AUTHOR'S NOTE – READ IT OR EAT IT!
DON'T THINK I WON'T SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT!
Hello! I'm going to change the summary of this story, because, haha, in case you haven't noticed, I failed at my summary, and at first I didn't really care, but now it's bothering me (figures, right?), so I'll be changing that – soon. After careful thought and planning, anyway.
Also, I've belatedly realized that this story is going to be LONG as hell and slow(ish), because I just reviewed my notes and plans, and I realized how immense it's going to be, because I have this thing about slow stories, with subtle (and not so subtle) (come on, this is me we're talking about here) hints and clues hidden in with the humor and dramatized events, and in some of the conversations, since I tend to enjoy writing those the most – I feel funny and clever.
From the responses I'm getting, I don't think that will be a problem for most of you (all of you seem to get a kick out of my fanfic!Self's monologues and ranting), but I'm aware that some people don't really like that too much (they want a lot of action and explosions and badass scenes – they want their blood to pump!), so I decided to give everyone a heads up, so that no one can say that I didn't give any warnings.
Please enjoy,
GentlyConfused.
PS: I don't own Mass Effect or anything aside from my own soul.
So there.
Chapter 3 – I going to be medicated and blindfolded – and still kick ass.
I resisted the urge to yawn as I left the comm room, and instead made sure that I looked troubled and introspective, since that was my reaction the first time around; quickly thinking of all of the possibilities and different angles, trying to connect the pieces together and trying to see the picture – I even went as far as to putting myself into Saren's shoes, trying to get into his head to try and figure out his motives, and later doing the same with Benezia, and then Sovereign.
What can I say, I love my mysteries. Or hate them, since I've been know to scream profanities at my computer screen when something else popped up.
Ha. That's my reaction with pop-ups, too.
And Gah. It's a damn good thing that I'm used to being a faker and a liar, because I used to pretend to be a totally different person ( – an innocent, dense, clumsy, fool that didn't even know what sex was. Ha! People should have known that something was up from the moment I said 'innocent' – ) for years until I hit high school. Then I was like "Ooo! New victims!", and dropped my mask and started to cause chaos for a whole year, and then I calmed down and became somewhat mellow – until someone pissed me off and I hissed at them, anyway.
Ah, the life and times of Tiana Late.
Never a dull moment.
Anyway, it's a good thing I have experience with faking different emotions. True, it's been a couple of years since I've had to go "undercover", but it's like riding a bicycle (I never even rode one! Stupid gravity made my pink bike fall over too many times, so I gave up), you never forget.
Hm. Maybe I should have said "It's like getting bitten in kindergarten – you never forget!", because that certainly applies to me, unlike that stupid bike.
And yes, I'm still pissed off about that biting thing.
I hold grudges. Oh, sure, I'll forgive, but I'll never forget.
Ever.
"Hey, Late?" Ashley stopped me before I could leave and go hunt down my box ( – because there has to be a box somewhere! – ).
Gah! It's a freaking conspiracy, I'm telling you! They want the box for themselves! Bastards!
I mentally, and causally, punched myself in the head.
Shut up! I hissed in my head.
"Yes, Miss Williams?" I inquired politely. I have people skills.
I just don't use them with idiots.
That should be my new slogan! It's cool!
"You okay? You look worried." Ashley informed me, acting, strangely, like my big brother would if something was wrong.
Freaky. Do all older siblings have that look or something?
Hm.
"Yeah, I'm cool. Just thinking – I told Shepard that I'm still on the mission. You were there," I pointed out, giving her a funny look.
She rolled her eyes, and I winced when she punched me in the arm. Fucking ow!
"Don't be a brat – " I wasn't, you, you punching-person! Ah! "You just look concerned."
Well, yeah! You just hit me! Anyone would be concerned about that!
I blinked, thinking, and then I inwardly rolled my eyes.
God, I'm stupid.
I forgot that I'm still in "undercover mode", since I still think the same on the inside.
I smiled reassuringly at Ashley. "I'm okay, Miss Williams. I'm just thinking. I do that a lot."
She walked with me to the mess hall.
She will not have the box!
Shut UP! That's not why I'm going to the mess, you moron! And you know it! I'm hungry!
But...box?
Later! Stupid inner voice! Die! Die with my fucking ADD and leave me alone!
"What are you thinking about?" Ashley questioned.
You don't want to know.
For once, me and my inner voice were in agreement.
