A/N: Yay! A new oneshot! It's even proofread! ^^ Thanks to my beta, GoblinGrey. Now I'm off to the airport and a well deserved holiday! ^^ Enjoy the story!
When Love Is Not Enough
"You know that when I hate you, it is because I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul."
- Julie de Lespinasse
They met halfway through college. It was one of those life altering small accidents. The kind that you won't even notice if it passes by, but if it hits you, you'll never get rid of it. That is how they met, and it was never the same again.
It all started when Sesshoumaru was dragged into a party he really didn't want to go to. He hated parties and he was uncomfortable with people. He had never really learned to express himself so that others could understand, and to tell you the truth, he didn't even want to.
However, to his great misfortune, his younger brother's girlfriend had other ideas. She was one of those annoying women who simply cannot control themselves. When she got some silly idea in that even sillier head of hers, it was impossible to get it out of there unless you just went along with it.
Sesshoumaru had absolutely no idea why she thought he was worth her trouble. It was not the first time she tried to do her tricks and get him out of the apartment and 'see the world and meet new people' as she put it. That, as well, was something he found hard to understand. He saw enough of world as it was and most of it wasn't as great as some seemed to think, and the people Kagome wanted him to meet were either stupid, boring, or just otherwise questionable creatures. Often they were all the above and that just made it all the more easy for him to loose his faith in the mankind.
But even so, when Kagome and Inuyasha appeared behind his door, knocking so hard that they were just about to go through the damn thing, he opened the door and agreed to go with them, if only to shut them up. He also didn't want to buy a new door.
That is how he was dragged into a loud, messy and obviously just a liiiittle shady college party, where beer was drunk like water and people's conversations were nothing but same pick up lines repeated over and over again all around the room.
So when his stupid brother and his equally stupid girlfriend were dry-humping each other on the dance floor and he was finally left alone, he prepared to make his escape from that hellish situation he had gotten himself into because of lack of better judgment on his part despite all the logic and good reasoning his mind possessed on normal occasions. It was early, he knew, but why should he stay in a place like that if he so obviously had absolutely no interest in it whatsoever!
Unfortunately (it really wasn't his best night, it seemed), when he was trying to make his way through the crowded room that smelled like beer, sweat and something so disgusting he didn't want to think about it, he was stopped by a very persistent woman who had, apparently, decided that he was the lucky guy who got to go home with her. She was very articulate about all the things she could do and all the ways she could bend her body.
Her strong perfume made his head spin (not in a good way) and her clinginess made him more than slightly uncomfortable. Her big breast felt somehow…slushy would be as good word as any, and her lips covered with a thick layer of lip gloss looked sticky. Actually, she was very pretty for a female, Sesshoumaru knew that – on some level – but that didn't do much for him. Not that he'd tolerate this kind of behavior even if someone of the sex he preferred would do this.
His plan was simple; he would politely decline her incredibly direct invitation and then he would shrug her off and get going. He would go home, make a cup of coffee and read some detective novel in his quiet and fresh smelling apartment.
But it turned out that the woman was not used to being rejected. She screamed, she pleaded, she bribed…while all the time she was hanging on his arm like a leech, pressing her breasts against him. He was just about to lose his cool and actually lower himself to hit the bloody fucking bitch, when The Collision happened.
Someone bumped into them with a big enough force to move them couple of steps away from where they had been standing, and yet, unfortunately, it wasn't enough force to make that bitch lose her grip on him.
The man, who had been pushed towards them by a quarreling couple, found his footing again and turned towards them to see who he had almost knocked over. Sesshoumaru watched with fascination how very quickly a pair of most unique maroon eyes analyzed the situation. He straightened himself and looked angry.
"There you are! Have you any idea how long I've been looking for you, you bastard?" he spat at Sesshoumaru who was a little thrown off by the rapidly changing situation and therefore could only blink stupidly. In his mind he cursed himself for that.
The woman next to him narrowed (Sesshoumaru was surprised she could do that with so much make-up attached to her face) her eyes at the man with long, smoky black hair. "Naraku, what the hell are you talking about?" she hissed.
The man looked at her like it was the first time he noticed her standing there. "Adrianne", he said sternly and pointed at the hands that were wrapped around Sesshoumaru. "What the fuck are you doing with my man, you slut?" he growled.
Sesshoumaru was officially confused.
"Your man?" her voice rose higher and her eyes flashed. Sesshoumaru would have liked to put his fingers into his ears to block away the infuriatingly high-pitched sound, but his hands were still in that bitch's clutches.
