When Worlds Collide
A Happy Tree Friends/Pokemon fanfiction by Awkward Vulpix
Chapter Three
Two figures stepped out of the void. One of them was a greenish porcupine, holding a strange rock. This was Brent Pinser. The other was a slightly chubby red squirrel in a lab coat. This was Riley.
"Uh…sir?" asked the squirrel.
"What?" asked the porcupine.
"Why aren't you wearing anything?"
Brent looked down, and lo and behold, he had nothing on. "What the hell? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY CLOTHES?"
"Well…I can't see anything…"
"Weird. Say, what happened to you?"
"I'd assume our forms changed to something else."
"…Are you a Pachirisu or something?"
"I can't tell."
Cuddles, meanwhile, was trying to explain to everyone about Taily's, uh, "condition".
"Don't whistle around her! It's a bad idea!" he yelled at Britty.
"Was that honestly necessary, my good sir?" He had very sensitive ears, and yelling at him really hurt.
In the meantime, Taily was quivering with fear. If she had killed one person, what was stopping her from killing the rest? They'd come back, but look at what she did to Doctor Bill. That must have hurt, right? Whatever happened, she had to be careful. They would have a hard enough time without her screwing everything up even more.
"Riley, where's my gun?" Both Brent and Riley were walking in the town, and Brent just noticed he didn't seem to have his favorite handgun, a Smith & Wesson 9mm he personally stole from a gun store.
"Uh…"
Brent sighed. "What?"
"I…uh…I left the guns in the car…"
"WHAT?"
"Well, we could just try to steal some more. It's not like this is our universe, right?"
Brent sighed again. "I still have the stone, and that's what really matters."
"I think I see her over there!" They had just walked over a hill, and arrived in the main town. He broke off in a mad dash, but Brent held out his arm to stop him. "Sir?"
"We shouldn't go just yet. It might seem suspicious. We'll keep a low profile and go after her in a few hours." He noticed Cub in a stroller, holding an oversized lollipop. He grabbed the lollipop out of his hands, and started eating it. "See? If you want to get ahead in life, you can't be afraid to do mean things, like taking candy from a baby." Pop tapped him on the shoulder. "Yes?"
"What's the big idea, bub?"
"I just took this sucker from that brat. What the hell are you going to do about it?"
This was apparently all the motivation Pop needed to kick Brent in the groin. "OOOF!" He dropped the piece of candy on the ground, and Pop picked it up. He took Cub's sippy cup, poured out some water on it, and gave it back to Cub.
"Sir, are you okay?" Riley yelled.
"Oow…" Brent answered.
Taily, meanwhile, was speaking with Sniffles about her strange ability to breathe fire.
"When Bill came back to life, he said that fire was coming out of your mouth just a few seconds before his death. I don't mean to be intrusive, but could you explain how that could have happened?"
She thought for a second. "I don't really know. I've just always been able to do that."
"How could you possibly be able to breathe fire without burning your mouth?"
"I don't know! I can just do that!"
"Hmm… could you give me a demonstration, perhaps?
A few minutes later, Taily was doing a few deep breaths, preparing an attempt to breathe out fire. Sniffles, getting slightly impatient, said, "Could you just do it already!"
"Okay, okay." She took one last deep breath, and…sputtered out a little plume of smoke.
"What was that?"
"Sorry! I don't do well under pressure!"
He sighed. "Never mind. That still shows that you can do it. Sort of."
"They're in there, Riley." Brent and Riley were outside of Sniffles' metal tree.
"Perhaps we should do something?"
"Yeah, I have an idea. Come on!" Both of them walked up to the door. Brent started pounding on it. "Hello? We're from the IRS. You owe back taxes."
"Sniffles, what's that?" Taily asked.
"Don't answer the door! I've already paid my taxes."
