Chapter Twelve

I woke up in the spot I had been laying in. My clothes were plastered to my body and my hair was soaking wet, but I didn't feel any better. I stood up and shook my wings out, feeling more water splash against my clothes. My eyes were on fire and my throat was sore, but I already felt like crying again.

I took off and flew as low to the ground as I could. After a pretty long flight (I went a lot further than I thought), I landed in the backyard. I stumbled a little as a wave of sickness came over me. It felt like the time on the mountain when I saw the Erasers again . . . I hurried away from the house and threw up heavily in some bushes a ways away. I dropped down to my knees, panting heavily.

Angel, I know you've been reading my thoughts, I said in my head.

Sorry, I felt something was wrong, Angel's innocent voice answered.

For once, I was really glad she was able to. Is he gone?

Yes . . . We could use you, all mighty leader.

I sat up, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand and catching my breath. Of course, he wouldn't wait to say goodbye to me. Fang was just a selfish little brat who was more worried about what he wanted than what was best for the rest of us . . . I stood up and walked in slowly. I walked down the hall to see the rest of the flock in the kitchen at the table. They were picking at plates of food in front of them, all of their faces sad. Mom looked up at me and stood up quickly.

"Max, where have you been?" she asked worriedly. "You didn't come back with Fang last night and now . . ."

She stopped, looking to the younger ones. Nudge stood up silently and walked over to hug me. Angel joined her, the three of us holding each other for a long moment. Gasman stood up to hug me after the girls stood aside. Even Iggy came over and wrapped his long arms around me. I looked at my flock, seemingly already crushed in defeat. I fought back another wave of tears and forced a smile. It was physically painful.

"Come on, guys," I said. "I know it's hard, but you gotta eat some time. I know you haven't lost your appetites."

Reluctantly, the younger ones walked back to their chairs and sat down. They started picking aimlessly at their food, not really planning on eating it. I inhaled and suddenly felt the sweeping urge to throw up again. I fought to hold it down, the smell of food making me nauseous. I turned around and walked out of the room quickly. I went to the living room and plopped down on the couch, leaning my head down to rest between my knees.

"Max, are you okay?" I heard Mom say.

It was getting harder to hear her. Blood was pounding in my ears, so hard that I couldn't really understand what she was saying. I kept breathing hard, attempting to settle my stomach. Mom reached down and touched my forehead; her hand felt cool against my skin, which was suddenly on fire. She sat me up, inspecting me with worried eyes. I was still breathing heavily, not sure what was wrong with me.

I slumped against her and closed my eyes. I just had to rest . . .

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I opened my eyes again slowly, light burning through my eyelids. I had to blink multiple times, tears coming to protect my eyes. I kept my eyes closed for a long moment before finally trying again. I was in Ella's room in my bed, the light of the lamp on the bedside table causing me a lot of pain. I flipped it off and hissed as I rubbed my eyes, wiping away tears that weren't stopping.

None of the other girls were in the room, which I was kind of happy about because now the tears were back for another reason. I kept wiping my cheeks with the edge of my blanket as I looked around. The blinds of the windows were shut, but I could see the orange haze of the sky. That meant the sun was setting. I noticed a plate on the table next to the lamp, now teetering on the edge because I almost knocked it over trying to turn off the light. I grabbed it before the weight of the sandwich sent it to the carpet.

I took a chomp out of it, taking nearly half of it in one bite. I sat up slowly as I chewed. I wondered where the flock was. Probably messing around out in the forest, laughing while Total complained his paws hurting. They were probably out just being normal kids, not caring about anything. I wondered what the hell was wrong with me. I didn't know why I was having these swimmy nausea spells and now I was apparently passing out for long periods of time because of them. And lastly, despite myself, I wondered where Fang was. I just wanted to know that he was okay. I was still mad at him, that definitely wasn't going to change for a while, but I didn't want anything to happen to him while he was away from us . . .

