I have something to say... before people get angry about me using the word "faggotry", don't. I am not against gays. Not even in the slightest, in fact, one of my favorite people in the world is gay (Even though he's kind of a bitch and makes fun of me for over-pronouncing my "r's"). And I am pansexual, myself. If you don't know what that is you can look it up. So please, people... it's not bad to say something is gay or to call a gay person a fag unless you truly mean it in an offensive way. Most of them will just laugh along with you if you're their friend.
And, not to mention, this is only a story. So no flames for that, please. No flames at all would be nice, but I can't tell people that. And I do like people who critique my work. If you see me doing something repetitive and it annoys you just tell me. Or if you think I should change something about some part I will think about it. Just make it constructive criticism. Thank you. :D
What is your vision of Adeline and Damien? Banners would be really cool if people want to make them. I keep envisioning Adeline as Taylor Momsen. Most people aren't a fan of her, but I think she's extremely gorgeous. Not sure how I envision Damien yet, though. Hmmm...
Oh yeah. REVIEW PLEASE. It makes me update faster.
x x x x
"So, I'll see you at school tomorrow?" I smiled and nodded at Eli, slipping out of the car then sticking my head into the passenger side window.
"Thanks for the ride, Eli. You're kind of a lifesaver."
He flashed his signature smirk once again. "I'd be kind of a dick if I didn't. Besides, it's safe to say we're friends now right? I couldn't let you walk all the way here. It would have taken you at least 20 minutes, whereas it would only take 5 minutes of my time."
"You know, behind that mysterious, dark exterior lies such a sweet man. I bet you get all the ladies." I grinned.
"Well, I try to get the ladies, but most are scared off by Morty here before I get much of a chance. Luckily, those are all the ones I am not interested in. I better get going though, see you tomorrow, Adeline." He waved me off and stepped on the gas to get going.
I waved at him as he drove off, feeling the little tini tiny butterflies swarming around my tummy and trying to make their way up my throat where I let a sigh escape between my lips. He was just... wonderful. And we were friends, which is what I wanted, but why do I feel like I want it to be so much more than that? No. Like I said before, a relationship is the last thing I need. I need to protect myself... but if it became friends with benefits I wouldn't stop it. I smiled to myself and started to walk to the little quaint house we moved into the other night. It was small, but Damien and I didn't need much.
"Why did I see you just get dropped off by a hearse? Do they drive the winner of the Dead Hand tickets home in a hearse as a practical joke to parents and guardians or what?" Damien asked as he opened the front door to the house to let me in.
"No, actually! That was my new friend Eli. It's his car. He named it Morty. And I got two Dead Hand tickets, Eli got one and my other new friend Adam got one as well. Meaning, I give you one and you drive us in your nicely working car to the show on Monday!" I smiled, handing him the ticket which he took gladly.
"Awh, we aren't going to take the hearse? But it would be so much more fitting!" Damien laughed, making me punch him in the arm.
"You know, that makes sense, but Eli says his car isn't likely to make it up there. I guess Morty breaks down almost every week." I shrugged, grabbing an orange off the fruit bowl in the middle of the table.
I guess Damien's faggotry already kicked in because he had already designed the interior in the house and put everything in its proper place. Just to clear the air, that was not a joke of his feminism, Damien really is gay. And I wouldn't take him any other way.
"I better go get this make-up off and wash my face, then we can eat dinner and then have dessert and watch a good old horror movie before bed?" I said as I finished the rest of my orange. Damien was a vegan, too. Which made it a lot easier for me. It's nice not having to read ingredients on every package in your own house.
"Sounds perfect. I have cauliflower and vegan french bread and hummus for dinner and almond milk. Sound good? And then your favorite Rice Dream ice cream!" Damien replied, pulling on one of the two Hello Kitty aprons we bought at the Sanrio store. We couldn't resist. Damien loved Hello Kitty and i loved Chococat. Our living room literally looks like a Japanese toy store. It could not be helped.
x x x x
I let out the longest yawn I had ever conjured up in my life as I slammed my hand down onto the very, very annoying alarm clock. My bed was way too comfy to leave. The sheets were pure silk and my blanket was so soft and... just my whole bed was warm, but then I remembered Eli and his adorable cocky smirk and shot straight out of bed. Which would probably look pretty funny to most people since my room was designed to look like a vampire queen's lair. I wasn't necessarily a fan of vampires, but that is the easiest way to describe my room. A beautifully dark color scheme of red and black.
