Chapter 19: Incubo
Tara squeezed Alice's hand tightly, trying to convey some of her strength to the tiny girl. She felt the incredible power of Alice's consciousness fighting against the waking nightmare vision of Carlisle's death. Alice lived a life guarding the future and trying not to step on butterflies.
"Now is not the time to mourn," Tara said with conviction. She wanted to help them fight the paralysis of anticipation of grief that was so familiar to her."Now is the time to fight."
Alice's hazy eyes cleared and she shook her head.
"I see choices and they may change," Alice answered, as if she had convinced herself. She released Tara's hand and turned and faced the road, her eyes scanning the scenery alertly as they travelled.
Jasper spared a quick glance to Tara, gratitude on his face. Tara had felt the comfort from him, but words had failed him. For the first time, Tara felt some measure of appreciation for the gift she had been given. To be able to instinctively help people and not stand idly by in an agony of frustrated helplessness was truly a blessing. It was not the superpower she would have picked, but it was pretty good. I always did want to be able to fly though, she thought fleetingly.
Tara sat back and nestled in Jacob's warm arms. He hugged her close and brushed his lips against her hair, breathing deeply. She could feel him relaxing against her, comforted by her presence. Tara resisted the urge to look out the back window of the car again. As far as she knew, the Volturi did not track them. Still, she breathed a sigh of relief when Jasper parked the car efficiently and led them down a narrow alley and into an open courtyard awash in the afternoon sun.
"Welcome to the Piazza Navona," Jasper announced, gesturing grandly.
Tara could see why he had chosen the spot. Tall, pale brown, brick buildings flanking the oval-shaped piazza shielded the street from the slanting rays of the afternoon sun, even as the white and gold tipped domes of the cathedral glistened in the rays. The people here seemed more vibrant than at home, many wore quilted coats in beautiful shades of ochre, sage and coral. Cell phones were open everywhere, and people murmured into them in romantic cadence, gesturing with their hands as they rushed, strolled, or sat beside the three fountains in the square.
There was a festive spirit in the air of this gathering place. Tara took a deep breath of it and pretended for a moment that she was on holiday with her boyfriend and they were out to enjoy a late lunch with friends, but reality could not be avoided. The hum and buzz of the people had a very different sound for Tara. She had not been near so many people since she had been changed, and the din in her ears was astounding.
Which of these people is communicating woes into my brain? Which one of them needs help? Could I heal all of them? Each person in this city was a walking future victim. Tara's eyes darted into the shadows, trying to see what lurked there.
Jasper must have recognized her distress, because he gently touched her shoulder and she felt a wave of soothing calm. It wasn't as effective as Bella's shield, but it did help her to process things. The frantic murmur in her ears slowed and she almost thought she could hear snatches of something coherent. She tried to clear her mind. This was not the time. I can explore this with Jasper later, she promised herself.
Jasper led them to a little restaurant situated near a lovely baroque fountain and Tara tuned her ears to merge the soothing sounds with the static. The flowing water gave a fresh feeling to the air. Children splashed in it, laughing in delight, and older people cupped the water in their hands. Several artists had set up easels and they sketched or painted, capturing their piece of the ancient creation.
"Ah, fountains…big things full of gods and animals with water cascading over them. You can't beat it," Jake intoned, waggling his eyebrows. "That was William Faulkner, I added the last part."
Tara looked at him in amazement.
"Now let's eat," he continued enthusiastically. That was more like Jake.
The steady trickling flow of the fountain provided enough noise to give them privacy for their conversation. Jake slid gratefully into the chair and gestured to the waiter, a tall dark haired man who moved efficiently to their table. Alice conferred with Jake and then ordered for them all in flawless Italian--espressos for them and half of the menu for Jacob.
"Where are the wolves? You said this was a wolf party," Jacob accused Alice.
"It's the festival of the wolf, not a festival of wolves," Alice corrected. "The Italians are celebrating the wolf that rescued Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome." Jacob looked bored at the history lesson.
"In Rome, the church adopted the day in honor of St. Clare, but Volterra walks on the wild side, things are a little more pagan here," Jasper explained with a smile.
"Pagan?" Jacob looked slightly more interested.
"It's all about rituals, drinking, revelry under the moonlight--that sort of thing. They believe that wolves represent power and fertility."
"Damn straight!" Jacob agreed enthusiastically, puffing out his chest.
Tara giggled. Jacob's displays of ego were a constant source of comedy for her because she knew it was all a front.
"It's pretty family friendly now, but when the sun goes down and the moon comes out, watch out!" Jasper enthused.
"You'll want to change," Alice said, sliding Tara a silver-shimmered black tote. "Here are some things I picked up for you, they should fit. I hope you like them."
"Thanks," Tara said. "These clothes I'm wearing reek of dungeon."
"Well, I hope you picked out something suitable for pagan rituals by the bonfire," Jacob joked.