"Yes. My man. Get your hands off him and find yourself someone new to play with tonight", the man called Naraku said arrogantly and looked at the woman with a hint of disgust.
The woman pouted but to Sesshoumaru's great surprise she let go of him. Sesshoumaru sighed relieved. "Sorry, sweetie", she said to Naraku and this time she flashed him a sugary smile. "I didn't know he was yours. He should have said so."
Naraku pulled Sesshoumaru to him with a sudden and yet extremely graceful movement, hugging him from behind and resting his head on Sesshoumaru's shoulder. "Yeah, well, he doesn't know the rules yet, ya know…"
"Oh!" the woman's painted lips looked like she was related to goldfishes. "I see, well, have fun then. And you…" she pointed at Sesshoumaru, "when he's done with you, just find me. Naraku, do you think you're done by tomorrow?"
"Sweetie", Naraku shot the word back at her with a smile that could kill (in many ways), "We're still going to be at it tomorrow. Have you seen these abs?" He lifted Sesshoumaru's shirt, revealing his stomach.
The woman let out a slow whistle. "Gods, you really need to find me when he's done with you, okay?" the woman said and smirked before she walked away swaying her hips unnecessarily much.
Before Sesshoumaru was able to get out the right words to express his anger about that utter humiliation, the man who had both saved and humiliated him pulled him away from the house of EVIL and they were outside, breathing fresh air.
"I just gotta say, WOW", the man called Naraku said and smirked widely, flashing a row of white teeth. "I took a chance on those abs but you actually did have something to brag about. Nice."
Sesshoumaru was still trying to find the right words. It was hard for him. He usually thought very carefully what he was about to say before he said it. That was a habit that didn't work well when it came to conversations, because the moment was usually already over before he had the rightly styled sentence ready to be said out loud. That is why he was usually thought to look stoic and cold, when in reality he was quite simply thinking things through. He was most certainly not inconsiderate (well, perhaps a little) or uncaring, quite the contrary, he gave everything his full attention. He just never had enough time to convey that. He wasn't what you'd call a 'natural'.
To his great surprise Naraku seemed to notice this. His wide smirk turned into a kind smile that was a big contrast to his eyes that were still glinting dangerously with red tints and a fire that looked like it would never burn out. "I'm really sorry about Adrianne. She's the official Campus slut and she's impossible to get rid of when she's had that much to drink."
Sesshoumaru nodded. Then, to his great surprise, he had something to say. "I guess from the way you spoke before, that makes you the official manwhore of this Campus."
Naraku laughed, not the least bit insulted about what the other had said. "Yeah, it does. Though I do take great pride in the fact that I'm not quite as obvious as she is."
Sesshoumaru nodded again.
Naraku's perceptive eyes noticed the slight crease between the other man's brows. He waited patiently for him to finish his train of thought, wanting to hear that quiet husky voice again.
"Thank you", he finally said, looking at Naraku with all the seriousness in the world. "For the help. In there", he then added quickly, pointing back at the house. His brow furrowed a bit more as he tried to figure out what else there was to say, or if it had come out the wrong way after all. He was pretty sure it had.
Naraku couldn't help but laugh. He was adorable! "No need to try so hard", he said between fits of laughter. "I understand you perfectly well. And you're welcome."
For a moment Sesshoumaru was unsure if he should be insulted that he was laughed at, but then decided that it was just the man's quirk and ignored it. He nodded again.
Then he had absolutely no idea what to do. Should he just walk away? Say something more? But what the hell was there to say? He looked at Naraku pondering all the options he had.
Naraku could see the confusion raging behind those beautiful golden eyes that sometimes flared with deeper shade of amber. He fought back the urge to laugh again. "I suppose this is where you introduce yourself. I'm Naraku." He held out his hand, waiting for the other to take it.
Sesshoumaru looked at the extended hand a few heartbeats before he took it with slight hesitation. "Sesshoumaru", he said and looked deep into Naraku's eyes.
Naraku's mind was reeling when he shook the blond's hand. He was most certainly an interesting one. That look he was giving him was completely at odds with the reserved way he acted. At first he had saved him from Adrianne just because he wanted to snatch her catch from her, but this case seemed to be a bit more interesting than he had first thought.
"Come with me", he said, grabbing Sesshoumaru by his wrist and pulling him with him.
It was only when they were already in front of a cab that Naraku had called for them that Sesshoumaru was able to ask where they were going. "To get to know each other", was the simple answer, said in a tone that carried the feel that it should have been obvious.
Before Sesshoumaru had any time to respond, Naraku was already in the car. "You coming?" he asked impatiently through the open window, gesturing Sesshoumaru to join him.