"Open up this door, or I'll open it myself!" Brent cried, still pounding on the door. Unfortunately for him, each pound dislodged a bolt at the top of the metal tree, right above his head. "I'll give you to the count of three! One…two…three…that's it!" He gave the door a kick, which finally dislodged the bolt. "Damn good locks in this place, huh, Riley?"
"I suppose."
Just as Brent was walking into the door, he heard a whistling noise. He looked up, and the bolt fell right into his eye.
"AAUUUGGHHH! SHIT!" He began running around in pain, splashing blood everywhere. Riley was attempting to calm him down, but Brent slipped on some of his own blood and landed on Riley, impaling him on his spikes.
"Oh my God…what the…OH SHIT!" Brent had just noticed that he killed Riley, and started running, trying to shake off the corpse. It sucks to be him, though, as he ran directly into traffic and got turned into paste by a tanker truck.
Brent woke up. "What? Where am I? Why aren't I dead?" He yelled to nobody in particular.
A doctor came in. This time, it was a brownish female wolf. "Hi there!" she said excitedly. "You look new here, so if you don't mind, I'd like to explain a few things-"
"I don't give a shit. If you'll excuse me, I have important things to do."
"But-"
"Piss off!" He got out of the bed, and walked towards the door, pushing the wolf out of the way, right into a lamp. It shattered, and she began bleeding profusely. "I don't give a shit about you, I don't give a shit about why I'm not dead, and most of all, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU!"
"You said me twice." Her face was getting pale, and she was starting to lose the ability to stand straight up.
"EXACTLY!" he walked out the door and slammed it behind him. The wolf passed out, falling into a small puddle of her own blood.
Out in the hall, Brent yelled, quite loudly, "RILEY!"
"Yes, sir?"
Since Brent didn't know that Riley was right behind him, he was quite startled, and even jumped a little. "AH! Jeez, Riley, you scared the crap out of me! I have a pacemaker, you know!
"Yes, sir, I am aware."
He sighed. "Fuck this place, let's get some weapons."
After much deliberation over a phone book, they eventually settled on "Lumpy's Redneck Depot", on the grounds that it said "Sawed-off Shotguns Half Off".
The place itself, though, was not much to talk about. It was a rather run-down building, and the sign had several letters missing, so it said "Lump's Redne Dpot".
"Uh…Sir? Do you think this is a good idea?"
"Yes. Get your ass inside."
Both of them walked in, and found the interior actually looked somewhat decent, but still seemed fairly dirty, not unlike a hardware store. They walked up to the front desk, where Lumpy was reading a magazine. "Hey, you! Where are the shotguns?" Brent asked.
"Huh? Oh, yeah!" Lumpy set down the magazine. "They're right over there next to the car mufflers and fishing lures." There were indeed mufflers, but Brent was confused as to the contents of the other rack.
"Uh…fishing lures? All I see is a bunch of dynamite!"
" 'Zactly!"
"…Right." Both of them walked over. "Hm! Nice guns!" Brent picked one up off the rack, and realized something. "Hey, Riley!" he whispered. "These things are loaded!"
"What? Who keeps the guns they're selling loaded?"
"Apparently this dumbass! Grab some of the dynamite!"
"Right, sir!"
After they had gotten several sticks of dynamite and at least six sawed-off shotguns, they walked over to the register.
"You'd like to buy those, mister?"
"No, I'd like to steal them."
"Okay…wait a minute! Do you think I'm stupid!"
"No, just dead." Brent shoved the shotgun up Lumpy's nose. "Bye!"
"Wait! Don't kill me!"
Alright, then, in that case, give me everything in the store free, and get the hell out of here!"
"Okay, mister!" Lumpy promptly high-tailed it out of the store.
"Sniffles, I'm really sorry." Since Taily couldn't ever get any fire out, she and Sniffles had given up for the day.
"It's okay, it's okay. I understand if you don't do well under pressure."
"Hello, A-5!"
