"I don't want to practice," I tried to tell Jowan more than once that my butt still hadn't recovered from the last 'practice' we went through. He was disappointed. His lip stuck out, pouting and I sigh. I weighed my options: turning him down now would cause Jowan to avoid me for a week and the other would save me from being crushed by a rock fist. It seemed that the first had won this time. "I'm sorry Jowan, but I don't think I will live long enough to become Senior Enchanter if we practice today." His pout turned into a look of utter disappointment. I hated turning him down but it was by Wynne's own orders that I do not over do myself. He was even there but I guess when was the last time I ever paid any attention to the rules? "Can't we just go to the library and study like normal apprentices?" I poked his side but he didn't seem to budge. "It's fine, Solona." I knew that was an utter lie. "I'll go practice in the atrium." I close my eyes, his voice was dark. I hated him sometimes. "Okay," was all I could muster up. He walked away from me. My arms wrapped themselves around my chest, I hugged myself as I wished he would at least say 'hi' to me tomorrow.

I shrug off the guilt and wander into the library. Everything was quiet. Today was a nice bright sunshine filled day and I for one, hate going outside. Temptation of being outside, under the sunlight and to breath fresh air - ugh the thought of it just kills me. But of course I am not exactly alone. I had the quiet sentinel forms of the Templars at each doorway. Paired up and watching me with full intent. I start to hum. The tune carrying my guilt and washing it away as I move through the room. My fingers playing with the tips of my hair absent minded. Since the last 'practice' with Jowan I lost the pins to pull up my hair. Wynne stated she would find me some more but I doubted it wouldn't be for awhile. So my dark hair hung down to my hips. Draping over my shoulders, the bangs hanging before my steel colored eyes.

Jowan always called me beautiful but I never believed him. I knew that I was average for a Human female but when I looked to the elves that wandered around, they were all delicate. If not completely perfect. Whenever I was pitted up against I was afraid I would break them. That fear has cost me many days and nights spent in the infirmary. I stop in my tracks, my hair swinging around me as I look to the door way. The Golden Eyed Templar… Cullen was standing there. The other one had his helm on but I smile a little seeing him. I want to wave but I know better. The rules, Solona. I tell myself. Instead I give them both a nod and disappear around the corner to one of the far shelves. Everyone else had the intention of helping people. Healing spells, I laughed when they asked me to learn the basics of them. Clearly there was no use to them. Wynne bashed my skull in for saying those words.

So I find myself teetering on the ladder reaching for the Advanced Shield Elemental spell book. I reach and reach. My fingers not quite long enough so I come up with a plan. I kick off my shoes. They fall delicately to the floor. What I didn't realize was they hit someone. I look down to the figure standing there. Cullen… I can feel the heat rise from my neck up. "Err…" The sound left my lips but he bent down and picked up my shoes. He set them down on the table. I look to the door, his friend had left and the door wasn't guarded. Cullen's gaze followed my own, a smile was there. "I can see the door from here." He says to me. Apart of me wonders, questions why he is there. But I don't say anything, I only nod. He moves away from the ladder. Causing me to be grateful that he wasn't standing directly under it. Just the thought caused me to turn a deeper shade of red.

I shake it off. Realizing I still didn't have a book so I go back to my original plan. I lift one foot, the other gripping the ladder with such intensity that my toes start to cramp. My fingertips touch the book's bridge. But the price I paid, was disastrous. I grip the book, my fingers wrapping around it as I pulled it out slowly. With only one hand holding onto the ladder, I realize I wasn't as prepared for this plan. My hand slips. My foot gripping onto the ladder is the only thing holding me into place. I hear the movement under me and before I know it, I'm falling. The air rushes past me. The book is cradled against my chest as my eyes close. Thinking up a spell at these times, wasn't as easy as some would have thought.

I feel myself collide with a body. I don't want to open my eyes because I know it's Cullen. He groans under my weight as we both land on the ground. I am on top of him this time. I sit up on his lap and realize just how weird this was. My mind registers it in record time, I squirm and roll off of him. He wasn't moving. His eyes were closed, almost squeezed tightly. I don't think for that second and throw the book I was cradling to the floor.

"Cullen?" His name leaves my lips as I bend over him. His eyes were completely shut. I touch his lips, his forehead, his nose. I bend my head down to try and hear if his heart is beating in his chest. Nothing, thanks to all that armor. I sit up straighter. "Oh Maker, I killed you." I don't know what to do. How would I explain it to Irving? Better yet to Greagoir… ugh the thoughts start to run through my mind. "Where is Anders when you need him?" I realize this aloud. No one has spoken that name in months since he escaped the Tower and well his name was slightly Taboo.

