"This is war," I look up, unsure if he was speaking to me or not. Then again we were the only two in the middle of the small clearing just outside of Denerim. "That is why I decided to teach you how to fight with staffs." That made sense, I suppose. I move up to my feet, wearing what I think was some of Alistair's old trousers and shirt. I tied the shirt in the back and had to take a rope to hold up the trousers. "In war, there is always death but sometimes death can be avoided." He was moving away from me. Towards a set of poles he had fixed for this very thing. "I never really thought about you fighting, most Mages don't know how. Or never want learn. Until I had seen Morrigan on the combate. She proved me wrong," that was a first I think. "So, shall we start?" He turns to me, throwing me one of the poles. Nearly knocking me off my feet in the process of catching the flying stick.
I look down to the make-shift staff in my hands. "I suppose it's better that you asked me instead of Alistair." My gaze fixes back upon him and he was smiling at his own little words.
"Why shouldn't I have asked Alistair?" He sighs moving towards the small make-shift circle he made for this very thing. "He is more dexterous. Which makes him more of a one-handed weapon user instead of two-handed." Which I was going to wing this and notice that he used two-handed weapons. "You may not be as strong as me, but you do have the advantage and the ability to make it up with your Magic."
"Is this how they train you, in the Chantry?"
"No, not really."
"So this is a quick how-to lesson?"
"I guess you could call it that."
Frustrated with him I move to stand before him within the circle. "Grip the staff like so." He points this out quite easily, his hands were positioned at least shoulder-width apart. I mock his hand positions. "Now, to start off I want you to attack me." I blink. "Excuse me?" He shakes his head and drops the staff into a defensive position. "Attack me," He says again and I study him. And I did just that. Only to end up on my back with the tip of his staff digging into my chest. "Ow..." I groan as he moves the staff out of the way. A hand was before my eyes. Gripping it, he helps me back to my feet.
"Now let me show what you did wrong." He moves behind me, his hands placed upon the top of my own. Cullen had never taken the time to be this close but now that we were alone, I rest back against him. His arms nearly wrapped around me, but he was only thinking of my safety. "There, now keep your hands here and here." I shake away the thought of being this close and look down to his large hands covering my own so easily. "Now, let's start off with a simple defensive move that turns into an offensive one."
After a few hours of practicing and well, me mainly ending up on my back through most of it. But he was impressed none the less as to how quickly I picked up on the first basics of hand to hand. "You're quite capable," He says to me as he helps me up to my feet. After that last knock down. "You just need to be quicker on your feet. Perhaps when we are done here you can start training with Alistair." I blink at him, mainly the sweat that was in my eyes stung. "He can show you some of the basics of hand to hand, might even show you how to control your breathing." But I start to shake my head as he turns his back to me. Picking up the broken staffs we went through... mainly thanks to my frustration and throwing a mind blast at him. Which he quickly absorbed and threw back at me. Destroying both our staffs in the process. "No," I start but he doesn't stop picking the pieces up. "No, I don't want to train with him. I asked you for a reason." He stops where he was kneeling. "I want to learn from you and only you."
"I know that must not make a whole lot of sense," I start but he is getting to his feet.
"It makes perfect sense," He turns to me. What I felt wasn't what I was expecting from him of all people. "Solona, we can't get close." He starts but I hold up my hand to make him stop.
"And who said we can't be close? Wynne? Alistair? Sten?" Why I mentioned the Qunari amazed me but I did not care. "We are both Grey Wardens, what we do with our lives now doesn't contrast to the laws of the Circle and the Chantry." I was starting to get frustrated with all of these... these rules! It shouldn't matter anymore, should it?
"And what if one us has to die for the other? What if one of us has to give up everything, even the one we love?" One of us was making a choking sound, which was probably coming from me. "We cannot love each other, despite what we may feel." I blink, the whole world was getting blurry. "Solona, you and I... we are two different people." I wanted to know who said this to him. I wanted to know who it was that ended any and all hope I had. "Cullen," I start but he turns his back to me. "No, Solona. The fate of Ferelden comes before our own... desires."
Before I could react I pick up a piece of one of the staffs and threw it at him. Knocking him in the back of the head. He flinches, rubbing the spot where it had landed. "What was that for?" He turns to look at me but I was so angry with him. Everything was so distorted either by my own anger or my tears. "That was for being an idiot!" I shout at him. He winces but I don't care anymore.