I rushed to get ready, not daring to wear heels again today since my feet suffered enough the day before, I wore black tights, a red plaid halter dress and black boots. And again, my leather jacket which I refused to leave the house without. I did my normal makeup, eyes circled in black and a dark red lipstick and went on my way downstairs, popping a couple pieces of wheat bread in the toaster.
"Your friend with the hearse is here. He so kindly said that he'd take you to school so I don't have to!" Damien grinned, holding his cup of tea in one hand and wearing a lime green silk robe.
"Well, I had to do something since you're taking us to the concert. Thought I would take her off your hands. Besides, I couldn't wait to see her again anyway." Eli winked at me and I blushed.
"Shut up. You don't mean that, Eli. And thanks Damien, for gracing us with your nearly naked presence. You can go in the living room and watch Zim now." Damien stuck his tongue out at me and I returned the favor.
"So where are your parents? I was expecting a disapproving father to stare me down and ask me if I violated his daughter and question my choice of vehicle." Eli walked into the kitchen, sitting up on the counter as my wheat bread popped out of the toaster for me to spread my peanut butter over.
"Ah, you won't have to worry about that, because my brother Damien is my guardian." I didn't look up at Eli, I just focused on my toast and hoped that he wouldn't question it any further.
"Oh, I see. Well, anyway. I was expecting a more extravagant vegan breakfast when I walked in here for some reason, but you really don't eat that much food." He stared down at the toast I was eating.
"Oh! No. I'm going to have a bowl of cereal, too. And an apple on the way to school." I grinned, pulling out plain Cheerios and our Almond milk.
"Just plain Cheerios? Without the honey? Wouldn't the honey make it have more taste? I can't imagine eating just plain Cheerios." Eli's face was still in shock at my food choices, and it was rather amusing.
"Yeah. I can't have honey. Honey comes from bees." I laughed at his expression, his face just dropped.
"You are seriously one hardcore vegan." He said, jumping off the counter and getting really close to me, only to stop me from overflowing my cereal with almond milk.
My face turned a deep red. I must have been so focused on laughing at him that I forgot to pay attention to what I was doing. He was so close to me, with his chest against my back, I wanted to lean into it and have his arms wrapped around me. But that wasn't going to happen, I looked up at him and smiled and he smirked back, seeming to lean in closer... and closer. I leaned in too as he closed his eyes and I did too. Our lips barely touched when a voice came booming into the room.
"Addie, you have 10 minutes to get to school. You better eat fast!" I sighed. God damn, Damien, ruining a perfect moment. Eli backed away and leaned against the counter, watching me stuff my food into my mouth before throwing it into the sink and grabbing my morning apple off the table.
"Let's go." I said, even though there was an apple clenched between my teeth and I was struggling to put my backpack on.
Eli smirked. Again. The fucking smirk is going to be the death of me! Literally, this was not okay. I was going to become a pile of putty very, very quickly if he kept doing things like this.
x x x x
Eli and I peeled into the parking lot blasting A Day to Remember and singing at the top of our lungs. He had wonderful taste in music and didn't mind me acting like a retard dancing and singing because he did the same thing. It was nice feeling like we just didn't care what the world thought, but then reality checked in when the music stopped and we started walking into the school. I bumped into some football jock who twirled around and started running his mouth.
"Watch where you're going freak girl!" He yelled. I spun around to be faced with 'Jacob Black' in the flesh and scoffed.
"Please, my bony body couldn't have possibly hurt you, so stop your bitching." I glared at him, which had to be scary enough with my thickly lined eyes.
"You know, you're so pathetic I doubt any guy would want you. They'd probably fuck you and then leave you for dead in a ditch." That hit me. I looked to the ground and shifted my eyes at the people around watching. "Oh! Was I right? Did a guy already do that to you because you're not worth anyone's fucking time?"