Alice's eyes gleamed as if she was envisioning a pagan-ritual-bonfire ensemble. Then she sighed wistfully.
"Is something wrong?" Tara asked Alice in concern.
Alice let out a little sigh and her lower lip pouted just slightly. "Nothing you need to fix. I'm renouncing some of my materialism to gain my peace with the world."
"How's that working for you?" Jacob blurted.
Tara gave him a quelling look and he shut his mouth.
"We've been to Tibet," Jasper said simply, arranging his features into an extremely patient and neutral expression.
Jacob nodded like he had some clue as to what Jasper was talking about. Tara knew he was more interested in finding something to eat.
"Thank you again for your generosity," Tara said to Alice, picking up the bag and rising.
Alice beamed at her. "Hurry back. Bella and Edward will be here in 18 minutes."
Tara retreated to the restroom to change, slipping her hair out of the ponytail. It was a pleasure to don the layers of clothing that Alice had chosen, first sliding on the camel colored narrow knit pants, then floating the vintage pale blue blouse over her skin. The fabric was a delicate and soft silk charmeuse with a deeply plunging neckline and narrow horizontal ruffles, like tiny petals down the front. Next she pulled on a narrow cut, deep chocolate, leather trench coat, which she left unbuttoned, then zipped into dark brown Burberry boots that caressed her feet in comfort.
After lovingly folding her green sweater back into the bag, she stepped out to survey herself in the mirror. Her soft brown hair hung in waves over her shoulder. Fantastic mix of feminine and badass, she thought. I'll lose the coat when I'm cavorting by the bonfire. Tara suddenly sobered. The recollection that this was not a pleasure trip struck her and she hurried back to join the others.
When she emerged, Alice's face grew momentarily joyful.
"Maybe I am gaining some enlightenment," she said, clapping her hands. "It truly is better to give than to receive."
Bella and Edward joined them just as Jacob had begun to eat. Alice flew into her brother's arms and Edward held her wordlessly. To others it probably looked like a simple family reunion, but Tara knew Edward was reading Alice's thoughts and he stiffened, clearly horrified by the future that she had seen. They pulled apart and Alice clasped Bella to her tiny chest before directing her into the chair between her and Tara. The three women clasped hands.
Tara looked at the faces around the table…her sister, long lost to her but now reunited, Jacob, the man who had become so much a part of her in such a short time, Edward, Alice, and Jasper…each of them with their unique souls, so committed to the love of each other. They had welcomed her, and now they were bound in what felt like a fight for life.
Tara felt exposed yet somehow invisible in this public place. The scene was surreal, like it was set on an idealistic theater under the open sky, with the soundtrack as the laughter of the children and the splash of the fountain. The people went on about their lives, oblivious to the tragedies unfolding around them.
"It's safest for us to stay in the open for now," Edward said, answering her thought. He gestured to Jacob, who had been waiting politely. "Please, eat. The others can fill us in."
Jacob didn't have to be told twice.
"Tara, I'm so glad you are alright," Bella said. "I was terrified when we found out that…they…had taken you." She hesitated, looking around the room to make sure no one was listening. "Did Jane let you go?"
"I wouldn't say she let us go," Jacob answered distinctly. "I definitely think that Alice and Jasper showing up had something to do with it."
Bella looked at Tara with a question in her eyes.
"I don't think Jane knows what she wants right now," Tara answered. She could see on the faces of the others that they were judging Jane and she felt an urge to defend the girl, but she held her tongue.
"How is Carlisle?" she asked. "Have they made any progress with their research?"
Edward filled them in on the visit with Aro. His eyes were darker than Tara had ever seen and there were purple smudges under his eyes. His worry for his father was clearly torturing him. Tara's heart went out to him. He was like her; Edward took so much of the burden on himself.
"Carlisle has resolved not to drink human blood…" he said grimly, "even though this is clearly all that will satisfy him, perhaps the only thing that will keep him alive."
Bella's hand clenched Tara's and her face reflected hopeless terror before she composed herself, glancing quickly at Edward. Tara remembered what Carlisle had told her of his first decision not to drink blood, to hold onto his humanity at all costs. It was the measure of the man that he held true to it now. For the first time the family could not turn to Carlisle, because they were preparing themselves to fight for him. This was their true test of strength.
Tara understood that she had just recently come from a world where death, even her own death, was a part of life. Edward had been indestructible for over a hundred years and Carlisle for hundreds of years before that. They had come to trust in the truth of this and so Carlisle's illness was not only personal and painful, it rocked the very core of what they had come to believe of themselves.
It was barely a day ago that Jacob lamented the fact that I would never change, Tara remembered. She suddenly selfishly wanted to be away from these sad and needy people and be away with Jacob. Then she was ashamed and hoped that Edward had not caught that thought through the din in her head. She put her hands up to rub her temples.
