Hermione POV
Magical suppressant potion looked disgusting. I found the recipe and whipped up a batch immediately after our classroom romp. I couldn't risk going back to their room, freshly fucked and oblivious. Not with those new colors to worry about. It was also the best excuse to not be in my room if they came looking for me. The other students in the potions class didn't even blink when I showed back up there, claiming I forgot something. The concoction was simple, no worse than brewing a fresh tea and probably the best invention since the wand. Although, I suspected it tasted only marginally better than polyjuice given the ingredients. I'd find out soon enough. I needed to start testing the suppressant as soon as possible, to figure out just the right balance between magic and no magic, muggle and witch.
My guess on the taste was accurate. The next morning, after calculating the exact amount for a single dose, I nearly gagged shooting it back. A cough, a few smacks of my lips with a frown, and some water to wash it down. Gross. The flask containing the rest of the potion found its new home in my bag as I headed for detention in the great hall. I had decided that would be the best time for testing since Filch preferred manual labor due to his squib status.
I held back a yawn when I entered the great hall, ignoring Filch's grumble. A broom was thrust into my hand and a brief flash of gold was the last speckle of magic I saw. It puffed out of me in a quick burst before dissipating. Ten minutes passed after that and no other magic showed despite my annoyance with Filch's constant mumbling of complaints. The loss of colors was both sad and freeing. Hopefully, by the time I was done with detention the rest of the school would just be waking up and the potion would be diluted in my system. Maybe I could even spend some time with the boys without them getting suspicious.
The boys…
The broom paused its movement in my hands. I remembered a time when that would have meant Harry and Ron. The two of them would have joked as I read, occasionally making me laugh. They would have begged for help with their homework and I would have teased them about it. Then Ron would have mentioned something about house elves or crookshanks to ruin the moment. Still, it felt good to just be included back then.
Now the boys meant kisses and sex. It meant laughing over books together, walking to the quidditch pitch holding hands, listening to music while high, and exchanging sarcastic quips. It meant feeling not just included, but wanted and desired. Different trio, different boys…my boys. No, my men. My stomach did flips and the back of my neck prickled. My cheeks felt suddenly warm at the thought of Malfoy's hands on my cheeks, his gentle praises in my ear. My arse was still sore from where Theo's hands had smacked and squeezed at my flesh. I could practically feel their hands stroking my hair and body. There were no colors on my skin to worry about so I let myself embrace the expanding feeling in my chest. I ignored the past for a moment, swept it away like the dirt that I was brushing at my feet again, and allowed my mind to drift to what the future could be. It could be a future with them. My bonded mates.
They were both loyal and smart, funny and confident. They were everything that I had ever wanted in a partner smashed into two men. I wasn't sure what they were planning to do after graduation. I had zero plans myself. Since this was pure fantasy though I settled on daydreams of warm summer days in London. Days spent showing them all the places I frequented on my summer breaks from Hogwarts. Drinking tea outside of my favorite cafe, sharing ice cream at the parlour my parents used to take me to, swapping books at the library, and laying out on the grassy knoll by the lake where I loved to read.
Picturing Malfoy and Theo in my space seemed comical and yet impossibly right. I could see myself lying on the grass between them- Theo leaning against Malfoy, me snuggled in their laps reading with Malfoy stroking my hair while Theo massaged my thighs, smoking a joint of gillyweed. I'd occasionally smack his hand with a giggle when it wandered too high, the only other sounds being the birds and pages turning in our books. The sky would be a rare, beautiful, endless blue. Every once and a while, I would take notes from my book, marking them down with a quill. The air would smell like parchment and freshly mown grass with a hint of expensive cologne, gillyweed, and the distinct musky scent of sex always lingering lightly on our skin.
"It's supposed to smell differently to each of us according to what attracts us, and I can smell freshly mown grass and new parchment and-"
The broom dropped with a thud in a small stack of swept dirt. I'd never been able to pinpoint the rest of the scents. Not until that exact moment. The blush that had crept onto my cheeks that day in potions sixth year hadn't just been shame of speaking those words aloud to the class. It had been embarrassment mixed with confusion of those other random scents. It should have been the smells of Ron's sweater, or toast, or chocolate frogs, or something else equally Ron, but it hadn't been. It had been cologne, gillyweed, and sex. Malfoy and Theo.
"Pay attention, girl!" Filch exchanged my broom for a mop, sweeping up the pile of dirt. I wobbled on my feet. I could feel the shock on my face mingling with the heat in my belly.
It had always been them. My magic knew, my body knew, my soul knew. Somewhere in the mess of the war and the bullying and the stupid ancient Slytherin standards, we'd all been screwed over. It was that simple and that difficult.
Just like that the past invaded my daydream of the future. We could have been something years ago and it was Theo and Malfoy's fault that we were here now. Their silence and complacency, along with Malfoy's bullying, was the reason that I was left wary. Could I forgive? Yes. I think I could, but what about everyone else? The wizarding world wasn't exactly forgiving. We would get a slew of hate. Then there were the people closest to us. What about Malfoy's mother or whatever friends Theo and him had? Did they have friends still? What about mine? Ron would go ballistic of course. Harry had testified at Malfoy's trials. That didn't mean he could accept him as my mate though or Theo. He still wasn't a Slytherin fan. And then there were my parents. I wanted to help them get their memories back. I planned to once I got my crazy magic under control. I needed to try. I couldn't not try. If I succeeded, what would it be like when they were better? How would I explain that the boy who was so terrible to me at school, the boy I cried about and called me slurs, was so much different than I had imagined? Would I lie about my scar? Would they accept my magically bonded mates? I couldn't risk it. I couldn't risk them. Above everything else, everyone else. They needed to be my priority. Not Theo. Not Malfoy.
My chaotic thoughts made me dizzy or maybe that was the smell of the cleaning solution. No. It wasn't that. I'd used it a dozen times before and the smell was no stronger than usual. My vision twisted and the warm feeling in my stomach turned to crunching and a cold sweat. I dropped my mop, dismissing Filch's shouts. The bile in my stomach rose. I rushed to the closest loo, struggling to keep myself upright the whole way. It was a close call. I made it to the toilet not a second to late.
The potion tasted even worse coming up than it did going down. I sat on the floor as the nausea subsided, resting my head against the stall. Three minutes passed, then five. The colors returned between one groan of pain and the next, a haze of sickly green magic that resembled my sick wafting from me. That shouldn't be happening. Even if I had thrown up the potion, it should have had plenty of time to keep in my system. I wondered if I made the potion wrong though deep down I knew that I hadn't. It was a simple potion. I checked all the ingredients three times and I followed the instructions exactly. My body was fighting it. The disease was getting worse. The suppressant wasn't working.
"Fuck!" I shouted, slamming my head back against the stall.
Tears stung at my eyes. The magical world had given me everything and now it was ripping it all away. All I had left was my friendship with Harry, and the hope of fixing my parents. I didn't have the energy to fight them all and the entire wizarding world's opinions. I wasn't strong enough and I needed whatever strength I had left to get my magic and return my parents' memories. After that, I couldn't lose them all over again no matter what it did to my heart. Better to stop it now before it could get any worse.