"I'm going back to camp." I flip around on my heel and wander back to camp. Or at in the direction I think that it is. We haven't exactly left the woods yet, but still with my sense of direction I could get lost in an large empty room. "Solona!" Cullen yells from behind me but I don't stop. I shove aside the bushes and my feet start to pick up. I am running, knocking away the branches that get in my way. My heart pounding in my ears, my vision blurred and everything was falling into a million pieces around me.
Luck was on my side when I round the side of a large tree, colliding with another body of all things. My arms come up defensibly but I can't think straight anymore. I want to disappear, crawl into a hole and just let this Blight finish us all off. "Solona?" I look up, but it was Alistair who had me at arm's length. The quick steps behind me told me he was hunting with Thor again. "What's wrong?" Ping, there was the worry. "Did something happen?" He presses me for answers but I shake my head as the tears break through. "Did Cullen... did Cullen say something you?" I look away, wanting nothing more than to be left alone. "What did he say?" The venom in his voice hit my ears. "Where is he?" My head starts to shake from side to side. A fight between the two of them was the last thing I needed.
"Did you say something to Cullen?" I mumble out, his eyes narrow slightly when my tears start to dissipate.
"No, I did not say anything to Cullen. Why would I?"
"He just said..." I start but I don't know if I can finish.
"He said what?" He presses but I shift my gaze away from him. If he hadn't been holding me still I would have fallen to the ground.
"He said that though we were Grey Wardens, we can't have happiness." His breath catches, the sharp intake makes me question as to what was really going on.
"Which direction is he in?" I look up, the concern knit across his finely tuned features. "He's back there." I wave my hand over my head.
His fingers dig into my arm as I'm being dragged behind me in the general direction I just came from. Thor is at our heels, his concern for me must have been evident because of his gentle whining. "Cullen!" Alistair shouts but apart of me wished that Cullen wasn't there. I was getting tired of them fighting because of something that involved me.
We found the clearing and there he was, standing in the middle of the small circle. His hands at his sides, his back to us. He was the silent sentinel once more. Alistair let's go of me, when Cullen comes into view. Thor moves to my side, my faithful body guard once more. "Alistair?" Cullen turns around, he avoids my gaze. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Alistair starts to move closer, ignoring the fact that Cullen wasn't in the best of mental state. "Nothing is wrong with me."
"You think that because of what we are, that means we can't have a life outside of the Order?" Alistair starts to circle him.
"That was not what I meant." If I was angry then, I was just bloody pissed off now.
"What you both don't know," Alistair starts but he stops when Cullen's gaze finds my own puffy and red. "Is that there were many Wardens who had wives and children. They were excepted into the Order despite knowing they could die. It is an honor but that doesn't mean you must sacrifice everything. We take care of our own, and I have seen the way you two look at each other."
I shift my some-what blurred gaze to the still figure of Alistair. "We all have seen the way you look at each other. I'm not stupid when it comes to the feelings of others. Unlike you, Cullen." The venom in his voice cut the air. "Don't be stupid and push away the one good thing in this country to happen to you. To have what you have, I would give anything to have what I feel returned."
My head starts to hurt with all of these words, all of these emotions piling up against me. "You of all people should understand what is at stake here." Cullen turns to look at him. "If anything were to happen to her... I don't think I could go on." I blink, taking in his small sense of regret. "Then don't let anything happen to her." Alistair completes everything for him.
"I will honor and protect your relationship, the only way I can. You are both my brother and my sister. We are connected through the taint and you are my family." He made a valid point, I guess. I let out a sharp sigh as Thor licks my fingers. "Now fix this," Alistair moves back to where I was with Thor. "We are going to Denerim tomorrow, we'll be staying there for a few days. So while we're there, you two need to figure out what the hell is going on."
I watched him leave us, whistling for Thor to follow after him. Leaving me behind with Cullen. "I told him not to do this..." I start but Cullen's shoulders slump forward. "I know you did. I'm sorry, Solona." I was starting to like it when he says my first name. "For now I'll accept your apology but I hope you don't get that attitude back tomorrow." He wavers where he is standing but he nods, eventually I am slightly glad for it.
"So which way do I go to get back to camp?" He smiles a little, though we both knew with what had just happened. It would take more than a few words to fix. "I'll go back with you." He picks up his own weapon and I follow after him in the opposite direction I originally headed in.
