Nightmares. No one told me about the… nightmares. Fear seeping through you as you cry out, to get away but you find yourself wondering if it was possible. They always seem to be watching. A pair of hands grip me, shaking me awake but I don't budge. I want get away, to crawl away and hide behind something large. They follow me wherever I go. "Solona?" I can hear my name being spoken but I don't want to wake up, for fear that the eyes will be just as real as they were in my nightmare. "Solona, get up." The gentle shaking continues until I budge. Slowly my eyes open to greet the terrified eyes upon Alistair's features. "Nightmare?" He asks after I am helped into a sitting position. My head was pounding, my palms were bleeding from my nails biting into them and Cullen was nowhere to be found. "I guess… you could call it that." I reply but I look around the camp. Leliana was humming over her small harp. Sten had started with cleaning his weapons and Thor was busy cleaning off the gore from the fresh hunt he must have been upon with Sten. But there was no Cullen. "Seemed real, didn't it?" I glance to him as he sits down beside me before the fire. "Yes… it did." As if he sensed my hesitation he smiles a little. "Cullen went off in that direction. I think he planned on cleaning his gear in silence." I move up to my feet, they were sore from all the walking we had been doing for the past few days but I don't mind. I had one thing on my mind. "The Nightmares will only get worse." Did I just hear him right? "What do you mean, they'll only get worse?" A silent sigh escapes him. "The more the Archdemon shows itself the more prominent our nightmares get. Like we said before during the Joining, we have a connection with the Darkspawn." Does Cullen know this? Did he get some sort of lecture from Alistair before we found each other again? "Does it go both ways?" Confusion crosses his gaze when I watch him. "What do you mean?" Was he really this dense? "Can they sense us, just as we sense them? Can we sense each other? Do we all share some sort of bond I should know about; seeing as how I'm the only female Warden here." When it clicks, he mouths an oh but I am surprised it took him awhile to get it.
"I don't really know. I'm just as new to this as you are." Well he wasn't, I was about to calmly point this out but I relax a bit. "I guess we'll just have to find out, yes?" Without a glance I start in the direction Cullen moved. I can hear Alistair call after me, saying something about how he'll save us something from the strange grey stew brewing in the midst of camp.
A wave over my head, I move through the bushes easily. Everything was so dense, so rocky but I find myself easily knowing where he was. A little tingle upon the back of my neck in the right direction and I silently find him. Settled upon a simple large log, his legs stretched out before him as he cleans his Greatsword. The metal glints off the water, reflecting upon the moon above our heads. The foliage from the trees clouds this only letting small pockets of light through. He doesn't look up when I make myself known. "Cullen?" I move to sit down next to him. I keep my distance. "Nightmare?" He mutters aloud as he finishes up with the last touches to the hilt of the weapon. "If you could call it that." I retort but he sighs looking a little distant. "Alistair explained everything to you, I am sure." There was more behind this. I wanted to ask a million questions but there really wasn't anyone there who could answer my questions. "If you could call that a decent explanation." He is smirking to my own lack of teasing against Alistair. "He has always been horrible at explaining things." It seemed like that. "Dinner is almost done." A quiet sigh escapes him but he still avoids my gaze. "I'll be there in awhile." I wanted to get up, to let him have his privacy but apart of me wondered where the guilty feeling was coming from. It was a strange sensation pulling against the back of my mind but it was when I realized who it was coming from. "Are you alright?" I ask after he goes silent. "I know it must be hard for you with your Lyrim addiction, but you know I am…" His gaze meets my own and there is the guilt, tucked neatly behind his worried gaze.
"Thank you, Solona but I don't need your sympathy in this." He was trying to stay strong. Somehow over the past few weeks we've been traveling he's become the fearless leader of our group. I sort of thought Alistair was supposed to be the leader. He did have the most experience out of all us. Cullen took the charge and didn't hesitate with his decisions. People needed help and he was there, I sort of wondered if it had to do with his Templar training. Though from what I could remember from the Circle Cullen was never really in any sort of Leader type situations. At least from what I could remember. "I'll go back to Camp, I guess." I move to my feet but I am being held back by my hand. "There aren't enough tents. I offered to share one with Alistair but…" His hand lets go of mine as his gaze steadily avoid my own. "You can share one with me until we reach Redcliffe. I don't mind." I really didn't besides it would be nice to have someone around. Being raised within the Circle you were never alone. You always had a group of Mages with you or even a calm Templar watching you from the distance if you were by yourself. Never alone, until now. I was afraid of being alone, despite knowing I had my new faithful companion; Thor with me. Cullen hesitated for the first time in a few days. "A-ar-are you sure?" He is stuttering, at least that didn't change.
