A/N: I'm actually really enjoying this story. Not just writing it but I get a sense of satisfaction when I read it on afterwards, It that weird in any way? The song is spun by Flipsyde, I don't own that either. A few details I think I may have left out, Tony and Ziva are romantically involved, and have been for a long time but Esther doesn't know that. She may find out this chapter or next chapter.

See we gotta get it right,

But we always get it wrong,
can it be the same old thing,

And it is the same old song,
tryin' to fight to survive,

Tryin' to fight for our lives,
see I'm only tryin' to live,

I don't wanna say goodbye,
But the day that it all should end Holla back some more that be,
Cause we'll all be born again,
Maybe then we'll all be free,

And the day that it all should stop,
Is a day that will never come,

Cause we gonna live forever,
Spinnin' until we're spun,

I woke up with my pillow down near my feet and the sheet tangled around me. It took me a while to get out. Looking at the alarm clock, it was only 5 in the morning. I guess I could go for a run; I hadn't been for one in a few days. I slipped my usual attire on, and strapped my iPod to my arm. My instincts took over and let my brain have a rest as soon as I got out the front door.

"Left, right, left, right, left, right…" the voice screamed in my ear over the sound of KanYe West and I cringed. My mind flashed with various scenes from Iraq. The battalion running in full chemical gear, piling sandbags into towers one at a time, passing them down the line to get to the end, practising fighting skills non stop to stay fit and pass the time.

Some were good memories, some were painful. I suddenly arrived home and looked at my watch. Time for work.

I sat at my desk, earlier than everyone else again. Gibbs came in with an armload of paperwork and separated into piles, shoving a pile on everyone's desk. He sat down and poured over it, squinting at the illegible handwriting. "Sergeant DiNozzo" he said and I looked up, "yes, Sir?"

He pulled the piece of paper up to the light and continued to squint, "what was the cause of death for Petty officer Freemason?" he asked and I walked over and took the paper from him, "extremely high levels of arsenic in her blood and mass organ failure. She was being poisoned over an extended amount of time" he took the piece of paper back and I took a deep breath, "Sir, when you came back from combat…did you find it hard to fit back into civilian life?"

Gibbs put the paper down, "are you having trouble, marine?" he asked me and I nodded, "I am, Sir. I have bad dreams, I hate when people aren't honest, I love taking orders from higher ranks, I can't ever see myself married or having children. Last night in a dream I saw another fellow marine being blown up by a car bomb in Pakistan while we were on service leave"

I could see Gibbs visibly harden up, "on Sunday DiNozzo will take you to the marine base to see the councillor. You should have told me earlier. I don't want this to affect your work while you're at NCIS" he informed me and I nodded, "yes, Sir" I gave him a small salute and he acknowledged it. I walked off.

I slid down the side of the office wall in autopsy. Ducky wouldn't be in until midday, and Jimmy didn't arrive for another hour. I played with the thin ring on my right thumb, the only thing that was still intact when they recovered her body. A tear slid down my cheek and I hurriedly wiped it away. Marines don't cry I told myself again. This time I ignored it and I let the tears flow. Six years worth of tears flowed out onto my cheeks and dribbled off my chin onto my knees, where my head was resting.

I couldn't remember the last time I had cried this much.

I sat there for ages, just letting it out and watching as the size of the wet patches of my pant legs got bigger. I heard someone coming down the stairs, and I quickly wiped it away and forced myself to shut up. The shoes tapped across the hard floor, heavy manly steps. There were only a few people with kind of step, The DiNozzo boys. All my brothers sounded the same when they walked.

Tony entered the office, immediately spotting me sitting on the floor. "You know, I haven't seen you cry since you were about 5, when Bella stole your Barbie and you demanded she give it back. Then you whacked her big time and you both cried" he sat down next to me and I dug my head into his chest, "Tony, what's wrong with me?" I whispered and he shrugged, "nothing's wrong with you. You're just not used to normal life yet. Don't worry, you're getting there"

I walked through the corridor toward the bullpen when something distracted me. I turned right instead of left to see my brother and Ziva enter a room off of the hallway. I followed them, trying to make the least amount of noise as possible. I looked through the window to see Tony and Ziva making out on one of the interrogation tables. He caressed her leg, slowly pushing up her skirt while she lay down. I smiled sadly and walked away, it was nice to know my brother was happy.

A/N: well, I dunno what's coming next. You'll just have to wait and see :)