Acting completely against his usual habits, Sesshoumaru did something impulsive and stepped into the car with the stranger he had only met less than half an hour ago. He reasoned that he only did it because he wanted to somehow repay the man for the help he had given, though somewhere at the back of his mind a voice told him that he was fooling himself.
"Where is this 'getting to know each other' going to take place then?" Sesshoumaru asked, calm and collected as he always was. The cab was on the move to somewhere and he would have really liked to know where. He had a feeling that he should be much more careful with this strange man than he was, but for some reason he didn't care enough to hop out of the car. There was something about him…probably…or perhaps not…
Naraku flashed him a sly smirk. "Wherever you want, baby", he leered and kissed Sesshoumaru's ear.
Sesshoumaru covered his ear quickly, but that was pretty much the only reaction Naraku managed to get out of him. "I would appreciate it if you didn't call me 'baby'", he said, sounding a bit sour. "I'm not some woman you can drag into bed using stupid words like that."
Naraku smiled. It was the first time he heard the man's tone change to resemble any kind of emotion. And the longest speech he had given so far. "Oh no, princess, you're a man that I would very much like to get into bed with me, though if words like baby are going to make that harder, perhaps I should keep using it. I rather like challenges."
"You're weird."
"Hmm… I think I've heard that somewhere before…" he pretended to think hard about it. Then he shrugged it off and changed the subject. Sesshoumaru was beginning to notice that he did that often, changing subjects without much reason behind it. "So what exactly were you doing in that sorry excuse for a party? It was quite obvious that you were more than a little out of place."
He watched fascinated as the other man's mouth and jaw tightened. It really was a very delicious-looking jaw line.
"My brother and his girlfriend blackmailed me into coming."
"Ah, I see… Wait, are you by any chance Inuyasha's brother?"
"You know my stupid brother?"
"Yeah. Now that I think about it, he might have said something about having an older brother. He didn't mention that you're a beauty, though. He's a bit of a pain in the ass, if you don't mind me saying. The way he seems to do everything without a second thought is somewhat annoying to me."
Sesshoumaru huffed in agreement. "Yes, he does have the tendency to do brash and stupid thing, though he has calmed down a lot after meeting Kagome, though she's equally annoying in a way."
"That pretty but safe-looking girl? Yeah, she does have him in a tight leash, doesn't she? Monogamy is something I also don't really get." Naraku's face was full of puzzlement.
"I did get that feeling… What was that talk about rules back there?"
"Oh, you mean with the bitch?"
"That's rather direct way to address her", Sesshoumaru said disapprovingly.
"Don't tell me you didn't think so too!" Naraku said with a laugh and rolled his eyes. "She actually takes pride in the way she behaves, so don't feel obligated to defend her honor. As for the rules, that's something that people came up with. Even if I do say so myself, I'm in big demand around here, so it became a rule that no one gets to keep me longer than twenty-four hours (unless I dump them first), and if someone manages to catch me, no-one else is allowed to get in between. Adrianne is my female counterpart, though she's no way near my equal in hotness."
"So that means that I'm your catch for tonight?" Sesshoumaru asked, eyeing him out speculatively.
"I'm glad you realized that", Naraku said with a nod.
"I don't think so."
"Come again?"
"I said no."
"You'll change your mind."
"I hardly think so."
"But you're gay, right?"
"What's that got to do with anything?"
"Well, I'm a man."
"And…?"
"And so you can sleep with me."
"It's not that I couldn't do it. It's that I won't do it."
Naraku frowned. "But why?"
"You are of no interest to me."
"Ouch. That's hard. It would hurt if I didn't have an ego the size of Colosseum."
"My apologies."
"You don't sound like you're sorry."
"That's probably because I'm not."
Naraku's eyebrow rose. "Uh-huh. Well, think what you want but you are definitely of interest to me."
"You sound like I should be honored about that."
"You're not?"
"Hardly. After all, I didn't even know you existed before tonight."
"Ah, you're a hermit. How interesting."
"Don't make me sound like a bug."
"Huh?"
"The word 'hermit' sounds like a bug…"
Naraku laughed again. "I hope you realized that you've actually had a proper conversation with me without thinking through everything you say." He winked at the baffled looking Sesshoumaru.
"You provoked me!" he exclaimed accusingly and frowned.
"It worked", Naraku shrugged. Then he smirked suggestively. "Seriously, though, you really aren't interested in me? Like at all?"
