Hey people I reached my 100+ reviews goal by chapter 10 Do you guys think that I should write more chapters in other people's point of views? Enjoy this chapter!
Previously…"Wait" Jacob said and spun me around and kissed me
Bella's POV
Jacob's lips crushed to mine. His hand was on the back of my neck. I wasn't ready for this kind of physical contact. I was panicking every memory of Phil came back to me all at once. Jacob's lips were still rough kissing me with passion. I shoved hard against his chest his lips were no longer on mine.
"What the hell?" I practically yelled at Jacob running my hand through my hair rejection hit Jacob
"I'm sorry I just had to I have to find some reason to come back. But I have none now." Jacob said and turned around
"What the hell are you talking about Jake?" I asked taking in his words and he put his hand on the back of his neck something he did when he was nervous.
"Here lets talk outside." I suggested and we went out the door Jacob took a deep breath
"I got a call yesterday and I have to go back." Jacob said
"Go back to where?" I said still confused
"Iraq I joined the army a year ago and now they're calling me back into war and since I have no one to go back to I'll just go and see what happens and if I die I die." Jacob said in a monotone voice.
"Jacob don't you dare say anything like that. How could you say that Jacob?!" I said angry and there was silence.
"You don't love me." Jake said
"I love you Jake but I'm not in love with you I love you like a brother." I told Jacob as hard as it was I had to, I realized that I could never love Jacob as much as I love Edward I am always comparing Jacob to Edward how tall he is, how he drives.(AN: you can check the past chapters Bella does compare Jacob to Edward.) The song Thinking of you by Katy Perry suddenly came in my head Once you've been with the person that you know is right for you second best is the best you can do Jacob is second best but no one could ever love me I'm a dirty whore and I can never fully love someone.
"You have to promise me that you'll try, try to survive." I said looking into Jacob's sad eyes but he didn't answer
"Promise me." I said with more force
"I promise." Jacob said his voice had no emotion
"How long do you have here?" I asked Jacob
"1 week" Jacob's voice said solemnly
"How could they do that just take you away from me?" I asked Jacob but Jacob just gave me a hug
"Why did you join Jake?" I asked him
"I joined to get enough money to pay for my dad's medical bills. The drug selling wasn't helping that much I needed more money." Jacob said still hugging me
6 days later…
"So this is goodbye?" Jacob stated but said it more like a question
"Yeah come back Jacob" I said tears were starting to blur my vision even though there was thousands of people around us it just felt like Jacob and I were the only ones in the airport.
"Can I call you. Were you're going I mean?" I asked
"No there basically no phones, or computers." Jacob said and he looked just as sad as I was he had on full army suit camouflage and light brown boots.
"Here I can write you, you can get letters right?" I asked hopefully
"Yes but only by airmail so I can get mail but you should number the letters in case they get to me out of order." Jacob said (AN: Like dear John)
"NOW BOARDING MILITARY PLANE 37" The loud speaker said
"Bye Jake" I said
"Bye Bells" Jacob said and I started to cry and Jacob engulfed me in a hug and gave me a kiss on the cheek and he was gone for 360 days 12 months 1 year with no Jacob
I ran to my truck and that is where I burst into tears it was light out when I took Jacob to the airport but when I finally stopped crying it was dark out I looked in my rear view mirror I was a mess my eyes were red and puffy my hair was messy so I put my hair up in a hair pony tail and started driving home. I was just so pissed and depressed that I didn't want to talk to anyone. Luckily Edward had started college a few days ago so I haven't been seeing him lately but it's kind of weird having more people around Edward has been tons of his college buddies home. And I got a job at Newton's sporting goods I was still crying by the time I got home I wiped the tears out of my eyes and forced them to stop. It was about 10pm when I got home. I walked in I heard Edward's musical laughter filled the air he had his arm around Tanya. And he had some of his college friends over.
