A/N - Threw in some abed Britta for everyone. Also the group visiting the mural part was eleventhimpala's idea on LJ.
XXX
Jeff and Annie's Unconventional Sitcom Wedding
Annie sat on the bed waiting impatiently. The wedding would be starting soon and Britta had run off somewhere with Troy and Abed, Shirley was in the bathroom sneezing to her heart's content, her hair was still bothering her, and she really needed to pee. She waited another two minutes for Shirley to finish, but the older woman had been hogging the bathroom practically all day, and probably wasn't going to give it up anytime soon. Annie decided that she'd just go in one of the many other bathroom's in the Hawthorne mansion. She wrapped the bedsheet around herself so no one would be able to see her dress, and wandered out of the room. She checked a few doors but none of them were bathrooms. As it turned out, Pierce had a lot of pointless empty rooms. After turning two corners in the maze that was Pierce's home, she eventually found a small bathroom. (Well, it was small for Pierce's house). All that was in it was a tap, a toilet and Annie guessed a bathtub, which prevented her from fully opening the door. There wasn't even a mirror. She walked in ready to go, but then something scared her.
"Annie?" Annie screamed, and turned around to see her future husband sitting in the bathtub, with a pink shirt, and an open bottle of scotch in his hand.
"Jeff, what are you doing here?"
"Hiding" He said, taking a swig of the scotch and then making a face at the burn.
"From who?" Annie pulled down the lid of the toilet and sat on it.
"The horrible people we call our friends" He said.
"Why, what did they do?"
Jeff wondered if he should tell her about all the disasters that Abed had been causing. On one hand, she'd kill him. But on the other hand, she'd probably find out about it anyway, seeing as they were supposed to be getting married in twenty minutes. "Well, for starters, Pierce and my mom have gotten very friendly. I could be calling him dad soon."
Annie began to laugh, but stopped herself when she saw how horrified Jeff was by the entire thing. "That's not so bad" she tried. Jeff gaved her an "oh really?" look.
"But it's Pierce. Racist, creepy, Pierce. And my mom. Imagine Pierce and your mom, and then tell me it's not so bad."
Annie thought about it, and then shivered at the thought. "Well, it's no reason to hide in the bathroom" She told him.
"Oh that's not the worst of it. Troy got our photographer to quit. The caterer's are making pork. Our guitarist is high. Dean Pelton wants to paint us on a mural. Shirley's boys trampled our flowers. Abed's evil. My shirt is pink. And have you seen what Britta's wearing?"
Annie looked confused. "Dean Pelton's here?"
"Abed invited him, it's part of the whole evil thing."
"Okay, and what about the flowers?" Jeff panicked. Annie put her sweat and tears into that flower arrangement. She was going to explode.
"Um, Abed paid Jordan and Elijah to step on them" Jeff muttered.
"You mean, my perfect flower arrangement is destroyed?" Annie asked. Her voice was squeaky, and she had a deranged smile on her face. Jeff could practically see steam flying out of her ears.
"Well, you know, they're still in the same arrangement, they're just kind of dead" Jeff said, cautiously.
"Jeff, sweetie, why didn't you fix it?" She asked, through gritted teeth.
"I didn't know how to fix it, I was up against Abed, I can't win against him."
"So, what? Now I'm supposed to get married without flowers? 'Cos that's crazy Jeff! what am I, Homeless?" She yelled. Jeff winced. He'd never seen her reach this level of shrillness before. It scared the crap out of him.
"Annie, I don't think homeless people get married at all."
"Can it, Snarky!" She shouted. Jeff sunk a little further in the bathtub. "I am not getting married without my flowers!"
"Well technically, it's not like you have a photographer or food either" Jeff pointed out.
"That's it! I'm going to murder Abed!" Annie shouted and then stormed out of the bathroom. Jeff followed her with a grin. Damn she was hot when she was angry.
XXX
Britta came to Annie's door to see Pierce, Troy and Abed all standing outside.
"What is it?" Britta asked.
"Annie called me off of Shirley's phone. She sounded angry. I think she knows" Abed explained.
"Oh crap! I'm gonna kill Jeff!" Britta exclaimed.
"I think before we kill Jeff, we should make sure Annie's okay. 'Cos you guys know if she starts crying, we're stuck with her for the rest of the day" Troy said.
"Yeah we know Troy, we were there for the Thanksgiving incident of 2013" Britta said, glaring a Pierce.
"For the last time, it's not my fault. It was dark, anyone could have made that mistake" Pierce said. Britta and Troy shook their heads at him.
"Focus! We need to find a way to comfort Annie without making her cry" Abed said, and knocked on the door.