Sesshoumaru eyed him out with a serious expression that made Naraku feel like he was a little boy who had been caught doing something nasty. "Well", Sesshoumaru said after a careful examination. "You are rather good looking."
"I'm aware of that."
"You also seem to be smug and egoistical bastard."
"Also true."
"You aren't trying to deny it?"
"Nope, why would I?"
Sesshoumaru frowned. "That's what people usually do when someone says something like that."
"Babe, I ain't people."
"That is the worst sentence I've ever heard in my life. And I lived with Inuyasha."
"But it did give the proper impact, yeah? Don't take things too seriously."
"Sorry. That's just the way I am."
"Well, with me, you reeeeeaaly shouldn't", Naraku said leering. Then he put his hand around Sesshoumaru's neck and the other one on his cheek, pulling him into a kiss.
Sesshoumaru's eyes widened as lips graced over his, sending a warm feeling all over his body. His body responded in a way his mind couldn't really comprehend, and so he was quickly swept away by the warm feeling. His eyelids shuddered before closing completely, and he leaned into the kiss. Naraku took immediate advantage, deepening the liplock. He could feel the man with pretty white hair tensing under his touch, but he also knew that if the said man was completely against it, he could free himself in a heartbeat. When he felt Sesshoumaru getting more comfortable with it, he broke the kiss, leaving the slightly panting Sesshoumaru confused. Naraku had to try his hardest to fight the urge to claim those parted, slightly kiss swollen lips once more.
"Still not interested?"
There was a flicker of amusement in Sesshoumaru's eyes, something that Naraku was very pleased to see. "Do you really think I'm that easy?"
Naraku smirked. "No, I guess I don't, but you've got to admit, it wasn't bad."
Sesshoumaru freed himself from Naraku's clutches and leaned back. "No it wasn't." He flashed a very tiny smile. "By the way, did you notice that the car has already stopped some time ago and our driver looks somewhat uncomfortable?"
"Actually, I did notice. It was part of the fun."
"Do you enjoy torturing people?"
"You have no idea…" Naraku murmured. Sesshoumaru noticed that he quite liked the sound.
Naraku paid for the taxi and they got out of the car. "So where exactly are we?" Sesshoumaru asked, trying to figure out if he knew the place.
"My favorite bar is right over there. That's where we're going", Naraku answered and they started walking.
"Hmm. I half expected you to take me to your apartment…"
"We can go there, too if you want."
"No, thank you."
Naraku sighed and flipped his hair over his shoulder. "I thought you might say that. Anyway, I told you that we're going to get to know each other, so you shouldn't doubt me", he said, pouting a little.
Sesshoumaru huffed. "I'm starting to think that one can never really tell what you are up to."
"How very insightful of you."
"Am I right?"
"Most certainly. Ah, here we are", Naraku said with a happy smile and opened the door. They stepped in and were welcomed by a loud (but not uncomfortably so) music and animated talking. Sesshoumaru was happy to notice that the place didn't smell at all like The Cursed House of Parties had smelled. Then the clientele captured his interest. There were men and some women, but the pairings weren't what one usually saw in bars, for the few women that were present were more or less trying to devour each other, and the guys paid no attention but were engaged in their own little rituals.
"This is a gay bar", Sesshoumaru stated the obvious and turned to look at Naraku almost accusingly. "Your favorite bar is a gay one."
"Yup. The only chicks you find in here are dykes who wish they could grow a penis."
Sesshoumaru grimaced a little at the (he thought) vulgar language. "I don't understand."
Naraku blinked confused. "What do you not understand?"
"Why's this your favorite place? You're not gay."
"What makes you say that?"
Sesshoumaru's answer came in a form of a pointed look that could have frozen hell. Naraku on the other hand thought it to be quite exciting. "I spread my love around equally, if you must know. Besides, I happen to know the owner of this place, so stop looking so disapproving."
"Oh? A friend of yours?"
"No, my sister. Hey! Kagura!" He shouted at the woman behind the bar.
She was a very beautiful woman in an unusual way. Her features were sharp and her lips were painted with bright red, her hair was tied back to a simple ponytail and she moved behind the bar gracefully as a dancer.
"Naraku, you ass! You didn't come to help me with the boxes like you promised!" the woman shouted with a full and melodic voice that matched her rather exotic look. When they went closer to the bar, Sesshoumaru noticed that her eyes were the same kind of red as Naraku's, though she didn't have that burning fire behind hers.
"I forgot."
"You could at least try to sound like you're sorry about it, you brat", Kagura snapped while mixing a drink.
