boohoo650 - Because email alerts aren't working, I'll reply here: Thank you for reviewing this story. It's greatly appreciated, I love to hear what people think of my writing. I'm also delighted I'm getting the balance of the relationships right. I know this is the way I see it so it should be easy but because I know others see it different, I become aware of their opinions as well and how it will look to them. Thank you so much and happy new year to you too.

Podie1 - Two chants now? LOL. holds hands up in surrender I'm not evil! LOL. Thank you. :D Pleased to see you're still addicted... I know I am! I've even started making M/A wallpaper and graphics!

Happy New Year everyone!!!

On with the story...

Shadow

The world could end but she'd never know it.

Out of contol; spinning around yet motionless.

Hot and cold; sprawled out on the hard floor. Hands flat against the surface, either side of her head. Her legs curled up, one on the other whilst she rested on her stomach. Twisted. The cold sweat she'd broken into was causing her hair to stick to her face... and the floor.

If the world did end she wouldn't care. Hell, at this moment in time she wanted it to end, or at least her part of it. Her place in it. She felt like a shadow of something she once was and she knew if this was how it was going to be there really was no point in being here.

Isolated and alone yet crowded and claustophobic.

The screams were starting to send her crazy to the point where she wanted to be alone, which frustrated her because she was alone and she didn't like it either. The confusion was tearing at her and the hurt was breaking her; again.

She had been wrong. She couldn't do it. She wanted to run but she didn't have the energy. She wanted to sleep but she was too wired. It was all becoming out of control, someone else was at the driving seat and for the first time in her life she wasn't the one pulling the strings. She could hear the jagged sound of her own breath, feel her chest trying to accommodate the air she was breathing in, but the way she was laying on the floor meant she was constricting herself. Making it worse.

How special she should feel? What had made her life worth more than the others? She felt sick to the core everytime she thought that she was the only one who survived, who managed to escape and she hated herself for thinking it. What was it about her that meant she deserved to live more than the others? Why wasn't she killed as quick?

Why hadn't she thought about this when she was there? The time when it mattered she hadn't even considered it. Too concerned with her own well-being, her own safety, instead of trying to escape earlier and try to save the woman who was now screaming in her ears.

She deserved every scream she heard for not helping her. She felt evil. She'd never felt evil before. She knew where she'd be going when she died and she welcomed it because in her mind she deserved to go to hell; where she already was. She was alone and it had been her fault.

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He hadn't intended to leave her.

So caught up all the thoughts of guilt tugging in his mind that he'd had not choice but to leave before he hurt her more. He'd seen the way her face showed how much he'd figuratively kicked her in the stomach.

He would've gone back though. Now, however, he was breaking speed limits and not caring either. Once again he'd been the idiot one in the relationship. All he'd had to do was hold her and comfort her, instead he'd made things worse and now he had no idea what state she was in but he was certain it was his fault.

He'd heard the accusations in her partners' voice. He didn't blame him one bit because he knew, he really knew, that he was being selfish and his typical usual self. Maybe it would be easier to shake himself of this burden and walk away but he couldn't do it and he refused to think it again. For the first time in his life he had to realise that this wasn't about how he felt, this was about her and he had to be the one to bring her back from whatever it was she was in right now.

Driving whilst thinking wasn't necessarily a good either but that didn't matter. He wasn't about to stop driving to think but he couldn't exactly switch his thoughts off so he just pushed harder on the excelerator.

He prayed that what he found at her house wasn't as negative as his mind had intitally thought. After having her almost drown herself in whiskey and then having to watch her collapse from it, he'd had nothing but bad thoughts about how this could all turn out. He felt helpless, he felt useless. It's different when you're not the one who is falling. He'd never seen someone fall and he didn't want this to happen to her. He'd never met anyone like her; someone so strong yet caring, intelligent but not overly so. And he'd never cared before.

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A crashing sound caused her to hold her breath and stay completely still. Her mind immediately racing and remembering what happened last time someone had been in her home. Why was this happening again? She suddenly wanted Mike, she wanted him back. Where was he? She squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her hands harder to the floor, trying to glue herself to the very spot she was in.