Denerim, so this was what the capital looked like. I was a little at a lost for words when we stopped just within the Market gates. "Huh," I look between Thor, Alistair, Cullen and surprisingly enough Leliana came along. "They can say you can get anything here," I look to Alistair but he leans in a little closer. "I once got pick-pocketed." I wince, thinking maybe I should put some locking spell on my pouches. "Since we're here..." Cullen turns to Leliana but Alistair's attention was upon me. "Do you mind coming with me to visit someone?" I blink, not quite knowing exactly what he was asking of me. "I have a half-sister here, she lives somewhere nearby." I make an oh sound and he nods. "I just don't want to go alone."
"I understand," I give him a smile. "I'll go with you." Alistair seemed to relax a bit after my words but Cullen turns to face us. "Leliana will you get us set up with a few rooms, and start on the resupplying what we're missing for camp." She nods and takes a large pouch of money we had come into possession. Surprisingly, we had earned quite a bit even for our small jobs here and there. "Just don't spend it all!" He shouts after her retreating figure. Sighing he looks back to us. "I have to go to the Chantry and get her phylactery. You two can do whatever you want, when I'm done I'll meet you at whatever Inn she decides upon."
Alistair and I share a look between each other and he smiles, though I knew he was nervous. "Just whatever you have planned, don't draw attention to yourselves." I roll my eyes as he stocks away. Somehow I wasn't surprised by his warning, since when Alistair and I were alone. Things normally didn't go as planned.
We walk in the direction of where Alistair knew his sister lived in. Only to have an argument with Thor and the small boy he had found. "Put him back," I wag my finger at the Mabari but he whines. "No, we can't keep him." He whines again but the boy wasn't helping the situation. "If you don't put him back I won't buy you anything." The Mabari's whine was sad but I had to be strong, despite the look in his eyes. "Now, go put him back." Alistair was stifling a laugh as we watched Thor take the boy back to his mother. "You are a mean woman," I flip my hair over my shoulder and smile a little. "Well you could have imprinted upon him." He shivers in his armor. "No, thank you."
We had found Goldanna's house easier than I thought but what we found inside was a very angry, very bitter woman. She shot words at Alistair that even cause Thor to whine in misery. Finally I got fed up with it and told her off. Much to Alistair's own surprise she called me a tart and I wanted to hit her. Before anything worse could happen, Alistair grabbed my arm and dragged me out of her house. "I'm sorry, I just thought..." I touch his shoulder. "Everyone is out to get anything and everything for themselves. Remember that, Alistair." I didn't want to be mean, but it was the truth. "Thank you, I think I want to be alone for awhile." Before he leaves me to stand in the Market all by myself, Leliana finds us and hands us each a key. "We're at the Gnawed Noble!" She waves over her head, disappearing into the crowd of shoppers quite effortlessly. "Then that is where I'm heading." Alistair leaves me alone in the Market place.
"Come on, let's go wander I guess." Thor barks happily as we move through the crowds of people.
Though I had little money on me, we did find the Wonders of Thedas. Which to my own regard, I didn't want to leave. The tranquil and I had an interesting conversation, much to his own surprise when he found out I was once a Circle Mage. I explained that I was a Grey Warden and he happily gave me a discount. I bought a few amulets, rings, a few new books, new belt for my herbs and even a new collar for Thor. Who sported it quite proudly when we left the shop. My arms completely weighed down by everything I had just bought, I didn't even notice that it had gotten dark.
My stomach growled and well that caught both our attentions. "Starving," I mumble moving in the direction of the Tavern that Leliana pointed out. With some help of another man who was coming out of the Inn, I managed to open the door with ease and wandered through the crowded Tavern and the tables quite effortlessly... much to my own surprise and Thor's even. He kept at my side as we found the rooms and there were only three. All along the hall. I eyed which one could be mine, so I handed the key to Thor who knew what to do.
He slipped the key into the lock and tried the first door, nothing. The second door, nothing. And at the last door, we tried it and it clicked. I move through the small sitting room to the back of the room. There was a very large bed, fire in the fire place and the bath tub was so large. I nearly dropped all of things I had bought right there. "Oh Leliana, you have outdone yourself." I move to the sitting room and set everything down.
I slip a few sovereigns into a small envelope with a letter addressed to one of the waitresses outside. "Just take this to one of them and I'll make sure you get that nice juicy Ox bone in my back pack." If a dog could smile, I swear I just saw him do it.
