Summary–Lily tries to enter the supposed club the girls in her year have suddenly created. But they want some proof of her worthiness before they let her in. In an not-so-well-thought through plot, the truth is...they're just trying to get Lily to give James a chance. friendship/romance

Disclaimer–I do not own Harry Potter, which belongs to its respective owner(s) and is only being used in a fan-made, fictional story.

xoxo

Shock and Awe – "quick paralyzing assault"

Chapter 6

By–Moon Prynces

xoxo

As much as she wanted things to go back to the way they were before Lily could hardly bring herself to look at anyone. Now, not only was she avoiding the Marauders but everyone altogether. No one could get within five feet before she was suddenly putting away her books and heading out the portrait hole or Great Hall doors. And she managed to hide herself deep inside the library until it was curfew.

She came up for bed long after everyone in the dorm was sleeping, which was usually after 2 a.m., just to be safe. And she was gone before the other girls woke up as well.

James looked up as he spotted Lily trudging her way through the Great Hall looking exhausted and pale.

It was a perfectly sunny Saturday and much warmer than it should have been for being almost December. James was especially cheerful as the Gryffindor Quidditch team was going to use this day to practice.

He paused in eating and watched as Lily took a seat farthest from anyone and started poking at the eggs on her plate.

There was hardly anyone in the Great Hall because it was so early, and James was only up due to his excitable nature when it came to Quidditch.

He wasn't the only one that had noticed her behavior lately. He had caught a few words being exchanged between Remus and Peter the other day. Even Sirius had commented when she jumped up and tripped her way out of the common room when someone approached.

James came out of his thoughts and went back to eating with a shrug. Really, what was he supposed to do? They were hardly friends anyway.

A few minutes later he glanced down the long table to find Lily with her head down and her plate pushed aside. It looked like she was falling asleep and trying not to.

He sighed and waited...before getting up slowly and walking over. For once she didn't hop out of her seat, and it was probably because she was tired from all the running away and avoiding she'd been doing lately.

He shook her shoulder cautiously in case she slapped him. She didn't budge and looked pretty peaceful as she slept.

But it wasn't the time or place for that.

"Lily, wake up!" he leaned in to whisper as more students were walking through the doors. "Lily!" he tried again and shook her harder. "Lily, Slughorn wants to see you!" he said.

She jumped up, looking around dazedly. "Wha?" She blinked up at him and then rubbed at her eye like a child. "Slughorn?"

James nodded patiently. "Yeah we gotta go, quick," he instructed, causing her to stumble out of her seat. He grabbed hold of an elbow to try and help her along. Lily barely noticed and was led out into the halls and away from the paths of students.

After they turned a corner he stopped and Lily questioned him.

"What did he want to see us about?" she asked, forgetting about her resolve to avoid everyone involved in the embarrassing situation.

He sighed. Trust Lily to get straight to the point – when it came to school anyway. James turned to her and shrugged. "Nothing. I said that so you would get up and out of the way."

Lily's mouth dropped open in surprise at how easily she was deceived.

"It's just that you were falling asleep on the table and loads of students would be coming in around this time. You haven't been hanging around larger crowds these days so I figured you'd want to leave before..." He trailed off, ruffling his hair and unsure where his train of thought was going exactly. "Lily, are you okay? Lately you've been–"

Lily nodded firmly before he finished. She turned, about to make a getaway.

James sighed loudly and fixed his glasses without reason. "There are people everywhere. How am I gonna make it to the Quidditch pitch without getting caught by someone?" he asked out loud, making a point that had her stopping after only two steps.

She paused and stared ahead, trying to think this over. It was true that from their corner the sounds of students being rowdy was obvious. Well, she also had no idea where she was headed.

Lily glanced back to see James swivel around and begin walking down the hallway.

"Where are you going?" she asked suddenly. "Doesn't that just lead you to stairs that go to the dungeons?"

"Yeah, but no one's around this way. I'll just take a longer route. Might take a few more minutes but I'll live," he responded easily and walked on.

Lily thought about this. He wasn't acting like a cocky little jerk and she wondered if he even knew about the girls trying to set the two of them up.

Maybe not, she thought before following after him. Hopefully not.