"Anders?" Cullen speaks his name and I go into a state of shock. I let out a breath and Cullen smiles a little hearing it. "Oh Maker, you're okay." He moves to sit up, I reach under him. My hands touching his cold armor to help with the process. "How do you know Anders?" I can feel myself flush. "Well, we… err… well it is sort of difficult to describe." His beautiful brows knit together, confused… of course.

For as long as I could remember the Templars allowed Mages to be together. To find solace amongst one another within the tower. If a child was made between the two, they were taken to the Chantry. It was something that I found distasteful but I could really see where they were coming from. "Explain." He doesn't question it, he wants to know the truth. I feel the blood drain from my face and I stand up. "He and I were together until his Harrowing. We were close friends," I tried to make it seem as innocent as possible but I was failing. "How close?" He asks this, but why should he care? The thought crosses my mind. "Close enough for you not to question it." I become frustrated with this. "Why do you want to know?" My hand goes to my hip. He runs his fingers through his hair. "He is a wanted Mage." I guess that was good enough excuse as any. "We were very close a few months ago until his Harrowing. I didn't do anything with him but I think it was mainly because of me that he left. And well," I wave my hand in the air. "This is a gilded cage. No one likes being locked up."

It takes him a second to process what I had just said. "Does that satisfy you?" I ask, regretting the tone in my voice when I ask. He looks to me, his eyes seem to go right through me. I suddenly feel very naked before this Templar. I don't understand. Cullen was confusing, no he made me at a loss for words. "I should go." I suddenly stammer out. I can feel my body temperature rise. I panic and run. I run through the doors that were unguarded and fly through the halls. I run into other Mages not caring for them. I fly down the stairs, my feet hit the final steps as I land at the bottom. I feel my knees wanting to buckle but I will them not too. I can feel the anguish rush through me. He made me feel like I ruined the whole world for just being with Anders. I did nothing wrong, why should I feel this way?

I run and run until I find the dorms. They were completely empty, for everyone was outside practicing in the brilliant sunshine. I want to crawl under one of the beds and lay there but no. I find my way to the bathing area. My hands find the cold marble walls. The cold seeping through my body as I fall to the ground.

When he left, I blamed myself. I blamed everything that happened on myself. For not being the one thing Anders wanted. I wasn't perfect, I wasn't pretty but I wasn't going to give up my life for just anyone. I feel my knees inching closer up against my chest. My body hunches over. I hear the doors to the dorm opening. My hands covering my face. The tears of anguish, fall from my eyes. I can hear the steps of someone coming closer, they approach and I wipe them away as soon as I can.

I sit up, my hands running themselves through my hair as I try to find the balance to stand up. But my knees don't want to obey my brain. They buckle, I expect to fall but a pair of strong arms wrap around my waist. "I'm sorry," I hear the words leave his lips. I didn't want to believe it. I want to turn around but no. I hunch over, my hair covering my face as I cried out from the anguish of being a stupid girl.

It seems he doesn't know what to do at first for he holds me like that. I want to tell him to go away but the words don't want to come out. I was embarrassed to say the least. Instead he touches my hair, he touches my shoulders and with one hand he spins me around to face him. Templars had the most amazing way of knowing what to do when they were faced with a challenge. "Go…" the word leaves my lips but he doesn't move. He studies my face. Reading the expressions there and knew that I didn't want to be alone. "No." Was all he said when he brought me in closer. His arms wrapping me as we both fell to the floor. He held me for what felt like hours. Only a few minutes passed.

I calmed myself, my breathing becoming more even and I smile amongst the veil of hair before my eyes. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so rude." I apologize. He doesn't say anything at first but nods. "It's alright." We both stand up. His hands letting go of me reluctantly. I look at him, he was so much more taller than me. I never really noticed this before. I want to thank him but nothing comes out so I do the next best thing. I stand up on my toes and kiss his cheek softly. He seems to be surprised by the gesture but I only smile.

We became closer over the next few days. Jowan is no where to be found, I don't mind so much. My fear of being alone doesn't seem to matter when Cullen is there. He is the silent figure at the doors. Some of the Mages found it distasteful whenever he lights up when I walk into the room he is in. But I don't mind. I spend my long nights studying quietly in the Library. He is the silent sentinel in the corner, watching me intently. When we are alone, he sits next to me. Studying me while I read. I don't mind when he starts to ask me questions. I answer them truthfully and it seems to satisfy him. Over those days, I found I liked being around him. Just to know he is there... I felt safe, much to my own surprise.

My hair is now in it's natural state, the bun constricting my head as I stood before Irving. "You are to go through with your Harrowing two days from now." I gap, I don't realize it but it was Greagoir who sighs behind Irving. "I… um… ser, am I ready?" Irving smiles, his old face crinkles up and I want to jump across the table. Grip the old Mage and hug him. Probably not the best idea to do it before Greagoir. "Solona you are more than ready." I look between the two silent men. I want to kiss them both but once again… probably not the best idea.