The door was opened by a grinning Jeff. Troy and Pierce gasped. Abed frowned and cocked his head. Britta punched Jeff in the chest.
"Britta, what the hell?" Jeff held his chest in pain.
"You ran away!" Britta exclaimed.
"Yes, clearly. Even though I'm standing in Annie's room, I obviously ran away" Jeff said,sarcastically. Still rubbing the spot where Britta punched him.
Britta squeaked out a small "Oops."
"But we couldn't find you anywhere" Troy said.
"I do have a cell phone, Troy. You could have just called me" Jeff said. "I can't believe you guys have such little faith in me. I love Annie, I'd never run away."
Britta, Troy and Pierce looked ashamed. Abed still looked confused.
"Where's Annie?" He asked.
"Right here, you stupid moron" Annie said, walking out of the bathroom with two rolls of toilet paper. Followed by Shirley.
"Technically, a moron is some one who's stupid so..."
"Shut up, Jeff!" Annie walked over to Abed and hit him on the arm. "Why are you trying to ruin my life?"
"Um.."
"This wedding was perfect, Abed. It was my masterpiece. My life's work. No wedding could ever compare to this wedding and then you killed it. And you're supposed to be the best man!" Annie shouted. Everyone else in the room looked terrified of the little brunette, except for who Abed still looked confused..
"I already told Jeff, it's so we'd fit our genre better."
"This isn't TV Abed!" Annie shouted. She was so high pitched that everyone held their ears at the sound. Abed even flinched a little. "My wedding is supposed to start in ten minutes, but it won't because of you. So you and everyone else here is going to help make everything right for my dream wedding or else you'll never see the light of day again!"
"Listen to her Abed, she has a crafty Jew brain" Pierce whispered to Abed.
"Say the whole word!" Annie squeaked. Jeff put his arm around her to calm her down.
"Abed, I know you want to fit our genre, but wouldn't it be better if we went against the traditions of comedy. You know, so the viewers don't feel like they're watching just another sitcom wedding" Jeff said. Abed thought about it for a second, then nodded.
"Okay, I think that could work."
"Great. So what do we do?" Jeff asked.
"I don't know. What are the problems?" Abed asked.
"Well for starters, Britta looks like a hobo" Annie said. Britta looked insulted.
"But it's Beavis and Butt-head!"
"Who?" Troy and Annie said together.
"You're not that younk!" Shirley snapped again.
"Shirley, shut up, you're sick" Jeff said. Shirley glared at him.
"Well what am I supposed to wear?" Britta asked.
"I don't know, maybe the pretty dress I picked out just for you" Annie said.
"That's at home."
"You could wear Shirley's dress" Jeff said.
"Whad now?" Shirley asked.
"Shirley, you're too sick to be in a wedding" Jeff said.
"I'm nod sigg!"
"What language is she speaking?" Pierce asked. Jeff gave Shirley an "I told you so" look.
"Bud I wanna be in the weddink" Shirley whined.
"Britta's still single. You can be in her wedding" Jeff said. Britta opened her mouth to give some speech about why marriage is a joke and she'll never go down that road, but Pierce beat her to it.
"That's ridiculous, Britta's never gonna get married" Pierce said. "Same sex marriage isn't legal in Colorado."
Britta glared at him.
"Shirley, you can sit in the front row and watch, but you're too sick to be maid of honor, now. So just let Britta do it" Annie said.
"Well, whad am I suppozed do wear?"
"You can wear her Butt-face and Beef-head T-shirt." Shirley looked at the shirt in disgust.
"You just had do be Bridda on their weddink day, didn't you?" Britta mouthed, her an "I'm sorry" as they went to the bathroom to swap clothes.
"Now for the other wardrobe malfunction" Annie turned to Jeff. "Swap shirts with Pierce."
"I don't wanna wear his shirt" Pierce and Jeff said together.
"Well, Troy's has blood on it, and Abed's would be too small." Jeff looked insulted so Annie added, "Because you're muscly, not fat."
"Okay, fine" Pierce said, and began unbuttoning his shirt.
"Not here!" Troy shouted quickly.
"Your loss" Pierce said, as he walked out of the room, followed by a reluctant Jeff.
"And you two" Annie said, turning to Troy and Abed. "We need a photographer."
"I can do it" Abed said.
"Okay, and what about our flower problem?"
"Oh, I know how to make origami!" Troy exclaimed, happily. Annie and Abed stared at him in confusion.
"I can make flowers out of napkins" Troy elaborated.
Annie sighed. "I guess that'll have to do." Troy nodded and ran out of the room to find paper.
