When my alarm goes off in the morning, it's met by twin groans. Then Rodney remembers where he is. He sits bolt upright and looks at me as if I'm going to attack him.

"Easy, lad. I do nae bite." I yawn, still half asleep. He snorts in answer and points at a red hickey standing out on his neck.

"I meant to leave before..." Rodney looks down at his lap and I have to swallow a sudden lump in my throat. He can't mean what I think he does.

"You were going to sneak out on me?"

"No! Well, yes. I was but not like that! I just... I don't think it's a good idea to tell people."

"What? Why?"

"I'm guessing that you've never been out in a military environment."

"And you have?"

"Yeah. Once. But I've seen things happen to friends too." His voice is quiet, and I reach out to take his hand. "I was going to head back to my room, make it look like I slept there..."

"You've crashed on my couch before. Do nae worry, lad. They'll just think you fell asleep during the movie again."

"I suppose. Do you realise your accent is stronger when you've just woken up?"

"Is it?"

"Yeah."

"I never noticed." I smile. "Come on. Let's have a shower, I need to be at the infirmary in 45 minutes."

I left him in my rooms and headed to the infirmary. I couldn't hold back a smirk when I found John Sheppard and Radek sitting in my office.

"Hello, lads. Everything alright?"

"Fine. I don't know why I'm here." Sheppard scowls.

"I tried to find Rodney and I can't. I thought that maybe you'd seen him." Radek said. "I wanted to talk to him."

"Well, he spent the night on my sofa."

"Is... is he okay?" Sheppard asks me, but I can tell he resents the fact that he is worried.

"No." I tell it like it is. "He's screwed up. He knows he made a mistake, but the way everyone has been treating him, especially you Colonel, is really hurting him. How many times has he saved everyone? And what's more painful to him is that all he wanted was to have a solution."

"No, what he wanted was to be right." Sheppard drawls, and I lose my temper a bit.

"You don't know him at all, do you? An ye call yeself his friend! He just wanted to find a way to protect everyone. He's not a soldier, and he's watched some of his closest friends die, and he blames himself. For every single death. He just wanted to find something, anything, that could save some lives. Aye, he was blind and arrogant, but because he didn't want it to fail."

Sheppard had the decency to look abashed.

"I... he never talks about anything serious like that."

"Have you ever tried to talk to him about it? I sincerely doubt it. You ignore him as long as he's saving people."

"Hey! That's not true!"

"No? So, when he failed, you didn't turn your back on him?"

"I... it wasn't because he failed..."

"He trusts you, you know." I shake my head. "I think you both need to talk to him, but I'm not going to push him into it if he doesn't want to. Now, I have actual work to do."

I can't stop thinking of Rodney. Part of me is worrying about him, but another part of me is going over and over what we did last night and again this morning in the shower. We didn't actually... I mean, there was no... penetration. We just... loved each other. Caressing each other's bodies. I think he believed me when I told him I loved him. He said it back, but I'm not sure he meant it.

I wonder if Sheppard's gone to see him yet.