Penn O'Hara - Thank you for reviewing. Not entirely sure it was meant to be seen as sinister but you are meant to see it as 'something', as a catalyst if you will. Basically, some of it is explained in this chapter.

A/N Unfortunately, I only know names of medication I've ever taken. So, I ommitted the details of them because I didn't want it to be inaccurate.

Shadow

"Alex?" Mike began shaking her face to get her to at least snap out of it. He could feel John's hand on his arm, looking to him, he was shaking his head.

"We need - t-to get her to a hospital." Bobby said, rushing towards the door and then back again when he realised no one was moving.

Mike looked down at Alex and noticed that her eyes were opening. "Hey." He said to her, loudly, to get her eyes to fully open. He lifted her into a sitting position, although he was taking most of her weight. Mike looked at the coffee table and grabbed the empty whiskey bottle from it and held it in front of her. "Did you have this?"

Alex shook her head slowly, whispering. "I - I was going to."

"What?" Jo asked, confused. This didn't make any sense to her whatsoever.

But Alex was becoming increasingly aware of the fact that there were quite a few people in the room, all watching her, all listening to see what she would say. "I was sick." Tears were welling up in her eyes but she trying so hard not to cry in front of these people, but that determination was making it worse.

Mike lifted her head and held her so she had no choice but to look at him. "If you didn't have this, where is it?" He asked, watching as she thought for a moment.

Whispering, she said, "Bathroom."

"Where's your bathroom?" Jo asked, standing up ready to go and check for him.

Mike never took his eyes off of Alex as he replied, "Past the bedroom, door on the right." Jo immediately took off to see what her sister did with the contents of the whiskey bottle. Mike looked at Alex and his face softened as he saw her struggling with tears, "Why did you do this?"

Alex closed her eyes and pushed her lips together as she trembled with tears, "I thought it would make her - make her stop screaming." Mike pulled her to him and she clutched his body like a lifeline. Mike looked at John and then up at the ceiling, trying to get a hold of himself.

Bobby was stood quietly, unsure what to do or what to say. Jo came rushing back into the room, causing everyone to look at her. "It's all over the floor." She sat down next to John, "I don't think she had alot of it." Bobby walked around the sofa and stood next to the coffee table.

"Eames?" He tried but she didn't reply, "Alex?" That made her move a little and he knew he had her attention. "You can hear her screaming? In your mind?" Alex nodded slowly and Bobby paused for a moment whilst he thought about that. Bobby looked at Mike, who just looked incredibly tense and wound up. "You need-" He paused again, "You need to see someone, talk to someone." Alex shook her head, still buried in Mike's chest, she didn't want to do that. "Talking to someone would help you whereas trying to drown yourself in liquor will just make it worse." Alex began shaking her head more vigorously.

"No." She said, forcefully, lifting her head up and giving her partner a sharp look. "No."

Bobby looked at Mike but he shrugged, sadly. He didn't know what to do about it, what was he supposed to do. He was starting to feel guilty that he'd done this to her in the first place, he didn't want to make it worse by forcing to speak to a physcologist. However, Jo stood up and moved Bobby out of the way so she could speak to Alex instead. "Hey, I know what you're doing. It's not gonna work." She took the whiskey bottle and tossed it onto the floor, as she sat down on the coffee table, sitting directly in front of her sister, who still sat on Mike, who was feeling incredibly helpless. "You remember when I found out that I couldn't have children?" Alex remained still whislt Jo spoke, "And I couldn't have a baby. I could hear them all crying in my head, I couldn't get it to stop either so I did the same you did, I turned to the bottle. But that doesn't work." Jo paused for a moment, turning to look at her father who just gave her an encouraging smile, "You and me? We know this better than anyone because of what happened to Aunt Joyce." Alex nodded slowly, remembering her drunken Aunt and the states she would get in. Jo looked at Bobby, "Okay, maybe you don't need to speak to the someone he's implying about." She looked back at Alex and Mike, "You should speak to Mike... or to Dad, or to Katie, cause she's better at this than me." Jo laughed a little, knowing full well that their older sister was much more of an understanding person than she was, much more patient to. John laughed a little as well, but truthfully, he thought Jo was doing well. "But what I do think you should do is see a doctor."

Alex frowned, "Why?" She asked, quietly.

"Because something is making you feel-" Jo paused whilst she searched for the correct word, "-depressed, upset, angry even." Not exactly finding a certain one, "He could give you something for that." Alex nodded, slowly. Jo looked at Mike, who nodded as well; he'd go with her. "Okay." Jo smiled, "I have to go and pick up that lovely little boy of ours from the nursery." Alex smiled as well, "But I'll be back soon." Jo kissed Alex's forehead and then stood up to leave. As she started to walk out she remembered something and then quickly turned back.

