"I think the question is more along the lines of, why not now, Leia?" The words hit her like turbolasers from a Star Destroyer. Everyone always thought that she had the gift for wielding words like weapons, but Han wasn't so bad at it himself when the occasion called for it. She suddenly felt like she was underwater and that it was impossible to fill her lungs up with air. He was holding onto her at the shoulders with a firm grasp making her feel trapped. His eyes were boring into her as if he was looking down into her soul.
She knew her answer should match his question, either in stealth or sentiment. But she refused to accept a proposal of marriage in reaction to a ridiculous political ploy. So she replied, matching in neither stealth nor sentiment, with, "You're being ridiculous, this whole Hapan thing will be blown over by next week." I hope.
"That's not an answer." He said as he released her from his grasp and walked past her out of the bedroom.
She felt wretched and defeated. She did not want to hurt him, but couldn't he see how ridiculous he was being? Of course this was all in reaction to the Hapan incident. Everything had been perfect between them until today. There was no other reason for his impromptu proposal of marriage other than to trump the Hapan's and she would not accept a proposal offered in such a manner, not even from Han.
Of course she wanted to marry him. As she looked back on their conversation she realized he was right. All the reasons she wasn't ready to marry him on Endor were gone. She was not so young anymore. They were definitely in a successful long-term relationship and although things were not ideal with the New Republic, she would have to be realistic and admit that they would never be perfect.
She wondered just what had set him off that day. He did mention that "idle gossip" didn't upset him so she was sure something had happened. She couldn't count how many times people had asked her in confidence how Han was handling the situation prompting her to dwell on his feelings and point of view throughout her entire day. Coming home from work early just so she could have dinner waiting for him when he got home, she had tried to smooth the path for them. When she had heard him enter the apartment she'd waited for him to find her in the kitchen. After several time parts she realized he had snubbed her and that all hope for a smooth evening had gone down the proverbial drain of his long shower.
She had met with Mon Mothma, among other people today. Mon had come to Leia to offer her support in this "unfortunate" predicament. She ensured Leia that the New Republic did not expect her to marry anyone to further trade negotiations; she had even likened the Hapan's proposal to a practice the kin to slave trade. However, Mon had stressed to Leia the importance of a treaty with the Hapes cluster and had strongly encouraged her to handle the proposal as delicately and deliberately as possible.
When Leia had expressed an interest in squashing the proposal at her earliest convenience, Mon urged her to use restraint and to wait until all the other negotiations were complete before turning the Queen Mother down. Leia did not like the idea of leaving the proposal to be the deciding factor of the entire deal. She voiced that opinion to Mon, citing that that would only increase the pressure and blame on Leia and her refusal.
Mon had answered her diplomatically but Leia could not help but feel that her mentor was speaking somewhat out of both sides of her mouth. She truly believed that Mon supported her decision and did not expect her to marry Prince Isolder, but she also thought that her request to string the Hapan's along was putting Leia's political reputation at serious risk, not to mention her relationship with Han. Leia also noticed that Mon never once mentioned Han's name, as if he should not be a factor to consider in this dilemma. After their conversation was over Leia felt more confused, helpless and frustrated about the whole situation than she had previously.
Realizing that she should probably go after him, Leia exited the bedroom and found Han sitting at the dining room table eating the meal she had prepared. "Thanks for waiting for me," she snapped as she walked past him and into the kitchen.
Leia fixed herself a plate and grabbed a drink before she returned to the table to take a seat across from Han. As she lowered herself into her chair she watched him practically jump out of his seat, pick up his plate and glass and disappear into the kitchen. So I'm in for the silent treatment for the rest of the night, huh, Solo?
As she ate her dinner she noticed that Han had never come back from the kitchen. When she was finished she picked up her dishes and headed that way, pausing right before she entered. He obviously knew that she would come in there eventually. If he wanted to avoid her he would have left by now, which only led her to believe that he had wanted to allow her to eat her meal before they continued their argument. She steadied herself and entered the room. If he asks me again, I think I'll just say yes.
He was leaning against the kitchen counter sipping on a glass of something; it looked like whiskey but Leia couldn't be sure. She didn't see an opened bottle out anywhere. Glancing at him before she turned her back and loaded her dirty dishes in the steamer, she could feel his stare beating down on her from behind. When she was done she stood there with her back to him and tried to think of what she wanted to say. Just tell him he's right. Exhaling her breath, she prepared to turn and face him, but the sound of glass being placed on the counter halted her movement. She felt his arms circle her waist before his hands came to rest on her belly. Placing his head on her shoulder, she felt his breath in her ear as he said, "I don't want to fight with you."
Her heart sank and she felt her eyes moisten. She didn't want to fight either. She spun around in his arms and placed her hands on the sides of his face, studying his eyes for a moment before she spoke. Rubbing his cheeks with her thumbs she said, "I don't want to hurt you."
"You're not hurting me. You're right. This whole thing will probably be over by next week and I'm letting something get to me that isn't anything at all."
"It is something if it comes between us. I don't want anything to come between us." Her voice was beginning to crack as her words poured out of her mouth.
"I know that. Let's just forget about it, OK? We've wasted enough time fighting about it already." He lowered his face to meet hers and took one final look into her eyes before he kissed her.
She shut her eyes in return and snaked her hands around his neck, weaving her fingers through his hair. It was always difficult for them to kiss very long while standing up due to their height difference so she wasn't surprised when she felt his hands grab her hips and lift her up onto the kitchen counter, bringing them face to face. She separated her knees allowing him space to stand closer to her as he deepened his kiss. Han was highly skilled at a good many things - piloting and drawing his blaster among them - but the way he could kiss her, and the emotions and reactions he could stir up with just his mouth on hers, was extraordinary and she reveled in it.