I open the door and watch him disappear in the direction of the first Waitress he could see. Yawning, I close the door behind me and lock it. Undoing the side ties of the robe I was wearing, I move into the bedroom part. With my clothes half-way off the lock turns. Causing me to turn around on a dime. As if by habit I grip the boot knife and move to the wall, just before the doorway leading into the bedroom. I may not know how to use the small knife but I do know that the pointy end hurts. They move quickly through the sitting room and the second they step through the doorway I move the knife towards them and my hand is stopped at the wrist. I look to the gloved hand and then up the arm that leads to a face that I know only to well.
"Damn it, Leliana." I mutter under my breath as Cullen let's my hand go.
"What are you doing in my room?" I look up and Cullen was trying to figure this out.
"Apparently it is a sick joke," I mutter as I try to fix my robes and tie them back up.
"Leliana, I'm guessing." I nod, knowing that the bard was going to get a talking too for this.
"I could go stay in her room," I tell him as I try to move around him. But he stops me, both hands on my shoulders. "You don't have to leave." He starts but I look up to him. "I can go and stay with Alistair."
"No, he wants to be alone after what happened today." I move away from under his hands.
"What happened today?" Concern pings me in the chest and I look over to him. "Alistair met his sister, or I should say he met his half-sister. Whom was nothing but an utter bitch."
He is laughing, I blink looking to him. Trying to figure out this change was within him. "So that's why he won't move away from the bar. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that he wants nothing to do with her now?"
"Yes, well I told him that she wanted nothing but his royalty and he didn't seem to take it very well."
I can hear a sigh from him but I relax a bit. "I'll go talk with him."
I look up but he is still smiling at me. The same damn smile he has only ever given me. I missed it, surprisingly. "Maybe I'll stay with him, in his room." I shake my head. "No, you can stay here. Might as well amuse Leliana." He takes it better than I thought as I watch him move in the room and start to peel off his armor. I turn my back on him, letting him change in private while I move into the sitting room.
As I start to settle myself down, there came a knock at the door and a scratch. "No, don't scratch the doors." I can hear the voice of the waitress and open the door. She hands a platter of food and some drinks while I let Thor into the room and give her a tip of a few silver pieces. She says her thanks and I on the other hand realize I am starving. I set the food down and dig in the second I smell the delicious smell of what I think was boar meat.
By the time I finished, I was so full I didn't want to move. I let Thor clean off the plates but I move to stack everything up and set it outside the room for her to come and get it. I leave her another small tip and move into the bedroom with a book I had just bought called the Rose of Orlais.
I called for some hot water and waited while they got everything situated. The book was well... not what I expected. I was instantly glued to the story of romance. Despite the fact I didn't even think about the book being this... dirty. I look up when the water was finished and I tipped the young girl and boy for their help in the matter. They left me alone and I drift my gaze to Thor who was chowing down on the bone I had just given him. He doesn't look at me but we both are glad for a second to relax.
I start to undo the ties at my waist and pull the fur lining along my shoulders up and above my head. Throwing them on the bed, I strip down to my small-clothes and those come off just as easily. I work my way into the tub, the water was hot but it wasn't so bad. "Thor, my pack?" I ask of the hound and he easily leaves the bone to bring me my pack and sets it down beside me. Digging through it I find my lavender and rose soaps and start to clean myself off. It felt so comfortable to be clean and have fresh, hot water in the process.
When I was clean, I dipped a small cloth in the water and fold it up, resting it over my eyes rest back. A sigh escapes my lips and before I know it I am asleep.
I wake up to the gentle nudging of Thor at my finger tips. "No, dobe... I don't want to get up..." I mumble out but the whine cuts through my dreams and mumbles. "What?" I peel off the now dry cloth covering my eyes and look down to him. He was whining, "Do you not feel good? I told you not to eat that all in one sitting." But his head, he was shaking it as he bites at my fingers. "Fine, fine lemme get out." I get out, only to find myself oddly relaxed despite the cold water. Wrapping myself up with a robe I found waiting on the bed. I tie the belt around my waist and let him lead me to the sitting room. He leads me to the door leading out into the hall and paws at it. The second I open it, I jump out of my skin. "Cullen?"