"BELLA" A girl's voice said in a cheery way before I knew it I was engulfed in a hug
"Jane?" My voice said a little hoarse from crying I hardly recognized her she had blonde hair, and her bright blue eyes looked happy instead of painful, she had a university of Alaska sweat shirt on.
"Hey Bella how are you?" She asked I met Jane after I was in the hospital for attempting to commit suicide Renee put me in a cutting group Me and Jane became friends but I dropped out of that class after two classes and never saw her until now. Jane cut herself because, she was raped but she didn't loose her virginity to rape it was her 2nd time when she was raped. She told me that I was the first person she had told but I didn't tell her why I had cut.
"Fine" I answered robotically
"Do you live here or something?" Jane asked and I just nodded
"So you must know Edward, and Tanya and that's Joe, and Steve my boyfriend from College here why don't you come sit on the couch and we all could hang out." Jane suggested and Edward, Tanya Joe, and Steve were all staring at me and Jane.
"Tempting hanging out with my ex and his new girlfriend I think that would be a bit awkward especially when all he does is call me a slut." I said that's probably the most I've said all day.
"Oh sorry Bella why don't I give you my number and we can talk." Jane insisted
"I already have your number." I said numb my voice had no emotion.
"So yeah I'm good to I've told more people about what happened it's made dealing with it so much better. Steve is really supportive and look I'm clean I haven't cut in almost a year!" Jane said while pulling up her sleeves and all I could just do was nod.
"Bella what's wrong you look like you're about to break down crying." Jane said her voice was less peppy. I opened my mouth to speak but couldn't think of a lie.
"I-I'm fine just can you not tell anyone that I cut before I'm clean too haven't cut in months!" I whispered excitingly
"Ok" Jane said a little skeptically
"Hey Jane what are you doing talking to that slut?" Tanya yelled Jane looked like she was about to say something to defend me but I said
"Jane I'm used to it just don't worry about it." I said giving her a sad smile I had to go I was about to break down. I pressed the up elevator button and stepped in
"I forgot my book I'll be right back" Edward said and as he walked towards the elevator but I pushed the close doors button before he got on I started crying in the elevator. I ran to my room but when I got in Edward was there.
"Bella?" Edward voice asked questioningly
"Shit I thought this was my room." I said and wiped my eyes of the tears and went to my room that always happens since mine and Edward's rooms are so close together sometimes I accidently go into his room and sometimes he accidently goes in my room.
I slammed the door of my room and I turned up my stereo all the way and the song I'm so sick by flyleaf blasted through the speakers It was so loud that it probably could have been heard from downstairs on the first floor and I was on the third floor. Why'd Phil have to rape me it's ruining my life I can't love or trust anyone the way I used to. This secret is eating me alive I just want to scream I was raped tell someone.
Without thinking I grabbed my black sharpie and wrote on my wall in all caps I WAS RAPED the words were big and took up the size of about 3 posters The song changed to Again by flyleaf I took out my razor and slit my wrist instantly relaxing me.
I plopped down on my bed and cried sobbed actually I cried about everything Phil raping me and abusing me, Emmett hating me, everyone calling me slut or a whore, Carter, my addiction to cutting and drugs, Jacob leaving, and never being able to love someone fully. I felt crappy whenever I feel this bad I just want to talk to Emmett.
This is the biggest fight me and Emmett have been in the last time we got in a fight this big was when I was 6 and Emmett was 8.
Flashback
I was playing on the swing set at the park with Emmy, my mommy just got me some chocolate ice cream yum but no ice cream for Emmy because, he pushed a boy in the sandbox. I was swinging on the swings when Emmett stopped me
"Hey! I was about to swing over the top!" I yelled at Emmett he was being a meany pants today.
"Can I have a lick of your ice cream Bellsy?" Emmett asked
"No you meathead!" I screamed at him and I childishly stuck my tongue out
"Gimme the ice cream." Emmy yelled he sounded like a bear and tried to rip the ice cream cone out of my hand and I accidently smooshed the chocolate ice cream all over his favorite hot wheels tee shirt.