"Sure, why not. Besides if we both have Nightmares at least we won't be alone." I felt his nervousness but I didn't mind. It disappeared after a few quiet moments of watching each other. "Alright, but only until we get to Redcliffe." I did not doubt him. I managed to get lost a few times trying to find camp only find the familiar barreling figure of Thor finding his way to me. I touch his head, feeling better about being left alone in the dark woods. We find the camp only to see Alistair arguing with a pair of Dwarves that looked steadily familiar from the Bannorn roads we were just upon. "It is too dangerous," he is calmly trying to be civil. "We are dwarves, isn't like we've been in danger before." With a huff I find myself a nice cozy spot before the fire. Watching this scene intently. "Okay, fine you can stay but just give us a discount or something for staying with us." The older dwarf seemed quite enthused by this idea but I find myself wondering again how it is that Alistair wasn't in charge of our group. He relaxes a little seeing as how I finally returned. Settling himself next to me I let my cold fingers warm up against the fire. "Where is Cullen?" I shrug, knowing he would appear later sometime. "At least Thor found you. I was getting the impression you got lost in the woods." Again, he wanted to say again at the end of that statement but I gave him a small glare and he laughs. "Okay, so I should have sent him sooner."
With a shove of a small metal bowl between my hands he seems content with sitting beside me. I hoped to have a quiet moment to myself but somehow I didn't mind. I start upon the grey food only to find that I was starving. I downed it in a matter of minutes, though I didn't lick the bowl. I set it down before Thor letting him finish what was left. "So that's your bowl from now on, just to let you know." I made a face but sighed, knowing that it was for the best. "Come on, a little Mabari spit helps with the immune system, yes?" He is laughing again with a shake of his head. "If you say so." I yawn not realizing just how worn out I really was. "Don't worry about watch. Sten has the first watch and Leliana said she'd take the next watch." I was only worried about one being in particular but I don't mention it. Apart of me realizing that he sensed only the worry and the failure of where that worry was directed. "Get some sleep, we all need to be ready early. It will take us a few hours to reach Redcliffe." I will be glad to actually see civilization other than what was left of Lothering.
Opening the flap to my tent I start to undress. The rustle outside the tent flap makes mention that Thor has presented himself as my personal bodyguard. I was glad to have that beast close by. Another yawn escapes me as I pull my Robe up over my head and fish for a spare set of trousers and shirt. Only to find a simple long shirt I figured it was as good as any. Slipping quietly under the amount of blankets in the small tent I found that sleeping on the ground wasn't half bad. In a matter of seconds I was out like a light… probably snoring as well.
A few hours later there was a small disgruntled voice followed by a gentle growl of a warning, the tent flap opened. "I always had the worse luck with Mabari." Cullen's voice cuts through my sleep. And I yawn rustling under the warm blankets. "Cullen?" I call out to the silent figure. He is quietly taking off of his armor, piece by piece. "Did I wake you?" Really I wanted to say it was the dog but I could hear the quiet growl coming from the outside of the tent. "No, no it's fine." I can sense him wanting to apologize but he relaxes a bit. "I can go right back to sleep. Like a rock, really." Rolling over, I turn my back to him. He is still taking off his armor by the time I find myself growing nervous with our situation. I want to bury myself within the blankets when I feel him move down upon his own bedroll. "Goodnight, Cullen." With a quiet yawn and before I actually manage to go to sleep I hear a quiet; "Goodnight, Solona."
It was the best sleep I have had in well, ever. I stretch my limbs inside of my blanket only to find a large Mabari sleeping between Cullen and I. Slowly I start to sit up and pull the blankets off of me. There is rustling outside which meant that others were getting up as well as I. Thor peeks an eye open and gives me the usual, I was here all night look. Patting his head I give him a small smile before I reached over my head and found my things. A bar of soap in my hands, a brush and some spare traveling robes I fish my way out of the tent. Wearing only a shirt that hits my knees I managed to sneak past the quiet form of Leliana as she hummed making breakfast for the rest of us. The small creek bed wasn't too far and there was a nice deep spot. Thor is on my heels as we find our way to the same spot that Cullen had found only the night before. Stripping down and I easily step into the ice cold water and take a deep breath. It was cold but to be clean and cold, I was willing to suffer.
I scrub my hair, body and find that it was almost relaxing doing this out in the wilderness. I ponder as to whether or not this was what Wynne did when she traveled. But then I remember she always had a large group of Templars with her. I had only the two and well Morrigan, not that she didn't really care for me. I pull myself out of the water, my hands resting upon the now wet shirt. Wrapping my hair up into a bun I quickly get dressed and pulled upon my traveling shoes. It was nice to actually be clean for once. Instead of being caked in dirt for most of the trip. "So this is where you went off too?" Cullen appeared from behind a group of trees. "Do I need permission to actually bathe?" I ask, regretting the angry tone in my voice. If he had appeared only minutes before he would have been… well let's just say I didn't exactly appreciate the idea he could have been watching me. I sort of wondered if Kelli was right about the Templars watching us while we bathed. "No, you don't. But I have taken over the responsibilities of watching over you." Or watching me closely, he didn't mention this aloud. We both knew why he was there, despite the fact I was a Grey Warden. I still held the reputation for helping a Blood Mage escape the Tower. "Well if that's the case, how long have you been watching over me?" His simple smile was enough to let me know he followed me here. Now I just felt dirty again and I knew that another bath wouldn't fix this. "Let's get back, before there isn't anything left."