"Hey! Do you really think yelling at a girl makes you a man? No, really. Inform me of that because to me the only pathetic one here is you. And any girl who gets involved with you gets screwed over and left behind so I don't think you should be talking, you fucking moron!" I was surprised to see Eli standing up for me, but I couldn't stop my body from shaking.
I couldn't help, but feel bad about myself, because what he said was true. It had happened to me and I felt worthless. That's why I can't believe in love anymore. There was a big hole in my heart and it was like none of the colors ever light up anymore in this hole. And I wasn't sure how to change that, but whenever I thought about it, whenever someone or something reminded me, my whole body shook and my heart hurt and I would cry. And I could feel the panic attack coming on.
I watched the jock grab Eli by the shirt and throw him against the lockers. "What the fuck did you just say to me death boy?" He yelled in his ear.
"Oh, please. You don't scare me, Drew." I started to feel frantic.
"Fuck! Stop it, please! Stop!" I screamed it, I couldn't help it. I was getting to the edge and it was so easy for me to do. I walked up and grabbed Drew's arm, slicing my long nails into his skin so he'd let go.
"Ow, fuck! What the hell are you?" He yelled, blood racing down his arm as he let Eli go.
I ignored him, grabbing Eli's hand and running away with him. I ran until I couldn't see people anymore and stopped. I had been crying and I could feel my chest tightening up. My breathing was quick and I kept gasping for air.
"Are... are you okay, Adeline?" Eli put his hand on my shoulder and I dropped to the ground.
"No... no I'm not okay. Not right now. You should go to class. Tell Mrs. Kwan I'll be there soon. I'm fine with a tardy I just need to fix myself up and calm down, okay?" I watched black tears fall onto the floor, probably from all my make-up that I would desperately need to fix.
"I don't want to leave you like this, Adeline." He looked at me sadly, crouching down on the ground behind me and wrapping his arms around me.
"I'll be fine, Eli. I just need to make myself look decent and I'll be there." I looked up and gave him a faint smile.
"Okay. If you're not back in class in 10 minutes though, I am coming to find you." He leaned over and pressed his lips to my cheek.
"I will be there. Don't worry."
x x x x
I ran to the bathroom. Looking up to stare at my reflection in my mirror. Surprisingly my makeup wasn't that smeared up, but I still needed a new layer of foundation and my eye make up definitely needed to be touched up, but other than that it wasn't too terrible. Nothing that couldn't be easily fixed, but that was not the only reason I needed to be by myself.
"As times like this run up my wrist, she hates all of the guts and blood." I whispered to myself, taking out my perfectly sharpened razor.
It wasn't for attention. It wasn't something I told people, but this little glint of metal really pulled you away from reality. The physical pain numbed all the emotional pain and it would make everything quiet. It would stall all the voices in my head telling me I wasn't good enough. It would stop me from worrying about when I got too close to Eli he would do the same thing the last boy did. It would stop me from my Dad haunting my dreams. It stopped me from feeling all the pain, from feeling that little void in my heart that couldn't be filled.
I stared down the razor as it glinted in the light and watched it move to my wrist, cutting a thin line across and took me away. The cut stung, a stinging sensation you could only get from a razor. I could use a scissors, or a knife and maybe that wouldn't sting as badly, but the sting occupied my mind, made me forget. I closed my eyes and let the feeling take over for a moment before putting the razor back in its case in my bag and cleaning off my wound, wrapping it in gauze so it wouldn't leak through or drip down during school. The bleeding would stop soon. I only go deep enough for it to sting, but not deep enough for it to kill me.
What's the point? Some might think. Why don't you just kill yourself? Get it over with? Because. I may have pain in my life, but I don't want to die. I have my brother. He is my world and the only one worth living for. And he is enough. So I wont die. I'm not selfish enough to kill myself just because I'm sick of the world. There are other people's feelings involved. And I would wonder if that's what people who do commit suicide think about before they die. If they did... would it stop them? It stops me.