"Don't start. It's not like you don't get every guy in the neighborhood to help you moving with just a little shake of that booty of yours. Throw in a carefully placed sentence that brings up that you do yoga and they eat from your hands."
"That's not the way I do things and you know it, I'm not like you. One whore in the family is quite enough." She pushed a glass towards Naraku. "Martini, extra dirty, just like you, my dear."
"I love you, too, bitch", Naraku huffed and took the glass.
"And what will you have?" Kagura asked, turning her attention to Sesshoumaru. "Oh my, aren't you a looker. You're way too good for him, you know."
"Yes I do, and thank you. I'll take the same as him", Sesshoumaru said and sat on the barstool in front of him.
Naraku pouted but quickly introduced them to each other before declaring loudly: "It's not what you think, anyway. We're here to get to know each other."
"You're wasting your time on a straight guy? Well, I suppose he's good looking enough but that's so not like you."
"He's not straight, and you know I like to confuse straight guys so I'm surprised that you're surprised…" Naraku said with a suggestive smirk.
Kagura huffed and handed Sesshoumaru his drink. "Well yeah, unfortunately I am aware of your dirty ways, having to watch them almost every night of the week, I was just surprised 'cause even if you do try to get straight guys into your bed, you always pick the ones who, eventually, will submit to you. If this one were to be straight, there's no way in hell you would have succeeded. Besides, if he's gay, I really don't understand what you're doing here. Usually you're in bed by now, shagging the night away."
Naraku let out a deep sigh. "That's why I said this is different. Now scat, would you? We have to start this getting-to-know-each-other bullshit business so we can get to the said shagging while there's still some night left.
Kagura threw her hands in the air, shaking her head as she went to the other customers.
"She seems nice", Sesshoumaru said quietly after she'd walked away
"She's not too fucked up of a sister."
"Why did she decide to set up a gay bar of all things?"
"She didn't. It just somehow turned out that way. She's happy though, apparently gays like to spend their money."
Kagura had heard his remark when she came back to mix a drink, and for that he earned a nice slap on the back of his head. "No, the money comes in 'cause my whore of a brother brings a new guy over every second night, and they usually come back again, hoping to see a glimpse of him."
"Ouch! Shouldn't you be thanking me instead of slapping me? Besides, this is the first time I've personally brought someone over."
"Yeah, but you attract the guys like honey flies. Well, it is good for my business so I suppose I shouldn't complain."
"I can't help it that I'm irresistible."
Kagura ignored him and looked at Sesshoumaru instead. "Seriously, do reconsider. This asshole of a brother is bad news so run while you still can. After a while it's too late."
Before Sesshoumaru could answer, Naraku was already shooing her away. "Didn't I tell you to scat? Shoo!"
"Fine, I'll leave you two to "get to know each other". Please promise me though, find a bed before you get too close. I do like to watch these guys but I draw a line somewhere…" She turned around and went to serve a new couple that had appeared at the end of the bar, giving the finished drink to her previous customer on her way.
Naraku sighed and shook his head. "I'm sorry about her. She's a bit difficult sometimes."
"Something tells me that you've no right to say that…"
"Hah, I suppose you're right", Naraku laughed and sipped his drink.
"Why did you really bring me here?" Sesshoumaru asked after a while. He looked at Naraku with piercing eyes.
"This was the first place that came to my mind", Naraku said shrugging. He looked at Sesshoumaru and winked. "And I figured you'd be less self conscious here. Besides, Kagura makes the best martinis around here and she lets me drink for free."
Sesshoumaru's right eyebrow rose almost to his hairline. "Oh? And what exactly do you mean by that?"
"This." Naraku put his hand around Sesshoumaru's neck and pulled him into a kiss once again. It was a chaste, quick kiss, he pulled away almost as soon at it had began.
Sesshoumaru huffed. "If that's how you kiss I'm surprised you manage to get so many partners."
Naraku was so surprised by that comment that for a moment he could only blink. He recovered fast, though, and laughed heartily. "You're something, alright!"
"I'm aware of that", Sesshoumaru nodded and tasted his drink. Naraku had been right, Kagura did know how to mix a proper drink. Then he suddenly looked at Naraku with apeculiar look on his face. "You smell good", he stated.
This time Naraku wasn't the least bit confused by that blunt comment. "Why, thank you. So do you, by the way. Now, would you please tell me how much you want to know about me before I can try and get you home with me? I'm at the end of my endurance very soon."
Sesshoumaru sighed. "How the hell should I know? I don't usually do this."
"What? Date?"
"Go out in the first place."