His fingers were working the buttons of her blouse as the garment fell open. Relocating his mouth to the valley between her breasts he trailed kisses over her mounds and his hands began to push the fabric of her skirt up towards her hips. Gently massaging her thighs and in between kisses he whispered, "So when are you going to break the news to the Hapans?"
She was startled by his question, not only because she thought they had just agreed to drop it, but also because she knew he would not be happy with her answer. She kept it vague with, "The rest of the treaty is being negotiated first."
His hands stopped their advancement on her thighs. His face drew slightly away from her chest but his head did not rise as he said, "That's not an answer."
He knew she was evading the question. She could feel his body tensing along with her own. Please, don't make me answer you. She knew she was so close to glossing over this thing tonight that it led her to try another tactic. She pulled his head up to hers and forced his body to straighten before wrapping her legs around his thighs. Pressing her body into his she began to kiss him again. He did not kiss her back. After very quickly realizing that her attempt had failed she pulled away from him and looked at his face as she replied, "Mon wants me to wait until the negotiations are more settled."
He shook his head at her and she suddenly felt very aware of her body position and what she had just tried to distract his attention with. That, on top of what she just told him, left her feeling cheap and wrong. He backed away from her. Goddess, please don't do this to me!
Scooting back on the counter she pulled her skirt down and closed her legs. He shook his head at her as he said, "That's still not an answer." And then he turned around and walked out of the room.
While Leia ran through the last few moments in her head and tried to compose herself she heard their apartment door open and cycle shut. Han had left. She was confused by what had just happened. After seemingly apologizing for over-reacting and calling a truce, he opened the argument right back up again and walked out. His erratic behavior only hinted more to the fact that something had happened today that had Han angry and flustered. Of course he didn't want to fight with her, just like he said, but he also couldn't pretend it all away, no matter how hard he tried and she had evaded his direct question - twice. Way to go, Organa.
She didn't want this to linger between them any longer while he went gods knew where and stewed over it. Hopping off of the counter, she buttoned her blouse, located her shoes and headed to the Falcon. Han was never a difficult man to find; he was usually in his office, in their apartment or at the Falcon. Since she knew he would not go to his office this late at night she felt pretty sure she would find him in his beloved ship.
Hurrying across the hangar floor she noticed the boarding ramp was closed. A closer look revealed that the alarms were fully engaged. Han and Chewie almost always left the ramp down when they were on board and they never set the alarms unless she was shut down for the night.
Leia palmed herself in and shut down the alarms. Lowering the ramp, she boarded the Falcon and found herself in total darkness, making it immediately evident that Han had not come here. Making a round through the tiny ship, she wondered, where in the hell did he go? There was only one place to go on Coruscant this late at night and that was the underground.
The underground was composed of gambling halls, dance halls, bars and strip clubs. Han had not frequented any of those establishments for as long as Leia had known him. That side of Han was left behind with his smuggling days. But if he wasn't there, then where was he? And where was Chewie? Chewie usually slept on the Falcon. Did Han come here and leave with Chewie?
Immediately aware of how alone she was in the hangar and that she had left the boarding ramp down, Leia turned off all the lights, leaving the Falcon the way she had found her, and exited to the ground below. As she raised the ramp and reset the alarms her emotions swung like a pendulum back and forth between self-loathing for her own actions and anger at the head-strong, temperamental Corellian for his over-reaction. Leia felt dizzy. As she headed back to their apartment she was stopped in her tracks when an idea entered her mind. What about his apartment?
Leia had only been to Han's apartment once when she'd gone with him to sign the lease. As far as she knew, he had never gone back there. It was as good a place to try as any and was more appealing than returning to her apartment alone or lurking in the underground in search for her estranged boyfriend.
She quickly found the building and located Han's name on the registry; she did not even remember which number the apartment had been. As she rode the lift to the fifth floor she wondered why she felt so nervous. She chuckled at the realization that she was thinking he could be in there with another woman. As if Han could have gone out, found someone else and brought her to this apartment in the short time part that she had last seen him. Han would never do that regardless of how much time he had. But as the lift doors opened it was that silly impossibility that had her practically running to find the apartment door.
Placing her palm on the access panel she held her breath, hoping that she remembered correctly that they validated her palm print all those years ago. She exhaled as the door swished open and revealed a dark and very empty apartment. While quickly glancing up and down the hallway, she took a step into the apartment and let the door slide shut behind her. She quickly fumbled on the wall to her right as she flicked on the overhead lighting.
Letting her eyes adjust to the light, she looked around her. It looked exactly the same as it had all those years ago. She remembered the argument that she and Han had had about getting this apartment in the first place. She also remembered how he had finally given in. The emotions the sight of the apartment awoke in her were unsettling. The emptiness, the dust and the darkness snickered at her like an evil joke. Was this representative of the life that she made Han live?
They lived in her apartment, by her rules of etiquette, working for her government and living her dream. She suddenly felt very selfish. Han had given up everything for her. He had abandoned his prior life for her. Han would argue that it wasn't much of a life to give up anyway but the fact was that he had. She had taken him for granted - taken it all for granted. Suddenly cold and feeling a strong desire to return home, she palmed her way out of the apartment and flipped the light off as she exited. You need to do whatever you have to do to make this right…