When she felt someone grip her waist, she froze. She was pulled up into a sitting position before she really registered movement. The person who had grabbed her was now hovering above her and she could hear voices but she couldn't make any of them out. Her vision blurring and meshing everything see was seeing into one big watercolour picture.

She could make out legs; legs that were bending at the knees and lowering this person to her eye level. She choked and she closed her eyes again, tightly trying to wish this one away. She felt something brush her face, a masculine hand gently stroking her cheek.

Her senses suddenly were sent into overdrive, coming alive. She opened her eyes and tried to hold back the gasp of surprise. She knew she wasn't alone anymore. She moved before she'd even been consulted, instantly wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing herself against him to try to convince herself he was real. Begging for it to be real. She felt him wrap his own arms around her waist and she knew it was real. She couldn't make this up, could she?

If she did then she had to congratulate herself for having such a realistic imagination.

She began to shake with relief and she started shiver with the cold finally hitting her. This caused him to hold her tighter and she buried her face in his neck and shoulder. She never wanted him to leave her again.

"I won't." The sound of his voice was music. Music that was both soft and deep as well as loud and shocking. The first sound she'd not only made out as coherent but a sound she both loved and yearned for. Had she spoken out aloud? Has she been speaking? The fact that his mouth was near her ear when he spoke had contributed to the fact that his voice had broke through the cloud; through the shadow.

With a shaky, raspy voice that she managed to locate from within the part of her that still existed, "I love you." She felt Mike relax slightly and she felt him kiss her gently on the head. And she felt, rather than heard, his natural response in words.

Then she felt herself being lifted up. Him standing and her in his arms. She lifted her head a little and looked up, seeing her partners' face first before seeing Carolyn's. Then she saw the open door and she knew what was happening. In the same moment she felt relieved and panicked. She turned her head quickly, regretting the movement for it just bought her the feeling of nausea and a wooziness to match it.

Moving past that she placed a hand on Mike's face and it made him stop. "No." She managed to croak out and then she started to moving her legs in an effort to get him to put her feet to the floor. Of course, she didn't expect Mike to just give in so easily so it was a struggle. But because he didn't want to hurt her he gently let go of her legs when it seemed like she was going to kick for all she was worth.

"What?" He asked, his voice becoming loud and clear. Her vision still clouding but clearing and her mind slowly becoming coherent to herself.

Alex swallowed hard and looked around the room, "I-" she paused, taking a deep breath, her voice still sounded foreign, "-want to stay."

Mike had that incredulous look on his face, one that she could recognise even with a slight blur of her vision, "What? Why?"

"Eames, you need to rest before you put yourself in this position again." Bobby's voice was also foreign, so strange for it to be because he was her partner of more years than she could actually remember right now. "Nobody expects you to stay here."

She didn't look at him, she just kept her eyes on Mike, hoping if she kept her sight concentrated on a particular place she'd stop feeling dizzy. "I have to stay." Her voice was shaking and she sounded so breathless that it seemed she'd spent hours running. She could feel tears start to well in her eyes, causing her vision to blur further. "If I stay-" She tried to steady herself, she felt Mike's hands on her arms helping her. "-I'll get used to it if I stay. If I go-" she shook her head, "-I'll have to come back." She was desperate to prove that she was the same person she always was. Desperate to prove to him that the person he'd fallen in love with still existed somewhere and that the shadow hadn't taken over completely.

Mike shook his head too, "You don't have to stay. You don't have to do anything you don't want to but don't push yourself."

The tears began to fall before she could stop them, "I want to stay." She felt herself start to sob and a thought flew through her mind how much she'd really lost control because she felt so unlike herself right now that this seemed the only way to communicate but it wasn't proving her point. "Please don't make me go."

Magic words had been spoken, although she didn't really know that those were the key words she'd needed to say. Mike felt any resolve that he could possibly have crumble. There was absolutely no way he was going to make her do anything she didn't want to. He nodded numbly and pulled her into his arms and she cried into his chest.

"Logan?" Bobby spoke but Alex didn't listen to him. "This isn't exactly a good idea... this could cause her to be stuck in this state she's in right now. She's not strong enough yet to handle all of this."