Taily stopped cold. She recognized that voice. It was that cold, steely voice that she had heard in that laboratory so often. And that name… A-5. Several memories immediately came back to her: getting electrified, syringes, snapping fingers… everything that had happened in that lab came rushing back.
"Now, dear, if you'll just turn around, everything will be okay."
She turned around…only to find herself on the wrong end of a sawed off shotgun.
"Come with me, and nobody gets hurt."
What choice did she have? None at all, so she followed them to a van parked in the street.
Brent opened the back door. "Just get in there, and nobody gets hurt, all right?"
She climbed inside, and Brent slammed the door. "Hit the ignition, Riley! We're getting out of this dump!"
Sniffles dialed a series of numbers into his cell phone. "Hello, Happy Tree Town Police Department?"
On the other end of the line, Cuddles the policeman said, "Yeah? What do you want?"
"I've just witnessed a kidnapping!"
Cuddles leaned in towards his desk. "Where?"
"There's a black van heading down Lincoln Avenue."
"Right!" Cuddles set the phone down. "Alright, boys, we've got work to do!" This was said towards two other policemen: Toothy and Nutty.
"Right!" They said in unison.
"Well, Riley, that was certainly a lot easier than I thought it'd be!"
"Sir, please keep your eyes on the road. It makes me nervous." Brent had decided to drive the van. Suddenly, he heard police sirens. "What the?" He looked in the mirror. "Oh, god damn it all. Riley, hand me a shotgun."
"But sir-"
"NOW, RILEY!"
"Okay, okay!" Riley pulled out a shotgun and handed it to Brent.
"I haven't had some proper target practice in years!"
"He's armed!" Yelled Cuddles, the driver.
Brent pulled the trigger, and…Cuddles' head exploded.
"SHIT!" Yelled Toothy, who was riding shotgun. (No pun intended.)
Since nobody was driving, the police car veered off course, crashed into a conveniently placed tree, and blew up for no particular reason.
"What the hell?" Rufus yelled, watching the whole scene. He ran off, apparently formulating a plan of some sort.
"Excellent shot, sir!" Said Riley.
"Thanks."
"You're pretty handy with a gun, I'd say- LOOK OUT!"
"What?" Since Brent wasn't at the road when he shot Cuddles, he was now headed directly for a house. More specifically, he was headed directly for Flaky's house.
Obviously, Flaky was completely unaware of this, and was watching a film with Handy. What film, you may ask? Blues Brothers.
"Pretty cool movie, huh, Flaky?"
"I don't know, there's a lot of violence…Could we, maybe, uh, watch something else?"
"Oh, fine." Handy attempted to pick up the remote control, but as he had no arms, he was unable to, and delivered his signature scowl.
"Okay, I'll change it." She picked up the remote, but just as Jake and Elwood were driving a car through a wall (There are about fifty scenes in that movie where that happens, so use your imagination) Brent and Riley drove through the wall as well. Flaky screamed, and dived to the floor, barely avoiding a hideous death.
"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god… Handy?" She looked over to Handy, or rather what was left of him. You see, he didn't leap down to the floor, and as a result was cut in half by the front bumper. Flaky screamed, and fainted.
"SHIT!" Brent screamed. He brought the van to a halt, and got out of it. "Damn it! It'll take me forever to clean this off."
In the back of the van, Taily was whimpering. Since Brent had stopped the van suddenly, she was thrown towards the front of it, and her nose was now bleeding.
Brent heard a revving noise in the distance. "The hell?" He turned around, and saw none other than Rufus driving a motorcycle towards him, from quite a distance. "Riley, my gun."
"Uh…It's in the van."
"You damn idiot." He walked over to the van, but Rufus was about to drive by, and so he jumped onto the hood. Thinking quickly, he used Handy's hard hat to break open the windshield and get a shotgun. "Eat this, asshole!" He pointed the gun at Rufus (Who was just approaching him). Rufus had barely enough time to leap off of the motorbike and out of the way of the bullets. Still, he wasn't Neo, and several of the bullets hit him in the leg. "I don't know who the fuck you are, but you, my friend, are a damned moron." He put the gun against Rufus's head, and pulled the trigger.
