Lost & Found - Chapter Three - Forgiveness.

Disclaimer: Everything you see (except for any OC's) all belong to Ms Stephenie Meyer. I'm just borrowing them.

Summery: While watching Jasper hunt Alice looks back over their life together, and their journey to find the Cullens.

Authors Note: Thank you to those who read and/or reviewed the last chapter :) As with the last chapter, everything is Alice's P.O.V, the non flashback moments are set somewhere between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn, but contains no spoilers as of yet (if this changes i'll let you know.) Everything else takes place pre-Twilight. All canon, and if they were a vampire in the books, they're a vampire in here too. Please review, they really mean a lot to me. Also i'm not sure how many more chapters this is going to have, probably only one or two more :)

I smiled softly to myself, letting that memory fade back into the part of my mind where I kept all of my most precious memories. Most of those memories had something to do with Jasper. I watched him pounce on his helpless prey and knew it's feeble struggles would be over soon. Jasper's quiet snarl floated to me on the light breeze that was blowing through the clearing, followed by the sound of his teeth tearing through the deers flesh. I sent another wave of pride in his direction; I knew that animal blood was almost as bland and uninteresting to him as human food was – I could only hope that knowing how proud I was of him would make it easier. I wondered sometimes, if Jasper was as committed to this life as the rest of us were, or was he really only here because of me? That thought brought with it a memory that was both good and bad; the first time Jasper's self control had slipped since he'd found me.

It had been six months since Jasper had walked into that little diner in Philadelphia, looking for me – though he hadn't actually known that he was looking for me at the time. I'd told him everything that day, who I was, my past – not that I had much of a past – I told him about my visions, and seeing his face in my future. And I told him what I'd seen of the Cullens, and their unique lifestyle. Then I'd listened while he'd told me of his own abilities and explained his past, I knew of course that he was holding back some of the details from me – probably because he was worried it might scare me off – I hope he'll be ready to tell me everything one day. We'd stayed in Philadelphia for a few more weeks while Jasper stubbornly tried to resist the urge to hunt. He'd told me that he wasn't used to going for more than a day without satisfying his thirst. I'd watched his eyes grow darker and darker with each passing day. After two weeks, I'd began to grow worried, both that he was in far more pain than he needed to be, and worried for my neighbors in the apartment building where Jasper was now staying with me.

"Please Jasper," I'd begged him one cloudy afternoon. "You don't have to put yourself through all this pain.." He'd smiled at me then and shook his head. "It's really not that bad Alice, and nothing that isn't manageable. Please, don't worry about me." He'd soothed me in his sweet southern voice. Anyone else might have believed him, but I'd had years of reading his face in my visions so I knew when he was lying to me. "You're a terrible liar, Jasper Whitlock." I'd moved to stand directly in front of him, better to see every tiny change in his expression as I stared up into his face. "Please?" I'd pleaded with him again. "Please just come hunting with me?" He'd been about to protest but I reached up and placed my hand over his mouth before he could interrupt me. "I know the thought of existing on animal blood for the rest of eternity isn't very appealing to you. And I know it's almost as bland and unappetizing as human food.." My voice became softer now, my gaze locked on his dark eyes. "But what alternative do you have Jasper? I know what it does to you when you kill them. I know how much their emotions tear you apart." he'd stared into my eyes for a long moment after that, searching for something that I'm not sure if he ever found. Eventually he bowed his head. "You're right Alice, of course you're right.." he'd taken my hand in his then and lifted it to his face, pressing his cold lips to my equally cold skin. "Thank you, dear sweet Alice." Something he saw in my face then – or maybe felt in my emotions – made him chuckle softly once before he dropped my hand. "Lead the way then, Miss Cullen." His formal tone had made me giggle. "Right this way, Major Whitlock." I'd answered, just as formally before I lead him outside in search of our prey.

