Wow, this took forever and a day to get out. I'm sorry, I just kept putting it off. I wrote 3/4ths of this just now, took me a good 3 hours. I hope you like it. It's totally different than I had planned but that's what happens when you write, things go different ways.
Disclaimer: If I owned Camp Rock, I'd fail since I haven't updated in forever, so keep dreaming.
The next few hours without Shane were terrible. I knew he was sorry for…whatever had came over him, but I needed time to understand what was happening.
Why was he acting so strange? Not only today, but he's been like this before. Almost like he's hiding something and he can't take it anymore…
I shake my head. Shane would never hide anything from me, major or minor. I'm probably just blowing this way out of proportion.
But still, that noise could have been anything. And I've never seen this…sexual side of Shane before. We've always taken it slow, never rushed into anything during our real 6 month relationship. I had taken a vow of purity and I'm determined to stick with it. I'm pretty sure Shane did too, but he doesn't wear his ring anymore.
I shrug and start working on a song. Times like these are the best song writing opportunities. I spend a few minutes just sitting on my bed, thinking about everything that's happened. An idea forms in my head, a strange song, but it works. I work on it for about an hour before someone knocks on my door.
"Come in," I mutter, looking at the words I had written.
I hear the door open and someone walk in, but they don't make a sound. I look over the words one more time before looking up to see Shane's sheepish figure standing in the doorway. I roll my eyes and turn away.
"Mitchie…" he sighs out. "I'm sorry, it's just… I don't know."
"Way to be descriptive, Shane," I mutter.
"Mitchie, I'm just… I'm afraid of losing you, okay?" he rushes out.
I scrunch my eyebrows together in confusion. "What?" I ask as I turn to face him.
"I'm scared, Mitchie. Scared you'll find something better. Scared that… that you won't want me anymore…" Shane looks anywhere but my face, his eyes seemingly searching the room for something.
I sigh. "Shane, look at me." It takes him a few moments, but his eyes eventually reach mine. I stand up and take his hands into mine. "You never have to worry about that. I could never not want you, as awkward as that sentence sounds." He smiles a bit but keeps his confused/serious/sad expression on. "I'm serious. I got you and I'm never letting go." He nods and looks down. I sigh and let go of his hands. "Shane, that's not all that's wrong, is it?" He stiffens and I shake my head. "I'm not mad at you, Shane… just tell me when you're ready." I grab my song book and swiftly leave the cabin.
I feel like I'm running away… but I'm not. Shane seemed confused about something lately and I think it's better if he works it out on his own than pulling myself into it. We'd only fight again, I'm sure. I ran into Caitlyn on my way to the kitchen. I figured I could do something useful while Shane simmered down.
"Hey! What's up?" Caitlyn and her bubbly self ask me.
"Don't want to talk about it," I mumble, taking a seat next to a building.
"What's wrong?" she asks as she wrapped an arm around me.
"I don't know, Shane's being so distant lately and it's like he's a whole nother person. Sometimes I get those moments when it's the Shane I know and love, but they're becoming far and few. It's like something happened to him… or something…" I lean on Caitlyn's shoulder. I may have been confident in my cabin, but all of it disappeared when I wasn't lecturing Shane about it. Maybe I share his same fears but I never wanted to say them aloud…
"Mitchie, it's gonna be okay. Just let Shane chill for a bit, he'll come back to his senses. Trust me, he's a boy, what do you expect?" she giggles, causing me to laugh. I wiped my tears away and decided it wasn't worth it. Our fight was probably about something stupid and we'd be back together before supper.
"Hey, I wrote this song. It doesn't have music yet but it's in my head," I told her as I showed her my song book. She read my new song, called Quiet, in fascination.
"Good stuff," she finally smirked, giving it back. I smile and we head off to the kitchen.
"Hey, Mom," I greet her with a kiss on the cheek as I go to grab an apron. "Do you need help?"
"Sure, you girls can turn those meat rolls into patties, please," she warmly smiles at us and continues to cut vegetables. "So what's going on? I feel so out of the loop," my mom pouts.
"That's because you are," I chuckle, getting my hands sticky with the beef.
"Shane and Mitchie are having problems," Caitlyn pipes up.
I quickly turn to her and hiss "Caitlyn!"
"What? She's your mom, maybe she can help you," Caitlyn defends herself with her hands up.
"What's wrong with you and Shane?" my mom asks.
I sigh. "I don't know, he's just… different," I say vaguely as I try to finish my job at hand.
"What kind of different?" she presses.
"Mom," I kinda change the subject, knowing I'll probably get in trouble for it. "When did you and dad… you know… do it?"
My mom's mouth drops open at my question. I'm surprised it didn't hit the ground. "WHAT?!" she screeches at me. I flinch and regret asking, immediately going back to the food.