She still kept her distance, staying at least two yards behind, almost pretending she wasn't following him at all.

They kept quiet as he led the way down some shady looking corridors in the dungeons before finally making it to stairs that wound back up to the first floor. Even though she tried to memorize the path they took Lily couldn't understand how in the world they made it to the Quidditch pitch without seeing a single person. But she didn't question it.

James walked confidently towards the locker rooms, assuming Lily would wander off under the stands to hide some more. He wasn't in the mood to try and chase after her when she had been avoiding him (and everyone) lately.

"Hey," she said, and then cleared her throat. "Hey!" her voice repeated loud enough to actually be heard.

The boy jumped before turning around. "What?" he looked confused. "Uh, hey..."

"Where are you going? There's no game today and nobody's going to be out to practice for another hour," was her response.

To ask or not to ask, she was rambling insanely to herself.

"Oh, have you talked to Alice lately?" There was a slight pause. "Alice or...Mary? Or...well any of the Gryffindor girls in our year really..."

James stared blankly, completely uncomprehending. "Not really, nope."

Lily nodded to herself and turned to go. But then she changed her mind quickly and turned back. "Are you sure? You haven't talked to any of the girls any time, say...in the past three or four weeks?" she tried again hopefully.

"Well maybe for class or something..." he shrugged carelessly, knowing this answer wasn't what she was looking for. "Why?" James stared.

She looked around to find no one was out yet, save for them. "Well, uh...since we have so much time left...why don't we...study some more for Potions!"

James looked horrified at the thought. "Really, that's okay, Lily. That test...was yesterday."

It was like someone had bludgeoned her before she woke up this morning. Lily stared stupidly. She sighed before finally squaring her shoulders and speaking frankly.

"Look James, I'm really sorry I sound like a loon right now. I'm just a little paranoid of some things and I was kind of trying to test you." She paused and put a hand on her hip. "And because I'm not convinced there's a reason to be afraid of you now then it's one less person to avoid," she sighed and used the other hand to stick in her bangs.

"Yeah, about that, what's been going on exactly?" he questioned, watching as she walked closer and then completely past him, into the locker room. James followed after a shocked pause.

"I was kind of being set up," she spoke as soon as the doors were firmly shut behind them. She sat down on a bench and James looked around helplessly. This was the room he changed clothes in. "And you were supposed to be a part of it. But I guess you didn't have a clue," Lily sighed and slouched forward.

"Me? For what?" James tried to act normal and wandered over to his locker but hesitated in actually carrying through with the action.

She didn't answer. Lily let her head rest on her knees, bent over, and closed her eyes for a moment.

The moment turned into almost five minutes and when she opened them again James was sitting on the bench next to her and staring.

"What?" she asked, lifting her head up cautiously.

"Nothing," he said back. They sat there staring at each other for a moment. "Why did you bother telling me anything? Why are you even still here?" he asked incredulously.

Lily opened her mouth.

"I mean I know we aren't on crappy terms these days – meaning you don't seem to hate me anymore. But just–" He stopped and suddenly tilted his head, as if trying to look for something. "Sorry, I still can't get over the fact that we're almost having a normal conversation. You're just so different now." And with that James stood up, rubbing at the back of his head unconsciously and looking around. "I knew you better when you were yelling at me. This is kinda weird. Not in a bad way though!" he tried to correct.

Her lips sealed together as she listened to him try and explain how he felt. Finally she replied, "I guess so."

James had no idea what exactly she was referring to. He was also glancing up at the door, scared that their moment could be interrupted.

She stood up, walked over and put a hand on his shoulder with a comforting smile. "I was just giving you a chance. Everyone deserves it, right?"

He looked confused because it was obvious she was talking about some deeper issue.

"Yeah, Lily," he nodded.

Said girl was brought out of her slight daze and her hand pulled back quickly. "Right. Well I should let you get to changing and all."

She turned and almost jogged to the door.

"Oh and Lily," he prompted, making her turn back just as her hand touched the door. "Thanks for helping me study." And James smiled sincerely before going back to his locker.

Lily stared blankly. But then he started to lift his shirt without a care and she hastily pulled open the door to throw herself outside.

xoxo

A few light taps across the forehead were all it took for Lily to wake with a start, the fear of a mouse or bug crawling all over her face springing to mind.

