Sorry that this fanfic hasn't been updated in a while but I have a goal 200 reviews by chapter 13 so please review!
Dear Diary,
The bruises are fading but my memories are not I remember every detail of what he did to me. Even if the physical evidence is starting to fade I can never forget what Phil did to me I'm trying so hard to forget but it seems no matter how hard I try I can't get the vile things he did out of my head, my memory is like a dvd player Play, Rewind, Pause, Play, Rewind, Pause All my bad memories are just repeating in a non stop loop. Even though my appearance (Bruises, and scars) is getting better the inside of me is getting worse.
From, A not so improved Bella
"Hey Bella whatcha doing?" Jane asked stepping into my room not bothering to knock
"Nothing" I said and slipped my journal underneath my bed. I got out of the hospital 3 days ago but Jane hasn't seen me since, she was hanging out with Rosalie, Alice, and Tanya. Renee and Phil still visited us but I made sure that I was out of the house when they did. They are still going to be here for at least a week.
"Are you ok Bella?" Jane asked
"Yea I'm fine I told you I got my prescriptions mixed up and the medicine I took did not react well to my body." I lied
"Hey are you into art or something?" Jane asked
"No why?" I asked
"Oh I was just wondering why there is a huge black line on one of your walls." Jane stated
"Simple answer…" I hesitated "I was going to paint all the walls black but I ran out of paint and I'm too broke to buy more so yeah." I lied once again
"Want to eat dinner I promise no surprise guests" Jane joked trying to lighten up the mood but I gave her a smile that didn't reach my eyes. We stepped in the elevator and Jane hit the down button.
"How's doctor school?" I asked
"It's great! Me and Edward are at the top of the class." She said excitingly and When I heard his name I took a sharp intake of breath.
"Sorry I forgot." Jane apologized
"Bella did you cheat on Edward?" Jane asked and I was taken aback
"I'm sorry but I know that you wouldn't cheat on him maybe Rosalie is lying maybe Phil broke up with her because, he liked you and she got jealous and made up some story that you cheated on Edward I don't know what happened." Jane stated
"I cheated on him." I said my voice cold Jane opened her mouth to say something but I quickly said
"I slept with another man that classifies as cheating." Right as I said that the elevator doors opened and Edward's ears perked up We were getting out as he was getting in obviously he heard me
"Great" I mumbled Edward has never heard me say that he just assumed when I didn't say anything that the answer was a yes and Rosalie saw me and Phil together.
I looked through the mail on the table no letters from Jake I sighed and we ate dinner mid way through my pizza Someone tapped my shoulder and I practically jumped at their touch
"Bella we need to talk now" Jasper exclaimed
"Fuck off" I exclaimed yup back to being bad ass Bella who hides her emotions Jasper showed me the tan envelope and I instantly knew what it was I sprung up and practically pushed him into the elevator when the door closed I pressed the up button.
"What the hell give it back!" I said strangely sounding like a five year old
"No, not until I get an explanation why you had $7,500 in this envelope. Do you know how people in this house would react if they knew that you had the money to pay rent yet never paid it." Jasper stated
"Why were you in my room." I asked
"I thought it was Edward's room, I walked in and knocked this envelope off your desk by accident and all the money spilled out." Jasper exclaimed and I was silent
"Look we are almost at Emmett's floor and if you don't tell me I'll just give this money to him for your rent." Jasper reasoned
"Jasper please just give me the money." I pleaded and the elevator doors stopped and Edward walked in
"Looks like you made your choice I'll just get out now." Jasper said and started to walk out
"NO!" I practically yelled and gently pulled him back into the elevator. The doors closed, Edward gave us a funny look.
"Can I tell you later?" I asked because, Edward was here
"It's now or never" Jasper said I'll take that as a no
"You-you wouldn't understand." I whispered and I could feel Edward starring at me.