"Go get some rest," Irving tells me. I stare blankly at him but nod, it's the only thing I can bring myself to do. The butterflies in my stomach are rising. I think I might vomit but I don't. I walk down the halls, my hands gliding across the cold marble as I hum. Completely unaware of the silent figure walking beside of me. I stop, feeling a hand grip the upper part of my arm. I look down, I recognize those fingers. "Is it true?" I stare at Jowan. He has been there longer than me and he wasn't happy with the situation. "What's true?" I ask, knowing full well what he was asking of me. "That you'll be taking your Harrowing two days from now." I stare at him, wondering how he knew about this. He seems to understand and lets go of my arm. "I was listening at the door." I sigh, should have known. "Yes, it's true." The emotions fly across his features; anger, disappointment, fear and finally he smiles a little. "That's good to hear." I want to tell him that he'll be asked to do it soon but the words don't come out. "By the way," my eyes narrow arms crossing themselves before my chest. "What the hell happened to you?" His gaze turns away, I want to sigh and apologize but he turns back. "I met someone…" my brow raises in question. "Who?" He wrings his hands together a horrid sign he was nervous. "I can't tell you yet." Ugh, secrets. I want to strangle him but I will myself to calm down a little. "Okay."

If someone would have told me that the days would have gone by as quickly as they did, I wouldn't have believed them. But two passed. I am shaken awake by the Golden eyed Templar standing over me in the dorms. I blink, realizing that tonight was my Harrowing. He seems to recognize my fear but knows that it will subside once I'm up. "I was asked to come get you." I rub my eyes, letting the sleep fall from them. "Are you ready?" I shake my head, of course I wasn't ready. "Come on." His steel fingers dig into my flesh as he moves me to my feet.

We walk quietly down the hall. My hands behind my back, my fingers twitching and pulling at themselves. I haven't eaten in days. I vomited most of the time because of nerves but I sigh. Cullen seems to hear this, a cough arises from him. "Nervous?" He asks, I want to run away but I know I wouldn't make it far. He would catch up with me and I would be locked away. "Slightly," I answer as we take the final steps. Just before the door he grips my arm. "I have to tell you something…" he looks into my eyes. I feel myself drowning into those golden pools. "Greagoir wants me to be the one to end your life if you… fail." I feel my brow raise in question and he shakes his head. "So I'm sorry if it comes down to that end." I stare at him, wondering if he was actually apologetic but he seems to be. "If I had a choice out any Templar in this tower to cut me down… I think I would rather have you do it." I had no idea those words came out of my mouth but he seems to give me that smile. That small secretive one that reaches his eyes when he opens the doors.

Templars were everywhere. It hits me like a million bricks I realize just how dangerous this was. "My darling girl," I hear Irving's voice cut through the through the thought process I was having. I turn my gaze, I feel Cullen drift from my side. He takes his place by Greagoir. I silently want to thank him but Irving extends his hand to me. It takes me a second to realize he wishes for me to take it and I do. My palms are sweating… how embarrassing. But Irving seems to notice, he gives me a smile. I want to return it but he shakes his head. "Darling girl," Irving moves my arm closer to him. Pulling me away from the prying eyes of the Templars around us. "You were chosen for Harrowing because you are strong." I want to ask him why there are so many Templars around until Greagoir steps aside. I see the pile of Lyrim sitting upon the pedestal in the middle of the open room. "Lyrim?" I was lost, confused and Irving lets go of my hand. "You are to enter the Fade. There you will rely upon your will as your only weapon. You will have to defeat a demon." It takes me a few seconds to realize what was going on. It hits me, it explains everything. Why there were so many Templars. Why Cullen apologized just before and why there was a pile of Lyrim sitting silently before me. "Irving?" I want to turn away, to walk out of the room and not to look back. Perhaps fly out of one the windows. Or maybe just to stand there, looking like an idiot. Turns out the last part, was what I was doing.

"Darling girl, are you ready?" I look to Irving and snort. "No but I don't have much choice." He seems to smile a little, realizing that apart of my hesitation was right. "Good, now step forward." My feet don't want to move but I will myself to take those brief steps forward. I stare down into the Lyrim. The haze of light seems to grasp me as my gaze leaves the Lyrim I feel the silent eyes of Cullen upon me. I let out a sigh and look to him. He was watching, waiting a flash of worry and fear cross his features. I want to nod but I look down to the Lyrim. The smell was so strong. I feel like vomiting up everything right there but I don't. My hand inches it way into the bowl. The cold shivers hit me like a punch to the stomach. I look down to my hand as it is encased with Lyrim. I smile a little, thinking that it wasn't so bad. Until I look up. A bright flash of light encases me. My body is flung to the floor, my eyes close and I feel myself drift away into the Fade.