She looked around to find Annie staring down at her. Lily yawned. "Wha's goin' on?" she got out.

Annie only put a finger to her lips to signal the need for silence. Then she slowly pulled the girl out of bed.

Lily grabbed her watch to assess the time. Two A.M. "I lose too much sleep because of you people," she grumbled low.

She got the idea and grabbed a sweater and her wand before following the girl out the dorm without another word. Annie had yet to give any inclination as to what they were up to.

After ten minutes of creeping through the corridors Lily turned and opened her mouth, intent on questioning this ordeal.

Annie swept a hand out quickly though, silencing her as they heard footsteps around a corner. The two flattened themselves against a wall so that they weren't noticed as the person made the wise choice to not come their way.

The redhead was silent for the rest of the trip until she recognized the familiar winding tower they headed up to. She didn't question how Annie knew no one would be there tonight for lessons or how they even made it this far without being caught.

"The Astronomy Tower," Lily breathed out as they reached the top. She took in the classroom – scattered charts and most notably the wide and tall windows around the room, used for observing the sky.

Annie smiled slowly to herself and walked over to one such window. "Yes. Always a good place to be on such calm nights. Or even just when there's an opening. We're lucky there are no classes tonight." She winked back at the redhead who was making her way over.

Lily didn't know what to expect exactly. Annie was the quietest of all the girls so far, and yet seemingly the wisest. When she did say or do something it wasn't rash or illogical or just plain stupid, which were all the things that Lily was capable of.

The taller girl turned to look at her companion. "Lily, I would ask if you're okay but I already can tell what the answer is, even if you won't say it."

There was a moment of silence. "What are you talking about?" Lily questioned, moving towards a telescope that was set up.

"You know you changed a lot since you started hanging out with all of us. It was like..." She put a curled finger to her lower lip in thought. "It sounds cliché to say but it seemed like you were finally out in full bloom. It's ironic considering your name, I know." She smiled at this.

Lily bent down to peek a look at the stars through the instrument. "I'm still the same person I've always been. What could you have possibly seen? If you didn't even know me before how can you tell I changed at all?" She had no idea why she was fighting the issue. She could have just nodded her head and pretended to have it all sink in.

Annie was quiet and let her stargaze for a few minutes. Really, why was it so hard for simple concepts to sink into this girl's head? Lily could tackle the most complicated arithmancy problems, ace Charms and History of Magic and still find time to brew Potions without cracking open the textbook.

But, Annie thought to herself, people and relationships are in a whole league of their own. Those kinds of problems, especially when reflected on one's self, were usually the most difficult.

There weren't formulas or strategies or instructions. Lily may have been book smart, just as James said, but without books she was pretty lost. She just didn't want to admit it.

"You were kind of afraid," Annie said, causing the redhead to jerk away from the telescope. "Sometimes my eyes would wander around and see you just as you hesitated about doing something. And in the end you would shake your head and turn away from what you wanted to do," she explained.

Lily turned away, pretending to examine the star-filled sky.

"Other times I noticed you were about to tell Alice something but when she turned to you...you would blink and just wave it off as if you'd forgotten and it wasn't that important. Even though she's your best friend it seemed like you didn't completely trust her." Annie turned upward to the sky as well. "When it comes down to it, you know what you want. You know the things you want to say. It's just you find it too hard or even unnecessary to go through with it."

Lily blinked, her head inching downwards as she listened carefully, wondering when she should interrupt and deny everything.

"Lily, you were different than before. You were opening up to everyone. You were giving people, even James Potter, a chance. How can you still be in denial?"

She had to think about this slowly, replaying certain revelations in her mind. Agreeing to hang out with these girls was that first step. That night in the kitchens with Jessica and Annie made her not want to regret lost opportunities. Gina and Angela got her to loosen her wary gaze when it came to friendships – you were supposed to be able to share anything with those kinds of people in your life right? Whether it was clothes or secrets. Mary had unintentionally pulled her out of her comfort zone and she saw it was pretty amazing to take risks sometimes. And overall Lily had noticed she stopped believing all the lies in her head that told her what the world was and how people were. People changed.

If she knew all these things then why couldn't she put it together? Why was it suddenly overwhelming to have people there?