"Oh, a lot of things," I shrugged. I yawned, and shook my head. "Let's see. One thing I'm thinking about are the Reapers. Their name is bugging me. Reapers are commonly known for being bringers of death, like grims or owls." I frowned. (– Mom and Dad saw a huge owl on Mom's car once. Weeks later, Mom finally died – ) I shook my head. "A lot of people fear them because of that, because they fear death. The end of their existence. Death cancels out life, just like life cancels out death. It's a balance. It's nature. But these things, these beings that were called Reapers, something about them seems off. Something doesn't fit."
"Oh?" Ashley looked bemused, but also seemed genuinely interested, which threw me.
Only Addy or Bubba are interested in what I say, I mused.
I continued.
"Yeah, see; Tali said they wiped out the Protheans. They committed genocide of an entire race. All at once. That isn't balance and that isn't nature. That's murder. So, what I want to know is, what was their motive? Why did they take out an entire species? What is their reason?" I stressed, looking annoyed. I still haven't quite figured that one out yet. "And why would Saren and Benezia try to bring them back? They may be villains, but they can't possibly be that stupid! What is the purpose in this? What is their logic?"
And that's all true. I was thinking that when I played Mass Effect the first time.
"You do think too much," Ashley said, but she said it like it was a statement. Just a simple fact, and not weird. It was mind boggling. "But I think that's a good thing. It's better to think than to just act. A lot people get killed like that," She pointed out, ever the soldier girl.
I gave her a smug look. "See! I told Shepard I wasn't hot-headed!" I paused. "Okay, maybe a little, but I'm a thinking hot-head!"
"What?"
"Nothing!"
I got my box! Wee!
I'm stealing Wrex's covers! Wee –
"Pipsqueak. What are you doing?" Wrex rumbled, causing me squeak and jump about a mile up in the air. Where the hell did he come from?
Shit! Abort! Abort! Abort!
"Nothing!" I squeaked, dropping the covers like they were diseased and backing away. "Nothing at all!"
He didn't look convinced.
Damn.
I pouted, but I fessed up. "I was stealing your covers."
"Why?"
"Because...of the risk? I don't know! It sounded like a fun idea at the time!" I blushed, sheepishly laughing. "Yeah, I'm going to go hide in my box now. I'll stop pestering you...uh, love you, Wrexy-Baby!"
And yes, I threw that last bit in just to throw him off, so that I could safely run away.
I'm clever like that.
Before he could say (or do) anything, I scurried to the other side of the room, giggling (that was actually fun!), over to where my box was. It was right next to Seth's spot (Seth is the Requisitions Officer), so we were neighbors. Seth was also the one to find me a nice, sturdy, steel box that was big enough for two people – or, for someone to sleep in.
It was perfect.
Plus, I can do this;
I sped up and then jumped into the box, the blankets and pillows cushioning my fall.
It was cool.
What wasn't cool was the fact that the box fell over this time, because I landed too hard and hit the wall of the box with my body. With a strangled squeal of surprise, I then got trapped between the wall and the inside of my box, since my box wasn't pressed up against the wall.
Not. Cool!
"Fuck!" I kicked the roof of my box, looking annoyed. I rose my voice, "Uh, hey? A little help here?"
…
"Please? I'll be good!"
That was a lie; I'm never good.
Seriously, if this wasn't a thick steel box (and thus heavy), I'd just get out by myself, but, eh, I may be able to give one hell of a punch, but I can't move steel boxes.
I have no muscles.
Thirty minutes later, Wrex finally got tried of my whining and let me out.
I instantly hugged the big guy, looking relieved.
"OMG! I LOVE YOU!" I snuggled him, sniffling. "I promise I won't steal your covers ever again, because that was karma kicking my ass right there!"
"Stop touching me," He grumbled, and shoved me off him. He glared at me.
I just looked at him with teary eyes. I sniffled again, and rubbed my face.
What? I was fucking scared! I have the fucking right to cry if I want too – now, anyway.
Which just figures, doesn't it? Geez... I swear, my rules are constantly changing on me.
Annoying little buggers. Rules shouldn't change themselves like that!
Wrex snorted, and walked away, grumbling about weakling pipsqueaks wasting his time, or something, distracting me from my thoughts.
I glared at his back.
Insensitive bastard! I mentally raged.
And where the hell are Garrus and Ashley? Seth, I know is up in the sleeping pods ( – hence why I'm sleeping in a box. No way in hell am I sleeping in those things! – ), but where are my teammates? The nicer ones!
And yes, that was a parting shot at Wrex.
Mister Tough Guy, indeed. I should've bitten you when I had the chance! See who's tough then!