"Try me." Jasper challenged
"I really need to um prove something to um Charlie." I said telling the truth I've been saving up the money ever since I got arrested because, I wanted to show Charlie that I'm not pathetic by showing him I can pay back my 7,500 bail (He already paid it and didn't ask me to pay it back but I'm going to pay him back) Jasper knew that talking about my dad was a sensitive topic for me
"Sure it's probably for drugs or alcohol." Jasper said not believing me Jasper pressed the stop button on the elevator
"Dude what the hell?" Edward spoke his velvet voice rough
"Ok I'm not going to be stuck in an elevator with him again." I pointed that out
"Tell me" Jasper ignored us
"First of all I don't do drugs my prescriptions got mixed up and I had an allergic reaction and Second of all I'm telling the truth!" I half lied I do do drugs but I am telling the truth
"What do you need to prove to him." Jasper asked there was a long pause
"That I'm not a pathetic screw up." I said looking down
"And you're going to do that by bribing him?" Jasper asked trying to make since of the situation
"No I'm paying him back all of the money I owe him ok?" My voice was rough and Jasper turned the elevator back on and gave me the envelope
The elevator doors opened and Jane was standing right near the door
"What was that all about?" She asked
"Jasper was being a dick" I said loud enough for him to hear and I heard Edward say to Jasper
"At least you're not a cheater" ouch
"Hey Jane can you cover my shift at Newton's sporting goods I'm going to be gone for a little bit?" I asked
"Yea sure but you owe me one if I'm going to be working with that perv Mike." Jane joked and I laughed
"Yea I'll be back soon though." I hugged Jane goodbye I went up the stairs to pack I packed a suitcase full of clothes and grabbed the money and the plane ticket. I was about to go out the door but then Emmett took me by surprised and asked
"Where are you going?" De ja vu
"I'll be back soon but It's not like anyone here is going to miss me." I sighed
"Yes!" Emmett accidently said aloud probably great is that what he really feels about me does he hate me that much? Yes, yes he does.
I slammed the door on my way out and hopped in my truck with my suitcase I made it to the airport and boarded plane 7 to Pheniox Arizona I got to Renee and Phil's house early in the morning I planned to pick up the rest of my stuff when Phil and Renee are not home. I was going to get everything Edward has ever given me and give it back to him. I grabbed the key underneath the floor mat. As soon as I walked in all of the bad memories of Phil hitting rushed into my head. I looked around for the things that he gave me I got a huge cardboard box to put the stuff in. Ah there's the mushroom ravioli recipe he gave me.
Flash back (Bella is 16)
It was mine and Edward's first date he just asked me out a week ago and bam we're already having our first date. I mean I knew Edward since I was 6 Alice and Rosalie we're playing Bella Barbie on me I winced as Alice combed my tangled hair.
"Guy's I'm just going to his house for dinner do I really need to be this made up?" I asked and Alice gasped
"This is not just dinner it's your first date and plus your makeup is really light." Alice argued
"Time to look in the mirror!" Rosalie exclaimed I looked and I took an intake of breath my eyes glimmered, my pale skin glowed, and my hair looked shiny and healthy.
"Thanks" I said my voice just above a whisper I has on light skinny jeans and a white scoop neck shirt with a silver necklace. I seriously argued for an hour with Alice she wanted me to wear heels but I got my way and now am wearing my sneakers! I walked downstairs ready to drive to Edward's but Emmett was standing at the door.
"I'll drive you Bells." Emmett exclaimed NO WAY Emmett has been protective ever since Edward had asked me out.
"No it's fine Emmy." I said
"It's settled I am taking you." Emmett said and I groaned Emmett picked me up so that I could get into his jeep better. When we started driving Emmett started to talk.
"I swear if he puts his hand on you I'm going to kill him" Emmett said gripping the steering wheel.
"Emmett you can't protect me forever."
"Edward is a cougar Bella he's older than you." Emmett said and I resisted the urge to laugh
" He is barley a year older than me." I reasoned and Emmett just grumbled and we arrived at Edward's house Emmett and Emmett walked to the door with me.
"What are you doing?" I asked panicked
"Making something clear to Edward" Emmett stated
"Be nice" Was the last thing I had said before Edward had opened the door
"Edward let's talk man to man Bella you can go inside." Emmett ordered and I went inside 5 minutes later Edward came in and burst out laughing.
"What?" I asked confused
"It's just hard to take Emmett seriously." Edward said and I agreed
"What did he say to you?" I asked
"Oh he said quote If you break Bella's heart I will break your face end quote and he was saying that I was a cougar and that I was preying on you just because, I'm a year older than you." Edward said and I was mortified then his musical laughter filled the air.