"It's not all that easy, is it?" she finally asked, looking up at Annie.

Annie moved her gaze to her friend as well. "No. A part of you still wants to turn around and pretend it didn't happen. It was nice to socially experiment, is what your head is telling you, but let's get back to the way things were before. It was easier and nothing was at stake." She sighed. "But that's just running away. And things aren't going to go 'back to normal' like you'll want."

"How do you–" Lily was cut off before she could finish the thought.

"You already know why," Annie nodded slightly and half sat at the open window. "You aren't the first person to go through these kinds of things. Everyone does. But it's usually when we're all really little and we take that first step and as kids we kind of decide to go for it. It's hard to connect with people when you seem withdrawn. And we all want to connect."

They were both quiet and Annie let Lily enjoy the clear night sky for a while without putting more pressure on her.

xoxo

Okay, so what?

Everyone was afraid of getting hurt. By their significant other. Or friends. Or even by their own family. It wasn't a new realization. It didn't suddenly solve how Lily was feeling.

And even though a lot of people might think she was overreacting at finding out Alice, Mary and Angela (that she knew of) had a hidden agenda the entire time since she had joined their group...Annie didn't try to persuade her to run back to them and apologize and listen to what they had to say.

Well she did, technically, but she was much more subtle about it.

Still, she was feeling pretty stupid about having tried to "date" Peter now. Especially when the girls had set up this entire debacle for her to date James.

Which, in all likelihood, was not going to happen anyway. Lily still scoffed at the idea of her and James together. It was only recently that he stopped being a pain in the ass.

But...

Since James usually was a great pain in the, you know, and he was pretty much used to apologizing (though until the past year it usually wasn't sincerely) Lily decided to go to him for some advice.

He did owe her for the help with Potions.

So when she saw him leave the common room by himself (for once) she got up from pretending to read a random book and followed him out of the portrait hole.

"Hey! James, wait up!" she called as he was already down two flights of stairs.

He glanced up at hearing his name and almost slipped on the last step.

Lily cursed his longer legs as she tried not to land on her face in order to reach him. "Could we...talk?" she asked between gasping for air.

"What about?" was his pretentious response, as if he had something to do – though he did look truly confused.

She paused and put a hand on the banister for support while trying to calm her breath. "Well the other day, when you asked if I was okay..." She glanced around unsurely. "I mean, we both know what the answer to that should have been."

James stared as she rambled on. At least he didn't look confused anymore.

"And I..." Lily turned to look at him earnestly. "Just need someone to talk to right now. I know we're not usually on great terms." And then she muttered to herself, "Though that's my fault, I suppose."

He quirked an eyebrow at her odd behavior. "Lily, what are you trying to say?"

"I am a loon!" she declared.

"No doubts here," he said while looking up nonchalantly. "Look, I was headed down to the kitchens for a snack."

Lily stared dumbly for a moment. "Oh," she said and shook her head. "Right. Okay. I'll just see you back–"

With his hands in his pants pockets, James casually looked up from staring at the floor between them. "Wanna come with?" he asked.

xoxo

Chapter six end.

Well this is the last completed chapter I have for this fic so far. In fact it's basically the last thing I have written. I was busy trying to complete Schooled and then another chapter to "Are you stalking me?!" so I put this one off because I had more time.

Now I have the next bit outlined, I just need to get writing. Thing is, this Monday-Friday I'll be back to working on some personal things most of the time. Maybe I can squeeze in some fanfic writing but I'd rather not because it would be a distraction.

I also managed to type up a chapter for my sadly forgotten and favorite (or one of) fic, "Different Colors", in the past two days. I'm not sure what to do with it yet because I was mostly just experimenting to see if I could get back into character after such a long hiatus.

This chapter is being updated in the middle of the night (for me anyway) because tomorrow I plan to go out and take care of some things so I might not be home. And because I'm so good to you all I don't want to put this off until Tuesday because I've fallen into a nice weekly schedule of posting on Monday's.

I will try to finish the next chapter by next week but somehow I'm doubting it'll come Monday. Thanks for reading and whatever else you're doing!

Check how far along I'm getting on the next chapter for this story or any others on my profile, being updated very frequently.

7-26-10

1:18am