...probably still Wrex.
Damn!
It sucks being short. I mean, my head barely reaches to Shepard's shoulders, more or less, so I'm a freaking midget compared to Wrex!
It's annoying. I blink, get stuck in a fucking game – which isn't a game anymore, that much is clear – and I'm still short!
It's not fair!
If it wasn't for the fact that my eyeballs need to blink, I'd swear off blinking for the rest of my life!
I sulked, and walked over to Engineering, forgetting about Ashley and Garrus.
I need to work on my 'Best Friends Forever' plan.
Everyone needs a best friend, even manics like me.
"Wee!" I rolled down the ramp into Engineering, grinning like a loon.
That was fun! I didn't know we had a ramp here!
The engineers turned around to stare at me.
I got up and waved. "Hi! Tali here?"
I glanced around, and then I spotted her next to her usual spot...face palming?
I didn't know she did that.
Cool!
I must try to get that response from her as much as possible!
I waved excitedly at her, "Oh, hi Tali!" and then I went over to her.
Run, Tali. Run while you still can!
Oh, shut up!
Why do we have inner voices again?
Oh yes; "to help us think in a calm and logical manner", or some shit, right?
I think mine's broken.
That, or it's developed sentience and it's toying with me!
...heh.
Damn. Now I'm thinking like Mordin.
I'm not sure if I should be worried or ecstatic here.
"Ooo!" I awed, looking at the bright, swirly, light. "Pretty..."
Yes. I just now noticed the Tantalus Drive Core.
I'm slow like that.
Shut up.
"Seriously, how did they manage to squeeze that in here?" I asked Tali, because, well, she's Tali! She knows everything about ships and stuff.
She's smart.
I'm not.
Simple as that.
While I was listening to Tali geek out over the Normandy – looking only mildly lost as I did so – I was startled when Joker's voice came from the intercom system.
"Hey, kid!"
How much are you willing to bet that he's talking to me? I'm, like, the youngest person on this ship, I think.
"Uh...hello obnoxious voice coming from the ceiling?" I smirked.
Finally! I get to banter with Joker with my own retorts! Hell yeah!
"Haha. Very funny, squirt. Chief Williams, the Commander and the LT want to see you in the gym."
We have a gym? Since when?
"Where is this gym you speak of, Obnoxious Voice?"
"Eh. Engineer Adams can take you there."
And that was that.
"How rude! He didn't even introduce himself!" I huffed, while cackling on the inside. I only spoke with him for less than thirty seconds, and I still had fun!
Yay! I should visit him sometime...Ooo! Maybe draw him a picture of the Normandy! He'd love that!
But that would be a bitch to draw, I mused. Bubba's the one that can draw space ships, not me.
Oh, well. Worth a shot.
"That was Joker," Adams told me, smiling. "He's the pilot of this ship. I'm Engineer Adams,"
Yes, I know – I'm a cheater like that.
He held out a hand to shake, and I shook it.
"Serviceman Late!" I beamed at him. "So you're going to take me to the gym?"
"Yes, ma'am." He nodded, and winked at me.
Cool! I don't think he ever winked in the game! I am constantly being surprised by these people.
I like it!
"Kay!" I turned back to Tali, who was being politely silent while we conversed, and I impulsively hugged her. "See ya, later, Tali!"
I blinked. "I get a uniform?"
Kaiden nodded, smiling slightly as he gave me the off-duty uniform that the officers wear.
It was spiffy.
"Where did you get my sizes from?" I asked them, bemused as I looked at the little tags.
"From the military base you toured. You signed mock-forums that enlisting soldiers fill in, remember? As a part of the experience?"
"Oh, yeah! I forgot..." (– I didn't know –) I smiled awkwardly and hugged the uniform to me. "Thanks..."
How many other things do I not know?
I stared when Kaiden suddenly winced, and even Ashley looked pained. Shepard just gave him a look.
It was a simple look, but it said so much.
Huh? Oh! My (not)family was murdered that day, right?
...I don't know what to say about that.
"Sorry," Kaiden apologized, and I smiled softly.
I'm not the one you should be apologizing, too, not really. I told him silently, feeling faintly guilty. But I'm the only one here, so I guess it's okay.
"It's alright," I murmured, and I gently pat him on the shoulder. "Death is death. Life is life. Nothing is the end. I learned that a long time ago." I told him solemnly, but gently.
It's pretty much my life's philosophy.
I suddenly smiled. "Now, where's the changing the room? I wanna go change into these clothes!" I whined, jumping in place like a kangaroo, looking energetic.