Jacob instantly noticed her discomfort; he was so attuned to her physically.
"Bella, can you help Tara out? Please put your shield around her."
Instant relief enveloped her and Tara looked at their concerned faces gratefully.
"It was that way for me in the beginning when I could hear thoughts," Edward said, smiling at her sympathetically. "We will work on that together."
Then I know we will succeed, Tara thought.
Esme felt like time was burning her, the ticking clock on the wall of the lab was a thundering reproof as her mind raced frantically over the facts and observations again and again, seeking to find a new connection or a solution. Since Aro left, and she had heard Edward's words about the death of a vampire from this fever, the denial she had shielded herself with had been stripped and she was raw.
I haven't been strong, I've been disbelieving, Esme thought.
Every shred of evidence she had seen with her eyes, and everything that she had been taught to believe, had made her think that she had the luxury of lifetimes with her strong, youthful husband. She had made the vows, 'In sickness and health, till death do us part', but never believed she would face those challenges. Apart from the unfamiliar redness of his eyes, Carlisle was the same man she had married, but something was eating at his invincibility. She felt that it was weakening her too.
She shook her head and looked into the microscope again, straining to find what everyone who has ever heard a terminal diagnoses seeks to find--a miracle.
A sudden thought struck her and she looked at the sample of Tara's blood in excitement. Her research had shown that Tara's immune system was on overdrive from her cancer treatment at the time venom was introduced into her system. This was a possible reason for her strange reaction to the vampire venom. Esme rubbed her hands on her forehead as she thought. She felt that the answer was lurking beyond her grasp and she nearly moaned in frustration.
Why were only the old vampires affected by the fever?
Carlisle's hand slipped behind her neck, disrupting her thoughts, as he caressed the silken skin beneath her hair. He gently spun her around and pulled her to his chest. Esme noted that he was decidedly warmer, several degrees above his normal body temperature but still not anywhere close to 98.6 degrees. She wanted to rest in the comfort of his embrace, but the ticking clock still reverberated and she pulled back, putting on a brave face. She looked up into his red eyes and chose to see the man she loved.
"Do you have any news of Tara and Jacob?" she asked.
Carlisle gently pushed her hair back from her face.
"Yes, they are safe. They are with Alice and Jasper, Edward and Bella are joining them. Rose, Emmet and Nessie are coming too. They should be here before nightfall."
"It will be nice to be together again," Esme said, sighing. Their family, with Tara as the newest addition, was very important to her. She knew that they were coming to be with Carlisle. A thought crossed her mind; it was a human expression that she had heard, 'We only get together for weddings and funerals.' She tried to banish the thought.
"Any progress?" Carlisle asked, and Esme cursed herself for keeping him guessing.
"I've got a working theory that the reason you are affected has something to do with your immune system at the time you were bitten. I believe that Tara's immune system caused her strange reaction to the venom."
Carlisle nodded in approval at her logic, stroking his chin as his brow furrowed in concentration.
"There must be some common thread amongst the older vampires," Esme continued.
Carlisle nodded again and it was a few minutes before he replied.
"Diseases are ever-evolving. We older vampires were exposed to many fewer viruses before we were changed. Perhaps this immune deficiency at the time of my change leaves me vulnerable to a modern outbreak."
Without warning, Esme launched herself against him, sliding her fingers into his hair as she kissed him deeply. She could feel his quick involuntary response as she slid her tongue against his and pushed her body close to his hard strength. She pressed kisses along his jaw and down his neck. Her brain was suddenly running frantically and thoughts spun wildly in her mind. She pulled the collar of his shirt open to press her mouth against his throat, opening her lips in a way she knew he loved, so that he could feel the hot wetness of her.
Carlisle let out a moan, throwing his head back and sliding his hands into her thick hair to hold her close. Esme shut her eyes and took a breath, wrapping her arms around Carlisle to pull him against her with all of her strength, locking her powerful muscles to hold him tight. With a savage swiftness, her teeth tore at the base of Carlisle's throat and she fastened her mouth on him, sucking with all of her might as he struggled.
He quickly broke her hold, stepping back with his hand to the small wound, a look of shock and horror on his face. He never raised his hand to defend himself.
"Esme, what have you done?" he asked, more in amazement than anger.
She cast her eyes downward, horribly ashamed at this breach of trust. There was shame, but there was no regret.
"I hoped…" she said in a small voice, raising her eyes to his, "…I hoped that I could get the fever too."
Carlisle inhaled sharply, a flash of anger in his eyes.
"I can't go on without you," she defended.
The flames that had risen in Carlisle's eyes died swiftly and he stepped close, pulling her once again into his arms. Esme felt his cheek on her head and the strength of his grip and she tried to pretend it was all a nightmare. It was a nightmare, but it was real.
"I can't go on without you," she repeated. "There is no life for me without you."