pretty good eyeful of your wrestling match in my guest bedroom." Quil smirked at him. "You know, the flashback that ran through your wolfie brain while you were on-duty tracking two rogue vamps."

Jacob had the grace to look embarrassed. "Yeah, who says guys can't multi-task?"

"Do you feel like you are cheating on Nessie?"

Jacob paused before answering, not at all offended by the question because it had come from Quil and they were both forever trying to figure out what the hell was happening in their lives.

"No, it's not like that at all. Nessie left me, remember? It feels like I served my purpose and she's moving on."

"Man that is harsh. She loves you. She's pretty much a teenager; she still has some growing up to do."

"Don't get me wrong, we will always be close… No, that's an understatement – we'll always be bonded. It's just things have changed."

Jacob looked into his cousin's face and realized that Claire might always need Quil. Unlike Nessie, she didn't grow to maturity in seven years. She was a real girl with real needs. His gaze faltered.

"Um, Quil, do you ever think about what it will be like when Claire grows up?"

Quil shrugged, trying to make light of it. "Well, even if I didn't, I would hear the thoughts through all of you." His eyes were serious.

"Right now I'm content to be what Claire needs me to be, but damn, I've experienced the emotions and thoughts through the others in the pack so I know that love between a man and a woman is something worth living for. If there is a chance I'll have that one day, without abandoning Claire, maybe I'll consider sticking around for it."

"What do you mean?" Jacob asked in surprise. He had believed he and Quil shared every thought, so he was surprised at these revelations. His happy-go-lucky cousin clearly took great pains to keep his private life hidden.

"I've been planning to stop phasing. According to the legends, if we stop phasing, our bodies will age. Claire is growing older and so are others in our tribe. No one needs me to be a wolf forever. I don't see why I should outlive everyone." He gave Jacob a piercing look. "Not all of us are trying to keep up with immortals."

His words struck fear in Jacob's heart. He pictured himself alone, with everyone else he knew long dead.

It will be just me and the bloodsuckers, he thought. His blood chilled.

"So you are maybe reconsidering getting old?" Jacob asked with deceptive casualness. "The senior citizen discount is overrated." He held his breath, waiting to hear the answer.

"Well, I'd be crazy not to want that kind of love." Quil said. "It was cool that you and I were in the same boat, but now things are changing for you and I'm still the same."

Jacob couldn't deny it.

"Yeah, you are pretty far gone, Jacob Black," Quil teased. "It's all good. You know I won't judge you, but I think Sam is a little bummed you didn't settle down with some nice girl from the tribe. What is it with you and the vampires?"

Jacob groaned inwardly. The same thought had crossed his mind a hundred times in the past week.

"I guess it's not my destiny to do things the easy way," he said, trying to play it off. He hesitated before going further. What the hell, he'll read my mind later anyway.

"As a matter of fact, Tara is Bella's sister."

Quil gawked at him for a minute and then gave a rueful laugh.

"Shit, Jake. You are one messed up pup. I hope their mom never comes to visit or you won't know who to take to the prom."

Jake levered his foot under Quil's chair and flipped it. His cousin was only saved by his lightning reflexes.

"Hey man, not the furniture!" Quill yelled.

"You asked for it," Jacob growled. "Besides, you know I never went to the prom."

Jacob stood up. He needed to go find Tara.

A/N: Thanks so much for following the story. I really appreciate your feedback so if you have time please leave me a little review.