I awake, my eyes blinking up to the hazing sky above me. "Ouch…" I sit up. My hands gripping my lower back in the process. "I thought you didn't feel pain in here." I groan aloud but I hear a squeak at my side. I look over, a mouse? My eyes narrow, always being taught to never believe what you see in the fade. Rely upon your wits, I try to tell myself. "So another one thrown in for the bait, it would seem." It is… talking? I move to my feet and waver where I was standing. "Welcome to the Fade," it says again and this time it shifts. Moving from mouse to human in a matter of seconds. "You can call me… mouse." I stare at him. He seems so utterly familiar but I can place my finger upon it. "I am Solona," I tell him. He smiles, weakly. I realize he was wearing the robes of an apprentice.

It takes him a few minutes to explain everything to me and I seem to understand, much to his surprise. I want to get this over with but he shakes his head. That isn't what my goal is. I decide to wander. He asks to come along, I want to ask why but I realize the company would be better than none. He goes back into his mouse form. I pick him up, lifting him to my shoulder as we walk quietly through the fade. I feel as if I'm going in circles but I know I'm not. We encountered Sloth and Valor in the same instance. Mouse is no longer, Mouse. He is a bear and well Sloth didn't quite like the fact I beat him at his own game. I feel myself getting smug but I don't care. I have a new staff, my hands grip the wooden handle as if I was doing it in the real world. But sadly I know it's not true. We wander around until we reach the place in the beginning. Fire shooting up to the hazing sky and we fight. I hold him off, my spells firing left and right until Mouse is standing over the Rage Demon. He was growling as the Demon disappears into the void. I let out a breath, completely and utter complacent that I finally did it. But I'm not waking up, I close my eyes tightly. Thinking over and over again that there is no place like home but when they open again I see the smirking smile of Mouse standing in front of me. "What?" I question him and he shakes his head. "To imagine, a woman. Beating the Rage demon and actually surviving this long." My eyes narrow a little. He shakes his head and then it hits me why I haven't left yet. "You're my test." He turns his gaze to me. Completely aware of what I just said and he smiles again, this time it is getting wider. "Stupid human, your time will come and I will be there when it does." I reach for my staff, holding it before me as he turns into his true form. Suddenly everything is gone in a flash of light.

"Solona?" I hear a voice calling to me. I reach up, my knuckles hitting the bunk bed above me. My eyes shoot open, I shake away the pain. "Ow…" I sit up, Jowan is sitting at my side. His eyes distraught with worry. "I'm fine," I say to him, trying to reassure him. Mainly trying to reassure myself. "How did I get here?" I look down, I was in my bed again and Jowan hesitates before answering my question. "Some Templar brought you here. The one who took you to the Kitchen that one day." Cullen… ugh I should have known he would have done this. "How was it?" He asks helping me to my feet. My hand goes to my head, as my feet waver under me. I feel like I'm spinning. His hands grip my shoulders, steadying me in the process. "It was… Harrowing." I say, but he doesn't like my answer and presses it. "I can't tell you Jowan." He gives me that look 'when did you ever listen to the rules?' I feel myself growing angry with him for that look. "I won't tell you, Jowan. Let me go, I need something to eat." He hesitates and drops his hands from my shoulders. "Before you go Irving wants to see you." I sigh and rub away the sleep from my eyes. "Okay…" I manage to get out before I see him leave me behind.

A/N: I figured I would do a little shout out to those who left reviews for me! So to sandradee27: Thank you! And well, Cullen has always been one of those characters I figured needed some credit, right? So I'm glad you enjoyed it so far! And to Nithu: Thank you! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story! Much love there!

A little sidenote as well; is that I am actually basing this story off of a song. There is a link to the music video on youtube in my profile, if you would like to hear it - of course!

So to start off and to say this part as well, thank you to those who can't wait for the next part. I didn't realize how much love Cullen has in this world until now. And well, he deserves every little bit of it. I will say though that some of the time while I was writing this, I figured later on Cullen would express his feelings for her. Sort of confess that he has always liked her since he's been there and knowing Solona she will probably freak. Either a bad way or a good way. Some how I just had that wonderful image in my head of her chasing him around the campfire screaming at him the entire time. So okay, I am currently working on the next chapter as I finish posting this! It should be later tonight, so don't worry! Much love to all of you and I am totally astonished that so many people enjoy what I have written here! Much love to you all!

ANNNNDDDDDD I DO NOT OWN BIOWARE.... though I wish I did. Imagine all of the money? Oh my greedy self. ;)