No, this chapter isn't perfect but it was really hard for me to write.
Once again - my beta, Lauren, owns me. This is all thanks to her :')
As Always, Stephanie Meyer owns anything twilight related!
Enjoy!
Chapter Three
Bella slowly pulled her arm up onto her knee, peeling back her sleeve as she went, she could see the faded scars of her past. She picked the razor up from beside her; again twirling it in between her fingers, she needed to do this, the pain had to go away. This was the only way out. She teased herself by dragging the blunt side over her wrist leaving white scratch marks down her inner arm. Taking a deep breath in she pulled the sharp edge across her wrist, flinching as it broke the skin. The gentle strikes soon turned into more forceful cuts as she repetitively swiped her wrist with the blade. Blood slowly started to seep out of the thin cuts she had given herself; she instantly felt that sense of relief, the relief she had been looking for. Bella felt slightly happier, with every cut on her arm representing something she hated about herself.
Even though the relief was short lived she knew that this was going to be her way out, she knew this is the only way she could cope. Every time she'd thought of cutting all she had to do was phone Edward, sadly his voicemail wasn't as much help as he was. Bella grabbed the facecloth off the side of the sink as the blood started to drip down her arm, pressing it firmly on her wrist she winced at the pain that spread.
Over the next couple of days she continued to call Edward with the hope that one day he would pick up, despite never getting an answer she wasn't going to give up. Each time she heard his voicemail message her heart broke that little bit more. Nobody noticed the change in Bella's behaviour; no one noticed the fact that Bella wore nothing but long sleeved shirts. Yes this was forks and even in June the weather was abysmal but there was still some t-shirt worthy days. In between school and work she hid in her bedroom. Aware that Charlie wouldn't even attempt to talk to her. She didn't know whether that made her feel better, or worse. She wasn't her usual cheery self at work yet nobody noticed. Deep down she wanted someone to notice, she just wanted someone to tell her everything would be okay. Even if it wasn't going to.
It had been a month since she'd last seen Edward and for the past week her arm had taken the blame. Every day she'd lock herself in the bathroom whilst Charlie was still at work, she'd grab that all too familiar razor blade she'd hidden in the back of the cupboard. Bella always sat crouched down, back pressed against the bathroom door, just in case Charlie came home. She couldn't let him know what was happening; it would crush him. He really had tried his best to raise Bella on his own, but it was never going to be easy. As Bella looked down on her wrist she could see the severity of what she was doing to herself, some cuts were just raised lines, others scabs and the fresh ones were deep gashes. Looking at them her heart shattered, she knew she couldn't keep doing this to herself; someone was going to catch her out.
Bella spent the evening sobbing on her bed, only to be startled by a knock on the door. Without hesitation Charlie entered her room only to tell her she had a visitor. As she sat up she saw a familiar figure at her door, a silhouette of his curly brown hair and his perfectly sculpted body haunted her. She was finally coming to terms with the fact that he'd left her; that he wasn't coming back but he had to go and fuck it all up. 'Bella' he coughed clearing his throat "I'm sorry I just left, you took me by surprise." He continued as he slowly made his way over to the corner of her bed. As Bella flicked the bedside light on Edward could see her tear stained face, her red puffy eyes just proved how much he had hurt her. He knew he had a lot of explaining to do but somehow the words just wouldn't come out, he was even finding it hard to configure a simple sentence. Fed up of waiting for him Bella initiated the conversation. "Where the fuck did you go Edward?!" she snapped moving herself to the corner of the bed, as far away from Edward as she could get. She knew she was being unreasonable but she couldn't stand to be anywhere near him right now.
"I'm sorry I just needed space to think. I never expected that of you" he responded shyly looking at the floor the whole time. His blatant disregard for any of his mistakes sickened Bella, she couldn't take it anymore; she snapped. "Who the fuck do you think you are?!" she screamed "you ignore me for four weeks, Jesus that's a month; I've hardly ever gone a week without seeing you. Yet you think you can just stroll into my bedroom and pretend that you've not been a total dick!?" as tears trickled down her cheek she pointed to the door. "Get out Edward, you're not the guy you used to be and quite frankly I never want to see you again!" she sobbed. She hadn't noticed her sleeved had risen up, exposing her cuts and scars but he had. The red lines on her arms jumped out to him, he couldn't avoid them. Instantly he knew what she had done and he knew it was because of him. He began to shake; he was beyond shocked as tears streamed down his cheeks. As soon as Bella noticed her exposed arm she yanked her sleeve down and tucked her knees into her chest, she was fully aware he had seen it and was terrified of what was to come.
Edward shifted closer to Bella on the bed and grabbed her arm; she winced with pain as he put pressure on her cuts. Upon realising this he quickly loosened his grip and tried to lift her sleeve up, she resisted, forcefully pushing his hand off her arm. He moved his hand to slowly caress her face, "please bells" he whispered, "I just want to help you". She bit the corner of her lip as she nodded reluctantly allowing him to move her sleeve. Edward let out a loud gasp as he saw the state of her arm; Bella proceeded to bite on her lip harder as to stop tears from falling. He gently stroked over her arm simply repeating the words "I'm so sorry."