End Flashback
He didn't talk to me for a week that was the second biggest fight we've been in the fight we're in now is the first and that says a lot. I took some pain meds and Shit I just realized what I wrote on the wall shit shit shit someone's going to see that. I left the stereo on and ran down the stairs to my truck I went to the hardware store to buy black paint I raced home I practically ran up the stairs opened all of the windows and painted a huge black stripe about the size of 3 posters where I wrote those words and covered them up. The song Pain by three days grace played and after that song I turned off the stereo and passed out.
Dream
"Hey whore" Phil said and I ignored him
"Hey slut" Phil screamed again
"Hey why won't you answer when I call your name?" Phil asked
"ANSWER ME!" Phil said while grabbing a handful of my hair when I whimpered he threw me against a wall and picked me up by my arm
"Say it" Phil screamed in my face I could smell the alcohol in his breath
"I'm a dirty whore who no one will ever love how can anyone love me when I'm used and the worst part about it, is it's all my fault." I whispered Phil always made me say this
"I can't here you" Phil said and squeezed my arm hard
"I'm a dirty slut!" I yelled
"That's right and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise and if they are they are lying." Phil said his words stabbed me harder than any other blade could he released me and threw in some kicks and went back to eating his spaghetti.
"I told you I didn't want sauce on my pasta! Bitch can't you do anything right?" Phil screamed and threw his beer bottle at me shit he's a good aim the glass shattered against my arms and it took 3 hours to get all of the little pieces out of my arm.
End dream
I woke up screaming into my pillow I hate when I have nightmares about Phil the nightmares are usually what he did to me. I slit my wrist deep and bandaged it up
6 months later
Dear Bella letter # 37,
I'm fine Bella you really need to stop worrying about me or you'll start getting grey hair! How are you seriously the last letters you've written me are so depressing it's like the life has been sucked out of you. I'm starting to really miss you or maybe I just miss you because, of your cooking. I have been kicking ass at poker I won two bags of Doritos write me soon I love you Bella.
Love, Jacob
I sighed as I read that letter my he noticed that I haven't been me lately well I just found out that Renee just Renee is coming to dinner tonight and staying at the houses for a few days and I have to be there because, she wants to see if I'm ok. Everything has been the same over the past 6 months I still cut and do drugs, I'm so behind in rent that it's not even funny, No one knows about my rape or that I do drugs/cut myself, Jacob and I are just friends, everyone still hates me and calls me a slut whenever they get the chance to, Jane and I are friends Rosalie tried to talk her out of being my friend but she ignored Rosalie Jane isn't the one to judge. Luckily Jane will be at the dinner too. I showered put on a black long sleeve shirt and black sweat pants my E necklace and some black converse. I blasted my stereo and Are you ready by three days grace came on. I blow dried my hair, popped some actually a lot of pills and went down stairs. I grabbed a beer then I sat down next to Jane and Edward was sitting across from me, next to Edward was Tanya, and then Jasper and Alice then Emmett and Rosalie, and there was two empty chairs next to me.
"Why are there two empty chairs?" I asked Jane and she just shrugged but I knew she was hiding something from me I started eating some of my hamburger when there was a knock on the door Emmett answered it.
"Mommy!" He said while giving Renee a bear hug and I looked away and took a gulp of my beer that was warm and fuzzy but I didn't care. Next thing I know someone was leaning over me.
"The burgers look great!" I froze when I heard that voice it was Phil
Dear mental diary in my head,
I'm going to need some more beer.
From A Bella that is going to get drunker than she ever has
Hey writing about Emmett's and Bella's fight when they were 6 and 8 was pretty entertaining if you have any questions about this story/ chapter write it in the review section cause this chapter the way it was written can be a little confusing :/ and I will answer them! Or if you have any questions about what in detail happened over the 6 months. Sorry no journal entry this chapter
Tell me what you liked or didn't like about this chapter! REVIEW!