The man standing before me was completely and utterly drunk. It was the smell, that made me realize he stunk like a brewery. More so like the Tranquil who made wine within the tower. Sort of made me smile seeing him like this. But the sheepish grin on his face he mutters something. "I couldn't get the key to work." I sigh, letting him move past me into the room. "Did I interrupt something?" He stumbles over his steps but he fixes himself. "No, you didn't."
"Well that's good, right?" He turns the same sheepish grin on me again and I nearly let my legs cave out from under me.
"How about I help you into bed?" I offer, moving closer to him. He doesn't stop me like usual, but instead I grip his forearm and lead him to the bed. Settling him down he sighs. "And how about we do something about that breath?" The happy bark from Thor tells me he agrees with this.
I move over to where my pouches rest and find a small bunch of mint leaves. Though I normally kept them around for Thor but I figured this could help Cullen as well. "Here," I put them in his hands as I kneel down before him. Helping him take off his boots, one by one. "They don't taste good." A whine nearby only confirmed what Cullen just said. "I know they don't but they help with your breath." I look up and he was watching me. I didn't know what to say. His eyes were on me, the look in them made me uneasy. Anders used to look at me like such. The desire was evident but he was failing to cover it up. As it hits me, my heart beats a little quicker. "Maker's breath... you're beautiful." I didn't know what to say as I look back down to his boots. Struggling to pull them off. "And you're drunk." I finally shoot back at him but he shrugs. "Thank you, Alistair." I smile this time, even laugh a little. "Did you help him to his room at least?" He laughs this time. "Leli did that for me." Some how I wasn't surprised she supervised them. "Good," I pull off the last boot and fall back on my butt from the force of trying to pull it off.
"But you are beautiful," despite the fact he was drunk. I still took it as a compliment.
"Thank you." I return it but he was watching me again.
"I really do mean it, you know." I nod my head, even having a sure under my breath.
"Come on, you need to get some sleep." I push him back on the bed. But his hands grab for me. Pulling me down on top of him in the process. Normally we had only armor between us. But now all I had was a robe on and he was wearing just normal clothing. "I don't want to sleep."
Of course he didn't. That much I knew from the pings he was sending me. "If you don't, I'll put you under a sleeping spell."
He groans closing his eyes. "Won't work on me."
He did make a point there. Before the words leave my lips to push him to go back to sleep, his lips are on mine.
I try to push myself away but his arms are around me. His fingers buried deep into my wet hair. But his lips tasted minty, they drew me in as he rolls us over, with me under him. I try to push him away but he presses down upon me. His weight was overwhelming until his lips leave my own, trailing down along my jawline. They find my earlobe and when he lets out a breath I shiver under his touch. "Maker..." I moan aloud but I know better than this. He would hate himself in the morning, he wouldn't talk to me for ages – if not forever. "Cullen!" I grip him by his shirt and push him off of me. "No!" I press my fingers to his lips. He was an in a intoxicated state. I could get lucky with the spell.
My eyes close as I mutter the words quietly and touch his forehead with my other hand. His eyes close slowly, when my hands leave him. "I'll sleep..." He mutters as I pull away from him. My fingers running through my hair. I was going to hate myself after that kiss but I didn't regret it. I get up and lift his legs upon the bed and cover him up the best I can. I change into a larger shirt and put my small-clothes back on. With the help of Thor we managed to get all of Cullen's gear into an area he could easily find in the morning.
I could either sleep on the floor, one of the chairs or in the large bed with Cullen. I sigh and figure he wouldn't mind sharing the bed for once. I crawl under the covers, moving a few pillows on the ground. Whistling for Thor, he crawls under the covers between us and easily goes to sleep. I on the other hand can't go to sleep. After that... that kiss? I didn't know what to think. I was more afraid of if he remembered it. He wouldn't know what to do and I on the other hand wanted him to do it again and more even, much to my own surprise.
A yawn leaves my lips as I roll over, snuggling with the Mabari sleeping between the two of us.
A/N: Oh look at me go! I have the next chapter all lined up and ready to go. So it should be around later! These two will be the death of me, eventually. So enjoy! If you haven't noticed I kind of changed my style of writing a bit. Sort of flipped it around. And! I have one last thing, I am looking for another reader. Just someone to glance it over and etc. So if you're interested shoot me a PM and I'll gladly shoot you an email with the document and such! And I am in a rush, so I will do shout outs in the next chapter! Thank you! All of you for shooting me all those nice reviews I really mean it! Much love to all of you! :*