Chapter 15

As Kim woke up in Hank's house that morning, it felt like deja vu. Almost, anyway.

It had happened before. That she had woken up next to him. Only this time it was different. Somehow, anyway.

Yesterday after the kiss, they had talked for a long time. Kim didn't remember what they had talked about, but she had noticed that it had done Hank some good. To talk. And eventually they had fallen asleep. With Hank asleep in her arms, Kim had just woken up on his sofa. His head rested on her chest. He looked so peaceful. One could almost believe that nothing was bothering him. I mean, that he didn't have a care in the world. To think that everything was all right.

But Kim knew the truth, unfortunately.

Lost in thought, she stroked his cheek. She was worried about Hank. His feelings were all mixed up. There was so much anger in him. So much hate. So much pain. And she wanted to help him deal with it all. To make his worries and problems smaller. Not complicate it even more. But yesterday, she had just had to kiss him. To prove to herself, too, that Hank Voight didn't scare her. That he would never hurt her. Ever. And that whatever had happened there in his car, when he had tried to force himself on her, that moment of weakness, when, well, Kim still tried to block it out, even though she could clearly see the imprints of his fingers on her skin.

"I can hear you thinking."

Kim was surprised to hear Hank's voice. She hadn't realized how he had woken up. She had been too caught up thinking about everything. About him.

"You're thinking of yesterday, of us kissing. And thinking about what it means now, whether it will be different, between us. Because it will, it will be different, you and me, whether we like it or not. It won't be the same, because it shouldn't actually have happened," Hank said, able to guess her thoughts. Well, not all her thoughts.

"Not if we don't let it. And Hank, we both wanted it and not only the kiss. I know we wanted more. I, for one, wanted more. I want more. But not now," Kim reached for Hank's hand, squeezing it. Now she had said it out loud.

"The kiss, it's going to change everything because it wasn't the right thing to do, really."

"You know sometimes things don't have to be right to feel good. But this, you and me, this is . . . Uh, Hank, maybe it's just not the right time here. Not yet." It was a conversation for later - much later - what might be between them. Was this just friendship, was it more? She didn't know. Nor did she want to explore it further. Right now, it was all about Hank. And about him feeling better.

Hank turned his head and looked at her for a moment. The last few days had been an emotional roller coaster ride for him. And he still didn't know how he should really feel. Ok he knew what he felt. He sensed it. And Kim was voicing out what Hank was feeling, too. Only he couldn't admit it to himself, well not really. I mean, that there was something developing between them. He felt it, too. But it scared him. Whatever it was. His feelings. His feelings for Kim. Feelings that went beyond friendship.

"Come on, let's get breakfast," he said then, since he couldn't think of any other answer.

"Hank, I-"

"We'll get something on the way to the precinct," he then corrected his statement.

Kim nodded.

During the ride to the precinct an awkward silence lingered between Kim and Hank.

However, that was not what she wanted. Kim didn't want things to get weird between them again. For that was the last thing she wanted. Hank needed her. He needed a friend. And not a woman who kissed him constantly, gave him closeness and yet didn't know what she wanted. Well she knew what she wanted, who she wanted. But she couldn't act on it. On her feelings.

One step forward, one step back - that was what was happening between them right now. Without realizing it. But it had to stop. Now.

"Hank," she stopped him before he could get out, there was something she had to tell him "That thing last night, I wanted it. I wanted to kiss you. And if it were any other way, Hank, when this is all over, let's see what else happens."

Hank just nodded before exiting the car and walking up to Intelligence. Kim, on the other hand, remained sitting in her car for a moment. She needed a moment to herself. Not even Adam's kisses, and she had been engaged to him after all, had made her feel in such a way. So why did this one kiss do it? Why did Hank do it? Kim didn't want to know the answer. Not allow the answer to enter her mind. Not yet. There was time for feelings later on.

The knock on the car window snapped her out of her thoughts. Surprised, Kim turned her head and saw Jay. Whom was standing next to her car.

"Hey, you want to solve this case out of your car?" he asked, trying for a joke. Jay had seen Kim and Hank arrive together outside the precinct. But only Hank had gotten out.

"Oh, I was in thought. I should-"

"Tell me what he did," Jay completed her sentence, "What did Voight do?"

Kim shook her head. There was nothing to tell.

"Come on, there are two killers running around loose out there, and it's our job to catch them," Kim opined.

"You're avoiding me."

"I know."

For her, though, the subject was not up for discussion. For the moment, anyway. But not for Jay. It was enough for him. For days, his concern for Kim hadn't lessened. And later today, as he stood in front of the whiteboard in the bullpen with the team, his eyes kept wandering to their sergeant. In that moment, Jay made a decision. He would talk to him. He would warn Hank. He would warn him not to hurt Kim.

And that's exactly what Jay did.

While Kim was busy following a lead together with Kevin, Jay took advantage of the moment and went to their sergeant's office. It was time for him to tell Hank Voight what had been bothering him for a while. It was time that he had a talk with him about Kim.

"We need to talk," he therefore said as he entered Hank Voight's office.

The latter only looked at Jay questioningly. He had an idea what the other wanted to talk to him about. In fact, he had already expected it. This conversation, which now lay ahead of him.

"Kim?" Hank simply asked.

Jay nodded. So Voight had already expected this conversation. Maybe that wasn't such a bad thing, either.

"Close the door," Hank then said, waiting for Jay to say what he had come into his office. Hank suspected that Jay wanted him to stay away from Kim. And Hank wasn't sure how he would respond to such a demand.

Jay closed the door and leaned against it. He crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"I've been watching all of this for a while. And I've talked to Kim, too. Several times. She did tell me that everything was fine. Ah, that she's got everything under control. But I'm still worried. Kim is like the little sister I never had. And I look out for her. I protect Kim from anyone who wants to hurt her, who might hurt her. So damn, Voight, we both know that you once were a dirty cop, and you know the saying. Once-"

"Jay, once I have been a dirty cop. Well, that's in the past. And don't you think-"

"What, that you've changed? I've been watching you lately. You and Kim. And when it comes to you and that, well, when it comes to Kim and protecting her, I'd rather be skeptical. You know, I don't believe in it. That people, especially you, can change. Or can you convince me otherwise?"

Of course, Hank was glad to hear there was someone looking out for Kim. But he wouldn't talk to Jay about it. Wouldn't tell him anything. No way. This thing that had happened, well, it was between Kim and himself. No Jay nor anyone else on the team should or would know about it. Nor anyone else on the team. And so Hank just looked at Jay. Without saying a word.

"I do know you're going to hurt her. And if you haven't already, you're going to. Either way, you're going to hurt Kim," Jay had no idea how true he was regarding his statement.