Naraku's eyes seemed to have caught fire. "Are you, by any chance, a virgin?" he said the last word like it was something delicious and sugary.
"Hardly, so stop looking so excited. Do you really think that someone who looks like me could be?"
Naraku looked more than a little disappointed. "Oh… So you are aware of it…"
"Of course", Sesshoumaru answered without a hint of smugness in his deep voice. He always sounded like he was just stating facts.
"I have to ask, why are you so against sleeping with me if you're used to it? We even seem to get along just fine."
This time it was Sesshoumaru's turn to look surprised. "I thought you liked it to be a bit more complicated. Besides, I don't want to make it too easy for you. I'm not the type to just submit, you know."
"Yeah, I can see that", Naraku smirked, licking his lips. "That just makes it all the more fun, yes?"
Sesshoumaru allowed a small smile. "I think I have to agree with you on that."
"Wow", Naraku breathed, eyeing Sesshoumaru with more than a little admiration, "I can usually figure people out in five minutes tops but you're a tough nut to crack."
"I like to think so. You're not that easy yourself."
"Oh I know."
Sesshoumaru was quiet for a while before he carefully added: "It almost seems like it might take longer than one night to figure each other out…"
Naraku smirked widely. "Is that a promise?"
The white haired man shrugged and flipped his hair away fro his face. "It's not often when I meet people I'm able to talk to."
"You're walking right into his trap honey…" Kagura muttered as she walked past them, shaking her head with a disapproving look on her beautiful face. Naraku threw a napkin at her before he turned towards Sesshoumaru as if nothing had interrupted their talk.
He took the other's hand in his and pulled him up with him. It didn't take long before they were outside and with some stops along the way (make out session in back allays) at Naraku's apartment.
Normally at this point Sesshoumaru would have thought carefully about what he was doing. It was a man he had just met in a place he despised. He was a man he knew he should have despised, for it was obvious he wasn't the best of them out there, and what was more concerning was that he seemed to be proud of it. He was a man who had a different partner every night. Even his own sister wasn't sure about him, and they were obviously close. Not to mention there was that dangerous fire deep in his eyes.
But as it was, Sesshoumaru couldn't have cared less. Actually, all those points just added to his already growing attraction a side that made his knees go weak. Before he lost sense of reality, he could only think that if someone was that good of kisser, anyone would follow him into hell. And so did he.
What Naraku didn't know, though, was that Sesshoumaru was unlike anyone he had ever brought home with him before, for he would make sure that if he were to follow Naraku into hell, he would also make sure that they both stayed there. In good or bad.
It's not like either of them planned any of it to happen. It just did. Some people can't help but gravitate towards each other, no matter how their logical mind tries to warn them.
On some level Naraku knew that Sesshoumaru would turn his whole world upside down, just as Sesshoumaru knew that Naraku was trouble with a capital T. Still, none of that mattered.
Naturally, they didn't become a couple that night, far from it. During a long period of time they simply kept drifting back together, have a heated night here and there, until their meetings were so frequent there wasn't room for anyone else anymore. Also, when their meetings became more regular and consuming, so did their need to posses each other.
A recipe for a disaster, one might say.
-:-0-:-
"You know, Ses, no matter how many times we do that, it never gets old", Naraku murmured into Sesshoumaru's silky white hair as they laid on the bed after some particularly hot sex had occurred just moments ago.
"Hmm", Sesshoumaru hummed contently and snuggled closer to the warm body next to him. "I suppose I have to agree."
"You suppose?" Naraku asked sounding insulted to the core.
Sesshoumaru let out one of his rare chuckles. Naraku loved that sound and was happy to notice that he was hearing it much more often nowadays than before. It had taken almost a year of hard work to break down some of Sesshoumaru's defenses but now that he had gone through the trouble, he could see that it was so worth it. More and more of him was revealed every day and it never ceased to amuse him when he wondered what he would see next. Even after several years he was constantly surprised.
Sesshoumaru's head rose from where it was lying on Naraku's chest, and he looked him in the eyes, his hands tightly wrapped around Naraku's body. Naraku couldn't understand how someone could think that he looked cold. He had the most expressive eyes ever. Now they were showing him such emotions that his heart was clenching and swelling uncomfortably, like his ribcage wasn't big enough for it.
He swept his fingers over the smooth skin on Sesshoumaru's cheek and the words spilled over. "I love you."
It was just a quiet whisper, barely audible, but Sesshoumaru heard it loud and clear. His eyes widened and Naraku could see the incredible happiness swirling in the gold depths. He leaned forward and kissed Naraku, all his happiness in that simple kiss and all the words in his eyes.