Yay for manic energy!
They stared at me with identical, unreadable, looks. The only thing I could pick up on them was shock or surprise, judging from the small hints I could see in their body language.
"What? What'd I say?" I asked, confused.
Shepard shook her head, smiling slightly. "The dressing rooms are this way, Late."
And then she took me to the changing room.
"I look spiffy!" I cheered, clapping my hands in delight as I looked in the mirror.
Oh, sure, it was a little unflattering, since I'm chubby and all, but I don't care overly much.
I love myself.
...now, anyway. I've grown a lot since I was that angst-ridden, whiny, selfish child.
I am a woman now!
As I smugly headed for the door, I tripped over the air and face planted to the floor.
"Fuck!"
Okay, okay! I'm a teenager! Damn!
I sulked out of the changing room, scowling.
"Air is my enemy," I declared, moody. "And so is gravity. They're both bitches."
"What?" Shepard blinked. Kaiden and Ashley looked confused too.
"You heard me! They've been out to get me since I was a kid!" I ranted, but then changed the subject, seeing something glint in the light on the far side of the room.
"Ooo! Shiny!"
I rushed over there to see the shiny. To worship the shiny. To touch the shiny. To love the shiny –
"It's a bald guy!" I cried, looking extremely put out.
To be disappointed by the shiny.
Damn.
"What?" The guy, who was on the weights, looked at me like I was crazy.
You have no idea.
"Nothing!"
And then I ran back to Shepard, because she's badass and she's not scared of a scary looking body-builder that has no hair.
Yep.
Of course, she chewed me out the moment I came back. Something about being distracted could kill me on the battle field, or something along those lines.
Meh.
I was tempted to tell her that I can't be distracted in a fight because there are shiny things to focus on in battle, but I didn't think she'd be too amused by that, so I just nodded and made myself look sheepish and cowed.
But everyone knew that, on the inside, I was just sticking my tongue out at her in spite.
Well, the sharp ones did, anyway.
"You do realize that I have ADD, right?" I finally pointed out, stopping her in mid-lecture.
She frowned. "Dr. Chakwas didn't mention anything about that."
"Of course not; it's not on file. For one thing, my family greatly distrusts doctors (uh...distrusted), and we never go to them if something is up – my dad had to cut a corn infection off of the bottom of my foot without any anesthetic when it turned into a nasty a boil-hybrid-thing. It mostly tickled. I've had worse – anyway, normally, I'd say that I'd rather die than go to the doctor, but I'm beginning to have faith in the medical field." I shrugged, and then continued. "Also, my Dad didn't believe me when I said that I have ADD, so I've never gotten any medication."
"Why didn't he believe you?" Kaiden questioned.
"Because I read," I said simply, my expression darkening. "He said that 'he always sees me reading' when he stopped by my room to check on me. But he didn't stick around for longer than a minute, if not less. If he stuck around, he'd see me I get restless and bored. I'd walk around my house and do other projects, switching them around whenever I'd get disinterested in them, or lose focus or concentration. And then I'd go back to my room to read, and repeat later."
"I've also had issues focusing on my teachers, no matter how hard I tried to. I'd stare at nothing, draw, day dream, and once I've stabbed (really stabbed) my hand, repeatedly, for entertainment value with my pencil, because there wasn't anything else to do – and yeah, math class drove me nuts," I said sheepishly at their horrified looks, ruefully rubbing at my left hand as I remembered that day. It didn't hurt, no matter how much force I'd put into. It was morbidly fascinating at the time. "My brother said that I needed to be careful, since there's a lot of inherited mental illnesses in the family – he shares my ADD, bipolar and depression problems, but he's more mellow than I am. Must be age, and the fact that he settled down with a cute redhead." I commented, somewhat amused.
I continued with my story.
"But despite all of that, Dad still didn't believe me. But that's okay. He was an insensitive jerk anyway, so I understand. So, I never got to be home schooled, and I was struggling in the school. Sure, my grades improved this year, but do you have any idea how hard it is to fight against your nature like that? Without medication? Really fucking hard; I wouldn't recommend it if you're the type that doesn't have patience." I paused. "And that is such an oxymoron. Okay, if you aren't stubborn," I corrected.
Shepard, Ashley and Kaiden had various looks of concern. They were probably worried by how this would affect me during fights.
Ha, as if!
I smiled at them.
"Don't worry, I've got my ADD in control. Kind of. I slip up sometimes, but, hey, I'm only human. Besides, you've seen me in combat a few times now, right? Did I screw up at any of those times?"