Six months later and we were traveling, though we'd been in Paris for three weeks now. To say I adored Paris was an understatement. I did feel a little guilty as I dragged Jasper from store to store while indulged in my love of shopping. He never seemed to mind though, or he was just too much of a gentleman to say so. "It's fine Alice." He'd assured me whenever I brought it up. "I don't mind, honestly. It's actually rather...entertaining, watching you shop." We were staying in one of the best hotels in the city, after I'd made – with a little help from my uncanny foresight – a few good investments. If I hadn't known for certain that both mine and Jasper's futures were headed in the direction of the Cullen family, I could have easily spent the rest of eternity in Paris. The city seemed so beautiful, especially at night, which was when Jasper and I usually choose to go out exploring. I was standing by the window, watching the sky begin to darken as the sun went down when I heard him behind me, no doubt being drawn in by the happiness and contentment I was sure to be radiating. I seemed to be feeling like that a lot lately. He stood behind me, just watching me for an immeasurable moment before his voice broke the silence. "What are you thinking about?" I turned slightly, so that I could see his face, and shrugged my petite shoulders. "Nothing, really. Just contemplating the future." I answered with a smile. Curiosity burned in his eyes – now an amber color due to the diet of animal blood, though today they were darker than I would like them to be. "Did you see something?" I shook my head quickly. "No, no, nothing like that. I suppose you could say I was imagining one possible future, involving me staying here and shopping for the rest of my existence." Jasper's answering laughter was nothing short of musical. "Only you Alice, could imagine a future that consisted of nothing but shopping. I trust that I am included in this future?" He asked me with a somewhat teasing smile." "Of course, my future doesn't exist without you." He couldn't have doubted the truth in my words. "And besides.." I continued, keeping my voice lighthearted. "I'm always going to need someone to carry my bags for me." A delicate grin played out on my pixie like features, making him chuckle quietly. "I am forever at your service, Miss Cullen." He used his formal tone again, which never failed to make me laugh.

I scrutinized his eyes for a moment, they really did look much too dark already, though it hadn't been long since we'd both hunted. "You need to hunt again." It was a statement, not a question. "You really shouldn't worry about me so much Alice. It isn't so bad yet, nothing that can't wait until tomorrow." I pursed my lips, not entirely convinced, but I nodded anyway. I had to start trusting him more. "If you're sure." I sighed. I would wait until I was sure it wasn't going to hurt his feelings then I would check his future, just to be safe. "I'm absolutely sure." Jasper nodded once, sending a wave of calm over me before he carried on talking. "We should go out and explore some more of the city. After all, it looks almost as beautiful as you do this evening." My answering smile was timid and would have been accompanied by a blush if I'd been human. "Okay. Just let me change first." I darted to the small closet where most of my clothes were hanging, and pulled out a simple yet pretty, knee length black dress with a matching wrap to wear around my shoulders. Jasper quietly stepped outside to give me some privacy, though it wouldn't take more than a few seconds for me to change. "You can come back in now." I said with a quiet giggle. Jasper stepped back into the room, I watched his eyes sweep over me. "You look..." He seemed to be struggling to find the words he was looking for. "Very pretty." he finished shyly. I stifled another giggle and walked to the door. "Shall we?" Jasper was at my side in a heartbeat. Always the gentleman, he held his arm out for me. With a smile I linked my arm with his and let him lead the way.

We walked around the city for hours, talking and laughing together. We stopped at a small cafe, Jasper knew how much I liked to sit and watch the humans. I had forgotten by this time that I'd meant to check on Jasper's future earlier, so the vision hit me with more force than I would have expected. My mind was filled with images of Jasper and the blonde girl who was sitting three tables away from us. I gasped as I saw Jasper follow her out of the cafe and down a dark side street. I heard the girl scream only once in the darkness, quickly followed by the sound of strong teeth tearing into soft weak flesh. I forcefully pushed the vision out of my mind and was greeted by Jasper's worried face. "What is it Alice? What did you see?" He whispered too quickly and quietly for the nearby humans to hear. It took me a moment to pull myself together enough to answer him. "I-I saw...Jasper, is your thirst under control? Maybe we should leave.." The panic was obvious in my voice, as well as my emotions. "I'm in control Alice, I swear. Tell me what you saw, ple-" His words cut off suddenly. A breeze had blown in from the open door, carrying the blonde girls scent with it. My mind raced ahead, though I saw only flickers now of several possible outcomes. I could see the conflict that was affecting my visions play out clearly on Jasper's face. "Hold your breath Jasper, please." I pleaded with him in a low voice but I knew it was too late, I watched all reason leave his eyes. His gaze was fixed on the blonde girl, though she didn't seem to have noticed yet. "I..I..can't..I have to..." Jasper struggled for words before he was suddenly on his feet, his eyes wild with the thirst that I knew he was trying to fight. A heartbeat later he darted from the cafe and into the street, while I glanced around quickly, satisfied that the humans had noticed nothing out of the ordinary. By the time I made my way outside after him, he was already gone, of course. I tried following his scent but it kept bringing me too dead ends where he'd doubled back on himself more than once, sending me in circles. My mind searched for his future but all I saw were flickers, chaos, indecision. With a sigh, I reluctantly decided to make my way back to our hotel to wait.

