Chapter 4 – Something Strange

Edward POV:

The first time I saw her, I somehow knew she was a little different. I mean, physically, she looked the same as any other of the dozens I'd seen attempt to go through the window. Blood dripping from her arms where the IV needles had been, crazed look in her eyes, suicidal thoughts to jump through the window...

But there was something else in her eyes. Pain, yes. But fear as well. I'd never seen fear before. All the suicidal patients I'd seen wanted nothing more than to die. But she looked...afraid of death. Like she was forcing herself to end her life, even if it wasn't what she truly wanted for herself. Like she thought it was the only way to cease the pain she felt within.

It was this fear that forced my legs to begin moving to her, rather than let her dislocate her shoulder on the double-plated, steel-reinforced glass, like I had so many times before. I reached her just as she began to hurl herself at the window, and I wrapped my arms tightly around her, got her on the ground, and sedated her.

The defeated look on her face as she lay paralyzed on her bed... I'm not sure why, but I felt something strange for her at that moment. Not pity, at least, not exactly. I felt this strange urge to protect her. To keep her from herself. To find out why she was where she was at this moment in her life.

Of course, Jessica, the other nurse assigned to her, didn't feel the same way. She felt that every suicidal patient who came through our doors was a waste of our time. And she had every reason to. Most of those patients ended up dead one way or another. And she'd seen me try to work with other patients before, only to be disappointed when they finally managed to finish what they'd started. But I was only attempting to help those people because I wanted to see if I could make a difference in someone's decision to live or die. Even if I didn't really think they would make it to their next birthday. Which perhaps was my mistake in the first place.

Then I went to her room, after she'd awoken again, after her half-assed sponge bath from Jessica. And what I saw scared me, and I don't know why. It was as if there was nothing left inside her. I found myself wanting to severely maim whoever had gotten her this way. And I'll admit, I lost control a little. I said things I shouldn't have said to someone who was thinking of ending her own life. I regretted what I'd said, because I knew she wasn't going to let me in now. But I would still try. I felt a connection to this stranger, this girl who'd wandered down the wrong path in life, and I wanted to help. And when I accidentally brushed up against her bare skin, there was an energy that I can't find words to describe that passed between us. It was there long after our skin parted ways, and found myself wanting to know her, to know her life.

It was on our way to the cafeteria that it happened. She gasped suddenly, clutching her stomach and falling to the floor. My first thought was that she'd managed to take something, some kind of pill or chemical. But a few moments passed, and she opened her eyes. I gave her a second to collect herself and attempted to question what had happened, but I got nothing. It was just as I'd feared. She wasn't going to let me in, and I had no one but myself to blame for that.

But I wasn't going to give up on her. Not yet.