They had to admit that, no I didn't.
"So, there you go! I only have a mild case of ADD, anyway, just like with my bipolar disorder. It's just mild. It hampers me, but it doesn't disable me." I said dismissively, rolling my eyes.
I'm only mildly crazy!
That's assuring, I thought dryly.
"I think you need to go have that medical interview with Chakwas," Shepard said thoughtfully. "This stuff should be on your file."
I sighed. "Do I have to?" I whined.
"Yes, you have to," She said sternly. "She might even have something that can help you!"
I sulked, but admitted defeat.
Damn.
"Okay. Now?"
"Now."
Huh.
I think she's alarmed.
Oops.
And wasn't I supposed to be training? I figured that's why they called me to the gym, after all...
"I'm serious about being okay, though! I swear I'm sane, I just have issues! Issues with tissues!" I added, but shook my head and looked at them worriedly. "I'm not about to go bat shit insane here; I haven't in ten years, and I haven't after – " I stumbled. " – after my family...died. I hurt, but I'm okay. I move on, like always."
Shepard put a reassuring a hand on my shoulder. "We believe you, but we're just worried about you, okay? You need help."
I scowled. "But I don't – "
Trust anyone with my problems.
Damn it!
I swallowed and warily stepped back from her, but reluctantly nodded.
Just to spite my instincts.
Because I'm a bitch like that.
"Okay." I said, because, well, what else can I say?
Great. Now everyone is going to think I'm nuts, I thought moodily Shepard frog-marched me to Chakwas's medical room.
I'm not crazy, am I? If I was, then this would all be some dream or hallucination, right? I doubt that, because it feels real.
But, then again, who am I to define "real"?
I sighed.
I'm depressed. I know this and accept it. I move on.
I'm ADD. I know this and accept it. I move on.
I'm bipolar. I know this and accept it. I move on.
I'm a failure. I know this and accept it. I move on.
I'm in Mass Effect. I know this and accept it. I move on.
I'm an orphan here. I know this and accept it. I move on.
If I can accept the hard truths of reality, and not let them bother me (too much), then why can't everyone else?
It's weird.
It's not like my depression can hold me back anymore – like I said, I'm not that stupid little girl anymore. My ADD is what makes me interesting and fun to be around, and I admit, my bipolar-ness can be annoying as hell, but I'm not as bad some other people – I'm not like: OMG! HAPPY! DEPRESSED! EMO! EMO! ENRAGED! GRR! SAD! AMUSED PISSED OFF! SAD! BOOHOO! HAPPINESS AND CHEER! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!
I'm not psychotic, okay? I just go 'Oh, I'm sad' or 'Wee! I'm so happy! I love everyone! Hugs!', or 'You're a jerk and I don't like you! I hope you die!' and the rest of the time I'm normal.
...mildly normal. Because, seriously, who the hell wants to be normal?
The crazy people, that's who.
So ha! I'm not crazy!
I just have issues.
And that's it. End of story.
So you can stop looking at me like I'm going to explode or break, okay?
Or you can just kiss my ass.
So there.
And if I was alone right now, I'd stick my nose up at you.
...and, no! I won't be stabbing myself with a pencil again! God!
I realize that's a bit much, so I've already programed my brain to scream at me if I even try.
It's a great deterrent, trust me. It's not worth the migraines.
I'm not stupid, okay? I know what's wrong behavior and what's not, and stabbing myself with a freaking pencil is wrong behavior, especially since it's dangerous, too. If I hadn't put a stop to it, who knows what that could've developed into? Cutting? Ow! I didn't even do that when I was a kid!
Of course, I thought about it, but I was smart, even if I was unstable at the time, and realized that all that cutting would do is give me scars – uncool and unbadass scars, at that.
So not worth it.
Besides, if I needed to "feel pain to feel alive", all I had to do was either bash my head against a wall or stare at my math homework, and I was all set!
And people say homework won't kill you.
Pah, I say, pah!
I stared at the two bottles that Chakwas gave me.
Antidepressants and antipsychotics; the former is for my depression and ADD, and the later is for my bipolar disorder, to stabilize my emotions. Medication here was still mostly the same as it is back home, but with less side effects, like grogginess and such. It's more effective, and longer lasting, and has added chemicals developed by salarians to target the things that causes the extremities of negative emotions in the brain, to lessen their affects, but it doesn't take anything away from a person's personality, blah, blah, blah – you get the picture.
However...
"Am I crazy?" I asked a small voice. I didn't mind asking this question since Shepard left the room to check on Joker, and to do other commander-y things, to give me privacy.