I brush past him, still angry with him and his inability to know about privacy. A Templar thing, Alistair would tell me later. Cullen has been trained to watch and to never let anyone know he was there. That he was to be a silent figure who is meant to blend into the walls. Though I sort of understood where he was coming from. Just as I was paranoid he was meant to be my protector and protect others from me. Something I didn't quite appreciate but I could some what understand, yet fear at the same time.
Everyone was up, the tents were already placed in the back of Bohden's little hitch. Morrigan decided to do things alone so we didn't bother with trying to invite her. Though apart of me wondered as to why she kept her distance. Since Leliana sang her quiet songs and asked us questions. Sten was silently watches us all, probably confused, trying to make sense of us. We were Grey Wardens, we were supposed to be these brilliant heroes. Risk everything to save the world. Didn't help that Cullen was leading, Alistair following and as for me I was the silent figure behind the both of them. The quiet reasoning between the two of them when they butted heads… which seemed to happen more times than I could count.
As for Cullen's lack of privacy this morning I found myself walking beside Alistair. Ignoring the glances in my direction from the golden-eyed Templar. A playful glance from Leliana she was intent upon figuring out what the deal was between us. I listened to Alistair's stories about the other Grey Wardens. The one's we never had the chance to meet but he seemed grateful to actually talk about them.
"He said he would drink one pint for every half of a pint we drank. By the end of the night we were all passed out and he kept going. Duncan found us later that night and he was laughing from the sight of us all passed out while Greagoir kept going." He was laughing quietly until it died away. A silent sigh leaves his lips but I find myself regretting the fact that I asked about them. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought them up." He gives me a grateful smile with a simple shake of his head. "No, it's fine. It is nice to talk about them with someone. Though apart of me wished you two got to meet them. I think Greagoir would have liked you." Oh well, that made me feel slightly better - I think. Redcliffe came into view over the rise and I was happy to see that civilization wasn't too far off. But it was the pause in Alistair's steps that made my own stop. "What's wrong?" His hands start to clench up at his sides into fists. "I… there is something I need to tell both you and Cullen." I was a little confused and slightly worried but the sudden presence of Cullen behind me makes me even more concerned. "Why have you stopped?" The angry tone in his voice. I was a little worried as to where that came from. "I have something I should tell you both, alone." The other's have stopped but with a wave to go on from Cullen they do just that.
"I should have told you this before we left Flemeth's." Flemeth? "As in the old stories of Flemeth? The Immortal Witch of the Wilds?" Cullen's weight shifts as he feels the angry glare I was giving him. "Yes, well she saved us from the Tower that night. But this doesn't involve her, it involves well…" He was nervous, it was starting to rub off upon us both and we didn't exactly like it. "I'm a bastard. My mother was a simple serving girl here in Redcliffe and well she had a relationship with King Maric." The words come rushing out of his mouth and it takes us a second to digest what he had just said. Suddenly I realized where this was going. "You are not only a bastard, but a royal one?" I didn't mean to make it a joke but Alistair relaxed a little. "Yes, well I thought you should know." Though it was the look in Cullen's eyes that made me realize he wasn't taken this so well. "Why did you keep this from us? From me, of all people?" The nervousness comes back but I know better than to question Cullen's motives in this. "We have been friends until I was sent to the Circle. All those years you could have told me and you would have known I wouldn't have treated you any differently. And now, now that Cailan is dead there is only you." He was making a point behind this but I stepped away slowly, knowing better than to be apart of this. "I am sorry, Cullen. But I was told to keep this a secret. That if my existence was known to anyone I would be placing Cailan's rule under questioning." I sympathized with Alistair. No one wanted to be the simple replacement to someone so important. Most of all that explained as to why Cullen was leading our party and not Alistair. "It's fine, Alistair." I find myself trying to make the best of the situation. "Of course, you would just have to take his side on this." I blink, surprised at least by the angry tone in Cullen's voice. "Excuse me?" Ignoring the sidestep from Alistair. "It's nothing. I'm just going to go up ahead make sure everyone is settled before we head into Redcliffe." He turns on his heel, but there is an awkward silence between Alistair and I.
"So…" we both had no idea what to make of that. "Let's just go." I grumble leading the way back.
A/N: Okay to start, I apologize for my lack of updating this story! I have been very busy lately and I finally finished beating Awakening. I will have the rest of the chapters up and going before tonight. So expect those, sometime later tonight! They will stretch all the way through Redcliffe and the Circle missions, so yes. Haha and I will do some shout outs in one of the later chapters just as soon as I finish editing them! Lots of love to those who enjoy this story so far!
And as usual, I do not own Dragon Age. The rights belong to Bioware! ;)