"Never mind, just forget I asked," I mumble, my cheeks reddening profusely.
My mom sighs and looks at both Caitlyn and me before cleaning her hands off and sitting down. "Girls, come here," she beckons us. We clean up a bit and sit in front of her.
"Have you guys… done… anything yet?" she asked us.
I blush harder as we both shake our heads. "Only kissing," I lowly mutter.
She nods. "I'd like to tell you stories of how my first time was my wedding night, but that would be lying. I know how hard it is to wait, I've been there, I've done that." I stare at her in shock, shocked that my mother was a kid once. I mean she obviously was, but I can only see her as a mother, the authoritative type, not someone who was in my position years ago. "I was 17 actually," she continues, looking up as if to a memory. "It was with my first love, Kevin. We were together for 5 years, but we fell apart." Hmm, sounds familiar, doesn't it? "I don't regret it because I truly loved him and he loved me. It's something special that you can only share once. I don't want you guys to waste it on the wrong person," she looks seriously at us.
"I know Shane's the right person for me, but lately… he's been having doubts," I sigh. "He's also getting… a bit more… risqué, I think would be the best word to describe it." I cover my face with my hands. I don't really want to be having this conversation with my mother.
My mom leans in and rubs my back. "It's okay, I'm sure Shane's just going through a phase," she tries to comfort me.
"It's not a phase!" I say whiney. I hate that. "Shane's been like that ever since I graduated. Maybe it's something I've done wrong…"
"Mitchie, I'm sure it's not you," Caitlyn says something for the first time in a while. I look at her."Shane's lucky to have you," she adds, making me smile.
"You have to say that, though…" I say quietly.
Caitlyn bites her lips before speaking again. "Mitchie, I can admit, at times you're controlling and sometimes downright bitchy." I gasp but she continues. "You jump to conclusions and you hate being told what to do, but guess what? We love you for who you are, and whoever doesn't is messed up in the head." I shake my head; only Caitlyn can turn an insult into a compliment.
"She's right, you know," my mom said smiling at me.
I nod and look at my support system, two people who really care about me. "Thanks," I whisper with tears in my eyes.
"Aww!" Caitlyn coos. "This is like in the movies when they have that really girly moment that makes one of them feel special." She finishes by putting her hands together next to her face in a sentimental way.
"Way to ruin it, Cait," I laugh, getting my mother and Caitlyn to laugh along too. Soon all serious talk was over and we began working on the first dinner together again.
I bump into Shane later in the day as I try to work out the chords to my new song.
"Sorry," he mutters before noticing it's me. He opens his mouth then closes it again. "Sorry," he mutters again.
"You said that already," I smirk, remembering a similar scenario happening just last year.
"Sor-" he catches himself and grins at me. "How are you?" he asks as we walk together. Where to, I don't know and I think we both don't really care.
"I've been… writing a song," I change what I was going to say at the last second. Saying 'I've been better' wouldn't make Shane feel any better himself.
"Really? Can I see?" he asks as he reaches for my song book. I pull it out of his reach.
"Uh uh, not yet, I'll sing it at the Beach Jam," I smile, a little nervous of him hearing it. It's about him, he'll know from the first line. Maybe it'll open his eyes at what he's doing to me though.
Shane smiles at me. "Okay." He hesitantly puts his arm around my waist, and when I don't object, he holds me tighter. "Are we good now?" he asks as we reach the infamous lake.
"We'll see." I smile for his benefit when he starts looking worried. "You know, I think you're starting to get bipolar nowadays," I comment. "Liking me one second, rejecting me the nex-"
"Look, can you just not bring it up?" Shane snaps at me as he pulls a canoe down to the shore. He stops and sighs, turning to me with apologetic eyes. "Mitch," he sighs again as I shake my head and walk away. I'm starting to think he really is bipolar or something.
"Mitch, please," he begs as he catches up to me and grabs my arm. I stop walking but I don't turn around.
"Shane, I don't want you to keep pushing me around. Either you like me or you don't, make your mind." I turn around and look at him expectantly. He groans and looks away for a few seconds before realizing I'm not gonna stop. I want my answer now.
"Mitch, you know I love you," he says, trying to wrap his arms around me but I pull away. The hurt shows in his eyes before he could compose himself. "But it's hard, baby…"
"Hard how?!" I yell at him. "You keep saying it's hard, why can't you just tell me?!"
Shane looks down defeated. "I can't…" he mumbles.
I shake my head. "Then I can't be with you." And I finally walk away.
Oh snap! I wasn't expecting that either, but I'm going with it. :)
Please review! Maybe it won't take me 3 months to get the next chapter out!