Rather short, but I can't battle myself anymore. I just want something out. Writing this chapter was kind of like removing a pound of gum from a tender-headed Pentecostal female's hair with a spatula. Yeah…

I find the chapter title nicely ironic though considering...well, you'll find out.

A Diamond Brought To Life

When the Daroga returned with the tea I was very careful not to destroy it before enjoying the astringent taste. We both sat as before, sipping and casually watching the flames with a muted satisfaction.

"Perhaps it was not love?" I heard Nadir almost whisper. I knew at that moment he was reflecting upon his wife and wondering if I could possibly have felt the same tender emotions for Christine as Nadir had for her. Of course, it could not be love. If I actually felt affection for someone, that would make me human and therefore, accountable for my actions.

And Nadir would be accountable for never stopping me every time I murdered or stole or blackmailed.

"She became my existence, Daroga! I wanted to share everything I had with her." I moaned, wondering how to put my happiness and despair into words.

"A pain in my heart like arrows shot through it, lungs unable to bring in air due to rocks weighing them down, stomach groaning as fire parades through its contents-I felt that when I realized she was afraid of me.

"Is that not how you felt when your wife died?"

Nadir gulped. I could practically hear the sorrow and relived memories going down his esophagus.

"And I experienced that sensation every second of the day, each half-lived moment more excruciating than the next. And yet, I adored her."

The Daroga laughed, a choked sound that reminded me of a drowning man. "If she made you feel like that all the time, how could you possibly love her?" He smiled grimly. I began to wonder if he had not added a few drops of alcohol to his cup. He did not normally grin so. "How could you not hate her?"

My cup now empty (I congratulated myself on completing it without tossing the simple thing somewhere odd), I looked at my hands. Had these hands once touched an angel?

"True, a result of loving my Christine was misery…" I thought upon that word, "misery". Had I truly been nothing but a sack of negative emotion while knowing my dearest? Had my world really been that bleak?

Was it not still as miserable as the weather outside?

"But that was my own fault. She could only inspire the happiest of feelings with me. It was my own twisted mind that turned them into dark thoughts, deadly thoughts."

I watched the shadows play on the wall, caught up in a game with the light from the fire. I had once been snared in a game too, my blackness counteracting a blindingly pure light. I used to think that perhaps my black soul would compliment hers quite nicely: a diamond set upon a dark cloth to emphasize the shimmering beauty. But all it did was wrap tightly around the jewel and douse it in darkness, no light to bring my lovely diamond to life. The game ended with the diamond breathing life in the sunshine and the cloth conveniently dead.

My eyes found the clock on the wall and I stated that it was past time for me to leave. My presence had worn its welcome the moment I knocked on the door.

Nadir fetched my hat and cloak and walked me to the door.

As the door opened and I prepared to once again battle the icy winds, the Daroga fastened a hand on my shoulder. "Are you still as discontented as you once were, my friend?"

I thought on this for a moment (mostly to prolong my departure into the elements. If I strained, I could feel the heat off the flames…) Wind whistled past my ear and already the muscles in my neck were clenching in response to the temperature.

"Of course I am," I finally answered, placing my fedora on and tilting it in a departing motion. "I used to wonder which was worse: knowing what made me unhappy or being unaware of what was eating away at my sanity. It is the former," I hissed, "for no matter what I do, I shall hear her voice as a distant echo in my ears and forever remain unable to have it all for myself. My misery is defined."

"And that makes the pain all the worse."

The End

Aha! Bet that surprised you. I was caught off guard as well. I had fully intended to make this longer and go in tiny detail about Erik epiphany, but there is a thunderstorm tonight and I felt…inspired to cut it short. When it rains and thunders and lightning begins to strike, my writer juices get all flowy-and they told me to put a stop to "Defining Misery". So that's it! A grateful THANK YOU to all my reviewers. I appreciate whatever you saw in this piece.

No, I'll never reopen it and go on as I had projected. When the door is closed, it's closed.

Good day.