That's all Naraku needed.
That was all they needed.
Back then.
-:-0-:-
"Are you sure this is the right apartment?"" Naraku asked, eyeing out their new home.
"Yes."
"Sure, sure?"
Sesshoumaru gave him a look. "Yes."
"I was just asking!" Naraku exclaimed throwing his hands in the air.
"I noticed…"
Naraku smirked widely and pulled Sesshoumaru to him. "I just want you to be happy here", he whispered, nuzzling his partner's neck. "That forces me to remind you again, living with me can be tough."
"Naraku, I practically lived with you for the past year already. I went home so rarely that my post piled up. Stop worrying."
"It's weird to hear that coming from you…"
"All the more reason for you to stop worrying."
"Okay then. When do you have to go back to work?"
"In half an hour. By then my secretary is probably calling the police and search party", Sesshoumaru huffed.
"Isn't that whole 'taking over family business' a bit too much work?" Naraku huffed, arching his eyebrow. The red in his eyes flared.
"I happen to like it. Besides, there's a lot of things we can do in thirty minutes…" Sesshoumaru allowed his voice trail off suggestively. He quirked his lips into a small smile and looked at his partner who had a very serious expression on his face.
"Oh yes. We definitely have to get those boxes unpacked", he said, nodding towards a pile of boxes that were filled with books.
Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes. "Oh shut up", he muttered and pushed the now laughing man on their bed.
-:-0-:-
"You're going to work? Again? You just got home for fuck's sake!" Naraku shouted and threw the book in his hand to the floor. It bounced once and was left open and pages grumbled on the floor.
Sesshoumaru sighed loudly. "I can't help it! I have a video conference with the Tokyo office. Would you stop bitching like a common house wife? I have to do my job!"
"That's all you do! We live together and yet we hardly see each other", Naraku growled and crossed his arms. "I stayed home all day 'cause you said you'd be home from your bloody business trip, like", he glanced at the clock, "five fucking hours ago, and now that you finally do come home, you're already leaving again? What the hell?"
"Well excuse me for not doing a boring nine-to-five like you do, mister teacher. Someone has to make the money here!"
Naraku's eyes were burning as he glared at Sesshoumaru, who flinched internally. He hadn't really meant to say that…
"I think we're done here", Naraku said with a cold voice and walked to the door. "You go back to your money."
"Naraku, wait! I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that! I – " Sesshoumaru shouted after him but he was cut off by the forcefully closed door.
-:-0-:-
"Looks like I'm not the only one who hasn't slept in the bed" Sesshoumaru muttered when he came home from one of his many and frequent business trips.
It was past nine in the evening and he had arrived to an empty house. He couldn't help but let out a deep sigh. Despite their efforts to do better, it became harder and harder to be together. Something always came in the way.
One word was enough to offend.
One glance at the wring direction enough to raise suspicion.
It was exhausting.
But they would try.
Naraku came home two hours later and greeted Sesshoumaru as if he had just popped out to do grocery shopping. They both knew better.
-:-0-:-
The front door closed silently in the middle of the night as one midnight wanderer tried to sneak back home unnoticed. He took off his shoes and put them next to the door. Trying not to make too much noise, he took off his jacket, too, and walked to the living room as quietly as he could. He had become rather good at sneaking around in the middle of the night.
But when he saw the light in the living room, he knew he was screwed. He cursed silently and took the final steps to his doom, his head held high.
"Sesshoumaru, what are you doing up so late?"
"Waiting for you, obviously. Do I even have to ask where you've been, or could it be that my worst thought is the right one?"
Naraku noticed the serious expression and the coldness in his partner's eyes that he hadn't seen in a very long time. Despite all his efforts, his stomach turned unpleasantly as a sudden nervousness hit him. Still, he was stubborn by nature so he sure as hell wouldn't let it show. "What if it is?" he said almost arrogantly.
Sesshoumaru just nodded, averting his eyes for a moment, the coldness in him reaching new levels. "I see", he said quietly and crossed his arms and legs, as if he was trying to make a barrier between them. Then his eyes suddenly snapped back up to meet Naraku's. The almost calculated determination made Naraku flinch. This wasn't going like he had planned it to.
"How many times do you think you can do this before I've had enough?"
The question took Naraku by surprise, though he knew it probably shouldn't have. "What do you mean?"
"I mean what I said. How many times do you think you can sneak back into our bed, pretending that nothing happened? How many times do you think you can apologize and I can forgive before it's not enough anymore?"