I got back to our room and became a statue by the window, worry clear on my face. I knew that I could have found him eventually, but I'd realized while I'd walked back here in the cold night air that I shouldn't try to find him. This was all up to him now. Just as It had ultimately been my own choice to control my thirst when I'd woken up to this life, I understood now that Jasper still hadn't really made that choice. He would make it tonight, I was sure. And, whatever happened tonight, I would not judge him for it. I waited in silence, only moving to change my clothes, to something that looked – by human standards – more comfortable. Not even my own breathing broke the silence that surrounded me. I was expecting it this time, the vision that I had known would come sometime tonight. But even so, it still sent a shiver down my always cold spine. I watched as Jasper waited in the shadows after following the scent of an old man. I saw his eyes fix on the figure that was slumped – passed out drunk I assumed – to the ground. "Please don't.." I begged in a whisper, wishing he could hear me. But there was no indecision in him now. Jasper was entirely focused on the old man, his prey. My shoulders shook as quiet, tearless sobs bubbled to my lips. I grieved for this old human who I didn't even know, and I grieved for Jasper, for the pain he was sure to feel when it was all over.

When my sobbing slowed and eventually stopped I fixed my gaze on the sky outside the window as it gradually lightened and the new day began. I hadn't dared to look for Jasper's future again last night after the dark path my last vision had taken. But I knew I had to look now, I had to find him. It didn't take long. I ran, as fast as I dared while I was being watched by the humans, and then faster when I was sure they weren't looking. I stopped when I'd found the park I'd seen. I didn't need to be an empath like him to feel the shame that he felt when I saw him. He knew I was there, I was sure but he didn't lift his head from his hands as he knelt on the ground. I moved silently to sit next to him. "It's okay Jasper." I spoke so softly that no human could have overheard me, even if they'd been right next to me. Jasper finally moved, but only to shake his head. When he spoke, his voice was muffled by his hands. "No, it's not. I failed you Alice. I failed myself." I laid my hand gently on his arm and waited for him to lift his head up to look at me. "Sweet Jasper. You haven't failed anyone. You're trying to change the habit of centuries, that isn't going to happen overnight, or even over months." he looked away from me now, while I radiated nothing but calm forgiveness and love. "We both knew this wasn't going to be easy." "Easy? I killed someone last night Alice!" Even in his anger his voice was nothing more than a whisper. "Doesn't that matter?" "Of course it matters.." I answered him. "But you grieve for him, don't you? Has feeling what he felt last night weakened your resolve, or strengthened it?" I already knew the answer, the fact that he hadn't run from me the moment I'd found him here proved that. "I-I don't want to go back to the way my life was before. I don't want to have to live their death with them. But how can I not, after last night?" "Jasper." I put my hand on his cheek and made him look at me. "Turning your back on everything you've worked so hard for isn't going to bring his, or any of the other lives you taken, back. All you can do is keep trying, keep fighting to make sure it wont happen again."

I fell silent then, dropping my hand from his face. For a long time we both sat there, side by side in silence. Finally I saw a vision, something that made me want to smile so badly that I had to work not to. Then he turned to me, his eyes full of sincerity. "You're right Alice, thank you." he took my hand in his, twining our fingers together and I felt a wave of love wash over me. I laughed softly, the musical sound filling the air around us both. He didn't even need to say it. "I love you too, Jasper." And I did, just as I had known I would all my life.