It had been almost three hours since Tifa had stormed out and a very miserable Cloud was nursing a bottle of hard liquor into the early hours of the morning. It had taken him at least an hour to move from the spot were he had been rooted as he watched Tifa pour her frustrated, wounded heart out to him. He thought about the silver charm that lay on the floor still where Tifa had dropped it and cringed, remembering.
Guilt and anger mixed with a sort of desperation laced painfully through Cloud's chest. This feeling, whatever it was hurt too much to think about. Almost double the pain he had felt in that moment where he had had to watch as Aerith slip into the life stream.
He took another swig from the bottle paying little attention to what he was actually drinking. Whatever it was, it was not dulling his senses fast enough.
God I am such a jackass he thought bitterly to himself. The one person who cared about me the most in the world and I have to go and hurt her. Good going Cloud.
He loved her. It was so painfully obvious now, all those years and he had been too blind to see. Well he had seen but he had been too afraid to listen.
And she, she loved him. A sudden softness stole into his heart dulling the throbbing pain that had barricaded itself there since the fight. All these years and he had never even realized. Yet how could he have not? Cloud scanned through all of his memories each briefly flickering before him before returning to his pool of thoughts. Looking back now it was obvious, all those times she had tried to say something to him, when she had gone into the life stream and helped heal him, nursed him back to health. She loved him.
The pain returned even harsher then before when the softness disappeared. And now he had lost her he thought miserably. He drank again before whispering quietly to the dark, as if he had forgotten how to talk.
"I've lost her"
"She's not dead yet."
A voice low and hoarse slithered into the silence as suddenly as the man it came from. He sat perched on a bar stool with his crimson cape flared around him, peering over the edge of the bar at Cloud his sad eyes unreadable as usual. Cloud barely reacted to the voice at first, only holding the bottle in the air for the caped man to take.
"You're early Vincent."
Vincent Valentine took the bottle but did not drink it. Instead he repeated again. "She's not dead yet."
Cloud raised his head to meet Vincent's eyes. "What?"
Vincent vaulted over the bar smoothly to land gracefully beside Cloud, where he took a seat. His eyes took on a cold light as he remembered far away events.
"You haven't lost her. She is still alive and so you have a second chance, she is not beyond your reach. It is only when they join the life stream that you have truly lost them."
Cloud knew he was not just speaking of Tifa so he did not respond. After a few minutes he said dryly, "Must you always just swoop in out of nowhere?"
"It is one of my elusive charms." Vincent said his face deadpan, as usual. Cloud smiled at the rare joke. His smile disappeared though when Vincent continued, "Are you going to tell me what happened to make Tifa leave?" He dropped the trinket in between them, the silver heart making an audible click on the floor before gleaming in the moonlight.
Cloud stared into space. "I tried to kill Reno."
"I see."
"She was kissing him."
"Then what happened?"
"She threw me across the room."
"Well she is a martial artist, not a flower girl."
Cloud flinched but did not respond. Vincent turned to face him fixing Cloud with one of his concentrated stares.
"What are you going to do now?"
Clouds shrugged and mumbled something inaudible but Vincent did not seem to want to let this lie. "So you will do nothing?"
"I didn't say that."
"And yet you imply it"
Cloud stood and glared at Vincent, his face dark. "What do you want me to do? Just barge out there after and proclaim my love for her and we just live happily ever after? Life doesn't work like that!"
Vincent sat motionless and unsurprised by Cloud's flare-up. "That is up to you. All I know is that if you let Tifa go you will regret it for the rest of your life. You know this to be true as well." He sighed before continuing,
"Can you bear that weight? Can you live everyday for the rest of your life knowing that you allowed her to walk away with both of your chances for a new start?" He paused for what seemed like an eternity before continuing. "It is a burden I would not wish upon my oldest enemy let alone a friend "
Cloud opened his mouth and closed abruptly before turning towards the door. When his hand touched the knob he hesitated before turning and saying softly "Thank-you."
"Cloud" Vincent stood and in one swift movement flicked his wrist sending a tiny object flying through the air. Cloud caught in one hand and tucked it gently away in one of his pockets. With a last look over his should he left, closing the door behind him.
Vincent placed the now abandoned alcohol back behind the bar the briefest traces of a smile flickering across his face. It made him look youthful and in that short-lived moment like the man he once was before heartache befell him all those years ago.
Suddenly he turned slightly, sensing the girl before he saw her. He looked at her standing before him, a serene smile graced her beautiful face.
"Hello Aerith." Vincent and Aerith had never been close as he had joined the group late in their journey but he still felt a connection to the girl all the same.
"I wanted to thank-you Vincent for what you said to Cloud." Aerith said, her green eyes searching his black ones.
"It can often help when one can speak from experience." He turned away from her to walk upstairs where he would wait for Cloud's return.
"You know Vincent that seeking forgiveness is often easier then it looks." Aerith walked to were he stood and placed a hand on his shoulder. "The first step is hard yes but like Cloud all one needs is a bit of a push."
Vincent stood silent feeling her warm hand on his shoulder. When he finally turned to her his eyes curious the Ancient was already gone. He shook his head and started a new course gliding towards the door. Cloud would understand he knew. It was time for Vincent himself to start along his own path to forgiveness.