Mike shook his head, "I disagree." Alex heard that however and it gave her slight hope that he still thought of her as strong.

Carolyn finally spoke up, "You're the one who wanted her to do this, now she's here. At least she'll be dealing with it." She spoke to Bobby quietly but kept her eyes on Alex and Mike.

Bobby rubbed his head and looked at the way she gripped Mike's body and clothes, desperate to say something appropriate but he didn't have anything. He knew she needed to deal with this and it seemed she'd come up with her own way. Stay and deal with it by staring her fear in the face. He had to admire her approach but would it work? He didn't know but he'd just felt himself nod to agree as well so he figured they were about to find out.

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He hoped that sleeping was doing her some kind of good. As she lay in his arms on the sofa she seemed relatively peaceful. The only sign of everything that happened was the red lines down her face from where the tears had travelled. Mike didn't care that his legs were going numb from having her weight on them for a couple of hours now and he didn't care that they were still just sitting on the sofa and not making a move for bed.

He also didn't care that both Carolyn and Bobby were still there, both falling to sleep as well on the other sofa. No TV switched on to give them something to concentrate their minds on. No music being played to drown out the ticking of the clock. No words were being spoken to flow over the sound of heavy breathing. His own eyes feeling heavier and heavier but he didn't want to sleep, he had to stay awake because she might need him.

He'd already let her down today, he didn't want to do it again. Also if he was going to sleep he should really make sure they go to bed so that they could be more comfortable but he didn't feel like doing that because he would end up waking her as he tried to get his legs into motion.

But when he saw Bobby start to move on the opposite sofa he realised that if they all were going to sleep comfortably he had to seriously consider moving her. So he slowly hooked his arm around her legs and kept a tight hold on her torso and he started to slide forward, hoping and praying that this didn't all quickly go horribly wrong. Carefully, as he stood up he kept a tight hold of her and he silently congratulated himself for not falling over.

Thankful he'd spent a lot of time at her house because it meant that he knew exactly where to go in the dark but as he walked towards her bedroom he was surprised to see all the lights were already on. He didn't remember switching them on so he was confused about that but as he reached the bed and gently laid her on it, he realised she must have put the lights on although he couldn't even hazard guess as to why she would do that. He knew well enough to know that the thoughts going through her mind were no where near logical.

Unfortunately the move had woken her up. He felt her stir and winced at the thought. Upon hearing a mumbling sound he leaned into her so he could hear what she was saying. All he managed to get from her before she fell back to sleep was 'sofabed' and 'blankets'. Mike frowned for a moment and he was about to ask for an explanation when he realised that she was sleeping again and he thanked his lucky stars that he hadn't woken her completely. That was unusual for her though and it was another reminder that things weren't right.

Realising she may have meant blankets for the other two sleeping in her living room, he grabbed some out of the cupboard and headed back to where he'd left them. Spotting them both sleeping in twisted and uncomfortable positions. Bobby with his head forward, his chin reaching his chest as his tall body slid down into the seat; his legs reaching beyond the centre of the room. Carolyn was in a ball, her feet tucked under her legs and her face buried into the back of the sofa.

Mike looked at the sofa for a moment and felt the lightbulb flicker on in his head. Taking the blankets in his hand and launching them at Bobby, causing him to wake immediately. Bobby looked stunned and confused for a moment, looking around the room and pushing the blankets away from him. Once he spotted Mike he stopped feeling confused and quickly realised what had happened. "Why - why did you do that?" Bobby asked, finding his own voice that was launching a protest against being used so soon after being asleep.

Mike grinned, despite everything that happened he was grinning, at the disheleved look on Bobby and the disbelieving expression on his face. "That couch is one of those collapsable beds. Why don't you use it?" It wasn't really a question, it was more a suggestion and it was one Mike wasn't intending on staying behind to find out whether Bobby or Carolyn would take it. Mike just nodded and left them alone to do that themselves.

He just wanted to stay with Alex.