"What about the food?"
"I still know how to make chicken fingers" Abed said. "We could just buy some at the store and I could make them."
"Chicken fingers at a wedding?"
"Better than pork chops."
"You ordered the pork chops."
"Sorry."
"It's fine. Just go make some chicken fingers, and fast."
Abed ran out of the room urgently, while Shirley and Britta re-entered in each others clothes.
"You wouldn'd believe id! Bridda's jeans fid me!" Shirley exclaimed.
"You should join the sisterhood" Jeff said as he and Pierce returned. The dress was a little too big on Britta, as was the shirt on Jeff. The pink shirt squeezed Pierce a little, while Britta's clothes, oddly fit Shirley perfectly. Annie tried not to laugh at her friends ridiculous looks.
"What now?" Shirley asked.
"Go stall the wedding" Annie said. Shirley and Britta nodded and left. Pierce was right behind them but was stopped by Jeff.
"Don't flirt with my mom" He said in a warning tone.
"Jeffrey, I can't help it. Margaret and I have a special connection."
"What connection?"
"We're in love."
"You've known her for a day!" Jeff exclaimed, angrily.
"I can't help it Jeffrey, her love is my drug" Pierce said.
"Okay Kesha, but if you say that to her she'll probably file a restraining order" Jeff said. Pierce shrugged and walked out of the room. Jeff turned to his fiancée and smiled.
"And then there were two" He said. "You're really hot when you take charge by the way" He walked over to her and put his arms around her ready to kiss her, but she was completely distracted.
"We still need to find a guitarist" She said.
"We'll take care of it later" Jeff said.
"We can't wait 'till later, our wedding started five minutes ago" She protested.
"Okay fine, I'll call a guitarist in a second" Jeff said, and tried to kiss her. Annie backed away.
"What guitarist?" She asked like it was the most important thing in the universe.
"Annie, relax, I'll take care of it."
"That's what you said this morning, and look what happened."
"That's 'cos I was going up against Abed. You know that's not a fair fight."
"We still have another problem."
"What?"
"My hair looks gross" She said. Jeff smiled.
"So take it down. I always liked it better down anyway."
"What about Dean Pelton?"
"We'll put him with my grandfather with dementia."
"How come now you can solve all the problems?"
"Because I want sex" Jeff said with a grin.
"I'm in my wedding dress."
"Well by all means, please take it off."
"You'll see it."
"I'll close my eyes."
"No, remember last time you tried to do this with your eyes closed?"
"It wasn't so bad, I only hurt my leg a little."
"You broke it."
"T'was but a scratch."
"Jeff, we're not having sex now."
At that moment Grandma walked in.
"What happened? They said you were running late. Did you change your mind? Do you want me to get Salomon?"
"Salomon?" Jeff asked giving Annie a suspicious look. Annie rolled her eyes.
"Everything's fine, Grandma." Grandma nodded and then glared at Jeff.
"Jeffrey" She said coldly.
"Gertrude" He replied, with the same tension.
"Nice to see you again."
"You too."
"We missed you at Hanukkah last year."
"Yes well, I had to work."
"And you're not Jewish."
"That too."
Grandma forced a smile to him. He forced one back.
"Well, congratulations to both of you" She said, awkwardly.
"Thanks." Grandma nodded once more before she left. Jeff turned to Annie.
"Salomon?"
"You don't wanna know."
"Your grandmother hates me."
"No she doesn't" Annie tried. Jeff looked skeptical. "She just hates that you're not Jewish."
"You know, I could convert if you'd like" Jeff said.
"You don't have to do that" Annie said.
"I know, but I don't want your grandmother to hate me for the rest of our lives" Jeff said.
"You'd convert just to please my grandmother?"
"Well yeah, she's practically family, right?" Jeff said, bashfully. Annie smiled and started undoing his tie.
"What are you doing?"Jeff asked, the corners of his lips beginning to curl upwards.
"Pre-wedding sex. I don't think that's been done before in a sitcom wedding" Annie said with a smirk.
"What about the dress?"
"Jeff, we're eating chicken fingers for food. I don't think we could have anymore bad luck."
"Yeah but chicken fingers are-" Jeff never finished the sentence. Instead Annie kissed him. He pulled the bedsheets from around her and started unzipping her dress. She pushed him towards the bed. When they fell on it together, Annie pulled away and began to giggle. Jeff watched her with the special Annie look on his face. He ran his hand gently down the side of her face.
"What?" Annie asked self-consciously. Oh god, her hair wasn't turning him off was it? Of course it was. Ugh, why did she let Atalay do this to her.
"You're gonna be Mrs Winger today" He said with a smile.
