Disclaimer: I do not own Tokyo Mew Mew. Nice and simple, eh?

Authors' Note:

Zenaga: Hmmm… it's been a while hasn't it?

Arizo: Yes. Yes, it has. Last time we wrote I couldn't write for shit, and I didn't curse. Now I can sort of write, and I curse like sailor with a sail stuck up his arse.

Zenaga: I quite like the word arse. It's one of my favorites, actually. So, how did we end up writing the next chapter? The answer is simple; I have chicken pox.

Arizo: And I came over to keep her company, like the good friend I am. Just watch readers, when I'm sick she's going to ditch me for her lover...Hey, give me back my Doritos.

Zenaga: First of all, it's impossible for me to leave you for my lover, because you are my lover. I'd leave you for my boyfriend. On another note, Doritos are quite tasty, aren't they?

Arizo: I am?

Zenaga: This is a matter of war and Doritos. Oh, look at that, I ate them all.

Arizo: And now you are eating all the sour patches…

Zenaga: Hold on a second, I'm drawing a Diglett on my hand.

Arizo: But Zenaga…I feel that we have forgotten a matter of great importance.

Zenaga: Like the next chapter of Gambling and Random Love Confessions?

Arizo: Yes…We should probably write the next chapter. But first, there is pizza for us to eat.

Zenaga: Mmmm… giant glob of melted cheese. Delicious…

Gambling and Random Love Confessions

Chapter 5: OH MY GOD. Lesbians.

After all the commotion settled down, the players resumed their places at the gaming table. Pai was feeling very awkward as he sat at the head of the table, due to the fact that Lettuce was very pointedly looking away, her face red. Still…still…she had not rejected him. So, there was still hope wasn't there? Wasn't there? Pai rammed his head into the table, almost exposing his hand. Kisshu snickered at the scene before him, due to the fact that Pai was also looking incredibly embarrassed, clearly regretting his choice of confessing his love to the girl of his dreams (and nightmares.)

"You're poker face is slipping." Zakuro said bluntly to Pai, who was now nervously biting his lip. (A/N: That's how he got the scar that he had in 'My Heart is Full of Dust and Sand! xD J/k.)

Pai grabbed a bag of Doritos and threw them, with deadly accuracy, at Zakuro's head. She caught them in mid-air and threw the bag back at him. It turns out that he wasn't as good at catching things as his unbiological twin, so the bag hit him on the shoulder, exploding on contact. (Zakuro is very strong, you see.) Minto let out a squeal of delight, clapping her hands.

"You're so cool, Zakuro Oneesama!" She cried happily.

Zakuro nodded, "Thank you, Minto-chan."

Pai growled, his face darkening to a color that resembled burgundy. He inhaled deeply; and everyone ducked under the table, except for Zakuro, because she was too unfeeling, and indifferent about everything to be afraid.

"You're next Okami-chan." Pai growled, which caused Kisshu to laugh.

"Hah, that's funny because Okami means wolf!" He laughed, peeking out from under the table. "You're so clever…" He trailed off and quickly ducked back under the table as Pai glared at him.

Zakuro nodded, "I look forward to proving you wrong."

Minto leapt up upon the table, scattering poker chips into the eyes of Masaya and Ryou. Kisshu laughed at this as well, and Ichigo tackled him in his chair, in an attempt to hurt him, which Kisshu took as an attempt to, as the expression goes "Get into his pants" and dragged her back under the table.

"How dare you challenge Zakuro Oneesama! For that right you must defeat me!" Minto declared proudly as she beamed at Zakuro. Pai frowned.

"What are you, some kind of creepy fangirl?" He asked as Zakuro nodded.

"She is." Zakuro said as Minto looked crestfallen.

"But… Oneesama… I love you…" Minto said as she fiddled with the hem of her dress.

"I know Minto. And I feel the same for you. But you do not have to protect me, it is my job to protect you." The elder girl replied as she crossed her arms.

"O-Oneesama…"

Masaya –having recovered from his eyes being impaled by poker chips- shifted uncomfortably in his chair, due to his slightly homophobic nature. "Umm… this is a little strange… can we just move on?" He said as Ryou shook his head violently.

"Bad idea, tree-hugger." He said as he turned to Zakuro and Minto. "We can clear off the table so you guys and do it right here." He said as Kisshu came out from under the table, pulling up his pants.

"I think I have some handcuffs in my room if you guys want those." He said, looking deeply satisfied. Minto blushed as Zakuro stood up, grabbing her chair in preparation for throwing it at Ichigo's three love interests.

"Will you all just shut up so we can get on with the game?" Pai yelled in an uncharacteristic rage (although he hasn't really been in character for this whole fic.) Everyone just kind of looked at him.

"But we don't want to get on with the game." Ryou began as Kisshu nodded in agreement (for once.)

"We want to see them get it on." The green haired alien finished as Zakuro's chair was flung in his general direction. Kisshu dodged, allowing the chair to shatter on the wall behind him.

"You're agreeing with me?" Ryou asked, looking at Kisshu in shock and awe, as Ichigo crawled up from under the table, attempting to straighten her dress, seemingly in a state of shock.

Kisshu's expression went from one of pure enjoyment, to one of pure disgust. "No, no I am not. I refuse to agree with you, even when lesbians are involved. ON WITH THE GAME."

"…But…" said Ryou.

"OH MY GOD CAN EVERYONE HERE JUST FOCUS?" Hollered Lettuce as she slammed her fists into the table. (Knocking over yet another of Pai's favorite vases.) "DON'T YOU ALL WANT TO GO HOME?"

At Lettuce's sudden outburst, everyone went silent, and then once again returned to their spots at the table, with Zakuro and Minto's fingers now intertwined under the table cloth. The game continued on normally for a while, until everyone had folded, except for Kisshu and Ryou. The two smirked at each other as Pai dealt out the next card.

