A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see that the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad.'
With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
Dear, Dad.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing to you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a caravan in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love,
Your son, Joshua.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table.
Call when it is safe for me to come home...
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile
92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.
If you have ever gotten so sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember what you were talking about in the first place, copy this onto your profile.
If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever spelled your name wrong, copy and paste this into your profile
If you've ever been forced to sit through a movie so old that King Arthur himself probably wrote the script, copy this.
If you get upset often because you can't become a knight, copy this to your profile.
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you can smell trouble a mile away, and still walk straight into it, copy and paste this into your profile.
If someone actually thinks that you are evil and/or plotting their death, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.
If you trip over flat surfaces copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.
If you have a wide range variety of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you call book characters "Cute" even though you've never actually seen them, copy this to your profile.
If you've ever cried because one of your charecters dies, copy this.
If you come up with stories faster than you can write them...crud...I just came up with another one.
If you talk to your book charcters copy this.
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think Writer's Block is evil, put this in your profile.
If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.
If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile
If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy this into your profile
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in your profile
If you ran up a down escalator copy this into your profile
Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust?
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups..
Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. Now who's asking the questions? :)
Copy this and paste it on your profile if you think sarcasm is a conditioned reflex.
If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have ever wished you could talk to animals, paste this into your profile.
If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile
If you have ever stared at something while you're walking and then walked headfirst into a pillar copy this into your profile
If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought your paper would protect you, you buttmuncher."
1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside, and ask, "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in one corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to open the doors, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open by themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask them all to call you Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at every floor.
8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
9. Make explosion noises whenever someone else pushes a button.
10. Stare grinning at another person for a while, then say, "I have new socks on."
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. Draw a little square with chalk on the floor then say to the other passengers, "This is my personal space."
14. When there's only one other person on the elevator, tap them on the shoulder then pretend it wasn't you.
15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug with the other passengers. Tell them that you will never forget them.
16. Ask if you can push the buttons for other people, but push the wrong ones.
17. Hold the doors open and say that you're waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi, Greg. How's your day been?"
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone bends to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. Pretend that you're a flight attendant, and review emergency exits with the other passengers.
21. Swat at flies that don't exist.
22. Yell, "Group hug!", then enforce it.
23. Make race car noises when someone gets on or off.
24. Congradulate all for being in the same lift as you.
25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you just shup UP!"
26. Walk in with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!", then whistle innocently.
28. Let your cell phone ring-don't answer it.
29. Walk into the lift and say, "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when others don't.
31. Ask people which floor they want, then say, "Is that your final answer?"
32. Also in your bellboy act, ask people what floor they want. Whenever they answer, give them a glare and say, "You should be ashamed of yourself!"
33. Ask loudly, "Did you feel that?"
34. Tell different people that you can see their aura.
35. When the door closes, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. Dress up in a long black cloak with a hood, stare at everyone, and in a deep voice announce: "It is time..."
38. Say your Majesty when anybody gets on.
39. Introduce yourself as Lord Voldemort.
40. Ask people which floor they want and why, and then announce that you're going to the floor with Olympus on it because you didn't steal any lightening.
41. Hang Ethan Hunt style from the ceiling of the elevator and speak ominously when someone enters "Heloooooooo"
42. Still hanging from the ceiling, drop onto whoever comes in.
43. Try to make up and sing lyrics for the boring elevator music.
44. Try to start a My-Briefcase-is-better-than-yours contest.
45. Hold a ring and say, "My precious"