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The next morning came but at least this time it didn't sneak up on them before they'd had the chance to sleep properly. This time when Mike opened his eyes he didn't feel that drowsy, heavy feeling of just feeling to sleep and being rudely awoken, he felt like he was fully rested and prepared to take on every challenge heading his way.

Looking at Alex he saw that she was still fast asleep. Mike thought that perhaps she was sleeping too much but he let it slide. She was, afterall, meant to be on bed rest and sleep was probably doing her a world of good in terms of physical and medical progress. He sighed a looked up at the ceiling before getting out of bed and heading for the door. Only to stop when he remembered the other two that had stayed, so he had to walk back and grab his pants.

Rolling his eyes at himself he headed out of the room and straight for the coffee. No doubt in his mind that that's what he needed. What he found in the kitchen was Bobby and Carolyn already sitting drinking some coffee. "Uh, morning." Was his chosen greeting. Bobby nodded and pointed towards the coffee pot. "Ah, excellent!" Mike quickly reached for it and a mug, pouring himself some and finishing the pot.

"I have to get going." Carolyn said, standing up after downing the rest of her mug. "Will you tell her that I'll call her later?" She asked Mike, who nodded.

"How are you getting there?" Mike asked, after he'd nodded.

Carolyn smiled, "Train."

Bobby shook his head to disagree, downing his own cup, "I'll drive you."

But he was met with a smirk from Carolyn, who indicated for him to sit back down in his seat, "You know that Mike drove us here yesterday, so your car isn't here. I have to get going." She told him and then looked at Mike, looking apologetic for leaving. "I'm sorry. I have a caseload as long as my arm."

"Already?" Mike asked, without waiting for a response he added, "Well, I see they're tossing you in at the deep end. Best way to get started." Bobby smiled at that, it was true. It's how he liked to get started, by getting into his work headfirst and burying himself in it.

Carolyn was about to turn to leave but she stopped and instead she softly said, "Alex, how are you?" Mike and Bobby turned to see Alex standing in the doorframe, looking very sleepy but at least she didn't look frightened or fragile; the two things she'd seemed to be last night.

Alex nodded, walking into the room, giving them a small smile. "I'm fine." Her voice was still sounding weak and tired but she seemed to be more like herself in her body language but she felt that the shadow was still there. She saw the way Carolyn looked ready for work, putting her coat on and that she was wearing her shoes. "You going?" She asked, looking at her.

She nodded in reply, "Yeah, I'll be back later." Carolyn smiled at her before waving at them and heading for the door only to be stopped again by Bobby.

"Wait." He told her, "I'll go with you." Carolyn looked confused, she hadn't expected that he'd willing leave. "There's something I've got to pick up." He explained.

"You're going too?" Mike asked, he hadn't expected that either. First day Alex had been released from hospital Mike had had to practically push him out.

Bobby nodded, giving Mike a look that told him something else that neither women could read, "Yeah, I got to pick that thing up."

"What thing?" Alex asked, frowning, as she also started looking for some more coffee. Mike wordlessly offered her his but she refused it. Bobby didn't reply though he walked out the house saying 'bye' before she could get the information out of him. Alex stopped looking around the worktop for the coffee and frowned, "Huh?" Mike was confused at her confusion, so he looked at her and waited for her to explain, "What thing does he have to get?"

Mike shrugged, "No idea." He then looked at her, "Maybe he knows we want to be alone?" He suggested, hoping to offer her a light mood and pick hers up. It didn't work because she didn't pick up on it, so he asked, "You want coffee?"

Alex sighed, changing her mind about the coffee, "No, I should have tea." As soon as she spoke she remembered where it was. She walked towards the high cupboard and reached for up for the handle...

Only to freeze as she became overwhelmed with flashes of sounds and screams, and flashbacks to how she felt being hung up and gagged.

The gasp escaped her before she'd even registered anything. "You alright?" Mike asked, concerned by the way her arms were still reaching towards the cupboard and she seemed frozen to the spot. He crossed the room towards her the moment she didn't answer and she began to hyperventilate. "Hey, hey, hey." He pulled at her arms and they slowly moved downwards so that they were no longer in the air. Mike didn't know what was happening but her intense reaction to it told him that it wasn't anything pleasant.

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TBC