"I know, I know." John stood up, "You need me to drive."

Jo grinned, "Please." Her bubbly self coming back to the surface.

John looked at Alex, "You gonna be okay?" He asked her, she nodded and he kissed her cheek. John than placed a comforting hand on Mike's shoulder before he followed Jo out of the apartment, leaving the three remaining to sit quietly. Deep in their own thoughts and feelings.

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The gently tapping rhythm of the pencil against the wood of the chair was almost soothing, and it probably would be if it wasn't so annoying all at the same time. The young child making the tapping rhythm was getting incredibly enthusiastic with his new decision to be a drummer, picking up another pencil and tapping out a second, untimed, beat on another chair.

Mike rolled his eyes and silently wished Alex would be quicker with the doctor. He didn't mind waiting for her, that wasn't the problem. The problem was all of the worry he was feeling inside, he didn't like this at all.

He looked at the mother of the child, who slowly looked at her son and shook her head, "Sweetheart, why don't you play with the soft toys. There are other people in this room who don't quite appreciate your drumming as much as I do." Her voice was sugary sweet but it also had the air of an act, put on for her sons sake. Mike mouthed the word 'thanks' and the woman nodded. "You, uh, here to see the doctor?" She asked, trying to make conversation with the only thing it seemed they had in common.

"Uh, no." Mike replied, trying to find his voice after being quiet for so long. He saw the womans confused faced and explained, "My girlfriend is."

"Oh." She said, turning to look at her son, "My boy's gotta see him too. Got some kind of infection, they don't know what yet."

Mike looked at the kid, who was now playing with the toy car; not the soft toy he'd been instructed to play with. "Well, his arms work just fine so he'll probably be okay." The woman smiled when she realised that was meant to be comforting, but she wasn't exactly sure at first because of the low tone of voice he'd used and the choice of words.

"Thank you." She replied, looking at him as if he were strange for a moment. Mike leaned back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling. Wishing, praying, hoping for Alex to come back right now so they could go anywhere but here.

Prayers were obviously listened to and wishes were answered because at that moment Alex chose to walk through the waiting room door. Mike quickly stood up upon seeing her, taking note of how tired she looked and how sullen she seemed. "Are you alright?" He asked her, once they were stood together and heading for the exit. She nodded slowly, both unaware that the woman was watching them leave with curiosity.

Finally getting out of the door, Mike silently celebrated at his release from the waiting room prison, but it was in his head, he didn't show that to her. Not that she'd have seen it, she was too busy thinking to herself; pondering the words spoken by her doctor. Getting into the car, Alex still wasn't allowed to drive, she continued to be quiet but she looked at Mike when she realised he hadn't started the car or even attempted to leave their parking spot. "So, are you okay?" Mike asked, hoping she'd tell him something, anything.

Alex sighed, deeply, "Well I got a slapped wrist for having some whiskey and then he asked me alot of questions about how I was feeling and then he gave me a new prescription." She was starting to babble so she stopped, knowing that that wasn't being like herself as well. She passed him the piece of paper and he looked at it, not really understanding the medication name let alone what it was for. Alex sighed again, "Apparently the others I was having have got-" she paused to look at him as his eyes moved away from the paper to hers, "-depressive side effects so I'm not allowed those now."

Mike closed his eyes and pulled his head right back to land on the headrest for a heavy thump. "God." He sighed, "I'm sorry."

She frowned but he didn't see it, "Why?" Alex asked, confused.

"Nothing." Mike opened his eyes and lifted his head back up, putting his seatbelt on. "I'm just sorry." Still confused, Alex put her own seatbelt on and leaned back as the car moved into motion. She couldn't understand why he was sorry but he was and she couldn't understand why she was feeling so lousy but she was. She looked back at him and continued to wonder about it until she closed her own eyes and fell back to sleep, still feeling ill from the other medication she'd been on.

Mike's driving reflected how bad he truly felt. The guilt washing over him like a tidal wave. He knew he should've listened to her, she always knew better but he wanted her to get better and he trusted that that was what the tablets were for. He now knew he was wrong. He began to wonder if he really was the right person for the job, was he good enough for her? He wasn't so sure.

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He'd never seen her so withdrawn, so quiet. Alex was being so unlike herself that it seemed she wasn't really Alex anymore. Just the shell that was left behind from the experience of torture; mostly physcological but still torture. Mike knew that all too well and it pained him to see her in that same way that he'd been as a child. No one should ever experience that and he wouldn't wish it on anyone, certainly not her.