"You gonna fold, blondie?" Kisshu sneered as Ryou stroked his chin. "Not a chance. What about you, freak."

"Nope, I've got me a winning hand here." Said Kisshu confidently, licking his lips, and putting his feet up on the table. "Perhaps, we should make this a bit more interesting. Winner gets Ichigo's hand in marriage."

"What?" Said Masaya, "But I'm already engaged to her."

"Yeah but in a few hours, I'm going to cut you open and feed your innards to my pet lizard," said Kisshu, "Which will kill you, thus annulling your engagement to Ichigo."

Here he kissed Ichigo's hand. "Deal." Said Ryou as he slid all of his chips into the center. "I'm all in."

Kisshu smirked as he too slid all of his chips into the center. "Fine. Me too." Pai glanced at both of them as he set down the final card.

"Show your hands." He said. Ryou confidently threw down his hand, revealing two pairs of aces and kings. Kisshu burst out laughing as he threw down his cards to reveal a royal flush. Ryou stared blankly at Kisshu's hand, realizing that he had not only just lost Ichigo, but that he was now going to die as well.

He attempted to run for it. Pai suddenly appeared out of nowhere and grabbed the back of Ryou's collar, halting his attempted escape. "Please do not try to escape. If you do, than I will allow Kisshu to kill you as slowly as he wishes."

These words caused a cease in Ryou's struggles. Pai dropped him, and Ryou stalked over the couch, and sat there sulking.

"Kisshu…" said Ichigo, very quietly, then blushed and ran out of the room, crying. Kisshu leapt up and followed her, beaming. Pai turned to the rest of the people at the table, his face blank. (OH MY GOD. Pai is in character!)

"We will take a break for the night, and continue tomorrow afternoon." He announced. "Taruto will direct you to your appropriate dungeon cells." Keiichirou furrowed his brow.

"You have a dungeon?" He asked as Taruto leapt up (for some reason, in a bathing suit) in a rage.

"How come I have to lead them to their rooms?" He yelled as Pai frowned at him.

"Taruto, it's been a long day. Just do it." He growled as Taruto shrunk back, walking backwards into the hall.

"Umm… everyone… if you could follow me please." Taruto said from around the corner.

Everyone rose, looking solemn, and began to follow him around the corner. "Lettuce, will you stay please." Said Pai, from where he stood at the head of the table. Lettuce sat back down in her seat, staring at her lap, tears sliding down her face.

Pai opened his mouth several times, than gave up on talking. He took Lettuce's face between his hands, and kissed her gently. "I would never hurt you." Kissing her tear-stained face, "So don't cry, please don't cry." Lettuce stared at him, unable to stop crying.

"I-I'm sorry Pai-san… it's just…" She hiccupped, looking away nervously. "You're really scary." Pai looked heartbroken at this.

"Really?" He growled in frustration. "Really? That's how you're going to end all of this? 'You're scary'?"

"I-I do like you. You're intelligent, and you look out for you're brothers…its just you scare me. I'm sorry." She said as she twiddled her thumbs.

Pai's eyes lit up. "You like me?" He said, tilting his head slightly. Lettuce blushed and nodded slightly. "That's good enough for me." He said as he scooped her up into his arms again, causing her to scream.

"P-P-Pai-san! Let me down!" She cried as he floated down the hall, smirking slightly. He bent down slightly and sniffed her neck. "You smell like Gummi-Worms." He said as she stared at him with a gaze that was somewhere between fright and confusion.

"Wh-where are you taking me?" She cried as Pai shifted her onto his shoulder.

"I'm going to make you like me more." He said as he opened the door to his room. Her eyes widened, and she started pounding on his back.

"No! I'm only 14! I don't want to! Let me down!" She cried.

"I was 14." Pai told her, setting her down on his bed. Lettuce stared up at him, pressing herself together everywhere that she could, her arms crossed against her chest.

"That's different! You're a guy! And an alien!" She said as he crouched above her. "Noooo!" She screamed, pushing him away. "Rape!"

"What are you talking about?" He asked, his brow furrowed in confusion. Lettuce continued to stare at him, dumbfounded. Pai reached behind her and produced a brightly colored box.

"We're going to play Twister." He said as she looked relieved. "Oh, I thought you were… you know…" Pai turned red at this and quickly got up and stood next to the bed.

"Aren't you trying to make this relationship go a little too fast, Lettuce?" He said as her jaw dropped.

"Really? You're going to say something like that after what you just did?" She said as she sat up and crossed her arms.

At that moment, Ichigo and Kisshu burst into the room, Ichigo looking slightly disappointed. "Damn, I thought that he was going to be doing something perverted to her. And then you'd owe me money." She said as Kisshu started jumping up and down excitedly. "Oh my god! I love Twister!" He grabbed Ichigo's hands as she stared at him in confusion. "Let's play! Please please please? You'll love it!" He squealed as she smiled in spite of herself.

"Kisshu," Pai growled from across the room. Kisshu stopped jumping and looked at him. "Shut up." The elder alien growled as he removed the twister mat from the box. "I'll spin the dial, so you guys play." At this point, although the aliens seemed to be enjoying themselves, Ichigo and Lettuce were both very confused.

"Who the hell wrote this story anyway?" Ichigo asked as Lettuce shrugged.

"Probably insane perverts with no lives." The green mew replied as Ichigo nodded.

"I agree!" Zenaga said as she slapped Arizo for eating all her Snickers.

"Your Snickers were delicious Zenaga," Arizo replied.

"Who are you?" the Tokyo Mew Mew characters asked.

"God." The authors replied in unison. "You must obey our every command." Zenaga said as she grabbed the twister dial and spun it.

"Right foot blue."