It was a short ride over to the Church in the slums but it felt like an eternity to Cloud. As he listened to the steady drone of the bike he allowed himself to relax, enjoying the warm night air. He knew he'd find Tifa in the church from the interesting phone call he'd received only minutes after he had left Vincent. He shook his head, remembering.
"Hello?"
"Cloud Strife?"
"Yes?"
"This is your conscious you little spiky haired punk. Stop clowning around and go after Tifa already."
Cloud had stared hard at the phone, he knew that voice but he certainly had never expected to hear it coming from his phone ever again. He whispered timidly.
"Zack?"
"No it's Rufus Shinra. Of course it's Zack."
"How the hell are you calling me?"
"You don't think there are telephones in the lifestream?"
"No."
"Well then you've gotten a bit brighter since SOLDIER haven't you? There's hope for you yet."
Cloud had waited; his breathe the only noise in the air. He wondered why Zack hadn't visited him instead of phoning, or whatever the guy was doing. Telephones in the lifestream?
"Why don't you just, I don't know beam yourself down or whatever you did before?"
"Because Cloud it's time you learn to stand on your own."
Something flared in Cloud, pent up grief mixed with bitterness toward Zack that he knew he couldn't justify.
"What do you think I've been doing since the day you died? I've been running all over the place fighting what we started without you!"
"You know it's kind of impolite of you to talk about my death with me. What if I'm still sensitive about it?
"Zack for Christ's sake why the hell are you calling me now?"
"Well aren't we just a bit edgy today?"
Cloud swore into the speaker and was about to hang up when Zack calmly spoke again.
"So what are you going to do Cloud? You owe her at least an answer."
"I know."
"I would have thought the answer is obvious. Go after her and tell her how you feel. You're so goddamn bent on being miserable. You've made her wait long enough kid, it's time you opened your eyes and allowed yourself some happiness."
"That's easy for you to say, you're dead."
"Cloud, Cloud, Cloud"
Zack chuckled and his voice grew more distant. Cloud gripped the phone tighter and felt panic squeeze his chest. He didn't want Zack to go.
"Sometimes I wonder how you got that girl in the first place let alone managed to keep her. The old church in the slums Cloud, get your ass over there pronto."
Zack's voice had faded to barely more then a whisper and Cloud strained to hear what he was saying.
"And Cloud stop forgetting that you're never alone.
When Cloud first stepped into the church he was slightly taken aback by the silence that hung so thickly in the air. He felt as though it was wrapping itself around his vocal cords and cutting off his voice. So instead he looked around at the broken pews strewn across the floor before his eyes finally came to rest on the little pond at the foot of the altar, under the shadow of the large stain glass window at the front of the church. His heart lurched at the sight of it, at the memories of the last time he was here; of who's flowers lay beneath the water.
The water was clear and perfect, reflecting Cloud's face as he walked over and peered in. He was almost shocked at the face that was staring back at him. It was the same unruly blonde hair, same delicate nose, same mako eyes but there was something inside them that made him flinch. There was fear inside his eyes. Not the kind of fear he was used to, it was acceptable to be afraid of fighting a monster or Sephiroth but this was a different kind of fear.
I'm afraid of talking to Tifa. He thought, pulling back from the pool and running his hands through his mess of hair. I'm afraid of what she might say to me, that I might be to late.
He growled and pulled at his hair more, shaking his head at his own thoughts. Coward. Why do you always have to let your fear and your weaknesses get in the way?
To his right there was a rustle and a small sigh. Cloud whirled around but softened his stance when he looked at the source. A small smile skittered across his lips as he quietly approached the sleeping figure.
Tifa was curled up in a ball fast asleep her long coffee coloured hair framing her face was slightly mussed from sleep. It gave a wild, heartbreaking look to her. She muttered something inaudible and moved again still fast asleep. Cloud looked around her and saw she was sleeping on a bed of flowers, which took him aback. There had been no flowers in this spot last time he'd been here. He knew better then to question how they got there though. This was Aerith's church and anything was possible here.
He returned to gazing at Tifa and he crouched down to be nearer. His eyes travelled from her face down her body where her shirt had ridden up slightly to reveal two small, identical scars jutting across her abdomen. He frowned slightly remembering the day he'd found her clinging to life, abandoned in the church after her fight with Lodz. He remembered the way his heart had stopped beating when he'd seen her splayed across the floor, the way his voice had broke as he had yelled her name.
I'm not the only one left with scars. He thought as he reached out and as gently as he could, let his fingertips trace her scars. I never thought about how all those events might have affected Tifa.
Suddenly Tifa's eyes, starry with sleep flew open. She gasped and threw herself backwards to get away from Cloud's touch. Before he could reach out to steady her she shot to her feet to assume a fighting stance, only to fall promptly over into a broken pew with a crash.
Cloud crossed the floor between them in three quick steps and lifted her to her feet as though she weighed nothing, fear again dominating his gaze although this time it was a different kind of fear. He gently lowered her back to the ground before ripping the silence from his voice and saying
"Tifa are you alright?"