As I went to reach for the sandwich again, I stopped. I looked at my arm where the chip was embedded in me. Nasty, pale scars rose around a smooth incision cut. The incision cut was from when Mom removed it for me. The other ragged, deep scars were from me. I remembered my lapse of judgment out on the beach and grabbing the seashell, gouging it into my skin in hopes of finding the chip, hoping I could help the flock. I remembered Fang's face when they found me, that pure fear that I was going to die because I wanted to help.

Fang and I talked about it about six months ago when both of us were still up after the others had fallen asleep. We were sitting next to the fire together, watching a full moon peek over the tops of the Rocky Mountains, the cool air blowing snow gently around outside of the cave entrance. Fang held my hand for a bit, but let it go and started tracing the lines of the scars carefully, a pained look on his face.

"Imagine how it felt," I attempted to joke.

He glanced up at me, then back down to the jagged lines raised on my skin. "I thought you were going to die that day. I thought you were dead when we found you."

"I thought you were going to die that day Ari attacked you. I guess us and beaches are just a bad idea, huh?"

"At least my injuries were for a reason. I still don't understand how you could do this to yourself." He ran his index finger over the lines again, making me shiver.

"I thought it would help. I thought the chip was the reason why we were getting attacked. I thought if I got rid of it, everything would stop. We could be safe."

He looked at me with his dark eyes. "That obviously didn't help."

"Thanks for reminding me that my valiant effort was for nothing. Glad to know it's appreciated."

"Appreciated? Max, you could've killed yourself."

I looked at Iggy, Nudge, Angel, and Gasman all curled up near one another, Iggy twitching occasionally and Nudge snoring lightly while Gasman had his arms around his sister protectively. "If it would help all of you, I would do it again in a heartbeat."

Fang let go of my arm and sighed. "It wouldn't help us if you were dead, Max. We wouldn't know what to do with ourselves if that happened."

I made a face at him. "Aw, you would miss me."

He made a face back. "And you would miss me. Don't deny it."

"Fine, I promise I'll try not to die again."

He laughed before he leaned in to kiss me. "I guess I'll just have to take it."

I sighed and shook my head, coming back to the present. Fang was right, I did miss him. A lot more than I wanted to. I was still so mad at him for walking out on us, but it felt like I had lost my right wing. The rest of the flock was heart-broken because of it; I was heart-broken . . . It just wasn't a good idea.

I jumped when a light tap came from the door. It eased open and my mom's head popped in, probably just to check on her unconscious daughter. Her eyes widened in relief and she smiled. I attempted to smile back as the last of the sandwich was jammed in my mouth. I chewed hurriedly and swallowed as she came to sit on the edge of my bed. She felt my forehead with the back of her hand.

"Oh, sweetie," she sighed. "How are you feeling?"

"Miserable," I answered, sadness weighing down the sandwich I just ate in my stomach. "Why did he leave, Mom?"

She looked into my eyes. "He's trying to protect you, Max. He's trying to help you and all of the others. He wanted to protect you, even me and Ella."

"It didn't help that he left."

"I know, baby, I know. But you know that Fang would be no good to all of you hurt. He promised he would come back and find you as soon as he could."

"You mean he's not even coming back to have you check his wing?"

She shrugged. "I'm not sure."

"That idiot."

"Max, he'll come back someday."

I sniffed and shook my head. "I told him I never wanted him to come back. I said if he left, he wouldn't have anything to come back to. I hated him so much for it. I'm still mad at him now, but I . . . I want him to come back someday. I don't know what we would do if we didn't have Fang."

"I know, sweetie. All of you have a tough time when you're apart. But he did it for reason. He'll be back before you know it."

She hugged me close to her and rubbed my back comfortingly. I rested my head on her shoulder. Mom and Fang were the only ones that managed to calm me down when I got worked up. That must have meant I was definitely her kid. She patted my hair before pulling away, looking at me questioningly.

"When was the last time you took a shower?"

"Uh . . ." I answered, trying to remember.

"All right, bathroom, pronto, missy. I don't want to hear any arguments."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "I'm going, I'm going. Thanks, Mom."

"Of course, dear."