Inside the truck, Taily started crying. All of this insanity was because this man wanted her. What could she do? Well, she thought, as long as he's distracted, she might as well try to escape. She crawled over to the door, and opened it. When nobody noticed, she started running.
"That was pointless, huh, Riley?"
"I suppose, sir. SHE'S GETTING AWAY!"
"WHAT?" Brent turned around, and saw Taily running away from him. "Damn it!" He loaded the shotgun, and got back in the van. "Come on, Riley, we aren't done yet!"
Although Taily could run decently fast, she couldn't match the speed of a vehicle, and they quickly tired her out and caught up with her. Brent picked her up, and started yelling. "You little shit! You just had to make this difficult, didn't you? You couldn't have just come with me and made everybody's lives so much easier, could you? Well, now I have you, and you'll really fucking wish you hadn't tried to escape from me. Once I'm done with the testing, I'm going to-" It was then that Taily attempted to breathe fire. She took a deep breath, and…she didn't do it. "That was a pathetic attempt, you little brat! I can't believe you thought that would work-" Then she kicked him in the one place that will down any man. "YAARGH!" She escaped his grasp, but he accidentally pulled the trigger and blew Taily's arm off. She screamed, clutching the gaping wound, and started running towards the town.
Remember Flippy? Well, that's who Taily ended up getting to before passing out. Obviously, the gushing wound caused Flippy to flip out. But this time, it was different. When he flipped out, he always saw the people around him as the enemy, as something to kill. This time, he saw Taily as a fellow soldier, with a horrible injury. Then, Brent and Riley ran over. These people were the enemy, the same people that had cost this soldier her arm. "There she is, Riley! It's finally over!" Brent looked at Flippy. "Hey, dude, you okay?" It was then that he pulled out a grenade. "Holy shit! Run!" Yelled Brent. They started running away, but Flippy tied his knife to the grenade, and threw it at Brent. It stuck right in his chest, and he began screaming. Riley began pulling at it, and actually managed to get it out of his body. "I did it!" Yes, he indeed did. And then the grenade blew up, sending them both sky high.
Brent woke up in the hospital again. "Hello?" Nobody was in the room. "Hey! I'm in here!" Nobody replied again. Brent decided to walk out into the hallway…where at least fifteen cops were holding him at gunpoint. "Freeze! Brent Pinser, you are under arrest!" one of them yelled.
"How'd you know my name?"
"This loser told us." Riley went forward. He was wearing handcuffs.
"Just come with us, and we won't shoot you."
Brent and Riley were in the same cell, by some fluke of law. Riley was moping about, but Brent was thinking.
"Don't worry, Riley. I still have a couple of aces up my sleeve." He began laughing. "No prison can hold the great Brent Pinser!"
"Or Riley O'Magnus!"
"That too. We'll be out of here in a few days, and then, we'll easily take out this whole town. Then, we grab A-5, get the necessary supplies to build one of those transporter things, and wham! We'll be rich in our own universe. We'll just go undercover for a while until nobody remembers what we look like, and then reveal our technology, and then, we'll be the richest people in all of Kanto, Johto, or anywhere!"
"Agreed, sir."
But that's in due time. First, we need to get out of here. And I already have a plan."
Taily woke up in a hospital bed. Rufus was standing right next to it. "Hey, you're awake."
"What happened?"
"That guy accidentally shot you. You bled to death before we could do anything."
"Oh. That sucks."
"Eh. Pretty normal for us. Anyway, those two guys got arrested. They won't be coming out of there for a long time."
Whew! Three chapters in and we're already done? Don't fret! I still have quite a bit more planned. I'll be continuing this thing for a long time. Until next time, AwkwardVulpix, over and out!