Naraku saw the flash of pain in Sesshoumaru's eyes and a wave of regret washed over him. Still, he knew he could lie his way out of the situation. It always worked, and yet it could only postpone the outcome that was obvious for them both. He decided that it was time to be honest. "You knew from the start, my love. This is just the way I am."
"So love is just not enough?"
"You do love me then, huh?" Naraku huffed bitterly. "I sometimes wondered."
"You know I do", Sesshoumaru spat angrily.
"But you're not able to forgive me, are you?"
"There's only so much that I can take", Sesshoumaru whispered in a defeated voice that, Naraku thought, didn't suit him at all.
Naraku just stood still like he had suddenly frozen there as he watched silent battle rage through his lover's mind. He knew he could have stopped it. He only needed to sit next to him and keep apologizing and kissing him until he was forgiven. Then they'd have angry make-up sex and all would be well…until the next time. He had done it so many times before, but this time he had the feeling that it was time for the payback. He owed it to Sesshoumaru. He just hadn't realized that it would hurt this much.
"Sesshoumaru", he suddenly heard himself say. Even in his own ears he sounded pitifully desperate. He took a couple of quick steps to Sesshoumaru and kneeled in front of him, his hands on Sesshoumaru's knees. "I love you so much", he said with all the feeling he had. Then he lowered his head on his hands and waited to hear the voice of his judge.
After what felt like ages, Sesshoumaru placed his hand on Naraku's chin and raised his head. Their lips met in a gentle kiss, lips mingling and tasting the familiar taste of the other, but despite the gentleness, it was so refined at the same time that it sent cold shivers down their spines, making it the most bittersweet kiss they had ever shared.
The kiss broke and Sesshoumaru looked deep into Naraku's eyes. "I know", Sesshoumaru whispered. The air around them was so thick with tension that a sound any louder than that could have broken the glass and they would have grumbled like a house of cards in a wind.
"I love you too, more than I can tell", Sesshoumaru took a deep breath before he continued, "but I can't take this anymore, Naraku. I just can't." He swiped strands of wavy black hair away from the face of the man he loved. "Right now, all the love I have for has changed into something else and there's nothing neither you nor I can do about it."
Naraku lowered his head and tried to blink away the tears he didn't know he could shed.
"Besides", Sesshoumaru continued ruthlessly, "for some time now I've felt like I've been smothering you."
Naraku raised his head again, looking surprised.
"Yes, I did notice, you fool. I was just too selfish to do anything about it. Believe it or not, I don't do this with pleasure." This time it looked like Sesshoumaru was fighting back his emotions. "I really thought it would all be eventually alright as long as we loved each other."
Naraku raised his hand to stroke Sesshoumaru hair. He smiled weakly. "Yeah, I thought so too."
They kissed again, this time more urgently, trying to put all the things unsaid into that kiss. They were both shaking when they broke apart.
"Oh god, I don't want you to go", Naraku pleaded and tightened his hands around Sesshoumaru, who shook his head.
"Don't do this Naraku, please." He removed his lover's hands around him and stood up from the couch. He began to walk towards the door, but before he managed to get far, Naraku's unexpectedly calm voice stopped him.
"You know this isn't the end, right?" he said on took a better position on the floor, leaning to the couch.
"What do you mean?" Sesshoumaru asked wearily.
"We'll be back together eventually. You know we can't get rid of each other. Hate isn't the opposite of love and all that jazz, ya know. You'll be back. After some time you remember that you love me, and I suppose I'll remember why I love you. It will take some time but we will."
Sesshoumaru was quiet for a while before he turned around to face him again. He was far more collected than Naraku would have liked him to be. "Think what you want, Naraku", he said with a cold tone that shattered both of their hearts. "You might be right, I don't know and to be honest, I don't even really care. All I know is that I'm leaving, and if there's any possibility that I could forget you, I would. I want to. It's too painful to remember."
The smile that spread on Naraku's face was cruel and full of pain. ""I know, I wish I could forget you, too. God knows I've tried. It's that much worse to know we can't." he stood up and put his hands in his pockets. "I'll be waiting, Sesshoumaru. Come back to me whenever you're ready. I rather enjoy this twisted relationship."
Sesshoumaru didn't say a word. He simply turned around, took his packed suitcases from their bedroom and walked away, closing the door behind him.
-:-0-:-
A/N: Did ya like it? Personally I'm pretty content. I wrote this during my endless night shifts these past two months, so it might be a little...confusing...I'm not too sure. I don't feel quite sane at the moment because of over exhaustion. Leave a few reviwes if you please! ^^ I'll send you cookies and kisses.
~Val