"You make me sound like your mom" Annie said blushing.
"No, my mom is Mrs Hawthorne" He said with disgust. Annie laughed.
"I love you."
"Save it for the alter, Edison." Annie grinned, and kissed him again.
XXX
Despite everything that had happened, the wedding went perfectly. But in a rather imperfect way. If Jeff had to describe it he'd probably say it was "incredibly Greendale". Which indeed it was, to the point of nostalgia. There was nothing more Greendale than walking down the aisle to Vaughn playing Annie's song, (Annie didn't think hiring Vaughn was much different then letting a high guitarist play, but they figured barefoot hippie was better than stoned out guy they don't know), while Abed took pictures on the best camera he could find, and the the flower girl threw bits of origami that Troy made.
Annie had let her hair down, like Jeff had suggested, which had made him give her the Annie look again and had given her flashbacks to studying for debate and a perfect first kiss.
Jeff had told his mother Pierce was gay, which wasn't hard to believe since he was wearing a tight pink shirt. Pierce of course, kept cluelessly flirting with her until a pointy nosed man with Jeff's eyes showed up.
"Who's that douche?" Pierce had asked Jeff, jealousy written across his face.
"Dear old dad" Jeff had answered. After that Pierce kept his distance for a while. (Not that it mattered, by the end of the reception he and Margaret were caught making out in a closet, by Britta. She didn't tell Jeff, she figured his day had been stressful enough).
Shirley sat with Mr and Mrs Edison and watched the wedding while Britta played maid of honor and Troy played best man. Abed was busy taking pictures like he was some kind of crazy paparazzo.
The ceremony was beautiful. Mr and Mrs Edison cried. Shirley cried. Margaret Winger cried. Britta cried. Troy cried. And whole lot of other family members cried with them. Annie thought she even saw Jeff's eyes get watery for a moment, not that he'd ever admit it of course. He was grinning at her for the whole thing. Her heart was racing throughout the entire ceremony. She was afraid she'd trip walking down the aisle, or say her vows wrong, or Jeff would suddenly realize he didn't want to marry her and run away. But none of that happened. Everything went smoothly. She said her "I do" a little fast and Jeff had smiled and mouthed "you're adorable" to her. And then they'd shared a kiss that was better than any other kiss they'd ever shared, because she was standing at an alter with Jeff Winger, in a magic dress.
The reception was a lot of fun. Dean Pelton had Abed take a special picture to send to Greendale and have painted in their old study room. Vaughn sang Britta's a B which was a huge hit among guests. Pierce even played keyboard with him. Britta was initially angry at first but then Abed asked her to dance and she cheered up a bit. Annie danced with her dad for a while, while Jeff tried to get on Grandma's good side. He wasn't very successful but the fact that he was trying made Annie want to kiss him over and over again.
They had sex in the bedroom. Again. Twice. Then they went back to the reception. Jeff danced with Shirley. Pierce danced with Margaret, (which didn't bother her son for the first time all day), Troy and Britta did some crazy skilled waltz dance that caused the whole room to clap for them. Pierce even took over the music so Vaughn could dance with Annie for a bit.
Troy and Britta both improvised toasts seeing as neither of them were supposed to give a toast in the first place. Britta's was all about how she didn't believe in marriage but she believed in Jeff and Annie. Jeff thought it was lame, but in a Britta sort of way. Annie cried and hugged her. Troy's toast was a rap he made up on the spot, and some lines didn't make sense, but everyone clapped at the end anyway.
The chicken fingers were a hit, and ran out pretty quickly, (which was no surprise to the group), Abed had to run to the store to get more and the dean even offered him a job as Head of the Chicken Department at Greendale. Abed thanked him but said his chicken mafia days were behind him.
At the end of the night Margaret caught the bouquet, which made Jeff beg Annie to throw it again. She didn't want to but Margaret let her saying something about how she knows her son. Troy intercepted it the second time, which led to some "Troy and Abed are gay together" jokes from Pierce.
By 4am all the guests had left. The only people still there were the study group and Vaughn. Pierce had brought down a boombox so Vaughn could stop playing. They were halfway through Madonna's greatest hits. Vaughn was teaching Troy to play hackey sack. Shirley was asleep from all the drowsy cold medicine she'd taken. Pierce had disappeared around the time that Jeff's mom had left. Britta and Abed were playing poker with a deck of cards they had found, and Jeff and Annie were swaying to Like a Prayer.
"Hey, wife?"
"Yes, husband?"
"Nothing, I just like saying you're my wife" Jeff said with a grin. Annie kissed him. "I wonder what this wedding would have been like if everything had gone right" He said.