"Don't worry I intertigated Jasper when he asked Alice out. It's a brother thing Emmett can't help it" Edward said making me feel better (AN: Remember Alice is Edward's adopted sister they are not blood related)
"Here let's eat" he suggested and we made our way to the dining room table
"Mushroom ravioli yum" I said that was my favorite
"Dig in" He said
"I cooked this" Edward said and I put down my fork
"Aw come on Bella I'm not that bad of a cook just try one little bit" Edward begged Edward was one of the worst cooks ever
"Fine" I grumbled and took a bite surprisingly it was really good
"Mmmm this is really good" I said taking another bite
"Wait a second did you really cook this or did Esme?" I asked eying him suspiciously
"You caught me." Edward said and through me one of my favorite crooked smile that made my heart skip a beat Our date went great dinner was great the conversation was great and Edward was great. Emmett started honking his horn
"That's my ride." I said and Edward hugged me goodbye
"Wait I have something for you." Edward said I turned around to see the mushroom ravioli recipe
"I won't be needing this but you can have it since you have mad skills at cooking."
"Thanks" I whispered
End flashback
My eyes were starting to water I went to my room and looked through my closet I put Edward's extra football jersey that he insisted I wear to all of his games in the box along with some of his sweatshirts. I moved on. I found my jeans that Edward wrote on.
Flashback…
(AN: this scene is very similar to a scene in my fanfic you belong with me)
I was studying with Edward and his legs were on my lap he was wearing his favorite jeans today. I looked at my biology book frustrated I didn't understand any of this let's face it how can I study with a Greek god sitting across from me? Edward's musical laughter filled the air and I looked over at him.
"Seriously Bella you look like your reading another language." Edward said playfully but something inside me snapped I don't know what it was maybe PMS or me just having a crappy day but in a furious rage I grabbed a black sharpie and wrote my name in caps on the hem of the inside of his jeans B E L L A. Edward looked to see what I wrote and his eyes darkened.
"I'm sorry Edward I didn't mean to its just. I ruined them." I rambled on looking down but he smiled my favorite crooked smile that made my heart skip a beat and grabbed the hem of my pant leg and wrote something on there I looked to see what it was and it was his name written in all caps E D W A R D I smiled knowing he wasn't mad at me for witting my name on his jeans.
"Thanks you made them a lot better" I muttered but he heard me and smiled
End Flashback
I moved on and saw a cd that had Bella written on it.
Flashback
It was my 17th birthday
"Happy birthday" Alice yelled from across the parking lot and when she got to me I shushed her she knew how much I hated my birthday she handed me a box wrapped in pink paper
"Your going to love it I know you will and wear it to the party tonight at 7." Alice said and I groaned I hate parties
"Alice gets to give you a present it seems like everyone but me is aloud to get away with giving you a present" Edward said to me after the party
"Cause, you already gave me the best gift you. I have nothing to give back to you." I said
"I love you Bella" Whoa the 3 big words I love you he has never said that to me
"I love you to" I said and his icy cold lips connected with mine but the kiss ended too sonly as he pulled away
"Here don't be mad but I got you something don't worry I didn't spend any money on it" He said when we were in my truck. Ok I hated when Edward spent money on me even though he was rich I didn't want him to spend a dime on me. He showed me a cd that had my name written on cursive on the front. He popped it in and it was my lullaby and a bunch of other songs he played on the piano. Tears streamed down my face
"It's beautiful. Thanks." I said but stopped talking not wanting to ruin the music with my voice
End Flashback
By now I couldn't help the pool of tears that spilled over I missed him. I put in some of the Debussy CD's he gave me and I found some of the pictures he drew for me as a little kid.
Flashback Bella is 6 Edward is 6 almost 7
"Hey Eddie teddy" I said to my best friend Edward I was hanging on the monkey bars
"Hey Bellsy" Edward said he was hanging on the monkey bars upside down like a monkey
"Ooff" I said as I fell down and started to cry my arm looked all twisty
"Bella!" Edward screamed and jumped down from the monkey bars He whipped out some power ranger band aids and put them all over my arm (Even at a young age Edward wanted to be a doctor like Carlisle and have band aids on him at all times) My mommy gasped and ran over to me she took me to where Edward's daddy worked and he made my arm all better he wrapped it in a orange cast.