He knew it had embarrassed her to break that way in front of her father, her sister and her partner. Perhaps more embarrassing for her that Bobby was there when that happened. She'd always been the strong one out of the two and she hated to appear weak.

Alex was sitting on the sofa, watching the flickering of the TV as she waited for Mike to bring her something to eat to go with those new tablets that the doctor had prescribed for her. He walked out into the living area carrying some sandwiches on a plate for her; nothing amazing, just some food. She didn't look at him when he passed it to her, she just mumbled a 'thank you' and began pulling at the bread and taking miniscule bites. Mike opened his mouth to say she should eat properly but he closed it quickly. The last time he'd told her to have something, she'd ended up seeking comfort from a bottle of whiskey, landing her at the doctors and in the even more fragile state she was in now.

Sighing quietly he turned his attention to the TV with Alex still remaining in his peripheral vision. If she wanted to speak she certainly wasn't making a move for one, then again neither was he and he wanted to say a thousand words. Five hundred of them being different variations of the word 'sorry'. Known of them were exactly making a move to be spoken though, and he doubted they would but he needed to because the silence was killing him.

The bread tasted foreign in Alex's mouth, and she really didn't want to eat it, she wasn't hungry at all. But she wanted to feel better so she knew she had to have it. Thankful he didn't cook because she'd hate for him to waste his time on something she couldn't stomach. This entire day had gone horribly wrong from the moment she'd swallowed that medicine. She couldn't explain how she was feeling, she didn't know what words to use or how to express to someone that she was afraid. She'd never been afraid before, how was she to know what to do with it. Bobby would probably tell her that fear is healthy and that it helps people to know that boundaries, but she couldn't care less about that. She just wanted to be herself.

"I'm sorry."

Alex's head snapped up as she looked at Mike, leaning forward so that his elbows were resting on his knees. All Alex could see was his back, she couldn't see his face so she spoke quietly to him, "What?"

He turned to her and she could see something in his eyes; anger, guilt, regret, "I'm sorry."

She looked at him, frowning, "Why?" Her voice was still withdrawn, still quiet and she hated the sound of it.

"Look at what I did to you." Mike said, standing up, his voice rising in level and tone.

The frown on Alex's face deepened as her confusion grew. "You didn't do anything to me. What are you talking about?" Her own voice at least rising to the point where it sounded like hers as opposed to a whisper.

Mike rubbed his head in frustration, "Yes, I did." He was angry with himself and his body language showed how tense he was over the subject. "You can't tell me that you don't know. I'm the one who told you to have that stuff." Mike seemed to be pointing towards his bedroom, which Alex couldn't exactly interpret right.

"What stuff? The whiskey?" Alex asked, confused, but not standing up to meet his stance, she didn't feel like she had the energy for it. "You weren't here then."

"I'm not talking about that." Mike pointed to the medication on the coffee table, her new supply. "I'm talking about the ones you had earlier."

It took her another few seconds to finally jump onto his train of thought before she starting shaking her head in disagreement, "That wasn't your fault." She wanted to stand up and slap him the face to shake him back into reality, "Nobody knew that they were doing that to me. How could you have known?"

Mike seemed to laugh sarcastically before he pointed to her, "You. You told me."

Alex was stunned by his obvious hatred for himself, she hadn't expected that. "Mike, that wasn't your fault."

"Yes, it was." Mike rubbed his mouth, "And I'm sorry." He looked at the hurt in her eyes and he dropped his head in regret. "And I'm hurting you, which is another thing I'm sorry for."

Alex rubbed her own head, regretting doing so because of the way it made her feel ill again, "I don't know what to say." She looked at him sincerely, "I just - I don't."

"Neither do I." Mike's voice was still raised, "Let's go ask Goren, because I'll bet he's got a fancy word that explains this." Alex didn't like the sarcasm and she didn't appreciate it either.

"No, I don't want to talk to Bobby about it, I want to talk to you. Please sit down and ... and talk to me." Alex was fighting new tears, ones that weren't threatening to fall because of physcological trauma or recent events but because she felt Mike was pulling away from her and she didn't know how to handle that right now.

Mike shook his head, "I don't have the right words and I'm sorry about that too." Mike suddenly felt like he needed air and witnessing the hurt on her face was enough to shock him into realising that he shouldn't be throwing this onto her. With tears stinging his eyes, he quickly walked out of the room and headed straight for door; slamming it shut behind him.

"Mike?" Alex called out but it was futile, he was gone.

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TBC