"I don't think it would have made sense if things went as planned" Annie said.
"Why not?"
"Well, we met at Greendale" Annie explained. "If we didn't go through all those crazy days at Greendale we never would have fallen in love."
"We also would have never met the people who ruined our wedding" Jeff said.
"Ruining our wedding kind of made it the perfect Greendale wedding though" She said. Jeff shrugged.
"Or the perfect sitcom wedding" He added.
"Imagine some one made a sitcom about Greendale" Annie said with a laugh.
"Don't tell Abed, you know he'd pitch that idea" Annie giggled and leaned in closer to Jeff.
"Hey, husband?"
"Yes, wife?"
"I love you."
"Good, or else we'd have some serious problems down the line."
Annie giggled and kissed him again. "How about we get out of here?" She asked, with a smirk.
"Why wife, I like the way you think" Jeff said and started to walk her away.
"And thus began the long and happy life of Annie and Jeff Winger."
"Abed, what are you doing?" Britta asked staring at him in confusion.
"Voice over."
"That's really weird." Abed shrugged.
"So who in the group do you think will get married next?" He asked.
"Pierce and Jeff's mom" Britta said with a chuckle.
"Or Troy, he caught the bouquet" Abed said.
"Oh, you two would have an awesome wedding" Britta said with a smirk.
"Troy wouldn't be the person I'd marry from the group" Abed said. There was an odd sparkle in his eye that made Britta feel incredibly aware of how close they were.
"Well, I definitely won't be the one getting married" She said nervously.
"Maybe" Abed said.
"Maybe?" Britta repeated, like if he said she would get married there was nothing she could do to change that fact.
"You might change your mind" Abed said. It didn't sound like he was sure of it. He wasn't analyzing her and pointing out some observation he'd made. It was just something he seemed hopeful for. It made Britta's heart race.
"Yeah?" Britta asked.
"Yeah" He said with a warm smile. Then he put his cards down. "Royal flush."
Britta smiled nervously. "You win Abed." Abed smiled back.
"Let's hope so."
XXX
Six months later...
The group stood in study group room F staring at the large wall beside their old study table. In front of them was a mural with a lifesized painting of Jeff and Annie.
"It's something alright" Britta said.
"I think it's nice" Shirley said. They all turned to see Jeff and Annie's reactions to it. Annie looked like she was trying to find something good to say about it but couldn't. Jeff looked annoyed.
"My nose is not that pointy" He said.
"And Annie's boobs are not that small" Pierce added. Jeff was too appalled by the mural to glare at Pierce.
"And my hair is way better than that monstrosity."
"It looks like bad photoshop" Troy said.
"They don't give Annie's Disney eyes justice" Abed pointed out. Everyone nodded with him.
"And she's not as skinny in real life" Pierce said.
"For the last time Pierce, I'm pregnant!" Annie said angrily.
"Excuses, excuses."
At that moment Dean Pelton walked in. "Well, well, I see you've found our special Winger mural. What do you think?" He asked.
"Why do we have halos?" Jeff asked. Annie hit him to shut him up.
"We love it" She said with a fake smile. The dean beamed back at them.
"Oh goody! So can we expect to do another one for Abed and Britta?" He asked. Britta and Abed's eyes widened in fear.
"You know, I think if you put one of Abed and I, it would take away from the beauty of this one" Britta said.
"Oh get over yourself Britta, they're a hot couple, they'll survive" The dean said. Jeff tried not to laugh at Britta's confusion of whether or not she should be insulted.
"You know, I think you guys should do it" He said, giving Abed a mischievous look.
"Oh no" Abed said.
"What?"
"Payback." He gave Jeff a fearful look. Jeff had an evil smirk on his face.
"Dean Pelton, if you don't get some one to paint a Nadir mural in here, I'll paint one myself" Jeff said enthusiastically. The dean grinned.
"Fantastic, I'll go get the art class on it right away."
Britta and Abed glared at Jeff when Dean Pelton had left.
"I hate you" Britta said as she left the study room.
"Well played Winger" said Abed following her. Shirley, Troy and Pierce all went with them.
"You know, your nose is kind of pointy" Annie noted.
"How dare you?" Jeff said with faux-insult. Annie smiled.
"It's not that bad" She looked at the mural again.
"Yeah, it's good for a Greendalian" Jeff said.
"You're gonna pay some one to paint over it aren't you?" Annie had a knowing look on her face.
"If they don't paint over it, I'll paint over it myself" He said, with the same enthusiasm he used when he was talking to the dean. Annie kissed him.
"That's why I love you."
THE END