"Here you go Bella" Edward said handing me a bunch of pictures and a get well card and I hugged him.
End flash back
Of course all of the pictures were poorly drawn stick figures of me and him but at the time I thought that they were drawn so good that they could have been in an art museum.
I put in the $500 I stole from him to buy drugs. By now the box was almost full I found a scrap book that had pictures, of me, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, and Edward but I decided to keep that. I left on the soonest plane ride to Alaska which was the next day. I hopped on the plane and hours later I was at Alaska Oh I forgot about the radio Edward had given me and he installed it in my truck. I took a screwdriver and hours later I managed to pry it out of my car and put it on the box I doubt it will work anymore there was wires sticking out of where the radio was in but I want to rid my life of anything that has to do with Edward. I wrote on the side of the box EDWARD in sharpie. Wait I forgot one thing I took off my E necklace painfully slow and put it into the box that was the hardest thing I had to get rid of.
I went to Charlie's cop office and waited for about 3 hours before he finally let me in.
"Here" I said handing him a tan envelope
"This is all of the money for the bail." I said and he looked in it while looking at someone's file
"How'd you get the money did you strip for it or are you a prostitute?" Charlie asked and I was shocked
"No I worked hard for that money" I exclaimed
"Oh so you stole it or got it from drug dealing. Looks like I'm going to have to add another charge to your record." Charlie spat
"I did not freaking steal any money or sell drugs call the place where I work and go check!" I said now this is why I hate seeing Charlie
"No that's a waste of my time why don't you go Isabel you're wasting my time and time is money." Charlie said coldly and I left. I was too tired so I fell asleep in my truck and woke up to Charlie putting a ticket on my wind shield wiper.
"What the hell?" I asked him and I rolled down my window
"The sign clearly states no overnight parking. Just doing my job." Charlie sneered and left I grabbed the 150 dollar ticket off of my car and drove home. Jane opened the door for me and gave me a hug.
"THANK GOD I DON'T HAVE TO WORK AT NEWTON'S SPORTING GOODS ANYMORE YOUR JOB SUCKS!" Jane exclaimed
"Thanks I missed you too." I joked and she laughed I looked through the mail and sighed no letter from Jacob
"Yeah Mike was hitting on her non-stop so when Jane went to work I had to stay with her." Steve complained
"Yeah that's what I have to deal with every Monday Wednesday, and Friday." I sighed I got in the elevator with my 'Edward box' and suitcase I put my suitcase in my room and went to Edward's room to give him his stuff back. I knocked on his door please not be here please not be here so that I could just leave it on his bed.
"Come in" Edward said fan-freakin-tastic
"Hey" I said my voice soft as I opened the door and Edward gave me a confused look
"um here you go this is all the items you have given me." I said putting the box by the door
"I'm not sure if the radio works seeing as I pulled it out with a screw driver and the money that is in there is some money I stole from you when I first moved in here." I explained
"I don't want it." Edward exclaimed his piercing green eyes met my lifeless brown ones
"Well have it I don't care if you throw the stuff out, burn it, I just wanted to give this back to you I said and placed the box next to him on his bed.
"Bye Edward" I breathed knowing that I have to try to move on tears pooled in my eyes and I left I went to the bathroom grabbed a razor and sliced my arm that is not in a cast a few times feeling better. I popped a pill and looked all over to find another pill but I was out. Crap I'm broke and have no drugs I drove to the place from where I get drugs (Embry's)
"Hey Bella" Emily greeted me
"Hey Emily" I said and over the past months we turned into friends
"Want a muffin freshly baked?" She asked
"Tempting but I'm here for something else" I said and Emily knew I was here for drugs
"Embry is in his room" Emily sighed she wasn't a big fan of my drug addiction either
I walked in and asked Embry for pain pills
"Sure $200" Embry said
"I'm kind of broke" I explained
"Oh no drugs then" Embry said
"Please I need them" I begged my mind was not right
"Well if you have sex with me I guess I could give you 20 pills." Embry suggested casually my heart dropped I've never willingly had sex with someone. Suddenly I crashed my lips to his…
GASP do you think Bella will go all the way with Embry for drugs review! What did you think of all those flashbacks of Edward REVIEW! When this fanfic hits the 200 review mark I will update! Review!