I guess I looked uncomfortable with her there.
Didn't mean, too...
"Of course not!" Chakwas denied, and sat down next to me on the bed, temporarily abandoning her new paperwork on me to put a comforting arm around my shoulders.
I stared at her in surprise.
Seriously. Why'd she do that? I don't need any hugs or anything.
I'm just worried about my sanity.
Just a little, because I can have doubts.
I am merely mortal, after all.
But I smiled, relived.
Despite my internal protest, I leaned into her touch, because I like being touched by other people – I'm just very affectionate, and I feel safe when I'm hugging someone, or holding their hands. It makes me happy.
"Good, I didn't think so, but crazy people don't always know if they're nuts. It all seems very logical to them," I said, and pulled away from her.
I hopped off the bed and smiled at her.
"I'm going to go to the gym now. I should exercise. Thank you, Docs."
"No trouble, sweetheart."
My eye twitched, but I couldn't really shout at her.
She's cool, you know? Cool people have immunity.
"Oh, and when would you like to have that eye surgery? You never did answer me," She sternly looked at me. "You know that you can't keep your bad eyesight if you're in the military, it could be a huge liability and could get someone killed!"
I flinched, but smiled sheepishly.
"Um...right now, I guess?" I squeaked. I laughed. "Might as well get it out of the way, right?"
I'm doomed.
I survived.
And I'm blind –
Haha. Just kidding. But seriously, I have bandages covering my eyes now, since my eyes need to heal. Once they've recovered (two weeks from now), I'll be wearing sunglasses for about a week, maybe less if I'm lucky, and then I'll have perfect eyesight – without contacts, because I hate contacts.
Yay.
Chakwas put a slightly deep scratch on the bottle of my antidepressants, so that I could feel for it and know that it wasn't my antipsychotics.
Now, I'm going to patiently wait for Kaiden to come get me and escort me back to my box. Then, I'll ask him to move my box to it's side so that I can crawl into it.
Wrex just flipped it over upright, like it was before.
That reminds me –
I need to try to steal his covers again, when I can see again, just for shits and giggles.
What? He didn't kill me last time, and he didn't threaten me, either. As far as I'm concerned, that means he doesn't mind.
Muhahaha!
Kaiden tells me that once my eyes heal up, I'm going to start training.
Oh goody. I'm actually a little disappointed, but, well, I'm not really all that good with foresight, you know?
I sighed, and thought about today. I blinked ( and that's all I did, I swear!Well, okay, I breathed, too, but...shit! Does that mean I breathed wrong? Oh my God, that's just freaking sad right there! ), and then I was in Mass Effect.
I've haggled with a volus and won, I got into gun fights, I've killed (gah!), I'm on medication now, I have an identity here and I'm an orphan (screw the fact that I'm eighteen), I'm a Serviceman (why can't I be a Servicewoman? I asked that, but they just laughed at me!) on the Normandy, Shepard is my Shepard without being my Shepard (ow), I never did eat my lunch (good thing it's just trail mix, dried banana chips, wheat thins, and canned coffee), everyone agrees that I'm fucking awesome, and...
I'm going to pass out now.
Night, night.
...and don't steal my soul tonight, bed-bugs!
I frowned fuzzily at that, and then grunted and rolled over.
Yeah. I need to sleep. Now.
When I start babbling nonsense like that – actual nonsense, not rambling on, it's a pretty good sign that I'm exhausted.
First thing I did when I woke up, was spazz out, because I couldn't see:
Then my brain woke up.
I went "oh!", and then I proceeded attempting at make my 'bed', because, ha, why the hell not?
I love a challenge.
Besides, I needed to do something to get my mind off of my nightmares.
Meh...
Second thing I did was bump into Garrus:
"Whoa!"
THUMP! "My ass!"
"Sorry!"
"Fuck you, Garr-Bear, fuck you! Now help me up before I attempt at biting your leg off – blindfolded!"
I am a very irate human.
"Garr-Bear?"
"Oh, shut up. I call Wrex, 'Wrexy-Baby',"
"And you're still alive?"
"Shut. Up!"
Third thing I did was take my medication:
Okay...okay...okay...I don't feel a scratch – hup!
Spoke too soon.
These are my antidepressants.
Yay.
Now where's my water? Here, water, water, water! Come to your doom!
My conclusion of the day?
Being blindfolded sucks ass!
I was sulking in the mess hall – room, whatever! – when I had a brilliant idea.
I'll go visit Joker!
So I guilt tripped some moron into escorting me to the cockpit (because I'm bad like that – medication, or no medication).
Hm.
I know that I only took those pills a few minutes ago, and I doubt that they're going to change my personalty any, because they're more advanced and all, but...I still sort of think that they'll seriously fuck with my personality and energy level, because I've heard of that happening to others back home. But it shouldn't do that, because it's different from the stuff at home.
They'll just make me more stable.
Which would be awesome!
Ooo! I'll still be silly and mean! Just less distracted and depressed!
Yay!
That sounds like fun!
Wee!
Why didn't I ever take medication before this? Advanced or not?
...oh, yeah, because doctors are evil and they want to kill me.
But I know that Chakwas is a good doctor, like Dr. McCoy from Star Trek, because I talked to her a lot in the games, and I know her. I like Dr. Michel, too, but, well, I don't know her all that well.
I wonder if that means I trust Chakwas? I mused. Maybe a little?
I'd have to, since I let her do surgery on me.
Yikes.
A sudden thought occurred to me, and I mentally stared at the man that was leading me to the cockpit.
"Uh, hey, are you bald?" I asked, worriedly.
"No. Why?"
"No reason!"
Thank God, that would've been awkward!
"Thank you!" I used my manners and thanked the man, shooing him off, before carefully walking into the cockpit.
I was quiet and slowly felt my way to Joker's chair. I mean, it's right in front of me somewhere, right?
Right.
Hm...
Ah ha! I feel a chair!
"Hey, is this Joker's seat?"
"Well, yeah, why – holy shit! What happened to you?"
"I got eye surgery," I said, smugly. "I look creepy, don't I?"
I've noticed that blindfolded people tend to make others very, very quiet and wide eyed, because it's unsettling or something.
Personally, I think it looks badass. I need to get some pictures of myself, later...
"Just a little," Joker admitted, and I felt the chair move, so I stepped back. "So, you're the brat?"
"So you're the Obnoxious Voice?" I returned innocently, but my smirk gave me away, I think.
"Hey, I'll have you know that the ladies like my voice!"
"And not your face?" I asked mildly.
He paused. "Okay, I walked into that one."
"Yep!" I nodded happily.
"What are you doing here, anyway?"
"I wanted to meet the Obnoxious Voice, since he sounded like he had a brain."
"And does he?"
"Maybe," I said in a sing-song voice, grinning. "He sounds like a smartass, anyway."
Joker laughed.
Ha – I think he likes me.
"Short stuff!"
"Knave!"
"Hag!"
"Geek!"
"Shorty!"
"Dickless!"
"Hey, that's going below the belt – literally!" Joker protested, interrupting our game.
I inwardly rolled my eyes.
I was lounging in Kaiden's seat (who hasn't arrived yet), and while I was talking to Joker (who somehow manages to banter and work at the same time – man has some skills), we ended up having an insult fest.
I honestly have no idea how we came about that.
It just happened.
"I don't play fair," I told him, smirking.
"I don't either, but I don't call you boobless!"
"Pifft," I snorted. "If you did, I wouldn't miss a beat. I'd keep going."
But that's because I'm a D cup...or was it C? Crap, I forget. Point is, I have a decent chest size.
I suddenly grinned, wickedly, coming up with an evil idea.
"Why, Joker, you sound awfully defensive. Got something to share with the class?" I said in a mock-British accent.
"No," He denied, sounding like he was scowling. Haha! "Bitch!"
"Jerk!"
"Nerd!"
"What is going on here?" I heard Shepard's voice, who sounded bewildered.
"Commander!" Joker greeted, acting he wasn't just bickering with a teenager.
"We're playing a game, Miss Sheppy!" Yes, I went there. "Want to join us?"
Joker coughed to cover a laugh.
I think I almost killed him with Shepard's new nickname.
Oops.
"No thank you, Serviceman," I heard Shepard smile. "Did you take your medication, yet?"
She didn't protest against the name, I noted, smiling.
"Uh huh!" I happily nodded. "I did! I was good!" I added, defensively.
"You're on medication? What for?" Joker asked.
"I'm bipolar, ADD, and depressed!" I dutifully listed, smiling.
I had no reason to hide, do I?
"Oh? I knew you were nuts," Joker said lightly, unwittingly giving me an opening, so I went in for the kill.
"At least I'm not dickless! Ha!" I laughed at him, mockingly.
"Damn it!" He cursed.
That's what he gets for thinking I'd be all weepy and shit!
I know that's what he was thinking!
"At least he never almost hit a wall while running," Shepard commented breezily, and I gaped.
I knew it! Never living it down! Especially now that the court jester here knows about it! Fuck! I'm going to be hearing about this for years!
Before Joker could mock me, however, Shepard asked him a question.
"What's the ETA for Therum, Joker?"
Huh? Oh – duh. Shepard must have narrowed down what planet Liara was on, and had Joker set a course for Therum while I was asleep, thus missing any announcements.
I sleep like the dead – that snores.
"Eh, five hours." He answered, after a small pause.
"Alright, then. Half an hour before arrival, could you page Wrex and Tali and tell them to suit up?"
"Sure!"
"Thank you, Joker. Tiana?"
I jumped at my name.
"What?" I asked, curious.
"Have you eaten breakfast yet?" She asked.
"Nooo...?" I drawled, questioningly. I wasn't hungry before.
"Come on, I'll take you to the mess." I felt her touch my shoulders, and I took that as my cue to get up.
As I got up, Joker playfully whined at us. "Hey, why doesn't anyone ever ask me out to eat, huh?"
"Because you're a grown man and can take care of yourself, while I'm currently a blind girl?" I retorted, standing.
"Point." Before I could get smug, he bounced back with a; "Tell me, were you blindfolded when you almost hit that wall?"
"GRAH!"
Fear my incoherent yell of rage!
"Sounds like you and Joker are getting along," Shepard mused, and I laughed.
"Yeah! He's pretty cool! He's a bastard, but I'm bitchy myself, so we get along okay." I said, frankly.
"That's good," I heard another smile. I love hearing a smile in a person's voice. It's cool. "How are you feeling?"
"Aside from not seeing shit? Pretty good! I'm surprised that I'm not loopy or whatever from the meds, but just...chipper. I'm still me."
"Did you think you wouldn't be?" She asked as we walked by CIC. I knew that we were there because I could hear Pressly talking with someone.
"I was only a little bit worried," I confessed. "But I logic-fried the fear into submission. Rawr."
She laughed, "Logic-fried?"
"Yep! I fried it with logic!"
Spock would be proud of me!
"So...Sheppy?" Shepard asked after a moment, sounding puzzled.
"Yep! Garrus is Garr-Bear, Wrex is Wrexy-Baby, and you're Miss Sheppy!
Shepard laughed. "Wrexy-Baby? And he hasn't killed you yet?"
"No! Why does everyone ask that? He's not that scary. To me, anyway," I amended.
I'm just not really intimidated by that much, even if Wrex is somewhat intimidating.
"What does scare you?"
"Dogs," I said without hesitation.
"Dogs?"
"Yep." I nodded.
"Why are you scared of dogs?" She asked, bemused.
"Dunno. I guess it's because they're bigger than cats?" I tried.
"Wrex is bigger than cats," She pointed out.
"Wrex is bigger than everyone," I said dismissively. "Eh, it could be because I'm not used to them. I've always had cats as pets. I have a theory that if I get a puppy, and raise it, I probably won't be scared anymore. I've thought about this."
"Hm, that sounds reasonable." Shepard said thoughtfully. After a pause, "We're here."
Yay! Food! Crappy food, but still food.
At ETA, after we made sure that nothing was loose and couldn't fly away when the Mako was released (well, I was just there as moral support as everyone else did the work, since I couldn't see – and no, I wasn't sulking!), I waved goodbye to the shore party as they left (after Ashley helped me aline correctly).
"Bye! Have fun! Don't blow anything up!" I yelled, grinning.
Heh. I'm so mean...
Wrex gave me a rude hand sign. (Or so said Garrus)
I laughed, but didn't do anything about it.
For all I know, Garrus could be trying to trick me, you know?
I'm paranoid.
And I still need to paint his amour pink. But I'm blind...
That just isn't right.
"So, what are we going to do now?" I asked, sitting on top of my box, where I can't bump into anything.
Garrus was worshiping his rifle somewhere next to me on the ground, deciding to keep the blind human company.
He can be nice.
But I still say that he's an ass.
"I'm going to clean my rifle. I don't know about you, though," He said, and I knew he was smirking – I could hear it!
If I could glare...
"Oh, I know what I'll be doing," I said in a light, innocent tone.
"...what?" He dreaded to ask.
"Nothing," I said in a sing-song voice, smiling.
"No, seriously. What?"
"Nothing," I giggled. This is fun.
"Tiana," He warned, actually sounding worried.
"Nothing!" I repeated, grinning.
I'm making you squirm, I thought at him, smugly.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again;
I'm evil!